I love your dark pink "child" hibiscus, woody. My hibiscus include a white with red eye, a dark burgundy, and a white all grown from traded seed and a Plum Crazy. Also planted a deep red, Fireball, this spring. Surprising I don't have any pink. There is a Pink Swirl that I have my eye on at a local nursery. May pick it up if it is still there in another week or two when they have their fall close out sale.

here's another one in a more positive light, if only because they MAKE it positive. God bless them! "Who wants to share what they wished for?" Lam asks. Every arm in the roomful of children flies up. Support Director Gary Lam points to Andrew, a cherubic six-year-old boy with curly brown hair. "Swimming with the dolphins!" Andrew calls out, beaming. Several dozen other campers bounce up and down, eager to share similar experiences. "Meeting Mickey," cries Jordan. "I got a shopping spree in a toy store!" says Kendall. After each wish is revealed, moans of envy echo around the room. "What other good things have happened because you have cancer?" An older boy across the circle, about eleven years old, raises his hand. "Being sick has brought my family closer together. We spend way more time now doing fun stuff." "If I never went to Children's Hospital," a nine-year-old girl, wearing a pink bandana to cover her bald head, says next, "I never woulda met my best friend!" She squeezes the hand of the pig-tailed girl in a matching bandana, seated next to her. "I have a new appreciation for life," says Jake, a counselor and former camper, now in his early twenties. "I've crammed more experiences into the last five years than most people have in their lifetime." Jake is not only the guitar-playing comedian all the campers worship. He's also survived the same battle they are currently fighting. Lam nods appreciatively. "What would you say is the best thing about cancer?" Every hand flies up into the air again and Matthew, a mischievous ten-year-old with shaggy blond hair, is chosen. He smirks, and announces proudly, "The best part is getting to look Cancer in the face and say Ha Ha. Beat You!'" Everyone laughs. Seven-year-old Ella, who has been waving her arm frantically for the past few minutes, can't contain herself a moment longer. "The best part about cancer is getting to come to camp!" she squeals, before clamping a hand over her mouth sheepishly. Ella is referring to Camp Goodtimes - a pediatric oncology camp nestled in the University of British Columbia Research Forest in Maple Ridge, British Columbia. It could easily rival Disneyland for the title of "Happiest Place on Earth." My first encounter with Camp Goodtimes came four years ago after reading a story in Chicken Soup for the Volunteer's Soul, which inspired me to go see the magic for myself. I've been changed ever since. The feather-light little girl snuggled on my lap shifts her weight slightly and jars my attention back to the room. Dani has been listening intently to the discussion going on around her without actively participating. It's hard to believe this sweet girl is the same sad, sick-looking child who stormed into my cabin on the first day, furious with the world, and anything but a happy camper. "The sickest kid in camp," a fellow volunteer had warned me. "So let's not let it stop her from having the time of her life." Dani had barely spoken a word the first few days but was silently soaking it all in, and soon began thriving. Gary Lam circles the room, handing each child a small square of paper and instructing them to write down or draw a picture of something that brings a smile to their face. Dani furrows her eyebrows and sucks on the end of her marker; then she flops on her tummy and swaps the marker for a pink crayon, and begins printing letters carefully. "Do you need help thinking of something?" I whisper nervously. The poor kid has been through so much in the past year, battling treatments and brain surgeries. What could she possibly have to smile about? She shakes her head at me impatiently, as I'm obviously interrupting her thoughts. I glance around the circle at Andrew, Ella, Matthew, and all the other new members of my extended camp family. It's going to be heartbreaking to say goodbye in a matter of days. As magical as these precious weeks of summer are, the frustrating part is leaving this enchanted forest behind and returning to reality, where well-meaning friends just don't realize that the cure rate for childhood cancer is actually quite high and that many of the campers will survive and return as counselors. "You must have had the most depressing time with all those dying kids." I reflect on the summer's activities. Kayaking through the early morning mist. Baking cookies in our pajamas. Water fights of epic proportions. Breaking into spontaneous song and dance whenever the desire struck. "Now it's time to share our smiles with the rest of the world," Gary informs the kids. My campers follow me down a gravel path to the lake, holding hands and clutching strings with dozens of balloons dancing in the breeze and bonking our heads with rubbery thuds. We kneel on the creaky dock and begin the countdown: "3Â..2Â..1!" Dozens of balloons with paper messages attached dancing in the breeze and bonking our heads we release the balloons - and our optimistic thoughts - up into the sky and out into the universe, watching as they slowly float up, up and away. "Blow!" Gary yells. We huff and puff and watch the colorful spheres as they finally disappear from sight. As I survey the young crowd craning their necks for a final glimpse, I marvel at Gary's ability to take a bunch of sick kids and turn a discussion of childhood cancer into such a positive experience. No one was thinking of the hard times. No one was wondering who would be back next summer and who wouldn't. Dani glances up at me and grins. Just moments earlier, before she had carefully folded her paper in half, sealing her message inside, she'd quickly flashed the paper open to give me a peek. In bold pink writing, her message simply said: "I Smile Because I'm Alive."

