I can't eat stuff that is "premade"...that is with canned soup, canned spaghetti sauce, bottled salad dressing, flavor packets and many "spice blends" don't agree with me either. I can also get the reaction from certain wines...but I don't think I am "difficult....I just pick at things like casseroles that I know have odd stuff in them and leave the rest there. Mostly I am fine with the hors doouvres and salad and bread....I just say give me a Scotch or Vodka...I'll leave the wine for the rest....unless I know the wine is one I can drink.
Just go and eat lots ofw hat you can eat....leave ther est....don't apologize..
Linda C

IMO, unless your hostess is a NUT CASE... doubt you'll be served something extremely unusual!?! If you have issues with certain food items that could send you to the HOSPITAL, by all means talk to your hostess! If the food item is something that is more an inconvenience (maybe gives you annoying hives)... ask like you're interested in the recipe??

Alisande, I am little surprised your host/hostess did not ask if you have any dietary restrictions when s/he invited you. That's what I always do, and hubby does too when he invites someone. We started doing this because so many of our peers (people in their 40's and older) have health issues and need to restrict or avoid fat or sugar or salt or other things. If you are concerned, why not call to explain your dietary restrictions and ask if you could bring a salad or other side dish that you could eat if none of the other food is suitable.

LOL It's not the unusual that worries me (hey, my DH and I used to have a tofu business), but one of my chief offenders is potatoes. I have a neurological reaction to solanine, which is in the nightshades (potatoes, eggplant, peppers, tomatoes) as well as artichokes, okra, and blueberries. Another big no-no is the very ordinary cheese.

Petra, I was surprised she didn't ask, too. We're in our sixties, and I thought that was standard procedure these days.

I can do salad and bread, and I can even go you one better, Lindac--I can do wine! :-)

Eat what you can and avoid the rest. I use to "plate" the food but now i usually serve buffet style so people can take what they want and leave the rest to others. Hopefully that will be the case at your dinner. Your hostess will probably be so busy she won't even notice.

Alisande:

If you are a down to earth person as you say,
then be, " down to earth ".
Explain to her, your Allergies and what not.
Just tell it like it is.

You should not feel awkward,about your problems.

If it were me and someone threw up their hands in disgust,

They would not have to worry about it again.

LOU

PS: You can eat at my place anytime !!!

I think I would say....Love to come! But I can't eat tomatoes or potatoes....but if those are on your menu I'll make do with other things.
Better than getting there and finding she has Artichokes as a starter and ratatoulli, sundried tomato and cheese bread and blueberry cobbler!
Linda c

Thanks for describing my worst dinner nightmare, Linda. LOL

I can handle small amounts of cooked tomatoes, tomato sauces, etc., so maybe I'll say "potatoes and cheese" instead. Oh, and did I mention that I have to avoid sweets, too? ;-)

People don't seem to mind when I turn down dessert, though. I don't miss it, and I guess they realize that.

Thanks for the invitation, Hawk!

I think what you usually do is the best way to handle it. Eat what you can, and discourage any inquiries.
The foods you can't eat are ones that are easy to spot, so you are safe. Except maybe for a tiny piece of pepper in something, you won't have to worry about anything hidden.

I expect people to tell me what they cannot eat when I invite them to dinner, and I in no way think of their allergies as causing them to be picky. I have to be picky about what I eat myself, and I enjoy finding creative ways of working around restrictions. I think that sharing your information can bring you closer to your hostess, but not revealing it would send a message that you prefer to remain distant. Perhaps you can narrow your list down from what you prefer to avoid to what you must avoid, but include both lists. I do not think that anyone would want to serve you something that would cause you discomfort, and therefore it is not fair not to disclose your information to the hostess. She should thank you for sharing with her.

Lars

How about "I have a bunch of dietary restrictions, but if you don't mind putting up with my high-maintenance self, I'd love to come and visit and have a drink." That way, if she's so inclined, she can ask about the specifics, and you can feel her out from there. If she's stressed out by the thought of accommodating, or planning a special/labor intensive dinner that you won't be able to eat, you've made it so it's not awkward if you aren't eating the full meal. But, it may be that she hasn't planned the menu yet and doesn't mind working around you, or doesn't mind if you bring a dish.

