It is like a vicious circle, when something really bothers you, but you know that there are so many worse things that *could* have happened to you, so you then feel worse/guilty for letting the little things get you down.......

Having your house torn apart, and being that the mercy of other people's schedules to put it back together, is just plain maddening. I'd be very irritable if I had taken a week off to get things done, and then COULDN'T. Can you embroil yourself in another project? Or go hiking? Or some other day trip? Or is there anything left to pick out- paint colors, backsplash, new cookware- anywhere to direct your energy?

Dont feel bad for feeling bad.......it can only get worse from there!!!!! :)

Go ahead and cry! It is OK. You have been and are going through one of the most stressful experiences one can have. It is hard when people don't live up to what you expect from them--namely professionalism and getting the job done in a timely manner. Enjoy the coffee cake. Watch a sappy movie and have a good cry. Then enjoy a nice walk in the sunshine. Physical exercise will always help. Take a good nap too! It will get better. We totally understand here and know your feelings are part of the process.

You came to the right place to vent your disappointment and frustration. Though none of us can run over and help put your kitchen together, I hope you feel the virtual hugs that are being sent your way from people who understand what you are feeling.

I know some people who can easily live in the midst of chaos and unfinished work. But for most of us there is nothing so stressful as losing your privacy to workers coming and going, and not being able to maintain a normal rythym to your life. I think that's at the crux of those overwhelming feelings of defeat - knowing that despite your best efforts at planning, you are not in control of your own private space.

This sounds trite, but try to keep in mind that it will eventually get done. I used to repeat to myself that "in a year from now, this will be behind us," every time I was crushed by news that there was another delay.

It really will be worth all the time and trouble once you get there. The above posts that suggested getting out of the space and involving yourself in another activity is a good way to maintain perspective. It's easy to get so entrenched in the project that you forget there are other aspects of life to engage in and enjoy.

I am sending best wishes your way. Hope today is a better one for you!

I am impressed that it took you 9 months to cry. I would have lost it way before!

You are one stong lady!!!

Just keep focusing on the end result to get you through one day at a time. Before you know it, your kitchen will be the star of the house!

Sue honey....yu did follow the number one gw rule for remodeling didn't you? (take up drinking!)

i feel your pain because after almost two years!!!! i've been there more than once. i was "lucky"?? to have the distraction of a very sick baby to keep me focused on something else (i don't advise that distraction by the way). the darling did always know when things on the house were going badly though and did his best to have a good distraction illness to keep me from crying...or murder (gc's tile guys painters etc).

heres my advise....you've now reached the "awe F it" stage of remodeling. go out and find some rediculous but wonderful item for your kitchen today. as you wander you'll dream of where you'll put the thing and how lovely it will look in the new kitchen. the dream will come back to you and your smiles will return :) i can guarantee this works....because i've done it many times heh heh....the last trip netted me a $400 frog clock :oP

come on....you can do better than a frog! get to it and find the dream again!!!

I feel your pain, and your story scares me a little!

We are now in our fourth month. I was told that they would start installing cabinets this week. Rushed home all excited even though I knew there would not actually be any cabinets. I was right. Not a cabinet in sight.

I never thought I wouldn't have my kitchen for the summer, but it is not looking good, and hearing about you nine months in scares me!

About 10 years ago, we renovated our kitchen and two bathrooms in my NYC apartment. Every delay and mistake made me cry. It was so stressful, and I was getting married at the exact time as this was all going on, and moving into this apartment, which was not ready when we had to move all our stuff in. It was awful, but I made it worse by letting it get to me.

I've been trying really hard to not let it get to me this time. Your kitchen will actually get done, as will mine. I don't blame you at all for crying. It is so disappointing.

Sending a virtual hug.
Delays are so frustrating, everyone says this is what to expect when renovating, but it sure doesn't make me feel any better.
I have to admit that I haven't been in reno limbo as long as you, but this is the perfect place to vent. We can empathise!
I always feel better after a rant, good cry followed by a quiet walk in the woods where I can get my breath back.

Good luck :)

Sending a virtual hug here - that stinks! Haven't cried yet (we are only in month three) but we are definitely feeling the stress here. The kids seem to think that because part of the house is a mess that everything else can be too! Grrrrrrrr. Anyway hang in there and remember you are not alone ;)

I never understood why people felt so "put out" and stressed when going through remodeling. Most everything I do is DIY. Last week, drywall started. I don't do drywall, I pay for people to do it.

Now I understand. It's been less than a week, but I feel like I'm being held hostage in my own mess of a house. When someone else is doing the work, there's a definite loss of control and "ownership" over that portion of the house.

So, yes, we get it. Go ahead and cry. Get it out. And hopefully things will get better soon.

