I host dinner parties a few times a year, not a few times a month, but I have some "rules" that I follow for my own sanity.

1) A helper is important. If you're single, invite one of your close friends to arrive way early and ask for her help. Most women are so good and gracious about lending a hand. My daughter and step-daughter are golden about running the vacuum or setting the table or making the salad or whatever.

2) I'm a simple girl and I have real simple parties. I don't go all fancy, but I like fresh flowers on the dinner table. That's a small thing but everyone loves it.

3) As to food, some of the best parties I've ever had when people all bring their favorite dish. It's lots of fun and takes the work off the hostess.

4) Above all, when I get freaked out because the bread is burnt or the meat is tough as shoe leather, I remind myself that this is first and foremost a gathering of friends and that if there was no food at all, we'd all have a good laugh and order out for pizza. In other words, I step back and look at the big picture and relax a bit.

5) As to stimulating conversation, I don't worry about that too much. I am one of those people who don't mind the silences so sometimes I enjoy just sitting and thinking about how blessed we all are to have friends and nice houses and good food. I've noticed that when the hostess is relaxed and calm, the guests are too.

I'm sure others will have more and better ideas, but the above are my own guiding lights.

Rose

My husband! He's calm and confident in the kitchen while I'm worrying that something won't come out right.

No, I don't like being the host of even our family get togethers. I'm not good at timing things. But it always works out, and is enjoyed by all.
On the other hand, my DD in California loves to entertain and host dinner parties. She does it all by her self. Her husband is good about getting the wine, and keeping the conversation going. Here is my DD doing/getting ready for our Bon Voyage party 3 years ago.

I love to host dinner parties. It combines two of my favorite things - cooking/trying new recipes and hanging out with my friends.

I try to clean ahead of time, so the only things I need to do on the day of the party are to run the vacuum and do a quick touch-up in the bathrooms. That's key, I think. I also set the table several hours before the party, before I go up to shower and dress. I'm big on fresh flowers and lots of candles.

I plan the menu ahead of time, too, and do everything I can ahead of time, like shopping, chopping vegetables, preparing sauces, cutting meat, etc. I don't make the whole dish ahead of time unless I know it's better when it's re-heated than when it's fresh.

When I plan the menu, I try for one or two "star" dishes and the rest simple. Sometimes I'll get more ambitious, but I find this to be a good guide. And don't dismiss store-bought foods, taken out of their packages and served on your own platters. (My simplest dessert, for example, is sherbet and crisp butter cookies. It's a nice, light dessert after a heavier, more complicated dinner.)

I plan the timing of the foods, always. I used to do this on paper, but now I can do it in my head. Start with when you want to serve and work backwards. Make sure you figure out where you're going to cook everything, whether you have enough room in the oven/on the stove, etc. Figure out what serving dishes you'll use. (I often get them out the day before the party.) I also specifically think about what other people can do to help, because people always offer to help.

I run the dishwasher twice (at least) during the party. First, I load all the prep stuff and pots and pans that will fit into the dishwasher and start it as we're sitting down to eat, then when I clear the dinner dishes to get dessert, I take the extra 5-10 minutes to unload the dishwasher, re-load it with the dinner dishes, and start. I usually ask a friend to help with coffee and dessert, so while she's putting stuff on the table, I'm cleaning up. Then, after everyone leaves, I unload and re-load all the rest of the stuff. I'm usually very careful not to run partial loads, but during dinner parties, I always run these loads, even if they're not entirely full. I can't stand having to do everything after the party is over. (In my younger days, I grandly ignored all dishes until after the party and spent until the wee hours of the morning cleaning up. No more.

Sorry for the length. It sounds like you do just fine already, you're just tired the next day!

I love having guests over and I don't stress....as someone said it is a blessing to have good friends and everyone enjoys everyone else...I host the family gatherings and everyone (women) help and we have a blast with wine while we are cooking and catching up....even when the bread gets burned we don't mind....LOL the key have FUN!! Stacy

I find that there are a few important things to keep in mind to keep the stress level to a minimum:

1. Don't ever use a dinner party to try out a new and fancy recipe. It could have disastrous consequences. I stick to the old tried and true recipes - I do, however, keep a record of who was invited and what I served so that the same people don't get served the same dishes.

2. I do not stress out and clean the entire house, just the "public" areas - bathroom, living and dining rooms. Just close the doors on the rest! If you must clean the whole house, do a little bit over the few days before the event so that it isn't a huge chore.

3. Perhaps you can enlist the help of one of your guests. Someone always asks whether or not they can help, so you can assign a small chore which helps you out and makes them feel useful - fill the roll basket, uncork and pour the wine, etc..

Hope this helps!

When Woody worked and was on the fire dept, all I could count on him for was helping me put the leaf in the table. Like you, I would end up exhausted and sick to death of the whole party even before the first guest arrived, it's so much work.

Now that he's retired, he cleans and helps cook and it's so much easier, but I still don't do it often enough. I prefer to entertain during these warmer months so I don't have to clean the entire house, just the verandah and kitchen/dining area and one bathroom. That helps a lot. We usually spend about 95% of the time out front so I don't see why the house should be as sparkling clean as in the winter(which is near impossible anyway with 3 large dogs and 3 cats).