I agree with what Lars said. I expect people to tell me prior to the day and I always ask, probe even. When at the table they say, "I can't eat blueberries but it sure looks delicious!", I might feel annoyed that I didn't have an opportunity to make them something they would love.

I haven't had many dinner parties with people I don't know well, so I don't remember ever asking guests about allergies and such. I did have a burger party many, many years ago, where someone brought a friend unexpectedly. I had no advanced notice, and it turned out she was vegetarian. This was before I bacame vegetarian, so I had nothing to serve for her. I was inexperienced enough at the time to feel like I was a bad hostess for not having something to serve her. I don't think she intended to make me feel this way, but I did anyway.

So, I make sure that if I'm invited to dinner at someone's house, they know ahead of time that I'm vegetarian, and I offer to bring something. Yes, I feel a little awkward telling them at first, but it's better than showing up and not eating what they worked hard to prepare for me. I think with food sensitivities, you have an even better excuse to not eat what's prepared, but I think the host or hostess would like to know ahead of time.

I hope you end up having a great time at the party.

Sally

I have similar issues. I usually try and bring a dish so that I know that I have something to eat. Good friends usually make me something extra or leave a piece of meat out of the marinade so that I'm covered.
If you're not comfortable stating your issues up front, then I vote that you push the food around your plate and pick at it. But that might cause your hostess more distress to see a plate that's barely touched.
Most people are willing to go the extra step. Just say, can I help by bringing something that I know I won't be allergic to? Or Please let me bring a fresh salad to help you. With a neurological reaction, I think stating what foods make you very ill. And saying "I'm just making sure there's an item on the menu that will be safe for me to eat."
I cannot imagine a hostess who would be offended at that statement. Or bring a some appetizers that are safe for you and fill up on those!

I'd accept the invitation but say you're going to bring your own dish "to make it easy" because you have several food allergies. If she asks what they are, then fine, give her the option to accommodate you. I'd bring something very basic and simple. Maybe a salad.

I think the worst option is not to say anything and then pick at the food. She'll think you don't like it right up until you explain the allergies, at which point she'll either think you're lying to be polite, or will wonder why you didn't say something up front.

FOAS, I don't think Alisande have to pick at the food. She can eat most or all of it, and leave what she doesn't.

Just imagine if eight guests are invited and they all have a set of things they can't or don't eat. Menu-planning nghtmare. It's not fair to expect it of a host or hostess. The real purpose of inviting people is social, and sharing the meal is a way to have people come together in your home. Focus on the conversation. No need to focus on the food. Paraphrasing Miss Manners, who always seems very sensible, a guest should be happy eating bread and salad if that's all she can eat, and a host shouldn't bother about what people are or aren't eating.

Salad, bread & wine are pretty common items on a menu and I could make due with just these. If it looked like the hostess were going to plate I might slip into the kit and say something about what I could eat. We have restrictions but I am afraid if I started listing no one would want to invite us.

It totally depends on the hostess. I would not mind a bit hearing about a friend's food allergies. I wouldn't let it control the whole menu but I would make sure I had enough stuff they could eat so they wouldn't feel awkward and hungry, even if it was just salad and bread and a turkey burger thrown on the grill for them while everyone else ate the lasagne. I also would not mind a guest bringing something, particularly if they had allergy issues. I have a vegan friend who does that. It just depends on how down to earth the hostess is. I have a bunch of food issues too due to health and I feel your pain. It seems like most of the time I am OK, but every once and a while I go somewhere where the hostess or host makes a big deal about it, which bugs me because that is the LAST thing I want to happen. I mean why can't I say, "Hey, the lemon pound cake looks really good but I can't do citrus" and leave it at that. I really do not mind forgoing dessert, that is the way I live, it's no sacrafice for me. But some folks have a hard time believing you really mean what you say. If that happened to me at my house when I was hosting, I'd pull out a couple of Nilla wafers which I almost always have in the cupboard for the guest if they wanted some and then let it be.

