They are adults. He is not asking for you to pay for the trip or the room. He has asked you to make his trip more memorable by allowing him to display his and his GF's talent.

It sounds like a very mature request and I would give it to him and tell them to have a great trip.

He's 18, and he's told you he and GF are sexually active. I doubt most kids let their parents in on this info. He could have told you they were getting separate rooms. I say give him the money and let them have fun.

My only concern is if the girl is of age.
Assuming that she is, I'd give him $300 and tell him to have a good time.

I think the problem is you know at that time what they'll be doing. This is a pretty grown up decision for them both, but you already feel they are responsible enough to handle the trip itself. You wouldn't think twice if he were going alone. It's just them being together in a hotel room that bothers you. Therefore, I don't see a problem and would give him the money. They wouldn't be doing anything they haven't already done and can do whether or not you know when it is happening. If it were me, I would talk to them to make sure other birth control methods are used, like hopefully she is on the pill or something.

I would be VERY proud of that boy. Let him go. It will be a wonderful memory for both of them some day.

I would give him the money he requested. He sounds mature for his age.

Give him the money and let him go and have a good time. They both sound like good responsible people. Relax Mom, your baby is all grown up. You gave him good roots now give him wings.

Linda

If the part about the trip is sharing the hotel room, then perhaps you can offer to pay for the second room? I would let him go myself. But what do the girls parents think about this?

My rules would be that her parents know they are going together, know that they will be sharing a room, and know that they are sexually active. Then see if she is even allowed to be there in the first place.

I would give him the money. He sounds like a nice, responsible, mature son to have. All of us are not that lucky. It seems to be a lot more above board than most things you hear about these days.

he hasn't asked you for money for the hotel room.

He has asked you for money for the art festival. I would support his going to the art festival--he's old enough to travel to another town. He's shown a lot of maturity w/ making this plan.

I am in agreement with the above posters. He sounds like a great young man!

Nora (Mother of a 24-year old who is living with his GF in an apartment on our property. We know where he is, he's going to have sex whether or not we'd like to acknowledge it, has a good job, pays the rent and his bills, is a good son and person, and we thank goodness he can communicate with us as we would expect from an adult)

I'd give him the money for the booth and wish him well. I'm assuming the GF is 18 also? They sound like good, level headed kids. We need more of those! :)

I agree with all of the above. What a great experience for both of them. I hope he sells some of his stuff. That would make it even better!

He sounds like a wonderful kid. I'd give him the money (probably a bit more even). As long as his GF is of age I don't see the problem.

Give him the graduation cash-gift. Tell them to thoroughly enjoy themselves and take lots of photos, or drawings, for you.

We're only young once and we only regret what we didn't do. Trust me, I know this to be very, very true.

Young people have been having sex since the beginning of time. Most of us just kept it a secret from the world and gave ourselves ulcers with the perceived guilt.

It's high time the stigma stopped. It doesn't have to be dinner conversation, and I don't care to see it in the streets, but a young graduated couple going off to an art festival for a week is a good, and joyous thing.

Thank you all for such prompt responses. His GF is also 18, so I guess I have to acknowledge that they're basically adults now. When DS told me he and GF had become sexually active, he said she had asked her mother beforehand about obtaining birth control, so they had never taken any risks.

Regarding the trip, GF said the request her parents made is that they take a train instead of driving, and give a quick call home every day to keep in touch. Her graduation gift is her train tickets and some spending money. So it seems the hotel room issue was just mine. I could offer to pay for a second room, but I think that would only be a fake attempt to appease my own feelings, as I know realistically DS would not sleep in the other room.

I had hoped he'd want something like a nice watch for his graduation gift, so he'd have something more tangible as a keepsake. But your responses have helped me realize that this trip is really more important to him than a different gift, even if it's a little uncomfortable for me. I've decided that DH and I will give him the money for the art festival, and probably some extra as well, in case he doesn't sell any of his art. At least that way he can buy a piece of art he really likes and I'd feel like he has a keepsake that truly means something to him.

Thank you for giving me a dose of reality, he's a great son, but I guess he's no longer a kid.

They might have trouble getting a hotel reservation at that age but otherwise, I don't see a problem. I think it's a more memorable gift than a watch, to be honest. I hope they take lots of pictures (of the art festival and the city - not the other stuff they'll be doing LOL).

As a mother, I think it's probably just a lot for you to handle at once - your baby is graduating high school, having sex and going on roadtrips! It probably feels a little bit unnatural to you but it's not wrong.

A great opportunity for two talented, responsible kids young adults. :-)

Yes, give them your blessing (and your money).

I agree with everyone else here. Your son and his GF sound like great kids. Be proud of them.

