A hoarders home

16 years ago

I was at my sons (he is 19) friends home yesterday. It was bizarre. My son had mentioned that they have a lot of stuff everywhere, sort of like you see on that tv show hoarders. I waited for him in the car to go get her since I figured they would be embarrassed. I was invited in to meet family. I could only take one step in house. And they had cats and two younger siblings. My son has a light touch of Aspergers (high functioning form of Autism) and I have come to be able to recognize it in other people. They all had it, but much more prominent than my son. It was so strange and upsetting seeing these people and how they live I am still shocked. I want to speak to my son about this..not sure how to. She, my sons friend, has been at our house almost everynight for the past 2 weeks getting dinner and hanging out until 10pm when my son drives her home. I guess now I know why...Also had a bizarre conversation with mom, rather she spoke to me in front of the younger kids about how her daughter(my sons friend) is waiting on a letter from her "boyfriend" that is in jail in another state for sexting a underage girl...this is just totally creepy. I am not sure how to react, never seen anything like this.

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Comments (12)

heather_on
16 years ago
I'm not sure how I would react but I know I would be hoping that your son finds another girl to love sooner than later.
Vickey__MN
16 years ago
I have a friend who verges on being a hoarder...so I hesitate to say this, but if the house is that bad...maybe you should call CPS for the safety of the younger kids. It won't change the "weird behavior", but maybe they can get help (therapy), and get the place cleaned up.

Vickey-MN
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firemanswife
16 years ago
My mother in law is a serious hoarder! It's awful. You can barely get in her front door, her and FIL sleep on the couch and recliner because they can't even get in their room.
Don't even get me start on the kitchen! I can't tell you how many times DH and I have gone down and cleaned and cleaned to only have it back to where it is now in a week or so. It's awful!
Their house as an awful smell, you can smell it before even hit the door.
It's so bad!
izzie
Original Author
16 years ago
Calling CPS was kind of my one of the first things that popped into my head..but to open such a can of worms, I just don't know. The house itself is literally falling apart, garage looks like it's going to collapse, siding is all rotten, I am surprised the city hasn't been involved regarding the outside, maybe they are, I don't know. I asked my son about her parents a number of months ago. Mother works, father extremely overweight, can hardly walk, is on disability I think. In my county you can bring up tax /owner info using a kind of google map. I don't understand, it shows sale price of $468,000 in 2001, but the market value $130,000. I looked because I was curious if they were renters or owners, they are the owner. So this family is in some kind of horrible trouble as it is, calling CPS would just be a final nail. I don't know if I could be responsible for creating more of a crisis this family seem to be in now. My sons friend did something rather nice and unexpected so in a way I do respect her. But her situation and being a "girlfriend" of the guy in jail is so bizarre. I am just in shock about this.
susanjf_gw
16 years ago
i really feel for your ds..i guess the only thing is to gently seperate him from this girl..prehaps limiting the amount of time they spend together..first, it isn't your place to have ro feed her almost every night...wonder if you can contact the school first before cps?
trinitytx
16 years ago
I feel for your sons friend. It sounds to me like she is staying at your house as a means of escape.
I think if it were me, I would talk to your son and see what his take on the situation is. You might get a little more insight that way.
Other than that, gosh, I am not sure what I would do.

Trin
mariend
16 years ago
There might be a way to report this without giving your name etc. Also, is there a web site, counselor, medical staff, you can get information how to handle the situation. I would not want anyone coming over every night so my son would have to take them home. How old is the girl, Over 18--under watch out. Make sure the guy in jail does not come over either to meet the girl, or could he feel that your son is taking his girl friend away from him--just a thought
What ever you and your son decide, good luck.
socks
16 years ago
I know you are so worried. I'm sorry.
sheesh
16 years ago
You know, izzie, they are functioning as a family, even if it is not how we would like them to function. I don't think I'd make any phone calls, either - would just leave them alone.

I'd also guess that if the kids are in public schools, they have been identified and are in special ed getting good training that way. At least I hope so - they would be in my school district.

If your son's friend is under 18 and he is 19, though, that is something to consider. It is creepy that the girl has a "boyfriend" in jail, whatever the reason. Since he is 19, there is little you can do. Did you think the girl had Asberger's before you met her family?
wildchild
16 years ago
I agree with Sherrman. Unless you have seen something that can actually be called child endangerment I would stay out of it.

Your son is the best thing in this girls life at theis point. I can't understand why anyone would suggest you try to split them up.

My DS used to bring over all sorts of girls that had disfunctional, unhappy home lives. Our home was a haven for them. Many of those girls are young women who are friends with my son (and some even me) to this day.

It sounds to me like you have a great son who chooses his friends based on who they are and not what their family or background is. You should be proud and learn from him.
izzie
Original Author
16 years ago
Yes sherrman, I did slightly suspect Aspergers with my sons friend.A bit socially awkward and so on. Somewhat "different" affect. But when I met other members of family it was a eye opener.
I guess I am thinking we are a welcome relief to her. I did explain to my husband the home situation and he was ok with it, to a certain extent. I am concerned about his studies being effected but he swears he is not getting himself behind or ignoring study time. She is 19, so is my son. They both attend a 2 year college and went to same High School but were not really friends until this year.
My son said he met her boyfriend before, he said he did not like him and he was creepy. He once offered my son a ride home in 11-2009 or so when he was helping her family paint the grandfathers house and he refused and called someone else to pick him up. He insists he is "just friends". I will be asking him more about about the girls boyfriend situation. A comment from another friend of my son makes me think this boyfriend of hers is about 26 or so and they dated while she was in H.S. Her parents must not have any boundaries for her if they know about him and allowed her to date him. But if they have Aspergers they may have trouble with social stuff themselves.

I just hope this friendship with her doesn't end up being a problem for him.
wildchild
16 years ago
I can se you are threading lightly and trying not to butt in to your son's business.

Yet there seems to be a lot of talking and gossip about the situation. These are two 19 year old adults. They have a friendship.

If you have questions about her boyfriend why don't you just come out and ask her? For all you know it's her mom who wants to keep the relationship going. Maybe the girl herself has moved on or maybe not. But there is a bit too much speculation going on. Would you want your son to be questioning your friendships with people that may have their own oddities?

How would you feel if someone didn't really want your son around their daughter just because he has Aspergers?

If you were OK with her being in your home before then why change now just because her family is strange? As long as she is acting in an acceptable manner in your home I think you should let it go.

A hoarders home

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