I once served noodles and cheese to a friend and his family who were visiting and his one daughter said she didn't like it and it totally incensed her father, who was a good and dear friend. He put his foot down, "Look, you like noodles and you like cheese, so there is no good reason for you to not like this dish so you are going to eat it." The horrible faces she was making as she attempted to choke it down were tragi-comic! She was five years old, from Great Britain, had been shchlepped across an ocean and all over a strange land to visit strange people who talked funny, with strange homes and tables by her father . . . I definately think that played into it a bit. His two and a half year old happily ate up everything and then some! Her mum had brought along some yogurt and she and I were perfectly fine with that option but her dad got a bee in his bonnet, and rejected that option on principle.

cc - When OP said, "Besides, if I gave the hostess a list of everything I'd like to avoid, she'd be justified in throwing up her hands..." along with other statements I took it to mean that there are more than a couple allergies, making it likely that she (?) would likely not be able to "eat most or all of it."

Of course there are many variables that we don't know. One major one is how many guests are invited. If there are several people invited then I think the picking/pushing would be less noticed and more acceptable, and mention of personal preferences less acceptable. However, if alisande is the only guest then it would be an awful shame if the hostess served her famous eggplant parm, which wouldn't be touched.

A dinner invite should be stressful for neither the host nor the guest, and I think the "right" answer is probably subjective to the specific situation.

I've really enjoyed reading the many responses, all of which have helped me in one way or another. I don't know how many guests are coming to the dinner, but I know I'm not the only one--and thank heavens for that.

I have to call the hostess beforehand for directions, so perhaps what I'll say is this:

"What can I bring? What are you planning to serve?"

If she tells me the main dish will be French fries covered in cheese, I'll resist the temptation to tell her bubonic plague will keep me home that day. (But perhaps I should be more worried about eggplant parm.)

I can wing it from there. If she says they're doing chicken on the grill, rustic bread, and a big salad, I'll bring a bottle of wine.

Thank you, everyone!

I'm sure many of you remember about a year and a half ago, when a group of 150 touring college chorus members were going to be hosted by our church for the evening meal.....and I was asked to do the meal....with cost restrictions!
Well about a week before they arrived I was emailed a list of allergies and "can't eats"....Ai yi yi!
Wheat/gluten, pork, dairy, onions, "spicy food"....some were vegitarian and a few were vegan!... I figured that 110 of the 150 had some food restrictions.
I made a sort of Johnny Marzetto pasta hamburger, tomato onion cheese bake, green salad...both a bowl of dressed salad and of undressed, bread and a bowl of plain, no salt no seasoning of any kind, pinto beans....and of course plates and plates of cookies...probably containing the dreaded fat, eggs, salt, and butter!
When push came to shove, they all scarfed it down....and I only counted 2 that ate only beans and undressed salad.
But they were kids.

There was someone else I had for dinner several times because her husband had done us a favor. The first time she showed up with a little dish of her own food that just needed to be put into a pan and warmed and the vegetables put into the micro for 5 minutes....what a pain!
I think it's oK to say I don't eat meat....or I don't eat pork, or I can't eat potatoes, or I don't eat any dairy....but not to relate a littany of things you can't eat and please don't bring your own food as a surprise!
Linda C

It's always awkward for me to get dinner invitations. I'm a strict vegetarian and it can be problematic when someone makes me a special dish, especially if the main dish is meat-based. Most people who aren't vegetarian don't always notice cross-contamination, like using the same spoon or knife or touching the meat then touching the bread, things like that. And I feel so uncomfortable saying anything because it's not my intention to be a pain. But at the same time, I can't eat it if something like that happens so it's just a hard situation.

I prefer to bring my own food but people don't always like that, which I understand. I've never asked anyone to make me something different because it's my choice not to eat what most people eat and if there's nothing I can eat, I just quietly deal with it. Allergies are different though, in my opinion, because there's no choice there.

I understand your problem all too well.

I am allergic to onions, garlic, and also can't eat a lot of cheeses. I always make sure I eat a little something before I go to a function in case there aren't any safe options. If possible, I offer to bring a side dish so I can have something safe to eat.

There are so many dishes that contain onion/garlic powder and I don't realize it, so I opt to be safe and don't eat anything that could have these hidden ingredients. An emergency trip to the ER for an allergic reaction is no fun.

Family and close friends always take a serving out for me before adding the offending ingredients when they know I'm going to be there or have other safe dishes I can enjoy with everyone.

