Hi Ladies...Haven't posted in such a long time. I think the reason being it's just too exhausting and sad to be feeling this awful for so long. Reading everyone's stories makes me feel so bad for all us women. So just to recap the last 12 years. I'm 52 started going through menopausal hell at 40 with hot flashes/night sweats, missed periods, anxiety and panic attacks, irregular heart beats, exhaustion, weakness, unexplained internal swaying in the head, off-balance, head rushes, light-headed, dizzy, feeling so weird at times, if I move to fast and then stop my body can't shut off feel like I'm still moving, nauseous, etc, etc. I'm sure you all get the picture.

I've been to every Doctor there is. Had soooooo many tests, been on anti-depressants, (hated them) seen several psychiatrists, since most of the Doctors I've seen make you feel you are crazy even though I know and knew I wasn't. Went the natural route, acupuncture, herbal remedies, digestive enzyme specialists, spiritual healers, psychics, you name it I tried it. I was spinning round and round mostly out of control. Wanted to commit myself into an institution. My husband was there for me every minute helping me and re-assuring me I wasn't crazy. He believed it was menopause which gripped me like a vice.

I tried estrogen patch and prometrium by mouth for several years. Did not help. My body wasn't absorbing estrogen. My levels were so low FSH was so high through the roof.

I decided to try BHRT where I get pellets inserted in the hip/buttocks area estrogen/testosterone and take prometrium by mouth every 3-4 months. Tried 3 Doctors who did pellets until I finally found the sweetest Doctor on the planet. Two hours away from my home. I've been working with Dr Semple now for over 3 years she has helped me get to a 60% of a functioning woman again.

There are days when I say well it's ok, better than I was but there are days when I'm just plain pissed. I'm sick of being sick, feeling stranger than strange, spending $1,000's of dollars. I just want it to stop and be the person I was 12 years ago. (whoever that was). It is so physically and mentally draining pretending to feel normal when anxiety and panic is suffocating you. The swaying in my head wakes me up at night, my adrenal system just won't shut down and yes had every adrenal test done and said they were fine. I just don't get it. I pray to God he takes it away "let go let God" 12 years is enough. I often wonder if I'm suffering like this for a reason. Maybe it is to help other women, my daughter, or friends. I know nobody ever told me what to expect and how to handle it. I meditate, learned how to breathe (the right way), definitely try to be kind and gentle to myself when I'm not feeling well. I try and tap into my faith, and know I'm not alone.

To all the women reading my post and going through there own kind of illness, please know YOU ARE NOT CRAZY, you are loved, find peace within yourself, sit quietly, watch a funny show, look yourself in the mirror and smile. Let your body know you are in this together. Heart, mind, and soul.
Acceptance also gets me through some rough days. When you accept and not question its does help (even a little) I try each day to be grateful for little things and give thanks.

The biggest lesson I learned over the last 12 years is to feel it and then let it go.

I wish all the ladies on this site a day without symptoms and a listening ear to whomever needs a friend.

xoxo Terri