SHOP PRODUCTS
Houzz Logo Print
sylviatexas1

Rules for Pets / Rules for Guests

sylviatexas1
16 years ago

To be posted on the refrigerator door at "nose height":

Dear Dogs & Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours & contain your food.

The other dishes are mine & contain my food.

(Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not make it your dish).

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR & is not racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object.

Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.

I am very sorry about this, but I will not continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs & cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep:

You don't have to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

(I am aware that sticking tails straight out & having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.)

There is no secret exit from the bathroom:

If by some miracle I beat you there & manage to get the door shut, you needn't claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or stick your paw underneath & grasp at the edge.

I *must* exit through the same door I entered.

(Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --

canine or feline attendance is not required.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.

I cannot stress this enough!

............

............

............

To be posted on the front door:

To Visitors Who Are Not Pet Owners:

1. They live here.

You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal.

To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours & doesn't speak clearly.

Remember the ways in which pets are better than human children:

They-

1. eat less

2. don't ask for money

3 are easier to housetrain

4. often come when called

5. don't whine about getting a driver's license

6. don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. don't smoke or drink

8. don't have to buy the latest fashions

9. don't want to wear your clothes

  1. don't need college funds
  2. never inform you that they're pregnant or that the girl next door is pregnant due to their misbehavior.

Comments (4)