DH has family members who always invite us and knowingly serve dishes that have the things I can't eat. I know this and eat before I go and/or bring a side dish I can eat if it is a function I must attend. After 15 years of trying to deal with this behavior, I usually have a 'previous engagement'. Life is just too short to waste time with people with that type of agenda.

Betty

Once at a picnic my soon-to-be FIL served hot dogs. I don't eat them so I just bypassed those & put things I could eat on my plate. Turns out he made exactly one for every person so when he noticed one hot dog still sitting there on the plate he asked, somewhat accusingly it seemed, "who didn't take a hot dog?" Ai-yi-yi. Before I can say "I didn't because I have enough other food, thanks" and not mention I don't eat them (because I don't want to get into the whole discussion about what I do & don't eat & I was trying to adjust without drawing attention to myself), my DH said Jean doesn't eat hot dogs. Well, now STBFIL is annoyed, and shocked that someone wouldn't eat them, and STBMIL is worrying about what else she should make for me. Nothing, really, I have enough other foods to eat, I don't need anything else.

Anyhoo, I hope your hostess is more gracious.

There have been some interesting ideas here that would be useful for many of us.

We entertain a lot, and I vastly, VASTLY prefer it if guests tell me in advance what they can't or won't eat.

It's all well and good for a guest -- a vegetarian, let's say -- to say that SHE doesn't mind not eating the main dish or and is happy making do with the side dishes.

But as her hosts, we worked hard on that meal, and we wanted to please her. And if she is the only guest, or one of the only guests, we sure aren't going to feel comfortable eating the meat course in front of her -- no matter how much she protests that SHE doesn't mind.

Inevitably, the guest says, "I didn't want you to go to any trouble." But we DID -- they just won't eat it. It would have been no more trouble to make a wonderful vegetarian meal instead, and we would have been happy to do it. Instead, we are sabotaged as hosts -- while the guest who "didn't want to be any trouble" congratulates herself on being considerate and keeping the focus on conversation rather than food.

Hosts, especially hosts who love to cook, really want to make a wonderful meal for their guests. That's not a burden, it's their pleasure. And it is not exactly saving them any trouble to let them go ahead and cook things you won't eat.

Now, all that tirade is a GENERAL principle. If you are invited to a wedding, or Thanksgiving dinner, or a barbecue, or even a large dinner party, the hosts aren't going to change the menu just for one guest, but they may make sure there are plenty of things to eat for all known limitations (vegetarian, allergy, diet, religious, etc.).

And when someone is in a situation like poor alisande, with multiple difficult food sensitivities, I can sure see why she doesn't want either to go through a huge complicated conversation or to forego all invitations. I think that your best bet is to have a little speech all ready for such occasions to the effect of, "Thank you! I'd love to come! I have to tell you, though, I have a list of food allergies as long as your arm, and I'm impossible to cook for -- trust me, it's not just no gluten or no dairy or something like that that is easy to plan around. But I'm always able to find something to eat, and I'd love to be there. May I bring my XYZ salad to share with everyone, if it works with your menu?"

I totally agree with Gellchom. I have lists of most everyone I've ever cooked for -- I note their favorite wines, liquor, decaf or regular coffee, recipes I've made they've loved, etc. I, also, note all allergies and food preferences. I cook a lot of old recipes with a lot of spice, garlic, salt and butter. Those are the recipes my husband and daughter love but I certainly tailor my cooking to my guests. I may not eat much at my dinner parties (I'm a nervous hostess) but my guests sure do. When we dine out with friends, I also pay attention to what they order - salad dressing, main course and dessert and I note that, also. I really don't like my guests bringing food unless it's a very informal BBQ but, even then, I prefer to do it all. I have no problem if someone tells me what they can't or won't eat -- there are so many recipes and so little time.....

Wow. Lucky guests!

Well said, gellchom!

If you are going to be really annoyed when guests don't inform you, why not ask?

I do ask. I tend to say, "What don't you eat?" because then in addition to allergies and special diets, I have a shot at getting strong aversions, too. I phrase it that way, as an assumption that there must be something, instead of, "Is there anything you can't eat?" because the latter tends to make polite people automatically reply, "Oh, we eat everything," which is NEVER, EVER true. They think they mean it, but the list of foods that "We eat everything" people have refused to touch at our house includes

fish
mustard
eggs
rye bread
spicy anything
lettuce

and of course more unusual items as well.

