I have been dealing with this for 33 years. I tried everything suggested here. My husband has two daughters. i have no children of my own. i had to have a hhysterectomy when I was 25. i married my husband when I was 36 and happly single. He was too, after being divorced five years from his high school sweetheart,. She immigrated from South America to his small Southern town, when she was a young teen,. She was exotic and alluring to a naive teen. She had horrific underlying issues that to date have not been dealt with. Her mother was married when she got pregnant by another man and had her, supposedly to get out of the marriage. She left her and her older sister from her marriage, with her parents and moved to the United States. They joined her years later in my husbans’s small town.. Seven or eight years ago, my husband’s ex wife learned via genetic testing she had a brother who had used the same DNA testing service. He was adopted I suppose as an infant. Who knows how many others there could be. this behavior reminds me of a species of bird, the cowbird. They do nor rear their young themselves. They lay their eggs in the nest of other species, usually smaller in size. From the time they are hatched they are larger and demand more food. Very often the legetimate siblings die from starvation or are crowded out of the nest before they can fly and care for themselves. When both parents are not willing to work together post divorce about the children they created, put their needs and wants before that of their children, it is going to be a disaster in some way. Add to it someone with this background above, and a dupisaster is guaranteed. I am a young senior now. I was very idealistic when I married my husband. I also saw two teens neglected by a mother who was focused solely on her career. My husband came from a home of very modest means but well educated. he has a PhD in Engineering. He is an only child but spent his first seven years in his grandmother’s home with his parents and an orphaned female cousin (Depression era). He was surrounded by a very close knit family of aunts, uncles, and cousins. They all went to the same school and church together, gathered together often, and lived by the Golden Rule. I was born and raised in the South too, in very much the same way. The difference being iI lived in a much larger city and I am the youngest of three siblings, We have lost our parents and both of my siblings. My mother and siblings died within the past three years. There never was going to be a way for all of this to turn out well. . When the ex wife retired she had nothing left to do but focus on her children and our grandchildren. We do not understand her and never will. We should not have to. But we have been forced to live with the consequences of her behavior and the influence she has over her daughters and the grandchildren. We have not heard from our children and grandchildren in five years. For many years, while the ex was emplyed, we were in contact continuously, very happily involved. We lived n the same town with the ex and one daughter and her family, the other an hour away up untl Christmas of 2019.. In the beginning I thought it would be good for my husband’s ex and I to have a courteous relationship in order to manage the girls activities and stop the obvious and normal game playing children of divorce do to get what they want. I found out quickly that was never going to happen. I love my step daughters and grandchildren. so I did the best I could. But no matter what I did, I stepped on the ex wife’s toes, Multiply thar by two girls who were starved for what their mother could or would not give them for most of their lives. We got tired of being hurt by these two daughters and their mother. They abandoned us over a flurry of insane activy involving a divorced stepdaughter. She divorced her husband of 21 years in record time. They had accrued a lot of property, lived in a million dollare home. My stepdaughter drove a new Mercedes Benz. Six weeks after the divorce was finalized she got involved with a man who did not make enough money to pay his $350 rent and borrowed money from her. He lived in a hovel, with barely any decent furnishings, his clothing piled waist high in the corners of the room he slept in. He did not even empty his mailbox of junk mail. Instead he let it spill onto the ground and carved a niche out of what was packed into the box. He spent his days hanging out in a cafe, his nights in a bar, surrounded by women half his age. At nearly 50 years old he had nothing to show for his existence other than a short lived marriage that produced no children. He has a Bachelor’s degree in History. When my stepdaughter brought him to meet us he was dirty, unshaven, disrespectful, and talked only about beer and his mutt dogs. All of our red flags went up and have stayed up since. He has never done anuthing to change the first impression we had of him. He has only made it worse. My stepdaughter moved him in on top of her children, devastated by a divorce they were too young to understand or see coming. At some point thay went to the courthouse and got married. We do not know when. They had a coming out party in my stepdaughter’s home, calling it a Christmas party. We were traveling and unable to attend. When we learned of the marriage we were shocked. My stepdaughter had never spoken well of this man to us. She swore to us she had no plans of getting married. But when we reacted the way we did she flew into a rage. This was the beginning of the end. She was estranged from her mother who had desperately been trying to win her daughter back. Suddenly the perfect opportunity arose. Her mother fully embraced this creature my stepdaughter married. Thus began the campaign against us. Cruelty began first, hen alienation. we were so very naive about what was going on. Mockery and amusement at our bewilderment was constant. Then alienation when I confronted my stepdaughters’ behavior. All of this took too much out of us, We spent one last holiday season alone, surrounded by family, and two days later moved from our home of over 40 years. it is not easy beginning a new life at our ages but is so much better than how we were living. We love where we live no, which is on the opposite side of the continent from all of the pain and insanity. If the damage done does not cause us to lose our lives sooner than later then we have a chance at happiness again.