I'm so sorry! Try to look at this week as a real vacation--go sit in the yard & read a book, sleep in, take a long bath (since there are no workers around), go shopping, paint your toenails. In other words, be good to YOU. You deserve it.

Sue, I'm sorry it has taken so long to finish your kitchen. We built a 6K+ sf custom house in only 9 months. I've read these horror stories before but have never understood them. Are you subbing it out yourself, don't have a GC? (Not that they always get it done on time.) It sounds like they keep pushing and pushing you back, when they should have already had you on schedule for this week. Sounds like you've been working with a bunch that do not know how to run a business efficiently...and basically, because they always have work, they really don't care. Hope your kitchen is finished soon.

Look at it this way - you're *much* closer to the finish line than you are to the starting point, and all this aggravation and frustration will be over soon. What if you call all your craftsmen, suppliers - anyone who's involved with the finishing and make sure they each know when they have to *be there*. Then at least you'll know they'll be ready -- maybe!
Good luck!!!!

I am so sorry--- another virtual hug coming at you.
(now go and get some ice cream, some chocolate, and relax. )

Geez, it took 9 months?? You must be amazing!
When I get into that space, I literally take it a minute at a time.
I always go to surrender and acceptance and it keeps me grounded.
Take igloochic's approach to life which is humour & that will soften the harshness of the remodeling stress. I wouldn't advise drinking or shopping - but really be in the moment and let go. Distractions just take us away from the here and now. Okay, enough out of me. Good luck.

Hugs!!! You will get through this stage. I promise. In the meantime, take good care of yourself -- ice cream, massages, yoga, whatever works for you.

Sue, you are doing so well...I broke down last Monday, the FIRST day of the remodel.

If you have a Marriott nearby, I've got a ton of miles that can be used...and you're more than welcome to use them for a stay for a day or two. Seriously.

Ice cream and a book sound great!

Sorry it's come to this, amazed it took you so long.

How about trading shifts so you can get next week off to play with your kitchen?

My plumber was/is the worst of my bunch. He drew little pictures for me on every available surface each time he came out to do the work, describing what he needed to do (these were undeciferable by everyone else) but never did it. My husband was sure that I was just missing some key piece of information (he travels, it was our first kitchen, etc, so he was absent for a lot of the fun) until I pitched a fit on week four of NO ACTIVITY from the plumber and made him be there for the visit (again, no actual work was done).

That visit resulted in a drawing on the wall and an explanation that still puts us on the floor laughing until we cry when we think about it. We made a movie of my husband, pointer in hand, describing what we needed to accomplish based on the drawing. I'm laughing as I write--now-- but I was so angry at the time I thought my head would explode.

Anyway, just because there are terrible things, big things sad things in the world every day, doesn't mean you have to live your life crushed by the weight of those things. It's ok to have emotions, be frustrated, cry: It's how most of us live. If you were a monk it might be frowned on by the other monks. On the other hand, I think it could be easier to be a monk (I bet they don't remodel). Good luck to you. Can't wait to see finished photos (I bet you can't either!).

Hugs to you...once I saw a list of the top ten (or maybe it was less?) stress inducers. Along with death in the family, new marriage, new baby, divorce, long term illness, and moving was HOME RENOVATION. SO don't feel bad about feeling bad!!! good luck!

Hugs to you Sue....you found the right place to vent~~

If it is any consolation...if you were married to the contractor, it would be much worse~~you know a shoemaker's kids go barefooted~~ It took us 4 YEARS to get our house completed...and yes, I did alot of crying and begging, but there was always someone else's house that came first!!...and the carpenter that was there, spent more time smoking and drinking coffee!!..if I could, I would have fired him....but I wasn't the boss~~
We moved in long before it was all complete...and I know your pain. After we were done, I almost hated this house..kinda bad memories, but DH is wanting to build again and I don't know if I have the emotional strength to do so.
I hope things improve SOON...and go ahead and cry!!

Oh I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I totally understand ... it's so hard when you are living in the mess and inconvenience and expense of a house undergoing remodel. The folks working on the house get to go home at the end of their day, and they can forget about their worksite until the next day (or whenever they darn well choose to turn up next), but we have to sit and stew in their mess. I have never felt so powerless and out-of-control as over the last couple of months (my contractor is still in jail), and I yo-yo between being red-hot angry and pathetically depressed.

But if you can find a small thing to do to be kind to yourself right now, DO IT ! I did this last week .... long story, but due to my "contractor's" oversight, my brand-new gas grill was stolen from my yard towards the beginning of the project, around Christmastime. He said he was going to replace it, I didn't push it, assuming he would replace it at the end of the project. Well, fast forward to March, he disappears and goes to jail. I haven't had a kitchen since before Christmas, am making-do with a microwave, electric kettle, takeout and the kindness of friends.

