I can understand that Thurman. I get the same irritation when people go on about "my husband". Umm... if we're strangers, sure. But if "your husband" happens to be named Mike and we've only known each other forever... why not just call him "Mike"?

I don't know. I am 29 years old and my parents have been divorced for over 10 years. I STILL refer to my dad as "dad" when speaking to my mom, and I refer to my mom as "mom" when speaking to my dad.

AND--they do the same. My mom will say to me "have you told dad?" Or my dad will say to me "is mom going to be there?"

I think you are sweating small stuff here.

lol, my dad refers to my mom (to us kids) as "your mother".. my sister refers to my mom (to dad) as "your ex wife".. and I refer to her as "mom" or "my mom" or "that woman", depending on the situation.

I think it depends on the situation Thurman. Your wife, her ex and your daughter are always going to be related family, so it isn't unusual for her to say 'dad' instead of 'my dad' when talking to her mother, but when talking to others, it would be weird.

My mom is from a family of 9 children and their father is still alive (just had his 100th birthday) and they all refer to him as "MY father" when talking to each other. I find that strange, but to each their own. right?

'her father is daddy only to her, not to me, my wife or my son. So, shouldn't she say "My dad"?'

& if she said "my dad", you'd gripe because she was flaunting the fact that her dad was hers alone.

Get a grip.

Totally Love, when speaking to certain people. I wouldn't say, to my mom "My DAD", I would just say "dad". Same as with DD. I will often say, or DH will say "go tell Mom or Dad".

But not with other people.

I think it shouldnt matter.

Why not? Thurman is just a bit irritated. That's human. Like Ima said, people are all a little strange and it can be different for those who don't practice those customs. My DD calls her grandparents by their first names. I call them Grandma and Grandpa (even though they're really Mom and Dad to me, and they call me Mom, which is even weirder if you think about it) and DD calls them Joe and Jane.

LOL she's the sanest of the bunch, obviously, but some people think she's being disrespectful.

I do both, so just out of curiosity, I thought about it to see if there was a pattern. I think the pattern is, to family and to people whom I've known since childhood, I say "mom", "dad", "grandma and grandpa". To other people, I say "my mom", "my dad", "my grandparents".

So, talking to my dad and stepmom, I do say "mom said" and "grandma did". To my mom or grandma, I say "dad said". To my parents' friends I've known since I was little, it's "mom" and "dad". To my own adult friends, acquaintances, people on internet forums, it's (mostly, anyway) "my mom" and "my dad". To my brothers and sisters-in-law, aunts, uncles, cousins, "mom" and "dad".

Of course, my SM, SILs, parents' friends, aunts, etc call them "Dick" and "Jane" and "Mary", (or, possibly, "your mother", etc) not "Dad" and "Mom" and "Grandma." But, like LoveÂs parents, my parents also sometimes (not always, I donÂt think) use just "mom" "dad" "grandma" to refer about each other to us. My dad might say "has mom decided when her Christmas get-together is yet?" They have been divorced for 29 years.

who cares...nitpicking again. When DD talks to me, my parents or whoever else she says "dad called", "dad said". Why saying "my" when everyone knows she has only one dad. when i talk to DD i ask how is "dad" doing, not "your" dad. everyone knows he is her dad. maybe talking to stangers "my dad" sounds more reasonable but why is it even important?

the "Daddy" part would bother me more than my or not. What's with grown ups saying daddy or mommy? lol.

nivea, my mom, who is 60, still calls my grandfather Daddy. I actually do find it a bit annoying, now that you mention it. :)

To be fair, she doesn't say "my Daddy"; when talking to other people, she says my dad or my father. It's only daddy when talking to him or to my grandmother (who is mom, not mommy, btw. no, i don't get it).

I find the choice of words interesting, so like Quirk, I thought about how I use the different versions.

With people who knew my mother, I generally say "Mom" instead of "my mom". They knew who I mean by 'Mom' and saying 'my mom' puts the focus of the sentence on a more generic 'the person who holds this relationship to me' rather than on 'Mom, the person in her own right'. When I'm talking to someone who didn't know my mother, then it's more 'the relationship' or the 'person in general' I'm talking about, so I use "my mom" instead.

I would agree that 'Daddy' is a bit childish for an adult.
But I'd also have to agree that Thurman is likely to take offense at whatever term SD uses. If she used "my dad" instead, that could certainly be interpreted as exclusionary -- pushing him out.

people have their quirky habits. my dad developed a ridiculous habit of referring to my mother as "grandmother". it is appropriate only when grand kids are present, otherwise "dad who are you talking about?". my mom just laughs.

i think if turman would be close to his SD and involved with her then i see how he could feel offended. But he does not like her, is not close to her and generally doesn't play father's role so why is he offended? why does he care?

DD22 says "mommy", not all the time but often. My DD is very affectionate. We also have some ridiculous affectionate nicknames or made up names for each other in the family, i am not even going to repeat, it would make no sense to people here. I don't see anything wrong with it.

LOL, Quirk that's really funny that your mom still does that. But at least she's not referring to him as daddy when talking to other people.