Being able to plan a menu that will at least mostly suit all the guests at a dinner party also helps keep the conversation from turning to discussion of who can't or won't eat what and why. It's boring, and it can make the other guests feel self-conscious about their own eating.

It really is no trouble to keep olives or peppers off the menu if Ken or Mark is coming, and I'd much rather do that than waste my time cooking something my guests won't eat when I could easily have made something else.

My point is just that far from it being saving me trouble not to tell me, it is actually a lot easier for me as a host to know any limitations in advance. So I think that the considerate thing for a guest to do is to tell the hosts when accepting the invitation.

I can see both sides. I guess it depends on the type of situation. I have never been invited somewhere where I knew they would prefer to make an entire vegetarian dinner to accommodate me. Usually they say "Well, we're having lasagna but I can make you some spaghetti" or something alone those lines. So that's what I'm used to and it's totally fine for me. When we say we don't mind, it's completely true. If I refused to eat at the same table as meat I would never go out with friends, or have holiday meals, or eat with my family because I'm the only one. I've gotten used to it and can adapt quite well.

It's tough. It would be hard for me to call someone who invites me and say "by the way, I don't eat meat, eggs or dairy" because that sounds ridiculously restrictive and I don't want them to go through the trouble. But on the other hand, I can see why they might be upset if I show up and can't eat anything. I prefer to ask when I'm hosting or be asked when I'm invited because it sort of opens the conversation instead of me feeling like I'm making demands.

It does happen....but I very seldom....like less than once every 2 years, have guests for dinner that I have not previously eaten a couple of meals with. It did happen last winter....(met a couple in a bar....invited them for dinner....can you believe that? But I did know his and her parents...so I presumed they weren't ax murderers!)...When I confirmed the invitation, I said "I am planning salmon if you like that....and oven roasted potatoes, green veggie and green salad....do you eat blue cheese? What do you drink?" They assured me that they ate salmon, loved blue cheese and she drank vodka and he Scotch...neither with anything but ice and water.
the summer before I had some of my late DH's relatives come through....I didn't bother to ask. They are everything, drank everything....and later told me they were on a low salt Dr. mandated diet...
but I'll have another Scotch thank you!"
I don't think you have to relate a long litany of what you can't eat....and I don't think as a host you have to say things like "now....tell me....what is it you don't eat?...HMM? I am sure there is something."
I think it's much less awkward for all concerned if yous ay something like "I am planning veal chops....I have a wonderful new recipe with mushrooms, jalapenos and finished with a lovely cream sauce. Does that sound like something you might like?"....and that is the guest's cue to say..."uuuh...ummm....we keep Kosher...any way you could hold the cream on our portion?"....and the hostess goes back to her recipe file!
Should be easy and breezy and un complicated for all....but the best answer is to keep a list of food allergies of your friends.
Linda C

Above I said I do not tell anyone about our restrictions. I should have added the restrictions are health related not allergies. We are strict at home so feel when we go out it is okay to indulge.

Eandhl, I read your post upthread, and you brought up something that would be an interesting new discussion - hostesses (and hosts) plating food for guests. My immediate reaction is NO NO NO, I don't want to be told or tell somewhat what goes on the plate. Only exception would be to control known rude guests who take inappropriately large amounts.

Is plating foods common? I know I did it for awhile but eventually changed to buffet. For me, it seemed selfish to plate foods ( just getting out my culinary and food styling kicks) yet sometimes would have significant leftovers, which dismayed my frugal side.

When serving dessert or appetizers I will plate but only after asking what everyone wants. Sliver? Big slice? No sauce? Extra whipped cream? etc. and also, if I am portion controlling, I might hand someone a plate with a steak (or crabcake) on it, then let them go through the buffet.

I know when I go to someone's house for dinner, I feel nervous when they plate...what if I don't like something they gave me a huge helping of?

I've seen plating with individual things like pot pies or sometimes things like lasagna when the cook is standing there serving from it but it's always in a very informal family setting where preferences/appetites are known. Oh, and dessert is common to plate, I think. I always plate dessert for people after asking their preferences.

I don't really like when people plate for me. Mostly because I'm a little picky about a few common things like tomatoes. I can't stand them but most people love them so when I serve myself salad, I pick around them. But once it's on my plate, I have to throw them away.