Last week I got really depressed about this. I hate eating this badly, and the loss of control. I stormed out to OSH and bought myself a new gas grill, and I have to say that cooking for myself (and darned well too !) has given me back a feeling of control and "homey-ness". Totally worth the few hundred bucks (and I'm gonna take it out of Mr Contractor's hide when I see him next).

Take a deep breath and hang in there. Do something nice for yourself. A hotel, a massage, a hike in the woods, a cookout. Crying doesn't hurt either :-)

Awww, I'm sending my virtual hugs as well. I've been there. I think we were 4 months into our kitchen remodel and I found myself crying over some small set-back. All those months of pent-up frustration and stress can really get to you. Go ahead and cry--you deserve it--and then try to do something nice for yourself!

Oh God!

So been there! I'm chasing Igloochic's two years and counting to get this friggin reno done! I will probably still have some more bad days before this is all over- and DH will bear the brunt of it...but what's sort of worked for me, is trying NOT to get my hopes up. It's a bummer that I'm missing out on the joys of anticipation, but looking forward to delivery of something that never shows up (reminds me, guess time for this weeks' phone call to try and find out where the rest of my kitchen cupboards are... sigh...)just seems to set me up for disapppointment, and then I just fume!

One of the side benefits of all this, is that I am growing a set... I'm learning to speak up for myself and making people accountable for their mistakes. Both DH and I are by nature, the most accommodating, patient people on the face of this earth- good for the blood pressure- but not so good for idiot tradesmen who try to get away with bloody murder. I'm even seeing DH get better at these things, he's even more of a push-over than I am!

The old adage, 'This too will pass' is so true in this case. Vent- let it out- no point in keeping it in and letting it fester, but then move on, and use this time to do something you normally never have the opportunity to do. I'd take Marlene up on her super generous offer... what a silver lining that would be!!!

Sending you a virtual shoulder shake (albeit a gentle one). You have every reason to be emotionally exhausted, frustrated and enraged. I cried loudly, longly (made that word up I think) and on a very consistent basis when DH and I DIY'd our first house together. Have already begun crying about a renovation that hasn't even started yet in our 2nd house. Of course there are bigger problems in the world but that doesn't mean you do not have a right to be upset with what is going on with you. Don't waste any time berating yourself for being deservedly distraught!!! I like IglooChicks suggestion - although for me it was strange/unusual salt and pepper shakers.

OK, you guys are awesome. I couldn't even read the posts until now because I would start to cry again. Isn't that silly? I usually have more perspective than this. I think my extended family (parents, siblings, etc.) has been more upset over how long this has taken than me. They seem to get mad at me that I haven't gotten madder before now, it has been driving them crazy and they don't even live here. :) But that is why I feel guilty about it. My job usually gives me perspective. I tear up a little sometimes when I am sitting with a dying patient, when I am hugging the family after pronouncing a patient that has just died and telling them their loved one is really gone, or talking to someone that just received a very grave diagnosis. I try to wait until the ride home to cry when I loose a patient I have come to know over weeks, months, or even years. But I don't usually cry over kitchens.

My awesome brother who helps everyone, used to go to get a Christmas tree with me every year and bring a gas powered chain saw to cut it down. One year while I was looking for the "perfect" tree, he cut down Christmas trees for all the elderly and single women trying to do it themselves that he could find. When I called to him that I had it, "the" tree, he pulled the chain and pulled the chain. He was out of gas! He borrowed a hand saw and cut MY tree down by hand. But he still went back with me the next year. :) So when I needed a tree in my front yard cut down, he offered to do it. That day he said, you know I am going to do my best, but I usually only do my own because there is no gaurantee this tree won't land on your house. My brother rarely does less than a good job on anything, but darn it, didn't that tree land on the house. I stood and couldn't do anything becuase I was laughing so hard. When I could talk again I said, well you get what you pay for sometimes!

Anyway, the moral of my story is that despite having good intentions and a good heart and doing your best, sometimes s**t happens. No matter how hard you try, no one promises life will be easy or fair.

Besides, while I have been doing a "budget" remodel of the kitchen and livingroom for 20,000.00, many people can't afford to remodel at all, or are trying to do on much less, so I am actually pretty fortunate.

You all have made me feel so much better! I am not used to being the one getting the hugs and support, I usually give them and I do so appreciate it.

Now I need to suck it up and I will take a trip out to buy a great big umbrella to go over my patio table so I can enjoy the heat wave that is supposed to come later this week and get out of this darned mess! I just wish I felt happier about going out to do it. Maybe I will when I see out there and sit down under it to have lunch.