~Betsy

Years ago I was on vacation way out west...we were in I think Wyoming and I read this quote carved over the doorway to a school...Do not lead me into thine on footsteps for I am of a different age.

I try to remember that quote always in dealing my my children and now my Grandchildren...what was right for me and my siblings, doesn't necessarily work for todays children.

I would give him the money and send them on their way with my blessings...They sound like great kids...you should be very proud...

Sweetie, I just have to add a comment. It's said in good, light-hearted humor in attempt to make you feel better, so please don't be offended.

You said "I could offer to pay for a second room...I know realistically DS would not sleep there..."

It's not where they sleep that can cause problems...it's where they're awake! LOL Young people can be awake anywhere, anytime. Most are not as straight-forward with their parents; many don't consider birth control. So relax. It sounds like you have a wonderful son and he has a wonderful young love.

How exciting for them to be young, just stepping out into the world, motivated, and have such caring parents!

I think it is a wonderful opportunity for them both.

I could just cry.

This whole thing is making me so sentimental. Thinking about my young self and my own unfulfilled opportunities, and thinking about my boys who are closer to adulthood than I'd like to admit.

caroline, no of course I don't take offense! As you mention, even if my son and his GF actually slept in seperate rooms (which wouldn't happen), they'd still spend as much time as they wanted together, doing whatever, lol. So paying for an extra room for them would just be wasteful.

It had to be a decision to give him money for the art festival as his graduation gift, or offer no money whatsoever and buy him some other gift. You've all helped me realize their relationship won't be affected by whether or not I give him money for the art festival, which they are so looking forward to.

I agree with all the others. You are very lucky that your son is so open and honest with you. You are fortunate to have such a great young man. He has proven himself already. I am glad to see you are ok with letting him go.

Trin

He sounds like a DS to be proud of. There are so many that don't have their heads on straight and are into drinking and drugs. I really think this would be more memorable to him than a watch would be. Who knows where this art experince could lead him.

"I had hoped he'd want something like a nice watch for his graduation gift, so he'd have something more tangible as a keepsake."

Your son will always have the memories of this trip. He might lose the watch. No one can take his memories away, but the watch could be stolen...

"It's not where they sleep that can cause problems...it's where they're awake! LOL Young people can be awake anywhere, anytime. Most are not as straight-forward with their parents; many don't consider birth control."

This made me chuckle. When I was a freshman in college, one of the girls who lived next door to my parents was a junior in high school. I'll never forget the shock in my mother's voice when she told me that Carla was pregnant! Carla's mother was very strict with the curfew -- both daughters had to be home by midnight, because, Heaven knows, there's nothing to do after midnight except to have sex... So, Carla's parents were stunned and horrified to find out (when Carla was in her fifth month!) that she was pregnant.

Carla's boyfriend's parents both worked, and didn't get home until around 5:30. School got out at 3:15. Yep -- Carla and her boyfriend went to his house every day after school and had a couple of hours of "alone time" which, of course, is when they'd "do the nasty."

I am reminded of the story where a wise old minister was aasked by a young man, "Pastor, is it OK for me to sleep with my girlfriend even though we aren't married?" The minister replied in the affirmative. The young man gasped, "But I was always told it was immoral!" The minister gave a small smile and said, "But the trouble with you young people is, you don't just sleep!"
Linsey has stolen my thunder when she says the watch could be lost or stolen, but your son's memories of his trip to the art fair will last forever. That was my first thought too.
I'd give him the money and my blessing, and I am glad you have decided to do this. Take care and don't stress about it any more :-)

I remember the teen years well and all the sex stuff. Was hard to deal with. We made it through without babies and drugs. We feel very lucky. Sounds like your son and his gal are great kids. He is being honest and open with you. Sounds like he knows how important a good education is these days. I would send him on his way with my blessings, too.

If he has some money, he may find a painting that he chooses to purchase.

Which would be more meaningful to him over many years than would a watch.

Who knows ... maybe he'd have run into someone whose face was ugly enough to stop a clock/watch! And a portable watch sees a great many more faces than does a home-bound clock.

I'm pleased that you folks have raised such a fine son ...

... is it true in this situation that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?

ole joyful

Actually o.j. the apple indeed did not fall far from the tree, as his father is a very considerate man. We met at a ski hill towards the end of ski season, and began dating thereafter. But he was a great skier and I was just a beginner. So the next winter, I remember he took me on a wonderful trip to a chalet in Quebec, so he could really teach me to ski well. We were not married yet, but I guess I felt differently because I was already in my twenties, and my DS is only 18.

However, his is devoted to his GF of almost 2 years, and they are both great kids (oops, young adults) who share a passion for art and travel, so I am confident everyone steered me in the right direction.