My husband was badly injured several years ago, was in the hospital a long time and had a long rehab. I'm sitting right beside hhireno. Spending long days at the hospital, juggling all the medical and financial issues, I wouldn't want to come home at night and find my stuff rearranged. It already feels like the whole world is turned upside down and to walk in and find my pantry is upside down, too? I think I'd probably have cried. I can't even imagine someone coming in and cleaning out a junk drawer or any other drawer. If ever home needs to feel like home, it's during a traumatic time like your BIL and SIL are going through now. Asking MIL to do specific activities with the kids sounds like a great idea. NashvilleBuild42, don't be surprised if your husband has to speak plainly to his mom. My MIL and FIL are terrific, wonderful people and I appreciated their help so much. They really are lovely, helpful people. Normally I would have bit my tongue off before I'd hurt my MIL's feelings, but I had to be plain spoken and very clear that some types of help were harmful. Because of the dynamic between my MIL and me, for the first time in our relationship I had to throw tact to the wayside and tell her the bald truth with no cushion on it. I don't want to explain too specifically, but in our case some of the help could have led to life-threatening results for my husband and I had no choice. Sometimes well-meaning people help in ways that are harmful, and while you appreciate their helpfulness sometimes you have to speak up. Like hhireno said, you just don't need one more thing that rocks the boat, and you have enough emotions to handle without adding anger and guilt in the mix. I'll keep iheartgiantschauzer and her family, including you, in my prayers. And also your MIL. I'm sure this is heart-breaking for her as well and she is trying to help as best she knows how. I am so sorry this is happening in your family. This post was edited by daisyinga on Wed, Feb 12, 14 at 0:37

My DIL made it abundantly clear that we were not welcome in their VERY large home (6400 sq feet). My son was determined that his family ALWAYS be welcome in their home. He rarely fell on his sword over things, but this was one. We offered to stay elsewhere but he was adamant. How was this ultimately resolved? She filed for divorce - decided that it was not just his family she didn't like - didn't like him either. She was VERY high maintenance, but our hearts were broken for our son as he would have put up with her in order to raise his children with him in the home. He does an amazing job staying very close to his children, for which I am grateful for both. Families are complicated. SO many hidden issues. And sometimes, it just doesn't work.

As for my visiting times: library hours, 9 - 9 weekdays except Mon, 1 - 4 Sun afternoon in the city, 2 hour limit. Usually 2 - 8 weekdays in the village, 10 - 4 on Mon and Sat. Dear AAA ... maybe come here sometimes when you're feeling some under the weather: this place offers healing (as you, an old-timer, know) Hi B L Fenton ... imagine how "out of it" you'd feel ... were you Colleen, of OZ (and they're having late summer, as well). ole joyful

Whoops! I was reading all the responses, but I had to skip to the end. A big part of it all is I do not work and my husband does. No! No! No! Your husband works outside the home. You work at home. I would not realize this so strongly, except that for the first third of our marriage, I did not work outside the home where someone else paid me. Then for 19 years I did. Now I am back to working in the home. YOU DO NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE AT HOME ONLY!