Yes, Chisue, my hub is also anxious. He worries about money all the time. Dear friends and relatives are dying, we've each had a recent bout with cancer, the kids are not all "launched" yet. Yesterday we attended a one-year anniversary of the death of the 34 yo son of good friends. Today is my hub's 70th b'day, and despite all the well-wishes of the day's callers, he seems to be in the dumps. I don't believe he had a mid-life crisis to speak of, so maybe there is such a thing as a delayed one. I sure hope he and Mr. Chisue get over it. I'm used to having a calm, even-tempered poet for a husband, not a nervous wreck.

Now, see *I* wouldn't buy a house in a sterile, taupe-beige-ecru, homogenous neighborhood with "covenants" and "open floor plans". I would rather live in a box on the street - seriously. Those cookie cutter places make me throw up in my mouth a little. But, I also live in a college town with more than our share of, well, character. (One of the older areas of the city has victorians that look like fallout from a Crayola plant explosion.) My neighbors might hate my gargoyles, but I don't really care for the bowling ball garden or the bathtub grotto down the street, so we're even. They are, however, the nicest people you'll ever meet and when we have a blizzard, we all get together and help each other dig out. And we have great cookouts come summertime. Are your neighbors nice people? I went to an open house this weekend (just for fun, as we were walking by), and the seller had placed little signs throughout the house pointing out things and/or giving extra information e.g., "look - original hardware!", "don't forget to check out the linen closet behind the door". I thought that was really creative, as most people just lack the ability to see past the most basic things. Perhaps a little note in the house or the listing details mentioning the "eclectic character" of the neighborhood and how sad you are to leave such a great community of people or something. Or, just invest in a nice, big ol' fence. ;)

OK, you guys are awesome. I couldn't even read the posts until now because I would start to cry again. Isn't that silly? I usually have more perspective than this. I think my extended family (parents, siblings, etc.) has been more upset over how long this has taken than me. They seem to get mad at me that I haven't gotten madder before now, it has been driving them crazy and they don't even live here. :) But that is why I feel guilty about it. My job usually gives me perspective. I tear up a little sometimes when I am sitting with a dying patient, when I am hugging the family after pronouncing a patient that has just died and telling them their loved one is really gone, or talking to someone that just received a very grave diagnosis. I try to wait until the ride home to cry when I loose a patient I have come to know over weeks, months, or even years. But I don't usually cry over kitchens. My awesome brother who helps everyone, used to go to get a Christmas tree with me every year and bring a gas powered chain saw to cut it down. One year while I was looking for the "perfect" tree, he cut down Christmas trees for all the elderly and single women trying to do it themselves that he could find. When I called to him that I had it, "the" tree, he pulled the chain and pulled the chain. He was out of gas! He borrowed a hand saw and cut MY tree down by hand. But he still went back with me the next year. :) So when I needed a tree in my front yard cut down, he offered to do it. That day he said, you know I am going to do my best, but I usually only do my own because there is no gaurantee this tree won't land on your house. My brother rarely does less than a good job on anything, but darn it, didn't that tree land on the house. I stood and couldn't do anything becuase I was laughing so hard. When I could talk again I said, well you get what you pay for sometimes! Anyway, the moral of my story is that despite having good intentions and a good heart and doing your best, sometimes s**t happens. No matter how hard you try, no one promises life will be easy or fair. Besides, while I have been doing a "budget" remodel of the kitchen and livingroom for 20,000.00, many people can't afford to remodel at all, or are trying to do on much less, so I am actually pretty fortunate. You all have made me feel so much better! I am not used to being the one getting the hugs and support, I usually give them and I do so appreciate it. Now I need to suck it up and I will take a trip out to buy a great big umbrella to go over my patio table so I can enjoy the heat wave that is supposed to come later this week and get out of this darned mess! I just wish I felt happier about going out to do it. Maybe I will when I see out there and sit down under it to have lunch. Sue

Not when it comes to pics of a young Richard Chamberlain or George Clooney it ain't. Or my chalkboard label dog treat container, on which I have written, "YUM!"