I just thought I'd post an update. My nephew and niece have headed back home with my brother, their dad. My poor SIL is at Children's Hospital with Oldest Nephew. Guess what my brother says the kids enjoyed the most? Would you believe 1) looking at baby pictures of themselves, 2) making cards and art for their brother to hang on the walls of his room and 3) a mini-tour where I showed them where their dad used to live, and their grandparents used to live, and their dad went to school, etc. So much for all my planning. They'd hoped Oldest Nephew would be released yesterday, but he's had some breathing issues and a lot of pain and it looks as though he'll be in the hospital until Saturday. He's had a few complications, but they have all been complications that kids normally have with this surgery, so while he's being closely monitored, no one is super concerned. About his surgery--he was born with a defect in his spine, that caused partial paralysis from the waist down. The doctors have been treating this with back braces and therapy, to prevent things from getting any worse. What happened was that one of his vertebra collapsed and caused all sorts of problems. They've fixed that and put in rods that have straightened his spine for the first time ever. He even looks taller! And he won't need his back brace anymore, which has made him very happy. I just wish he wasn't in such pain. I've been down to the hospital twice to give SIL a bit of a break and he's just not himself at all.

Thanks all... we do have AAA, though I would want her to call us first. And my thought about the gas is similar to gsciencechick -I'm going to figure out what I've been paying and offer her that, and the rest is up to her. Like daisy, our oldest just didn't push the limits, so life was easier. I wish we could go to bed and set an alarm, but honestly, neither my husband nor I seems capable of doing that. DD is and always has been a really energetic, fun-loving girl, hell bent on making life a grand adventure. Nothing wrong with that of course, and to her credit, she has steered herself well away from the 'party kids', so I don't truly worry about that, but I sometimes just feel like it's exhausting just supervising her. The last two days of school they were released at 10:45... She went to the mall, then to lunch with friends, then to a pool party, then to dinner, then wanted to go to the mini-golf place at 9. Repeat the next day. She works so funds this herself. I'm sure there was a day when I lived life at that pace too, but I can barely stay awake past ten these days. Our rule is that she must text us from the place she is at prior to moving on to another location. She bristles even at that (who knew texting while you were out with friends could be so invasive LOL!). Her view is that as long as she's home by curfew, we don't need all the details. Mmmmmhmmmm. So while I don't honestly worry about 'partying' (though of course I am always looking for signs of anything along those lines) I do worry about her general safety. In the car, on fast roads, in parts of the city they ought not to be, etc..... When I was a teen, I was a very straight kid with lots of great friends, and I had super strict parents. I was always the one in our group with the most limits. I not only resented it, but remember thinking, "This is so stupid, all this wasted worry and energy on things that are never going to happen." For example, my bestfriend's parents were going to be out for the night, so we would want to hang out at her house. It was just so great not to be under adult supervision all the time. We'd watch a scary movie, throw popcorn at each other.... the idea of having a party or sneaking booze in was not even in our universe. But that's what my parents would express to me. "How do we know you aren't going to .... blah, blah, blah." It all seemed to stupid. Now I feel a bit like I'm on the other end of it. Thanks for all the thoughts. Hoping others will continue to weigh in....

