anyway, a bit later I saw a parent....looked like a Euro Starling perhaps? I saw her(?) feeding one of the little ones that was on the ground. But here's the thing...I then saw the mother fly away. Didn't notice the little one she'd been feeding fly away but...I don't see him in that location anymore either. But there is still one remaining on the ground, sort of behind some brush. He's been there at least 20 mins now. I occasionally see him open his mouth the way babies do...and one time I saw him open up his wings.... but I don't hear him making any sounds or chirps...I wonder if the mother will 'remember' or know to come back for him...call to him...if he'll be able to fly back to the her? As mentioned, he didn't look like he 'fell' from the nest so I don't think he's totally helpless...but perhaps not a pro at flying either... I did put some berries and seeds by him but he doesn't seem to be eating them.... Tx! Here is a link that might be useful: birds

My children are older now, not babies or children, but I had the same ideas as you when they were little - limited tv, limits on sugary snacks and sweet drinks, breast feeding, etc. And, like you, my mom laughed or ignored some of them. Fast forward 20 years later, my mom appreciates the way I raised my children and she understands now why I made the choices I did. I am very, very glad I had the rules I did when my kids were young - I was right and I'm glad I held my ground. None of your choices sound extreme to me - limiting sugary snacks, limiting t.v., wanting a schedule and more time just the 3 of you, no trip to the beach at 4 months old - those are all reasonable choices. Cheri is right, your parenting ideas will change as your daughter grows. And she is right, your parents have things to contribute as grandparents. But that doesn't mean that you have to raise your children according to your parents' priorities and wishes. However, keep in mind a few things - whenever you talk about the way you want to raise your kids differently - many grandparents would see that as a criticism of how they raised you, their own child. Before you phrase things, think about how they might come across to your parents as implying that their methods were lacking. Also, be sure and make it a point to mention to your parents what they did right. My mom and I have different ideas about television, putting coke in baby bottles, etc., but my mom is also the person who taught me that when things look hopeless you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and work as hard as you can to change things. That is a gift she gave me infinitely more precious than riches or even education. Be sure and tell your parents what things they taught you that you will pass on to your children. Another suggestion that worked for us is that I told my mom that my husband wanted those rules. My mom simply ignored my rules if they were my rules, but she thinks my husband hung the moon and should have whatever he wants, so she (sometimes) listened if she thought it was my husband's wish. She did whatever she dang well pleased if it was just something I wanted. If my mom was particularly stubborn, my husband told her himself that he wanted it that way. Another thing that works well (with grandparents and babies) is to redirect. If your mom wants to take the baby somewhere, tell her no, now is not a good time, but this weekend would be great, how about then. Or if she wants to give the baby icing, tell her no, but baby loves sweet potatoes, why don't you give her that. Grandparents love to see "firsts" - first bite of chocolate, first time at the beach. Tell your parents, no, you can't take her to the beach this year, but when she's 2 you can take her and be there for her first time. You are being more than reasonable to limit tv, unhealthy snacks, limit visits to less frequently than daily or every other day, and set the expectation of higher education for your children early. Your mother is right, your daughter will express preferences of her own one day in education, food, hobbies, etc. That is still no reason not to set your standards high. If you are raising your daughter significantly different than the way you were raised, it will take years for your parents to change their minds. But when they see your daughter as a teenager, healthy and maintaining a healthy weight, doing well in school, winning awards and doing whatever extracurriculars (sports, violin, girl scouts, dance, whatever rings her bell), trust me, your parents will tell you you did your job well. I want to address something else cheri mentioned - her daughter's desire to use organic food, use cloth diapers, read to her children daily (I heartily endorse the part about reading to your children daily, by the way). The drive to be the best mom she could possibly be was strong in cheri's daughter, and even if her daughter changed her ways, she still probably has a strong drive to do her best. That drive should be honored, respected, and as much as reasonable should be indulged by grandparents. The realities of life will knock some practicality into the heads of young parents - let them have their dreams and give it their best shot. When my oldest was a baby my mother-in-law told me this, "In every young mother's life there comes a time when she has to look at her mother and say, 'Mother, you raised your kids the way you wanted, now it's my turn to raise my kids the way I want'." Be loving, be kind, include and affirm the grandparents, and let the grandparents have their way when it isn't important to you. But stand your ground with kindness on the things that matter. Everything you're asking for is reasonable and healthy for your child.

"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her.

Thank you everyone I know I am being a bit sensitive and probably a bit insecure and worrying when I should be grateful. Our living situation makes me insecure. I blame my mother lol it's something I deal with in therapy but I still have made any headway on it. I have lived the 'with money' life with my ex and even when I say, id rather have love than money any day, since I've had both, I still wish I owned my own home, in a neighborhood full of kid with my own flowerbed to dig in and my own walls to paint. It's a goal. We are close but it's been a long two years. Mostly because I have legal fees out the you know what... And I married a man that never planned to marry or have a family and so he never planned for the future. At our ages we are just starting and we have two kids to raise... One is half way out the door ... My son will be settled and in a home in a neighborhood before he starts school and he probably won't remember that if it weren't for hand me down clothes, he might have not have been dressed the last two years. Thank goodness for our blessings because we have always been able to pay the bills, afford extras for the kids and cover the little things that come up in life. I come from a home where we never moved. My mom still lives in the home she bought 42 years ago when she married my biodad. Our lives were always very settled and we all went to the same schools, had the same teachers etc. Grew up with the same neighbors and friends. Dd has moved 3 times in her life, has been to 2 schools and I'm just feeling guilty that we aren't as settled as we should be. I know people move all the time but for someone that came from such a settled background, it's hard to justify to myself my unsettled feelings. I know my Dd doesn't care, I'm sure she doesn't. She is too worried about what books she is going to read and what performance she will do at the talent show. With that said, she hears a lot from her dad about how crappy we live. I know he and sm are just trying to upset me and maybe even make her think the grass is greener over there. I would not say I am jealous of them at all but I feel insecure that he COULD provide a more stable environment for Dd as far as a home goes. Nothing more. I provide fine for her mentally, emotionally, financially. He has made comments that with the amount of support he pays we should be living in a better area. Couldn't be further from the truth but I internalize it and I worry that as Dd gets older, she is going to buy in to what he says to her. And she won't want to be with me anymore. It's just a fear I'm sure there is no basis for it but it is my feelings and I can't do anything but accept the way things are and move on. Thanks again for letting me vent here and giving me great advice. I really appreciate it!!!