I almost always plate.....more formal and to me easier than serving "family style".
I don't plate for Thanksgiving or Christmas but for pretty well every other occasion I do. When it's just me and one kid and their kids....sometimes we'll grab a plate and run through the kitchen....but mostly I plate and carry to the table.
Certainly for any luncheon or brunch I plate and serve.
Linda C

I never plate food for my guests, other than soup (I don't have a tureen, so I don't have a choice). I know as a guest, I don't much like it. I want to choose how much of each dish I take (I don't ever hog my favorites, I promise!). I'll try at least a little of each thing, but if it's something I don't especially like, why waste a lot of it and possibly hurt the cook's feelings? More important, it's really hard for the food to stay hot that way if it's more than 3-4 people eating.

I suppose if I am serving pie or cake for dessert, I'll cut it in the dining room and pass the plates to people. But as I am there with them, they can tell me, "Just the blueberry, not the apple, and a small piece, please, with ice cream" or "None for me, please." No one ever says, "A big piece, please," although I am sure there are some who are thinking it!

I don't like when the hostesss plates my food at all. I don't eat much and it's embarrassing to leave food that someone has obviously busted their butt preparing. Case in point: a good friend invited us for dinner. I have had them over for dinner many times and this was her first time cooking for us instead of taking us out. Well, she had wonderful appetizers, good wedding soup, and - quite frankly - almost uneatable veal parmesan. How she and her husband were able to eat it amazed me and my husband -- we couldn't cut ours and it was rare! My husband, bless his heart, choked down as much as he could -- I couldn't, so I complimented her on her terrific apps and soup and told her I got so filled up I just couldn't eat the marvelous veal and could I please take it home which is what happened. Had it been served family style, I could have taken a tiny piece instead of the huge piece she put on my plate (poor DH got TWO pieces).

When I first came to this forum, I was very surprised that people talked about plating food for guests. I thought of it as what restaurants do. (I was surprised at the word itself, too, since it was chef-speak. The home cook's vocabulary has changed a lot: we now have "knife skills," do "prep work," and serve "sides," because we've taken on the language of professional cooks.)
I don't consider dishing out a dessert rather than passing it to be the same thing as plating. I do often do that.

We have a couple family members that plate. I believe they think it is the correct more formal way. Not me, pretty much anything I do is less formal than my some of my family. Big gatherings is buffet and smaller dinner parties I put the food on the table in serving pieces.

We used to do considerable business entertaining & frequently had international guests at our table. For those dinners, I always served multiple courses. Usually soup, salad, appetizer, refresher, entree, & dessert. Sometimes, depending on the guest of honor I would add a fish course. Food was plated in the kitchen. If there were more than six our teenage kids dressed up & enjoyed doing the kitchen plating & then serving/clearing. That left me free to be with DH & our guests. They were fun meals that I put a lot of thought & effort into but I can't say I miss all the work involved.

Since DH retired our entertaining is much more casual & I rarely plate in the kitchen. Even if using the good china, crystal, & sterling the food is served family style at the table. Our entertaining now is mostly family and/or friends from the marina & those meals are ultra-casual usually in the garden because this cottage is really small.

Times change, styles evolve, even courses I would serve today are very different than what I might have prepared, say, 10-15 years ago. Frankly, I like today's more casual style. I used to be so tired after one of those business meals I couldn't eat.

/tricia

I seldom/never plate food for guests, I figure they are guests and may take as much or as little as they like, and I grew up with meals served family style, so that's natural for me.

I actually like it when guests are on strange diets or have allergies or are vegetarian, it gives me a chance to expand my horizons a bit and cook something I wouldn't usually cook.

When Lpinkmountain came to visit, I dragged out Cooking Light and knowing that she was a vegetarian who tried to eat healthy and low fat, I made a corn and bean salad that became one of my favorites, and I probably wouldn't have ever made it if I hadn't been looking for recipes that would suit her.

When Jessica and her boys came to stay, I knew she kept kosher but didn't know one darned thing about it. So I just gave her my kitchen, LOL, and tried to watch and learn. Her oldest DS gave me tips, pointers and explanations as we went and I think we both enjoyed that, he got to "educate" me and I learned new things about food.