I used to draw floor plans on graph paper so that the room would be to scale. Is there a software that does this? Counting grids is so tiresome. I read previous posts on floor planner and home architect that do 3D and 2D modeling. But 1) I don't need or want 3D stuff. And the 2) the 2D stuff is confusing. The print outs don't have grids for easy counting and no measurements are displayed.

Hi Habibi, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes! Well, first I think, that his ex-wife is behaving toward you that way, because you rose with your pregnancy from being "just his girlfriend" to being "the mother of his next child". This gives you an "equal status" she could enjoy before and I believe, that's where her behaviour toward you can come from. Secondly, I do not think, you should have birthdays in your own home, but rather on neutral territory; there is no need, this person enters your home. And then at last... about your stepdaughter. Well, she is only 6. I do not think, 5 more "reserved" days at your house, a playmate (your daughter) and a hired babysitter is enough to think, you have the "right" to keep her. Let her go. If she only in that moment thought, she cannot be without Mommy, then be it. Respect the girls opinions and recognize her feelings (although they might be shortlived!). She might have regretted it the next day, that she didn't stay with your daughter... but then again... how will she learn about own decision-making and about consequenses?? To put her 101 times into a room (as someone else suggested) doesn't make her learn from own experience! Of course, after 101 times she will be obedient... but what did she really learn? Anyway... your husband shouldn't be offended or something. I think we have to just recognize the child's feelings a bit more and trust her, that she made a right decision (although it did cost you a babysitter! And although you might have had other plans for those days...). To let her make her own decisions, doesn't make her a spoiled kid! Long term that child will be more confident in his self, more determined and will eventually make "good" decisions, you will very much approve (I talk from own experience!). This child just has some issues and expressed them in a different way (whining, nail biting). She has already enough issues on her own (divorced parents, new stepmom, new stepdad or boyfriend of mom, probably issues in kindergarten/school... who knows...). Just do not make her add one more thing to that list. Hope, I could help you with a probably a bit different perspective. Conny P.s. I added an interesting link... a good read for this pregancy!

Thanks all for the insight. NOt really sure what it is. Can't figure it out yet.. I will say he gets alot of attention here at home from his dad, but not in an "entertaining" kind of way. My husband is a handy man and also has to take care of things w/the hosue and his business alot on weekends. so a lot of times his son tags along, helps out, watches or if not he's here just watching tv or hanging outside, pounding on wood etc.. Yes this weekend was an exception where we played games, had a bbq, and yes his friend was here. NOT saying that doesn't happen but it's not like we are social every single weekend at our house and the day he wanted to stay we already told him before he went to his moms (as it was her day) that we had things to do, DAD was going to be fixing stuff and in the attic and he was like that is fine I will stay w/ dad and do stuff w/ him. The child always is w/ his dad more than mY SD, my SD is soo easy going and ok w/ NOT having all the attention that she never really complains that her brother gets more of dad time. She sometimes will get needy and want her dad at night etc.. Now, moms house is more of a "royal" mess.. the room he had to clean was not a room that was a mess that day and then to clean as at our house, it's you make a mess you clean it up that day.. Not 3 weeks later when there is more of a mess.. they don't have tons of chores at 6 and 8, but they are to be respectful, take baths, eat dinner, then they get a treat, if they act out there are no rewards, but consequences such as time outs etc.. both kids have actually been listening and behaving exceptionally well except my SS has a lot of control issues and feels he is nOT in control alot at OUR house.. He said that to us one day that he gets more his way at his moms.. that is why I feel it maybe more a form of manipulation or just that he was having a good time at our house wanted to be w/ us vs. her, and not saying he doesn't like it there, but [perhaps that is just how he was feeling that day? but to have such a meltdown over it, I am baffled, yes he is usually an emotional child when things don't go his way, he is to take a minute calm down and come and talk. so yes he had a meltdown not sure why, maybe cuz he didn't get his way wanted to be w/ his dad and couldn't so made a scene.. maybe he didn't have a enough time w/ his dad and being he enjoys being w/ his father maybe he did just want to be hre.. again just baffled at the behavior.. it would seem to me besides the fact he had to clean his room, that he'd want to be w/ her because he says he gets more his way there.. but again his dad isn't there, who he gets along w/ outside in the garage etc, but again sometimes he is just here in the house doing his own thing.. perhaps he just wanted to be here.. i do know the mom lets them choose more meals, etc , pizza, fast food etc. in that way also they have more "controL'> here is more often than not that we sit down and eat together and have a full healthy meal. and usually it's not an issue but an enjoyment.. it took a while to get that way at first the kids would fight it as they didn't have consistency from mom's to dad but now it's been 2 years they understand this is just the way it is here, we do go out for fun stuff meals, but not every night, especially school/work nights..