I re-read your letter. I applaud you for not abandoning your children, and leaving them to fend for themselves if you left. That is a real father. A father who will make sacrifices for the children. It sounds as if your wife was in the wrong type of counceling. It sounds as though what she really needs are classes in anger management for the well being of your children. Perhaps that is one of the things you will require of her that you will not waiver on. After re-reading your first two posts, I believe that what I suggested in the above two posts sounds like a long shot. And I can imagine how difficult it would be to pull off with a person who is angry and bitter. Especially given how you feel about her. Does she have ANY good points? If so, what are they? I think it would be so depressing to live with someone who has been depressed for 20 years, and is so angry and bitter. If it were me, (OK, I am climbing up on that soapbox for a speech) I think I would tell them that I am sick of them using depression as an excuse for rotten behavior. I would tell her that if it is real depression...meaning chemical imbalance of some sort, then to get herself to a doctor and get her medications right. And if it is depression caused by her own disappointments in life, then suck it up and put a smile on your face and start doing some of the things you need to do. Because the kids and I hate living like this, and your anger and bitterness is destroying our family and the childhood of these children. They do not get a second chance at childhood...this is it, and it is going to be happy from tomorrow on. And if you cannot be a part of making this family a happy and good place to be, then I (meaning you Dave) will step up to the plate and raise these kids and give them that happy, safe childhood. Your 14 year old has so little childhood left, and I (meaning you Dave) am going to make sure it is great! Are you on board, or are you going to continue to hide behind your depression and anger and bitterness, doing your best to make sure home life is crappy for us all? She has a choice to make here. And you may find she is on board, and will begin some new changes, or that she likes being angry and miserable...and then you will know what you need to do. Forgive me for the two messages above, as after I re-read your original posts, I realized how they must sound to someone who is really in the pits in a marriage to someone who is so angry, and bitter all the time. I am not sure any of us could actually rise to the occasion if we were in your shoes and actually pull off what I suggested above. It sounds as if the marriage is just too miserable to actually bring yourself to do as I suggested. Not that it couldn't be done, but it would take a better person than I am to pull it off. Unless she actually makes a decision to change. If she does...perhaps she will surprise you all! In my best pollyanna view...I sometimes think that we can change someone else by being really kind to them. I sometimes have these wierd thoughts that you could take her for a morning of pampering (facial, massage) and then take her for a new outfit, and take just her out to dinner. That by you treating her differently, that maybe she will thaw out, and begin to see herself differently, and begin to change and laugh and smile. That she will "want" to be a better woman for her family. Perhaps it is just wishful thinking...but just maybe????? Anyone, I forget that some people actually "like" to be angry and bitter and miserable all the time. That is their comfort zone. Perhaps she is one of those people. I don't know.

Sorry I was having a bad weekend, I didnt mean to lash out, Im just upset with the whole situation....I had no intention of harming his visitation, he has visitation set up already, he just hasnt had the chance to change it to have her come spend the summers with us for a little while. BM said to the law guardian that she wouldnt mind that, but then when I spoke to her she said that was never going to happen, that her daughter was never going to leave the state. I never said I wanted her to bring Abby to me, I want her father to see her, that's all. I do not EXPECT her to let me see Abby. I seriously was just trying to get along with her and she hurt my feelings with what she said so, I am Human, lashed out, it was a mistake and I cant take it back..... So anyway, he does have visitation, it jsut doesnt work since he isnt in the same state anymore. She also never told the courts she was moving, so when he was gone, they had a court date in the wrong county....Things have just been so tough, and I guess I just want to understand why BM is being this way. The relationship ended badly, I understand that, but it was her that cheated and gave up on him. and took his daughter away without saying why... I guess she knows thats the only way she can hurt him...and its working.....and in the process she is hurting me too. I just want to understand why she is not thinking of her daughter in all this.....Oh and about the phone calls, she doesnt have an answering machine, it just keeps ringing and ringing, and she will not give her cell phone number. Her house phone is private, and whenever she calls my husband, it is from a private number, and its not always from her home phone so she blocks her cell phoen number too, idk why, cause she gave him a fit about not having his cell phone number......Im really sorry for being a jerk on this forum... I just took it all as a personal insult and this is a very hard situation so it made me feel worse then I already felt.....I guess all I can do, is believe that God has a reason for this and that God has a plan that will work out in the end for all of us, including BM. All I care about is Abby and I just want her to know that her father and I love her very much, and Im scared of all the time we have been away from her that she will think that her father dosnt love her and he does. He donst like confrontation, like any guy, and when he ahs to fight just to talk to his daughter, it stresses him out a great deal. I know its not an excuse.... I just see what he has been through with all thsi and most of all he doesbnt want to see his daughter get hurt so he just doesnt bother calling cause he doesnt feel like fighting all the time. I just wish this whole situation was different...Things will eventually work out, just not when i want them too......