Ladies, thank you so much for responding and sharing all your great ideas. To update, the party was held on the 20th, and it was a well attended, casual affair. (roughly 65 people, nicely spaced out over 4 hours) I used regular blank invitations, and wrote that my sister and myself were hosting a party for their (70th!) and (75th!) birthdays on such and such date, time and place, as well as letting them know it was "come and go". I gave people my email address and my sister's phone number to contact if they needed specific directions. Then I enclosed a second note that said "We hope to see you there, but if you are unable to attend we know R--- and S--- would enjoy hearing from you with a card or note." (pretty much what Texas Red Head suggested.) Keeping in mind lindac's suggestion that "no gifts" implies you expected one in the first place, I didn't write "no gifts", but that also worked out well, as almost everyone brought a card instead. Actually, the only people who brought gifts were a few of my mother's oldest friends (her traveling buddies) who arrived in a group toward the end of the day. In fact, by the time Mom opened her gifts they were the only other people there besides family, so it worked out fine. I also took to heart what sherrman wrote and made surethey waited to open cards until after we'd cleaned up and were having coffee. Considering they had roughly 60+ cards to open, that was a geat idea. We'd made a video/DVD thing of old family pictures of both of them, and had contacted relatives some time ago looking for pictures. They've been married for the last ten years, and there were pictures of each other that neither had seen, so it was a great surprise. FWIW, we mixed them all up, his and hers, and nothing was in chronological order; we didn't want it to come across as one of those "This was your life" slide shows that are so popular at funerals. The little DVD was about 12 to 15 minutes long on a continuous loop, and yes, people stood around watching, and laughing and saying "I remember that!" it was terrific ice breaker. As guests were leaving, I had them stop briefly out front so T could take a quick picture. Everyone received a print of themselves looking relaxed and happy, and Mom and her husband got pictures of all their guests without annoying anyone during the party by having them stop and pose. It was just a very nice party, and again, I can't thank you all enough for your insight and advice. You're (all) the best. Melody

Maybe you could make up a collage of pictures on a single sheet of paper of the party, relatives, friends, trips, etc and scan them in color and write a bit about each picture. You could do several pages now/then etc.

Thanks ladies. I decided--it doesn't MATTER if he *gets it* or not. I cannot make him understand my feelings on the matter, all I can do is decide what I am comfortable with--draw and enforce my own boundaries. I am responsible for SS after school on ALL of DH's custodial days---every Wed, Thurs and every other Friday. I know this and I am FINE with it, even enjoy it. BM knows her own days and this is her issue. SHE can decide all by herself if going to Parent Night is important enough to drive back and forth or not. That is her choice. DH is not angry with me or anything, he seems to respect my decision, even though I can tell he doesn't understand. "And I know you don't mind having SS with you... and that's where they got you. If you say no, you're the evil SM who doesn't want to care for SS. If you say yes, you're their doormat." Silver, that is exactly it. I need to FORGET about that, though. It doesn't matter what BM thinks or doesn't think.I care about SS and she knows that, and so does DH, but caring does NOT equal being a doormat. As far as I'm concerned, SHE needs to take me out of the equation. No more of her asking "Can Love do it?" She is welcome to ask DH for a favor anytime she wants, but if HE says no, that's the end of the line. Parent---grandparents are not an option. DH's parents are not in town and BM's parents are just NOt grandparent-ly, helpful types. They just do not do that kind of stuff---ie, helping out with the grandkids. "

She is so cute! Trolls will definitely put a smile on your face. Jenni sent me a "cancer sucks" troll. She went with me for my chemo treatments. Someone here at the KT named her Chemo-Sabe. She has put hundreds of smiles on my face.