Dear Watergal & Blueheron: Thanks for your replys and constructive suggestions, they are all good ideas. The Griefshare group has done alot of good and I also am attending a "Christianity 101" course at my local church. Since I have drawn so much from the lord through prayer in these very tough times I feel I should try and get to know him more. These do wonders while particiating but after they are over it's back to reality. I have 4 things that after so much time in grief that are giving me alot of trouble: I now feel alittle uncertain about having mom and brother cremated and keeping their cremains since reading about how it's not totally an accepted Christian method I also worry about the fact that since my brother Michael went into a coma all of a sudden and never came out of it if he had a chance to profess his faith. After all we weren't church goers because we were both so involved in trying to follow his meds and keep ahead of this disease plus dealing with all the specialists on the transplant team but I know he had strong faith because even in his condition he never complained or showed any fear of dying, which amazes me now that I think about it. I could never be that strong and not use my brother for a shoulder. I also remember when he got really bad and he lost ability to make it to the bathroom and before I got use to the extra duty and got a system down, I made some remarks to the effect of "wow I sure hope this doesn't last very long". He got such a sad look on his face like that remark made him lose what little self respect he had left. And even though I told him shortly after I didn't mean it and after getting use to it it wasn't that bad at all brother and I was just freaking out at first from the shock of the whole thing. He then said "don't you appologize because I don't want to be this way and the tougher you are on me the more it will push me to do all I can". It wasn't but a couple of hours after that he started to go into his coma and looking back I should've had him in the car and gotten him to the hospital whether he had control or not instead of waiting, and these things.. The Griefshare group puts alot of emphasis on how harmful it is for us to dwell on the guilt and there are always things we will remember that we should've done different but we must accept the fact and have faith that it was the Lords decision and our loved ones time, but even knowing that I still have trouble. I guess I saw my brother get overlooked so much in this life by the transplant team and his local hepatologist that I hope the Lord has welcomed him into heaven where Michael will finally be at peace without any pain and reunited with Mom, Dad, and Grandma. It shows if my faith were strong I would already believe this to be true and not be worying about these things. But putting this all into words has helped me out and I thank you both for taking the time and interest to help Thanks and bless You both Mark

She's not well enough to use a white board...a week ago she was in a deep coma. Frankly I am worrying about "tempting the devil"....I haven't heard anything today....am hoping no news is good news. A week ago we were wondering when it might be time to take her off life support, now we are wondering when she can travel back to Iowa. This couple have had more than their share....about 8 years ago he was diagnosed with lung cancer, they removed a lobe and all seemed fine, but he got a herpes infection in the lung and it collapsed and he spend 3 months in an induced coma in another state ( where their DIL is a Dr.) and another month recovering....And a year later went skiing at 8000 altitude!! But he could only ski half a day! I predict she will play tennis again....

Haahahahaa! Karen this is SO funny. I'm bursting into laughter reading these posts again, and remembering writing and reading them at the time. Well done! And my favourite part about Martha Stewart dropping in with her dish towel parachute!!! WAY too funny!

Lets think about this a minute. You were a virgin so you don't have any experience except with your husband and that was painful.The reason that the other guy seems like a wonderful horizon is because you haven't done anything with him, and you are assuming it won't be painful. The fact that you avoided anything intimate in high school and in college suggests that you have inhibitions (lots of us went to Catholic schools and can understand that.)Since you have little outside experience coupled with pain, I believe that you need a new ObGyn and also need some counseling for yourself. Not a lot--but somebody to assure you that sex is okay and maybe give you some practical advice. there are great books out there. Lonnie Barbach wrote several that will help. Joy of Sex is another good one. A new guy is not going to solve your problem and will make it worse especially if they are tactless.