Hi DFW -- I've been where you are, and know how uncomfortable it is all around. My husband is a wonderful man, but he's human -- and my older son, his SS, pushed all of his buttons. Wasn't always that way. At first, things were *wonderful* between the two of them. In fact, *too wonderful*. DS made the mistake of telling his BioDad how much he loved SD and how much fun they had together and BD felt threatened. So BD began bad-mouthing SD to DS -- told him all manner of narrow-minded, hateful things, some of which were 'just true enough' to be sore spots. And DS would come home from visiting his BD and act different. He no longer had the big hugs and kisses for SD and SD's feelings were hurt. DS would say all sorts of things that were innocent but hurtful, and clearly prompted by BD's comments. And SD was hurt some more... After a few years of this, SD put up an emotional wall against the pain and DS began to feel he wasn't loved in the same way our biological son was. Fast forward to the teen years... DS has now mastered 'The Attitude'. He never actually did much acting out, or even said much that was disrespectful -- but there were days when contempt for SD practically oozed out of every pore. DS mastered the 'evil eye'. Of course my husband didn't like it! Younger DS has such an affectionate, laid back manner that the two kids just couldn't be compared -- but SD did compare them. Older DS was 'lazy' (true), had a bad attitude (true), was spoiled (absolutely true at BD's house, sorta true at ours). They didn't like each other very much and it showed every day in a hundred little ways. Neither one of them *ever* gave the other the benefit of the doubt. Thank goodness DS went away to college. It was the best thing for everyone, in that DS grew up and outgrew the nasty teenage attitude. He also got serious about his schoolwork (really applied himself for the first time ever) and started bringing home grades any parent would be proud of. And SD was so proud! And shared his pride with DS in the form of heart-felt compliments and respect. And DS was polite and respectful in return. That was the beginning of the thaw -- Recently, DS and I had a heart-to-heart about that whole situation, and finally talked about the crux of the matter: DS always felt like the victim because he almost never actually *said* anything disrespectful. He never actually *did* anything more awful than shooting a dirty(!) look and slamming a door. Yet still SD was always 'nasty' to him. Truthfully, SD didn't actually *say* much either. Basically, the two of them just exchanged 'tones' and 'dirty looks' for 10 years, each complaining to me about the other. And it finally dawned on me that I never 'counted' what was not said or done -- even though I knew perfectly well that DS was being hateful. But SD did. He *knew* what those dirty looks meant, and I explained that to DS. Then all of sudden, DS realized that SD was absolutely right about what DS's dirty looks had meant, and that the looks and tone of voice he had received in response began to make perfect sense... That SD *did* 'count' those looks as disrespectful behavior (they were!) even if Mom didn't. That SD, as the recipient of the scorn didn't 'give points for self-control' the way Mom did. It was a 'light bulb moment' -- And DS began to realize that he hadn't exactly been an *innocent* victim... So is everything all better now? No, of course not - but it's pretty good. SD knows he was surly and impatient, and DS knows he acted like a brat, and they both realize that the other is actually a pretty good person, though with a few flaws... So what should YOU do to assure a decent outcome? It sounds to me like what you're doing is the right thing... Counseling. Patience. Continue to work on it. Urge Hubby not to take your DD's behavior personally, because it isn't actually about him -- it's about her. Acknowledge to him that she's in a really rough age, and that she WILL outgrow it and come out the other side as a rational and reasonable adult. And that you want her relationships to be intact (or at least reparable) when that happens. I'd also urge you two to meet with the counselor *about* DD but *without* her being there so you could work on things without hurting her in the process. (Not being able to think of a single good thing? Ouch! And NOT nice. He should have made something up.) It would be nice if they could call a truce and agree on a course of simple courtesy and respect -- one that specifically outlaws dirty looks (they do count) and nasty tones of voice (they hurt too).

I am so glad I grew up during a time before the information age. How ever did my generation even survive? Today's generation is so anxious about every little thing. We have all sorts of anxieties cropping up regarding everything from the food we eat to the water we bathe in. Crazy. All these reports do is promote anxiety issues among the general public. What is seldom mentioned in restaurant reports is that most violations are handled in a matter of minute or less than a day. Often it is simply something like an empty soap dispenser or a lack of clean bar towels when the inspector comes by. But that gets classified under some scary sounding violation. Boom the dispenser is filled and the towel delivery arrive and they are back in compliance. Same with pools. There is no possible way to keep the PH levels constant in any pool much less a public one and that seems to be the most common violation. Then thier is the let's scare the bejeezus out of the public with the math. Yeah. Around 12% of the pools had to be closed. For how long? 30 minutes? A hour? A few days? A week? Forever? I agree that neighborhood (HOA) /motel and other semi public pools are riskier than a water park pool. Often volunteers or the owners are keeping up the upkeep. People just need to chill a bit. Live life,have fun and take Google and the mass media with a grain of salt. A whole salt block would be better.