Sue

Marlene,

What a truely generous offer. I just couldn't accept. But thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring enough to make the offer. That alone makes me feel better. :)

Sue

Sue...I work in healthcare, too, and after long and stressful days, I come home to get away from all that chaos (kids and hubby don't count). When my kitchen/bath reno was underway, I was coming home to MORE chaos. Sure, I can take care of 3 patients at once, but at home I found myself to have NO control of the kitchen reno. It was very hard to take at times...even my DH didn't understand what I was always so stressed about (never mind my dear co-workers, etc.). Please have a good cry and let some of that stress out of your system (Don't we tell our patients that?). Always remember there are alot of empathetic "ears" here on the kitchen forum....please vent as much as you need to (and everyone does at some point(s)!

Sue, as others have said my hat is off to you! I'm only into my project a month and already there have been tears, meltdowns by both DH and myself and mutterings of "I'll never do this again." I keep telling myself that at some point I'll be able to look back on this and laugh. We'll see. I'm taking igloochic advice, did someone say it's cocktail time.

see booze and shopping!!!....works every time heh heh (and an umbrella really is better than a frog clock anyday!)

by the way....i love nurses, you have made a difference in our lifes over the last two years :) now i'm tearing up for you...thank you from the very bottom of my heart!!!

Oh, Igloochic, I have wished I could be by your side to help so many times! Thank you. I love my patients, as do most nurses and health care workers in general. Its why we do what we do. My budget, unfortunatley, won't allow the same kind of splurges that make you feel better. I am eying a rather expensive (for me) margaritaville frozen concoction maker. :) So booze isn't off the table yet! A frozen margarita under that umbrella wouldn't be too shabby. Turns out those Grandmas coffee cakes are pretty good, too. :)

But I do have to be careful, don't know if I mentioned it, but I am installing a 3/4" unfinshed oak floor myself, and power tools and alcohol don't mix. I pulled a 3/4" (I measured it!)long splinter out of my knee last week, the entire thing was coated in blood, and I don't relish having to do that with a nail. I just may frame that sucker just to remind me of exactly what this reno has cost. Of note, I did NOT cry with the splinter, and it is much easier to do those procedures on someone else than myself.

I feel so much better! Thank you, every single of one of you who posted and picked me up, you just don't know how much it has helped. :)

Sue

just an fyi....pain killers and ladders apparently mix either according to my poop head surgeon who won't let me plaster for 8 weeks (although i see him tomorrow and i'm going to propose i have a full time spotter to catch me if i have another wonky ladder heh heh):oP (and i am off the pills...so really...i could help with your floor. need just one hand???

we've had many a nurse angel at our side :) you're darling people!

Yes, igloochic, I know you didn't need me, I just need to try and help anyway, its an occupational hazard. :) You are a strong enough lady by yourself, but I am sure you have had hundreds, if not more, offering their own brand of help. If I would just get that Magic Wand or the Crystal Ball I keep asking for at Christmas, I would be able to do so much more for my patients. :) I am out of wood, going to HD to pick up a bundle tomorrow to finish up, so I think I will survive. Ordered plenty from the place I originally bought it from, but didn't like one part I did and tore it up, and now I am a little short (yes, literally, but that is another story). Makes it easier to lay floor though, not as far to the ground, you know. Makes painting the ceiling hell, though. Once this floor is done, I need to repaint the kitchen to go with the countertop that isn't the one I planned on, then paint the livingroom, ceiling and walls, before the floor is sanded and finished so any oops will not be visible.

Love a fellow gal (does that make sense?) who isn't afraid to pick up a hammer. Or a power tool. :) Did some nasty case reviews for the attorney's years ago, though, involving power tools, so listen to your poop head and stay off the ladder and away from power tools until that arm heals. Not that plastering requires much in the way of power tools, but ladders are just as bad.

Sue

Sue, forgive me for butting in, but that drop dead gorgeous kitchen with all the yummy details that scream "expensive" is DIY and $20K? Are you missing a zero somewhere? I was impressed that you could work full time and keep your calm for nine months straight. Now I'm in awe. YGG!

LOL, the cabinets are budget, the carpentry was done by a professional, even if he is a baby 21 year old. He started his own business at 18 I think. Yes, it is partially DIY, no GC, flooring done myself. The 20,000.00 includes hardwood for the kitchen, livingroom and hall way in the downstairs and opening up the load bearing wall between the livingroom and kitchen. Used a GC for that part alone, since installing and I beam myself is more than even I would take on, and I can be pretty dumb about taking on too much.

But thanks for the sentiment. I didn't want it to scream cheap. :)

Sue