Yeah, I know. I'm odd. I still kind of like it when I am "required" to stretch my creative cooking wings and go outside my usual box.

Annie

After thinking about it I guess I do things in reverse. Least formal and usual dinner is just DH and me and that is when I do plate.

We used to entertain a great deal, so this has been a very interesting discussion thread for me to read.

As someone who still loves to cook (but loves to eat out even more, LOL), I'm totally in agreement with gellchom. There is a real difference between dietary PREFERENCES and dietary RESTRICTIONS. I might prefer not to eat Chinese pressed duck or very salty food....but if you feed me grapefruit in any form I'm going to visit your bathroom immediately afterwards to throw up, because I take statins and grapefruit is contra-indicated.

As a hostess I always want to know what restrictions I'm working under, because it's seldom difficult to work around those, given the wide availability of ingredients from the dozen or so grocery stores within 5 miles of me (including Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, along with Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, and European specialty grocery markets), along with Net access to cooking sites with thousands of recipes and some hundred or so cookbooks I already own.

I never invite people to dinner without letting them know the menu ahead of time, so they can let me know if they might have any issues. Here in Northern CA dietary preferences are so common, I make food notes in my Outlook contacts file on close friends and family!

You can certainly never go wrong by mentioning that you have serious dietary restrictions, and offering to bring a salad or casserole along that ensures you have something to eat. As a hostess, I want you to have a good time, not have to worry about every ingredient I might have used in my cooking that will be problematic for you. Such restrictions are not as uncommon as they used to be - I myself have a mild case of celiac disease, something that didn't even have a name when I was growing up.

My group of friends and DH's family all have some no-no's for personal tastes, and/or also, for scary deathly allergies so here's what we do:
everybody brings a dish that they can/want to eat/share as potluck and tapes a paper to it with the ingredients listed. A variety of ordinary soups, salads, breads, coffee and drinks are laid out, buffet-style, for those who don't want to get involved.

Over time we have gotten pretty creative for the names of our dishes so it adds an element of fun and it's also a great ice-breaker for those parties where we don't know the guests all that well (but of course some of them go roll their eyes and are too snobby to laugh). We tell everyone coming that food is fun and to laugh because it is good for their health (a truism).

Some examples:
Samoan Ski's (grilled, lengthwise-cut, bananas with butter, maple syrup and toasted coconut),
Dead Beans and Dice (classic cooked red beans and rice with diced onions),
Parma-plant (eggplant Parmesan),
Road Chicky (stuffing in a pounded-flat chicken breast with a delicate gravy so as to not cause any more aggravation),
Great Gooey Gratin (potato gratin with lots of cheese),
Incited Eggs (egged-on rolls),
Bred and Bored (bed and breakfast coffee cake),
Slain Slaw (finely shredded cabbage mix with a "to die for" sour cream dressing),
He-Man Stew (just like it sounds - all the fat, calories and chest-pounding real manly beef), and
Sticky Fishy (baked fish with a garlic, sugar, and ginger marinade), to name a few.

Obviously we don't plate food - that is so '50's for us. I do remember that then, only those with "staff" plated. Although, I do love dcarch's presentations - but I don't think any of them were made for one person - but maybe so - just my perception, and, none of my guests would appreciate so fine a presentation anyway - they'll be off laughing at the dish names.

Nancy

I'm in total agreement with gellchom and jkom on this one; to me it is a lot less trouble planning a menu all my guests can eat and will enjoy, than knocking myself out cooking something someone can't eat and then worrying about it and feeling like a bad hostess. Not that the guest would be setting out to make me feel that way, but I would.
If cooking for vegetarian friends, we have a vegetarian dinner. Not having meat at a meal isn't a bad thing and for instance, if I planned to make lasagne, I would just make it a vegetarian lasagne, which meat eating DH likes as well as my meat version. Personally I think a host who makes a meal with meat as the focus when entertaining vegetarians is not very considerate.
I don't care if I invite one friend is lactose-intolerant, another who is is coeliac and a third allergic to shellfish, alisande with her various allergies, my brother-in-law who has a number of food issues, and my daughter and a sister-in-law who are just picky, I'd rather create a menu that was inclusive rather than exclusive. It's not impossible.