It is always polite to let people know you are shopping around. It has pros and cons for you. On the one hand, some KDs may decide not to spend much time on you until you commit--but those who just brush you off without being upfront and communicating well about what they're doing are probably KDs you don't want to work with. On the other hand, competition can be a great motivator if a KD really wants the job.

I'm in the camp of saying nothing either way regarding other KDs. Just focus on your kitchen, and don't muddy your conversations with mention of other KD's. It is time-consuming enough to discuss what you are looking for in the way of cabinets, layout, materials, electrical, plumbing, sinks, appliances, and so on. See if you like the KD's ideas on all these subjects. I would be more focusing on whether the KD appears confident in his/her choices, appears knowledgeable, wants to listen to you, is OK with your budget. Approach each conversation with each KD on an individual basis, rather than making sure they know you are talking to others. I don't get what would be the point in your evaluation and choosing of a KD of telling them about other KDs.

One thing I would discuss with all of them is to what degree you will purchasing some of your own stuff. Is the KD just providing the cabinetry, or is it soup-to-nuts? For example, appliances. Many here prefer to choose and purchase their own appliances, rather than to go through the KD's supplier, or go with the KD's choices for appliances. You may want the KD to choose and supply all appliances, or you may want to do it yourself. Whichever you prefer, see how the KD feels about it. Similarly, sinks, lighting, counters, etc. Some KD's will insist they purchase everything for the kitchen, others are OK with the client doing some purchasing. Just think about that in advance, and make sure you are on the same page as the KD.

After talking with a few designers,we decided to do that part ourselves. I have a back round in engineering for whatever that was worth but in the end we love how our kitchen turned out. If it didn't we had no one else to blame. A good design computer program helped with the layout
and with some leg work we found a very good contractor to do the work. Being retired I was able to be there everyday.
It is amazing how much you cab save on line. We looked locally but when we check the same tiles, appliances etc on line the price difference was large.

I am convinced that we saved a lot of money on each purchase and know for a fact that we saved $ 7000 on the cabinets alone. We purchased everything on line except the window treatments which we used a Costco designer who came to the house and helped my wife with that.

I appreciate everyone's feedback! I already had one KD come over this morning and didn't say a word -yet. I am waiting to see what he comes back with -design wise/pricewise. I have another one coming on Friday morning -she has 2 other cabinet makers that we want to price out anyway.

We are only buying cabinets from the KD -everything else we are doing on our own which is what we want to do anyway.

We too just used the KD for cabinetry design, and chose and bought everything else ourselves. Here's a good question for KD's you are meeting with - is your cabinetry framed or frameless? We heard very different responses, which helped us choose our KD. Here's some: a blank stare (uh, no, to that KD), a response that she only sold framed cause she does traditional kitchens (no, tho good KD, just traditional wasn't our style), a response that their company only does framed cause "frameless falls out of the wall" (a big NO due to the ignorance), and the one we ended up with who could do either and was able to explain the pros and cons of each. We ended up with frameless shaker-style cabinets cause we needed to eke out every inch of space, and we felt shaker was neither too traditional nor too contemporary. I would also be wary of a KD who uses a lot of filler. That's an easier way to fill the space than to spend thought and have the skills of good kitchen design with a minimal amount of filler.

Just say it. They're big business-boys and girls.

It takes SOOOO much energy to pretend, and makes you look silly -- they KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING the second you wobble or pull out your file, or get another phone call, or they run into the "competition" (who is their former partner, still friend) at the fabric store and compare notes!

And if you imply they're the only one, doesn't that mean they're putting MORE energy and expectations into something, therefore making it harder to make that call when you don't use them, or if you somehow "slip", or end up needing or wanting to tell them later?

No. Just be honest with everyone up front. You're not dating them. In the initial stages, nobody demands exclusivity.

It also allows you to say, in a good way "hey, what are you doing for me that this guy isn't? Take me through your design, or bid, because I really like this." And you may discover that they are including some services, or can make some changes, the other guy isn't, making them a good deal. But you don't know until you ask. (Whether to show competitors bids is a practice that is highly debated. I won't take that up here. I'm only talking about the KD or contractor's OWN bid.)

As I have said before: Contractor issues are workplace issues. They are not "relationship/friendship" issues. If you handle them like you are the boss, and remember what is your problem and what isn't, you will be on the right track.