Shannon, you must have been REALLY BUSY gardening the last year not to have noticed by now that Spike sold Gardenweb to iVillage way back last November (most of us didn't know until about March or April, actually). They've been talking about making these sort of changes for some time, and I see they're finally implemented (although I HAVE actually seen posts somehow "magically exceed the limit before -- one in the ponds forum made it to 107 replies before it was blocked, and nobody every knew how or why)... You may also notice that there are now more than 10 pages for the main forum area... This one has 19... Ponds forum had 23 last time I checked. Kinda spoils the fun of having a thread max out and getting to be the one to max out your own thread and all that sort of jazz (and Aislinn, I feel like you sorta just got cheated)... on the other hand, for the long run, it's better for all of us. And for the record, I think Claire, Aislinn and most of y'all are Queens, Princesses, Princes, Dukes, Dukes, Dukes, Dukes of Earl... yadda yadda yadda... y'all are ALL just wunnerfull... An' I really really mean it!!! :) Jeff Really, I do!

For years my mother was toxic i allowed her to see my son but i set boundries because she didnt like my spouse .. she would bad mouth both of us in front or to the child.. the first time i warned her the second i pulled my son away from her for 9 months . The battle still went on between the adults but my son was spared ... Then after one summer visitation my son was 9 he annouced grama had told him some stories about me (as we were picking him up from the airport) i thought oh some cute childhood story... Nope all about how i was a liar when i was younger and calling child services on her... When i called and confronted her all she could say was it was history my child needed to know .. i screamed at her like never before it took two years before we spoke again .. she has sinced changed my spouse she hated died and i am remarried with a toddler.. the point is it took all that to happened before she dropped her grudge against me and today she sings praises to me and about me to my children .. set boundries is the bottom line ... Mom you may not like me and we have our problems but if you wish to see my children you must 1. Set up advanced timing for cheaper flights and i cant afford the whole ticket if at all. 2. If you cant drop the grudge for my children and mines sanity your contact will be limited.3. Explain to her the cycle needs to be broken and shes a major player in that aspect and she may try to push the limits... Set boundries for yourself, get the respect you deserve. My mom recently paid for a trip to alaska for the whole family and proudly annouced she had assumed for so long i was a different person that it would be nice to get to know me. And we have forgiven each other. Then after setting the boundries no matter how you feel keep the contact short and brief and ignore any confortational remarks no matter how upset you get with her keep it short and sweet till she abides by the boundries you have set. Hope this helps! Let me know.

Let me tell you about all of the things that this woman had done to me and my daughter . 4 1/2 years ago, when we still lived in an apartment complex. This woman with her 2 children, cousins, and her mom moved in the apartment complex that was only 100 yards from us . I married my Ex when I was only 20 and still going to college , he was 10 years older than me . Financially he is responsible, but we always had problems such as : - He controlled the money in the house . Every week he put out some cash in a box for me . - On the weekends, he liked to hand out with friends and his extended family to drink beers and singing Karaoke . He never took me and our daughter to places such as Park, Museum, etc. This woman's cousins made friends with my Ex and invited him to their apartment for beers and Karaoke . That's how this woman met my Ex and started a sexual relationship with him . She became so jealous with me and had her cousins sticked notes on the windshield on my car . In these notes, she scolded me and told me that she was pregnant . My husband did not say anything nor did anything to protect me . On one ocasion, he was drinking so late at their apartment, I went over to get him . The woman's cousin (this guy was a wife-beater and had been in jail many times) came out and swing his fist into my face . I cried and ran home . A little after that my Ex came home and went to bed , didn't say anything about that . A while after, we bought a house and moved to another area . I thought bad things would be over . Then I learned from my sister-in-law (she worked in same company with my Ex) that he brought to that woman into his company and she worked in the same building with him . Shortly after this, the storm started again . Every week, she would came up to my door once or twice yelling, calling my EX, and scolding me and my daughter . Everyweek, I had to call police . She even called me on my cell phone to harrass me (obviously, my Ex gave my cell phone # to her). She spred rumors and publically said infront of other employees in his company that I am a drug user, I hooked, my daughter was not his daughter and that he should get a DNA test and stopped taking care of her . When I had class in the evenings, my Ex took my daughter to her house, she and her relatives would said the same things directly to my little girl (I knew this because my little girl told me everything they said to her) . I confronted my Ex about these and asked him to take an action to stop this woman from making defamed stories about me and my daughter . He did nothing, said nothing, and continued to see the woman. I also learned from the sister-in-law that the woman got pregnant and had an abortion . My Ex continued seeing this woman and even took her on an oversea vacation trip . Also from the sister-in-law I learned about the woman's history and that she was a mistress of another man and had 2 children with that man . At this time, I finished my school and got a job I realized that our marriage was not happy, so I filed for a divorce . I took 1 1/2 year for our divorce to settle because he refused to pay me child support and refused to split the property . I had to get an attorney to fight with him . The divorce settled , he paid child support and split the property, but still didn't paid me any alimony support . We were married for 8 years . He kept claiming that he supported me going to school and made me felt so guilty (he criticized that I was a greedy woman) . Therefore, I didn't ask for any alimony support upon settlement . On the court order, he can have my daughter every other weekend (6pm Fri to 6pm Sun) . 2 months ago, I learned that the woman is pregnant and this time she keeps it so that she can bind my Ex with her . Everyone from his friends, family, relatives all said that he was so stupid ("less than animal", as they said ) to involve with this woman . She physically fought with my Ex in the company and verbally fought with many other employees, she spoke vulgar language, she publically scolded me and my daughter . My Ex has seen her done all of these things and did not thing to protect us nor to stop her , and continued to involve with her . Obviously , this woman is stepping into my Ex's life and I'm so fearful that she (as a stepmom) will harm my daughter (She publically swore that she would take revenge on me and my daughter for her abortion because I was still married to my Ex at that time ! ) . It had happened before at her house that the boys (her nephews) who were 10,11 years old, bossed my daughter, and touched my daughter the way they were not supposed to do . I had to reported this to the County and had her restraint by the Court . This woman also lives with a female cousin who is drug addict and has been in jail many times . Everytime thinking about she will be stepmom of my daughter gives me a lot of fear and worriness . I can't believe how my Ex could be so stupid to marry such a cruel , iliterate, and immoral woman to be my daughter's stepmom . The word "mom" or "stepmom" is special word for special people . I don't care if my Ex re-marry, but it has to be the right one because she will be stepmom of my daughter . In this case, I will never allow my daughter to recognize such a immoral woman as a stepmom nor to recognize her child as brother or sister (this child may not even my Ex's child because obviously she is a mistress, husband-taker, and sleeps around with men) . I did make this clear to my Ex about this . And I would do anything I can to protect my child from that evil woman . There are so many good women out there to marry , and I just don't understand of why he keeps sticking to this bad woman.

