Thank you both for your reply. I've thought about this, and I'm realizing that the roommate thing is something I haven't done in a while, and thus I'm unable to (re)adapt to. Aside from this drama with the upstairs neighbor, my roommate has some sort of relationship with one of the male neighbors in the building (I came home one time to see them both looking like deer caught in headlights emerging from her room, and she shared the unsolicited steamy details with me later). We had just gone over a contract that she drafted indicating that neither of us needs permission to invite guests over, which I understood since it's her place. However, a week later, one of her dates called around 9pm to say he was in the neighborhood and she let him come in. I left my room to get something from the kitchen, and found the two of them kissing on her couch. After this guy left, the male neighbor she had been intimate with came by. I realize this is her place, but I feel like she's still living somewhat like she doesn't have a roommate, but wants to hold on to the benefits of someone helping to alleviate the bills. While I've considered trying to see if things can be talked and worked out, again I realize that I'm at a point in my life where I have to either be very in-sync with a roommate or living by myself. Another long message, but it's been therapeutic for me all the same to get this out.

--"The younger SD went into a screaming/crying fit. I asked them both to leave the barn because the older could have easily given her the broom and the younger didn't have to make such a fuss. "-- I'd likely be annoyed little sister is to get her own way and that I'm expected to give it to her so she won't cry/fuss/whine too. Personally I would have handed each child a broom and said 'here, this is the one you are using today'...since that was not first thing done, secondly I would not have the idea that 8 yr old should give in to 6 yr old just to shut her up. In my opinion the only 4, 5, 6 only plays part in this when it comes to Dad giving these kids excuses. From what was posted it might be a bit of younger sister has learned how to manipulate you/Dad/sister into getting what she wants. And the attitude of 'older could have easily of given younger' may just be feeding the tirades of the younger child. With younger child tossing hissies and getting her way, if I were her 2 yr older sister I'd likely think I just might try that method too. Hey, works for little sister. It could also be building strong resentment between the girls. I'd be mad if I had to give into somebody to shut them up. This six yr old does not get away with this at school you can bet on that. A soon as she would fit over someone having what she wanted, the teacher's attitude would not be 'oh ok, kid give the crying/whining little girl what she wants to shut her up'. I think prehaps Dad and you need to sit these girls down and have a talk. What is occuring is unacceptable. Should not matter if it is you tending the kids for the day, just Dad or the two of you together. Dad is wrong to excuse behavior. Bad lesson to teach a kid. You are wrong in thinking oldest should cave to smallers hissies. It is hard to only have the girls every other weekend but sharing, taking turns, listening to rules and following them should be expected ...it's not optional. Whether it is you or Dad, when you tell them they can not act this way around around animals they need to know exactly why. Not just are they not listening and being naughty, they are changing getting kicked, getting you kicked, hurting the horses blah blah. It's not going to matter if these girls 'are only 4, 5, 6' kicked is kicked. My DH is deaf in one ear due to being kicked on the side of the head by a horse (no he was not scaring them or mishandling them, he was flying with them and they got spooked by storm) The age difference should not be a real big factor in that whether you are 23 or 38, when these girls are left in your care for the day, it's not so much (IMO) that you think they are demon spawns, but that they are indeed acting like little demons. You have to get the 'give the younger kid her own way' nipped and nipped immediately. If they both insist on acting like 2 year olds, you might have tried 'fine, you both can go sit on that straw bale and think about your behavior while I finish this'. Alot is going to depend on how the girls are allowed to behavior the other 20something days a month. If they really are 'well behaved' except for when with you...you need to change your tactic in dealing with them. If they think they can run over you, they will. With you being closer to their age than their parents, they may have a tendency to not view you as an authority figure. If so, Dad needs to work on that too. Most 1st and 2nd grade teachers are young 20's these days. Children respect them and listen to them and are disciplined by them on a daily basis.

My situation has many similarities to yours, and I agree with everything Silviatexas has said. My stepson was recently diagnosed with PTSD and some ODD. It's sad and we're getting him counselling, but we need to keep him in line to protect the wellbeing of the other kids, and adults, in the house. We also need to protect our marriage because it's the foundation of the family. You and your husband need to set boundaries right now, and enforce them in every single case. There must be a consequence for every rude behaviour. Communication can be quite simple - "rude comment means no cell phone for a week. Next time, it's a month". It works like a charm in our house. Therapy is essential, and you might also want to consider some extracurriculars for the boys to given them some structure and self respect. The psychologist recommended cadets for my stepson. Sleep away camp this summer was also very good for him. They will not want to do these things but, again, the adults control the computer, cellphone and TV. If your husband is a decent father, he will enforce the rules and ensure that the boys stay in line. If not, you need to reassess whether this man is a good stepparent for your children. It is not your job to be patient while chaos ensues in your house. It is your job to support your husband while he raises his children. If he isn't doing his part, then you are already on your own.

Boys are doin like you said Stacy. Wearing me out!! I must be doing something to them too, Drew fell asleep on the supper table! Hunter caught a few winks mid afternoon til his brother just couldn't stand it any longer and jumped on the bed to wake him up! Course I am sure it has nothing to do with both being up before 7 am! They are EARLY birds.