And like someone said, it's about the camaraderie, not the house.

I prepare all the food ahead, it's all done by 4 PM so all I have to do is serve and maybe remove hot hor'dourves from the oven. I like to make pitcher drinks so I don't spend too much time bartending, too. Or I just serve wine. And the rule is, after I give you one, you have to be in charge of your own refills. :)

After dinner, I like to clear and stack and get right back to the guests. No dish washing allowed when company's here.

IMHO, you are probably just trying too hard. Lots of good advice above, but here are my own house rules:

[1] I only prepare tried and true recipes for entertaining. My go-to entertaining meal is lasagne, which can be made a day ahead and is also a great choice when some of the guests are children. When guests arrive, I simply pop the lasagne in the oven and let it cook while I sit and enjoy my guests.
[2] I have one menu star; everything else is simple prep, such as salad, steamed green beans, etc. Since I am not a baker, dessert is often just purchased, but if I were to make dessert, it would also need to fall into the make a few days ahead category.

[3] Regarding wine; don't go overboard. There are plenty of great, drinkable wines for [4] Deep clean your house a week before the party. A day before the party, spruce up with a quick vacuum and dusting and re-clean the bathrooms. The day of the party, cleaning should consist only of picking up and spit-spotting.

[5] Casseroles and other one dish meals might be considered old fashioned, but they are a real timesaver and host's best friend. Don't discount them.

[6] Instead of formal service at the table, consider either setting up a buffet style line so guests can serve themselves, or have the food at the table family style.

[7] The dishes can wait, just clear the dining room, rinse and stack in the sink until the next day.

I am not an entertainer. I'm stressed by the time I get the house cleaned. I have three messy kids so everything tends to happen in the last 24 hours. To keep it simple and have fun, we just have simple parties with throw away plates and grilled food like hamburgers or chicken. We have fruit and veggie trays on the side and cupcakes or cake.

I love it!! No help from hubby on this so, the best advise is to plan your meal. Fix as much of the food ahead of time as you possibly can. If you have to watch your budget, which most do, check out the grocery ads before making out your menu. Know what pans and things you are going to need to cook in and have those out and handy. Know if you want a sit down meal or a buffet style. Anymore the kids want a buffet style. Have plenty of places to sit. The freezer can be really handy for a lot of things. I make and shape and freeze yeast rolls. All that has to be done is take them out and let them raise and bake. Pie shells already made and ready to fill and bake are handy too. Even un iced cakes are a time saver. We have two big dining room tables if we need them. The part I don't like is cleaning the house. I think because now I am older and it is harder for me to do. So I try to get as much of that done way ahead of time as I can. Just plan and enjoy. If you want to try a new recipe, maybe cut the recipe in half and fix for your family at some point before your dinner and if it is a winner there you go, you can make up the full recipe.

Sue

Not formal dinners--just not my style. I break bread with friends and/or family. No pressure at all. I like fresh flowers, too. But it's anything but formal. I like to assemble as much food as possible before hand,so I don't miss out on the conversation. ;-) Before we sold our OT house, we'd sometimes have 30 or more people. Sometimes crowded if the weather didn't cooperate, but nobody ever seemed to care.

I didn't read EVERYthing everyone said, but I can see great advice! I entertain at least once a month to friends and family.

-Prepare dishes ahead of time, and even a DAY ahead. My mashed potatos are better if made the day before.
-Clean the house the day before
-Set the table in the morning
-Create oven dishes; roasts, lasagnas, etc.
-Have pitchers of water ready to go in the fridge and ready to go on the table when it's dinner time
-If you're making a salad, cut, dice and prepare all the little bits in the morning and put them in baggies so you can just dump them into the salad.
-Cut any bread you're serving and put inside a plastic bag so you can just arrange it into a basket when it's time for dinner.
-My food is always ready to eat at least 20 minutes after people arrive. No work to do when they walk in the door.

Blessings,
Haley

Very few of our friends enjoy big formal dinners anymore. Buffets make is so easy you can have as good a time as your guests. If we do have a "sitdown" dinner, that is only for a few friends and the meal is kept very simple. A main dish, like a lasagna, a good salad, crusty bread and light dessert are about all you need. I think as a society we are all more relaxed and simple is appreciated by more people.

Thanks for all your input. I should explain that the dinner I hosted last night was very informal--barbecued lamb kabobs, spanakopita, salad, desert. We were all in jeans and ate outside on the porch. No one ever has formal dinners here. If I'm so stressed out over informal dinners, I can't imagine how a formal one would go!

It is NOT a SECRET, I HATE hosting a dinnter party. ACK!!! But, I will do anything and everything my friends ask of me to help them with their dinner party. I am a good second person. I don't like to be the one in charge. Leave me in the background, PLEASE! I think my hair is falling out just thinking about hosting a dinner party...eeek...

Wishing you the bestest of the best on yours~~~~~~~~~~~~