You need my SHOPPING GRID! I've even convinced a co-worker it's the best way. I made an Excel spreadsheet (I can send it to you if you have Excel) with one-inch squares on it, and it's always in my checkbook. Each square gets a person's name. As I think of ideas for that person, I write it down. As I buy the gifts on sale throughout the year (I can't handle the stress of last-minute shopping and I always shop the sales!) I put a check by that gift. When that person's gifts are purchased, I cross off their square. Ta-dum! If you stick to the grid, you'll never over-buy for one person and not the other. (And if one person ends up with 3 small/inexpensive gifts and the other one large/expensive gift, wrap up the small ones as if they were one...I do that with my kids and as long as they have the same number of packages to open, they're happy.) Having multiple ideas ready also helps make the shopping easier. For example, if your nephew's list says "dress shirt" and "sweatshirt", buy the one that's on sale the week you're at the mall.... Julie jbeadle@twmi.rr.com

My mother is one of those people who loves to give gifts, but unfortunately, has no sense of what the other person likes. She orders junk out cheap catalogs, re-gifts (for instance, a make-up case where an eyeshadow or two was used), or wraps up prizes she won at bridge tournaments (keychains or BBQ tools marked "Delta Dealin' Regionals"). She is well-to-do, (maybe because she doesn't spend much on presents? ha) so she's not giving inexpensive items out of necessity. She just doesn't get it. Christmas is tricky--but my family chuckles. (My husband got a Humane Society calendar this year, the one they send for free if you've donated. He also received a plastic Thomas Kincaid corkboard/keyholder thing in a busted box that he immediately took to a "Dirty Santa" party.) But then I am left with boxes saying "As Seen on TV!," useless kitchen gadgets, hideous plastic decorative items and heavy sense of guilt for wanting to get rid of it all. "Gosh, it may not be much, but she chose it with love and wrapped it with me in mind. I can't just put it in a yard sale." I was wringing my hands over my quandary, as my closets slowly filled with unwanted items ("but my MOTHER gave me this!"), when a wise friend had a talk with me. She reminded me that when a gift is given to me, it is now mine to do whatever I like with it. It is not Mom's, with strings attached or say-so about what should be done with it. It is MINE. I own it and I have the authority to decide where it goes. And it is perfectly okay if I think it should be donated to Goodwill and be enjoyed by someone else who might love it and think they found a treasure, instead of sitting unopened and disliked in my closet. So I no longer feel bad about "recycling" her unwanted presents. The only time I've ever spoken to her about the issue was when I had to gently ask her not to give me clothes anymore, since her taste was so different than mine. Now I thank her And sometimes she does hit the mark and I am delighted by her gift. You cannot control someone else's desire to spend money on your presents. They enjoy shopping for you and they like thinking they found the ideal gift, even if it's expensive. Of course, if you don't like it, it makes you feel bad that they invested in it, but every so often you might get something you want and then the cost doesn't bother you, right? I think you're being very gracious about trying to decorate with this item to spare your mother's feelings. But it's not up to her what you do with it, because she transferred ownership when she gave it to you.

Aha.. this is fun but it's turned into a little of "one for me, one for you".. and fast moving towards "two for me, one for you"! I am loving the recommendations and have added some to my own list! I hadn't thought of Breakfast at Tiffany's -- a timeless classic.. and I think it's perfect for the niece heading to college in New Haven/short train ride to NYC. Richard Feyman is great for bf.. just trying to remember if he's read it. Not related but it reminded me of the Freakonomics books which quite delighted him. The Big New Yorker books are also great gifts! I like the dog cartoon one also. Sorry to not call out more of those mentioned but as I said, "2 for me.. " I've added a lot of the above to my own list!

I would not give a food gift to someone who sells food - either you buy the food from him (and then are giving him something he already has) or you buy it from one of his competitors, and that might be offensive. If someone gave me a Starbucks gift card, I would regift it. If you live in a small village there might not even be a Starbucks where you live. In fact, I regift all gift cards that I receive. Personally, I think that cash is the best gift in this case, as it will be the most useful gift. You can put it in a very nice card and hand write a personal note to tell him how much you appreciate him. If I were the store owner, this would mean to most to me. I see this as somewhat like giving a tip, as you might to your pool maintenance person or house cleaner.