I'm so sorry rthummer. Your step mother and her family... sheesh, by now I'm sure you know that you are better off without them. I'm sorry that you lost your Daddy. I know he knows you loved him. yes, time helps but as you say, the scar is always there. In time I hope that you will think only of your Dad and not the ugly step mother.

hugs
Kat

I too hope you can put the step-mother out of your thoughts and remember your dad. Don't let her continue to rule you from the grave. She sounds like a real hateful low life.
Leslie

If you can do it it is time to move on
when you wake up in the morning think
this is the begining of today not what is leftover from yesterday .

Minnie has it right. Dom't hold onto the past. Let go.

I feel for you, that you are having such a hard time today. I hope you are able to somehow find peace, and put this all behind you, sometime soon. Your awful stepmother has stolen enough of your life. Have you tried talking to a counselor?

P.S. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

How sad, that a SM stole so much of your happiness, and that your father died so young..probably before you really got to know him.

Just try to remember the good things, few as they may be.

Probably easier to forgive then to forget the scars. My Dad literally walked away when I was 12, and if he had is way, we never would have found him. I persisted because I loved my Dad. Hi wife, now my step-mom, although deep down, has a good heart, I think (I know, for sure) has some emotional baggage that she will never leave behind. They both are now in nursing home care and neither can take care of themselves. That whole scenario has been impossible, but thanks to another relative, they are safe and are receiving proper care. That said, when things got very tough, when trying to seek care for them, it became a matter of my deciding that I still needed to care, as I always thought I did. That really tested me though. Through the years,although I know he began to feel something for my sister and me, I know my SM would prefer is we weren't in the way. I can't tell you how difficult that is - when I want my Dad, I remember the turmoil I'll have to go through to get to him. And now, even if I could, he wouldn't understand because his altzheimer's is so bad. He still knows who I am, and is still VERY smart, but that's about all there is. That is so hard to get over, no matter how hard I try. That's somehting I think you never get over. After a while, it gets pushed back into you mind, but on some days, it's right out there with "what am I wearing today". I pray you have better times trying to cope with this, and also the loss.

HUGS coming your way!!

gneegirl

Loving thoughts sent your way!

I'm sorry that you've had such a hard row to hoe, rthummer.

Can you find someone to talk to about it, who knows how to help you cope ... and heal?

Some religious leaders are helpful in such a pilgrimage.

I pray that you may find your way through to more peace in your heart.

(((((rthummer)))))

ole joyful

I'm so sorry for your pain. Ole Joyful has a good suggestion that perhaps talking to someone that can help you through all the painful memories would help.

Deb

I appreciate your kind comments and suggestions.
Have you ever known what is truth in your head, (maybe about a friend, loved one, etc) but your heart had a hard time following? That is what goes on with me around my dads b-day and the day he passed away.

I am o.k. I was just somewhat reflective yesterday..And sometimes you can "talk" to someone who does not know you. I needed a computer friend yesterday, and thanks for being there when I needed you most. I needed someone to care.

gneegirl, you have been there in the throws of pain and hurt. You said what I would like to say, but you wrote it more eloquently. Thanks.

Thanks for taking the time to cheer me up, everyone. One person reaching out for help, and another answering my call. ((HUGS and THANKS))

Today is a better day. I know where my daddys' address is and it is a far better place than on this ol' earth.

His b-days and the day he died, I just seem to get more reflective. But, then again, it will pass until he has another b-day.

Always,
rthummer

Thanks for your kind words. I know it's tough. The sad thing, I've become hardened, just out of pure frustration - mainly with the health care system. I guess I could handle it better if we hadn't had to go through so much to try to get them safe and adequate healthcare. Grief takes on many forms and you are probably grieving, from the [lack of) relationship with Dad, and also his passing. There are so many steps, but you have to deal with one step before getting through to the next. Anger is one of those steps. Maybe talking to a professional - even your Dr. may help you to close that chapter. You are not pushing him out of your life, or forgetting him; you are just moving forward in your life in a healthy way. I'm no expert and don't want to say for sure. If however, you can let go of the anger, you might be able to deal with the rest. Another reason we hold on to those types of feelings is for acknowledgement. He isn't here to acknowledge your feelings so it will be up to you to accept that. Again, if you need pro help doing that, please do that. Then you can really let go. Life is so short, and it would be a shame to spend so much of it feeling badly about something that won't be changed. It's history right now. I'm sure Dad would want you to live a happier time in the future.

More hugs coming - it takes a few rounds of them, I've found.

gneegirl