My group of friends and DH's family all have some no-no's for personal tastes, and/or also, for scary deathly allergies so here's what we do: everybody brings a dish that they can/want to eat/share as potluck and tapes a paper to it with the ingredients listed. A variety of ordinary soups, salads, breads, coffee and drinks are laid out, buffet-style, for those who don't want to get involved. Over time we have gotten pretty creative for the names of our dishes so it adds an element of fun and it's also a great ice-breaker for those parties where we don't know the guests all that well (but of course some of them go roll their eyes and are too snobby to laugh). We tell everyone coming that food is fun and to laugh because it is good for their health (a truism). Some examples: Samoan Ski's (grilled, lengthwise-cut, bananas with butter, maple syrup and toasted coconut), Dead Beans and Dice (classic cooked red beans and rice with diced onions), Parma-plant (eggplant Parmesan), Road Chicky (stuffing in a pounded-flat chicken breast with a delicate gravy so as to not cause any more aggravation), Great Gooey Gratin (potato gratin with lots of cheese), Incited Eggs (egged-on rolls), Bred and Bored (bed and breakfast coffee cake), Slain Slaw (finely shredded cabbage mix with a "to die for" sour cream dressing), He-Man Stew (just like it sounds - all the fat, calories and chest-pounding real manly beef), and Sticky Fishy (baked fish with a garlic, sugar, and ginger marinade), to name a few. Obviously we don't plate food - that is so '50's for us. I do remember that then, only those with "staff" plated. Although, I do love dcarch's presentations - but I don't think any of them were made for one person - but maybe so - just my perception, and, none of my guests would appreciate so fine a presentation anyway - they'll be off laughing at the dish names. Nancy

Charivari is a banging of pots and pans, shouting, etc., outside the house of the newlyweds after they settle in following the honeymoon, from what I've heard - never attended one. Usually more or less a community thing, especially in rural/cohesive communities where everyone knows one another. Develops into quite a party. Newlyweds have some party supplies on hand, guests usually bring some - including BYOB. Crackers in bed, French sheet it (top sheet and bottom one, are one and the same ... with a fold across the bed, half-way down, alarm clock hidden somewhere hard to find, set to go off at 2 a.m., can with some rocks set on top of bedroom door, near the hinge side (to avoid bonked heads) and door is left ajar (but without the jar on top - but sometimes there's a condom filled with water, set to fall on the enterer's head, if possible), can with rocks left on dresser, with string around a bedpost or something as a pulley to cause it to be pulled off when the door is opened, sometimes sewed up pajamas, etc. Sometimes may block doors shut as they leave, so inhabitants must crawl out a window ... or call a neighbour to unblock the door. This is somewhat risky, though, in case of fire. Like I said - never attended ... but heard stories (possibly juiced up a bit?). I don't think that they've done them much in recent years. ole joyful

Copious amounts of booze to make them forget food! Throw a few tri-tips on the barbie then slice it thin. It's like serving steaks without the need for 20 steak knives and a seat at a table. Another thing that works pretty well is to go to Wing Stop and get one of their bulk hot wing platters. All this helps to avoid the sit down all at one time for eating and people will forage over the dinner period. Makes for smaller plates filled with a course at a time and everyone seems to find a spot to sit. Believe me you don't want to spend the time placing tables for twenty people to sit. Over the years we've had many of pool parties and it helps to have folks bring a side or dessert. You know the whole thing about "what can I bring." We've found that people actually feel more comfortable when they bring something. I know this seems strange but they also seem to help with the layout and cleanup when they're making sure you try their green beans with funions and pickled kippers casserole all the while keeping tabs on their prize tupperware. Fish breath is a small price to pay for the help and a single cocktail will make it as if it never existed. I know we don't subscribe to the Martha Stuart book of party planning but if you don't want to spend a whole lot of time cleaning up and prepping so you can focus on the fun take em up on the "what can I bring." Partygoer:What can we bring? You:Well we have some hot dogs but we're a little short on chateau briand, filet mignon, and caviar. Partygoer:Maybe we can bring some potato salad. You:Wow that will be perfect!!! It will go so well with the hot dogs.

Oh, monablair, that sounds perfect. Don't give it another thought. It will all be just fine. Consider omitting the designation "cocktail party" on your invitation -- just write something like "Please join us for drinks and a light supper" or whatever you think is as close as you dare to calling it "dinner" without offending the groom's parents. If you know your menu, that might make it even easier -- "Cocktails and pasta bar," or "wine and cheese" or whatever. Even if you are just serving appetizers, I would make them substantial and plentiful enough to serve as supper for those who weren't at the dinner. If I were invited for "cocktails and hors d'oeuvre" at 7:30, I would make that my supper and not think it was scanty -- especially if there will be a big meal the next day at the wedding reception. I wish I were invited! I have no doubt that YOU are going to do this with great elegance and charm. Have fun!