No one here is being cruel or not thinking about the child. They are thinking about the realities of life in general and how this child has already been dealt a blow by his bio-parents. There is a saying among step-parents that you cannot care more than the bio parent does. This isn’t meant literally, because, sure bio-parents can be off-base with their own children, and a step-parent can literally care more about someone else’s child than that bio-parent cares about their own. However, speaking figuratively, if a step-parent cares more than the bio-parent, they will be accused by all—mom, dad, professional counselors, society—of mega-overstepping their bounds. Plus, legally they have no rights to this child whatsoever. And, in this case, neither HU-249048672 nor her husband have any legal rights regarding this child. Those rights, by law, only apply to bio-mom and bio-dad. The one exception would be if bio-dad gave up any rights to his son whatsoever and step-dad legally adopted him. Step situations can and usually are very complex. You have no legal rights as a SP. The court and society as a whole heavily, heavily favors the bio-parents, and especially BM, no matter what mud slinging or accusations are being made. Society tells SPs all the time we need to mind our own business; that is, until the bio-parents start messing up big time. THEN, all of a sudden, any and all burdens are placed on our shoulders and we are supposed to suck it up and take it for someone else’s child when the bio-parents aren’t even willing to put in much effort for their OWN child. You mention this particular child, that has two parents already, the bio-parents. You imply that ex- step-father may already be some sort of father-figure to this child, so, what does that imply? HU-249048672 is supposed to give up her life and her own children and toss that all aside to deal with a child who is rude, demanding and otherwise petty and with a BM who appears to be into Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) big-time! I don’t think so. Don’t judge. The bio-parents already messed up the kid. That is THEIR burden to carry. It is not a step-parent’s responsibility to fix bio-mom or bio-dad or any of their children. It is not a step-parent’s responsibility to fix a family that has been broken for years. What? Bio-mom and bio-dad get to screw around, do whatever, shirk their responsibilities, and then the step-parent, who probably already has another family or two that they have to take care of, is supposed to step in and take all of the risk, including any of her own children's stability, to “save” this family too? And, then, you know what step-mom or step-dad’s Thank-you is going to be for all of that? To be told by everyone on this planet that they are intrusive and over-reaching and need to mind their place. SKs will think the same, even as adults, and want little to nothing to do with step-mom or step-dad. None of this, “It’s for the child’s sake.” The bio-parents already put a dagger into this kid’s heart, it sounds like. A step-parent cannot care more than the bio-parents. That is all there is to it. If the child was #1 in the bio-parents’ lives, they would have stayed married and sucked it up and took it for their OWN children vs. divorce, remarry, and then expect their spouse to suck it up and take it for someone else’s children.