Okay, long post. First, Im sending a great big hug to you. Second I definitely agree that for the safety and sanity of your family get him out of your life. You donÂt need his drama and neither do your little ones. They may not realize what is going on but they know when somethingÂs wrong. I think it would be a good idea to have Rhiannon talk to someone. ItÂs better to have someone impartial for her to talk to. My sister has been getting counseling for her and my 5 year-old niece after her relationship ended. Her husband was an alcoholic abuser; he wasnÂt abusive when he wasnÂt drinking and his abuse was mostly psychological, but she found out through the counseling that my niece was more aware of what was going than she thought. She was also very matter of fact when she would talk to the counselorÂjust "this is what happens whenÂ". My storyÂwhen I was 13 my uncle tried to rape me while I was staying at my grandmotherÂs. I didnÂt tell anyone and tried to block it from my mind. All I could do was make sure he was never around my younger sisters. I closed myself off from everyone and pretended everything was "normal", but was terrified of any close relationship. Luckily he didnÂt come around much for family get-togethers and if he did I stayed where my grandma or my mother were. Years went by and one day out of the blue, my grandma asked if something had happened with him. All I could do was nod and start crying. I had thought for all those years that everyone would be mad at me and I would be shunned. Instead she hugged me close and told me "heÂs my son and I love him, but I could kill him", which made me feel so much better. She was my most favorite person in the world. I wasnÂt alone with this anymore. I could breathe again. I got married, had two kids, got divorced, and life went on. I had told my husband before we got married, but still didnÂt talk about it unless I had to. I have two wonderful friends who helped me get through my divorce who I had told about what had happened. When my oldest was in middle school, one of her close friends told her she was being molested and my daughter told her stepmother who then reported it. My daughter was asked to give a statement about what she had been told and I decided that as much as I hated talking about what had happened to me, this was more important. I had my friends with me but still couldnÂt talk about it without getting teary. 20+ years after it happened, my sister made a reference to him and I admitted it to my mother. Every time I talked about it, no matter how hard it was, it felt a little better inside. I still have trust issues and probably always will, but thatÂs getting better too and I was able to write this without tears. It also helps me that he eventually died of stomach cancerÂkarma to my mind, but I digress. Your heart and gut say stay away from himÂstart with that. Cozy quiet holidays at home sound like perfect memories for little ones to me. Jen

I also have this problem. As I get more stressed the same pattern recurs: I start waking up progressively earlier, the monkey mind starts chattering and my night's sleep is ovah. So I will find myself up for the day at 6 am...5:30 am...5 am...4:30 am. Terribly difficult to get through a busy and hectic day when exhausted! I have found something that has worked miraculously well for me. It's a simple meditation practice of concentrating on one's breathing to relax. I force myself to think only about breathing calmly and normally-no special counting or visualization, just in/out, in/out, in/out. The trick is not to allow my mind to 'engage' because once the thoughts start to rev up, I'm doomed. Again, the key is DO NOT LET YOUR MIND START THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING. Nothing, only breathing in and out. If I find thoughts crowding my mind I come back to the breathing. It works too; like flipping a switch for me. I'll be diligently concentrating on my breathing, wide awake and the next thing I know, it's my normal wake up time and I have made it through the night and early am dangerous period. Good luck, I really sympathize and empathize with this one! And a question for anyone who suffered with this problem connected with a stressful work situation, and then retired: does that cure it? Or is this just something that is hardwired into one's personality? I keep thinking like you Joanie, that once I'm retired and don't have the aggravation of a job my sleep will be blissful. But...will it?!?! Ann

She could have overheard a babysitter saying something...? One night at the supper table my then 4 yr. old son in a matter of fact voice says "I know how to hump"! I said "what"? He says again "I know how to hump". I seriously didn't think he knew what he was saying and so asked him what he thought that it meant...he stands up in his chair and makes his baby hips go back and forth in "that" motion! I said "where did you see that Gabey"? He told me that "B..." (the female 15 yr.old sitter) showed him how! His twin brother pipes up and says "I didn't do it Momma, I didn't want to, and B...spanked me". I'm trying to keep my composure while basically grilling them as to when, where, and the who's of the situation. Apparently while watching my two boys this girl had the 3 yr.old neighbor girl under her care also. She physically put my son on top of the little girl and forced him to do as she instructed. I was livid! This was over thirty years ago, so sexual child abuse was not taken seriously as it is today. In fact, the 3 yr.olds parents had the attitude of "kids will be kids"...unbelievable! And the sitters parents? Well, they'd look into it and talk to her...yeah, right. It upsets me just remembering it.

Hopefully people have gotten much wiser about that sort of thing but I do think our perceptions of things can distort reality as in regards to the photograph for instance. We can have a Stephen King view or a James Herriot view of identical perspectives. throughout history meat and all it's cultivation, procurement and slaughter, meat has been a common place of life but suburbia has removed us from that. Many many people work at meat processing plants and would with a Stephen King eye, seem disturbing, but this is a normal part of life if you eat meat. i do and while I don't like seeing those things, am grateful for the people who have those out of the public eye jobs. I am not trying to get into a discussion of humane treatment, cruelty free, organic, etc, just saying butchering animals is as normal a job as being a garbageman or, plumber. And I'm not a hunter. Many kids grow up on farms where this is all common place.