Realtor told my sister that her rose garden, perennial beds, blueberry patch, vegetable garden - all hindrances to selling because people worried about upkeep. She's 81 and did it all single handed but the purchasers have found they can't keep up with it and it has mostly gone back to weeds or is mowed. When we sold my parents' home, the first thing the buyers did was yank out the double lilac hedge along the road - now they get all the dust and noise from the traffic which, presumably, was what they wanted! They also mowed down all the roses and ditto the perennial beds. Lawn was what they wanted and cropped weeds was what they got. They did leave the Hopa crab in front which still stops traffic every spring but they mowed into oblivion the mat of grape hyacinths under it. Just as my neighbors carefully mowed a big swatch of primroses down by the stream until they had eradicated every one. Those primroses needed no care - just not to be mowed. But they had to go anyway. The same neighbors tried to eradicate the crocus in the front lawn but most of them were too small to hit the mower blades. What's with this obsession with grass?

I had to cut back a lot when I had my house painted. My climbing roses were on the front, which is stone, but they spread over the side which needed to be painted. So I simply cut those branches that were over there. On the side I had to severely prune my azaleas. But they grew back and looked better. It's hard but you may be surprised. Last year, my huge Teasing Georgia was on an umbrella trellis. We had a bad storm and the wind broke the trellis (I think it was rusting already) and the rose and trellis was completely horizontal. We had to cut the rose off the trellis. Which meant that we took off most of the rose. What happened is that the sun then was able to hit the base of the rose and it put out many new canes. Of course, being the procrastinator that I am, I did not get the new pillar until a few months went by. To get the rose on it, we had to cut off all but 3 of the new canes (which by this time were 5 feet tall). So we took these three canes and wrapped them around the pillar. It looked so bare, especially when it snowed: But as you can see, it responded with TONS of new growth and now you can't even see the pillar! (TG is on the left, you can just see the tip of the pillar) I would take this opportunity to cut back the roses and leave two or three newer canes. Then after the painting is over, if the season is right, fertilize the heck out of the plant and start fresh. I plan on doing that to my two front climbers after they finish blooming.

Congrats on growing beautiful children! Don't feel guilty about allocating some $$ of the budget to keep your home happy and functioning. When I had my son the Csection went badly and I couldn't function in the yard for almost a year. The only plus side was that house was on a in-town lot and a half with sand-based soil. It wasn't so horrible to get going again as the soil was so loose and the property was small. But, it did break my heart to look out and see weeds, weeds, weeds. When we moved to our current property it was is sorry shape. Nothing had been done with the 2-acre property other than cut the open lawn areas for at least a 4 year period! (When I say "cut the open areas" I mean the cutting a riding mower can do around trees, ditches, etc). The original owner had circled the house with plantings of green hosta, forsythia, and purple iris, with double white peonies alongside the steps. The forsythia had overgrown the windows of the house, the gutter had come off the high end of the house and allowed erosion along the steps (there were no peonies to see at the time...only a waist-deep gully), and knee high grass was present from the landscape timber edger across the 3' "bed" to the house. An orchard of over 20 fruit trees that had not been pruned, maintained (or even mowed) for 4 years. No sidewalks. Just a vast green weed expanse of 2 acres with an orchard of fruit "bushes" inside a meadow and a house with basically no windows as the forsythia covered them. I hired a guy to pull out all of the forsythia, repair the deck, put in a gravel sidewalk, spray-kill the grass in my intended new flower bed, and bring in two tandem truck loads of mulch. I put my efforts into terrace gardening along the steps to get rid of the gully and reclaiming the hostas, irises, and fruit trees. Imagine my surprise when beautiful, fragrant peonies came up in my new terraced rock garden. Apparently peony roots will withstand a lot of abuse as there didn't seem to be anything but brick-solid eroded gully there before! The point of this long story: if its a big project you have to budget between your time, your priorities, and your $$$. We are ALL doing that on a regular basis. Who are we trying to impress??? OURSELVES!!! Feel good at the end of the day! Have time for your babies! Create a beautiful and peaceful haven for your family. Some people can put more of their own time and muscle behind it; others will need to put more of their $$ into a project because its beyond their physical abilities. Its all good if you can enjoy the results at the end of the day...and don't forget to sit down in that nice yard with your loved ones and ENJOY IT (there's where I miss a priority from time to time). A "before" shot, sort of, I had trimmed the forsythia off the windows, put the gutter up, and shoveled the gully wash out dirt off the driveway. An "after" shot:

This goes way beyond normal kids staying up late at night; just the sleep deprivation alone is torture & abuse. The stepson enjoys doing it, & his father enables it. "My family doctor and my psychiatrist feel that I should leave this unhealthy environment but I do love my partner and that is what keeps me here." I hate to say it, but I think you'll leave pretty soon one way or another. If you don't go under your own steam, an ambulance will take you to the hospital or the nursing home or the funeral home. & this "partner" will not come visit you; he'll throw your belongings out & forget about you (although if you're in the cemetary, he may tell people how broken-hearted he is). This is how abusers are, I've seen it before. & he *is* an abuser; even though it's the son who's mistreating you, the father is making sure that the son can keep doing it. sort of abuse at arm's length. It doesn't matter how often you catch the son & present concrete evidence to his dad, the dad will somehow sweep it under the rug & turn the tables & accuse you of causing trouble. That's called blaming the victim. Loving somebody does *not* involve taking whatever abuse they or their messed-up offspring dish out & coming back for more. Loving someone doesn't mean throwing yourself on the floor for them to wipe their feet on & pleading for them to stop; (& why would they? hey, they've got a good doormat there). Loving relationships are just that, *relationships*. Love is a 2-way street, & you are going against traffic on a 1-way street here. You've already gotten to a stop light, & your doctors have told you to take a sharp turn, but you keep thinking that the oncoming traffic will let you through. Take that turn & get off that street. Since you are seeing a doctor & a psychiatrist, I'd guess that you can afford to get a place of your own, but if you can't, call a women's shelter for guidance. Please take care of yourself & be good to yourself.