Well this is an different sort of problem that we don't usually see here ! I guess you are the father of this child. I think after a bit of settling in time (at the prison), perhaps you could be sure in your own mind, that the mother wants to see the child, and the child wants to see the mother. That they are united in their need to see each other. The child is old enough to understand what is going on. If you ask yourself what are the pros and cons of the visit.... The child sees what happens when you break the law - valuable life lesson about consequences. The visit will let them keep in touch and foster their love and caring for each other. The mother sounds like she is sorry for what she has done, I don't see why she should miss out on family support in her trying time. That shows compassion. 14 year olds can say some pretty mean things, but they don't mean it most of the time. Good luck - a bit of a ramble from me.

It sounds like it went well. You won a great prize too! Aren't you glad you didn't get your ears pierced? lol

I want to bring up something that no one probably wants to consider, but should be considered, considering it is a reality with the elderly and the handicapped. Note: I am not implying anything...but if she is so resentful of you, and she is cold and indifferent to your sister, how do you think she treats your sister when no one is around? Is you sister able to communicate with you? The small gifts may be given to make your step mother look good in your fathers eyes. They may be to cover guilt. Or they may be perfectly innocent and come with good and kind intentions. I don't know, but consider all possibilities. My guess is that she adores your father, but resents the burden of your sister. And perhaps she is deeply bitter and resents your happy carefree life, while she struggles with the hard reality of caring for a totally dependant person, who is not her own offspring. (It is hard enough when it is your own child/sibling whom you love dearly, let alone when it is the enormous burden of being the caretaker for someone you do not love, but resent. Possibly even despise. She must wish that she was free as you are to enjoy her life and husband as you do with yours, without all of the responsibilities. A marriage with just your dad, able to go out to dinner alone together on a whim, enjoying a social life on a whim with friends, travel, hobbies/interests, and having her home all to herself whenever she wants. That is probably where the resentment and bitterness comes from. Perhaps she feels that you should be the full time caretaker of your beloved sister, (even though that may not be possible right now) and that she wishes that she and your dad had the carefree life of a normal marriage. Even when you are able to care for your sister one day, I would not expect her feelings towards you and your sister to change. As you read the step parent forum, you will find so many who describe their husband as wonderful. They adore their new spouse "BUT" hate his children. This seems to particularly true when the new wife gets pregnant with "their" child. The new wife then wants to push his children out of her "nest", and resents everything about them. (Read the forum). It sounds as if she wishes she had your dad all to herself...only you and your sister do exist, and she resents it. Like so many women on this forum, they are marrying a man that "first belonged" to another family with children. They want to pluck him out of his role as a father, move him to her nest and make him a father to her own children, and push his children further and further away, until she finially has him all to herself...hurting his chilren in the process. This she actually does to the man she professes to love. Anyway, you sound like an incredibly kind and loving person. And forgiving. Understand that her feelings towards you are probably not personal...but instead it sounds as though she is not the kind of woman who is able to embrace another womans children as her own, even if they did not come with the caretaking your sister needs. All you can do is help her and your dad in any way you can. I wish the best for you.

Yes, I know exactly what you're referring to. I seem to recall first hearing about the cannibalism theory at one of the visitor's centers for a national park/monument - cannot for the life of me recall which one though. The evidence of trade with Mexico fascinates me, as does the network of ancient roads that have been mapped out. How cool is this: When the Spanish first arrived in the southwest in the 16th century, they recorded feather trade and the keeping of macaws among Pueblo peoples (Hodge and Lewis 1907:106; Schroeder 1968:98-99). As evidenced by Lyndon Hargrove (1970), macaw skeletal remains make their appearance in the American Southwest by 1000 AD. Most significant are the remains of the scarlet macaw (Ara macao) whose native habitat only extends from the jungles of South America into lowland Mexico. The presence of scarlet macaws in the desert southwest illustrates the importance of trade in exotica between the cultures of the southwest and Mexico. The earliest macaw feathers that have been recovered in this region date back to 750 A.D. These feathers indicate the start of a large trade network between the southwestern cultures and Central Mexico. Turquoise from New Mexico and Arizona have been found in Mexico, while marine shells from the Sea of Cortez, copper bells, and cacao from Central Mexico have been recovered in the southwest. Of course, my dad liked to remind me that as some of these civilizations flourished, cathedrals were being built in Europe, but that makes the mud-bricked ruins no less amazing in my mind. ;-)