"DD22 says "mommy", not all the time but often. My DD is very affectionate. We also have some ridiculous affectionate nicknames or made up names for each other in the family, i am not even going to repeat, it would make no sense to people here. I don't see anything wrong with it."

Tell 'em lol.

I just think it's funny that Thurmans stepdaughter is talking about her father to other people and referring to him as "daddy." It would be like your daughter saying to her SO something about you and saying "my mommy said"

oh I agree DD says "mommy" to me on the phone when she misses me, when she talks to her SO she probably says "my crazy mother said" LOL

When talking about my kids ... I will say MY "given first name" blah blah blah ... MY "given first name"

I know I do it ... but SD20 called me out on it ... I said I know I do, don't know why I just do. I catch myself now when she is around but I still do it often.

Also refer to Hubby as daddy when talking to the kids...When things were tense with their mom its was "your mother" now its what did mom say...

I have 3 sisters but I only refer to one as "my sister" or "auntie" the others are by name ... ... I am going out with Auntie they know its "my sister" ... not ____ or ____

when talking to SD20 about her GM I will say your mom ... I have to catch and correct myself, but she knows who I mean now :) been long enough.

But my hubby has a friend since childhood whose wife calls him "Daddy" and he calls his wife "mommy" ... when they are in public .... at the market, kmart, casino ... doesn't matter where (it grosses me out) and since she has had some "uplifting" she looks much younger than her "daddy" ... so people lear at them alot.

OMG, FD my DD is the same, calls me mommy at times, and my crazy mother at others.

As long as no one is using derogatory names, let it ride.

I think it's more like this:

DD is somewhere where Daddy is not. She is having a conversation, and instead of saying, "My daddy thinks green cars are ugly"... or "My daddy is a doctor" she says "Daddy thinks green cars are ugly" and "Daddy is a doctor".

It sounds juvinile, and I would get irritated by that too. Even if it wasn't "Daddy" and it was "Mommy".

I agree, he's probably just so irritated by her in general that this is something he's fixating on that maybe someone who wasn't already to their tipping point wouldn't notice as much.

"maybe someone who wasn't already to their tipping point wouldn't notice as much."

yeah, well....sorta.

He's spoiling for a fight, looking for something about which to be agrieved, & this is what he's noticed lately.

Hi folks

Thanks for your responses, even though they are not always what one wants to hear. "Tipping point" is a good way to put it. No single incident by itself is a big deal, but all of them together make a very tough situation. And there's no positives. At least with your own child, there's usually unconditional love, some good moments of sharing and kindness, good words, acts of caring, etc. With a stepchild--at least mine--there's almost all negatives. The positive is when she is not around. But the electronic age, with skyping, email, cell phones, video mail, etc., means she is always around.

Thurman

got a burr under your saddle?

I have a similar irritation with my SM. I just decided, after over a decade of really letting her get to me, that I am just going to be nice and "do for her" when she is around.

Then after she's gone I have a few friends who will let me vent, and I laugh until I cry about her crazy antics, childish behavior and completely incomprehensible selfishness.

It's been working for me...

Thurman,

I called my father Daddy until he died. Within our immediate family, me, my sister, mother and father, our parents were Mom and Daddy. Outside of the immedite family I called him my father and sometimes Daddy I guess.

This is not a big deal. I know other people who still call their parents Mommy or Daddy who are well in to adulthood. It's a nickname that has stuck.

Thurman, My SM calls my father "my husband" to me. It irks me to no end. JUST CALL HIM BY HIS NAME!!!!!!!! arrgh!

So I understand. But it's too little to dwell on for long...

"Daddy" is her name for him. That it is also the name others choose to call their fathers is immaterial. You're probably not the only "Thurman" in the universe either. Let's face it, whether she called him "Daddy", "Pater" or "Great Panjandrum" you'd find some reason to whinge about it. That you're not whinging about something that actually matters indicates she hasn't done anything (like leaving your paper on the floor after you dropped it) that you can really complain about.
It is clear that the only thing your stepdaughter could do that would actually please you, would be to disappear off the face of the earth. The mere fact that she breathes irks you. I can't help but feel that it is "all negatives" is as much your fault as hers. That you resent her keeping in touch (presumably with her mother, not you, I can't imagine why she would call or email someone who so obviously hates her) only shows you up as a miserable old goat. Why your wife stays I can't think.

"Daddy" is her name for him. That it is also the name others choose to call their fathers is immaterial. You're probably not the only "Thurman" in the universe either. Let's face it, whether she called him "Daddy", "Pater" or "Great Panjandrum" you'd find some reason to whinge about it. That you're not whinging about something that actually matters indicates she hasn't done anything (like leaving your paper on the floor after you dropped it) that you can really complain about.
It is clear that the only thing your stepdaughter could do that would actually please you, would be to disappear off the face of the earth. The mere fact that she breathes irks you. I can't help but feel that it is "all negatives" is as much your fault as hers. That you resent her keeping in touch (presumably with her mother, not you, I can't imagine why she would call or email someone who so obviously hates her) only shows you up as a miserable old goat. Why your wife stays I can't think.

"Daddy" is her name for him. That it is also the name others choose to call their fathers is immaterial. You're probably not the only "Thurman" in the universe either. Let's face it, whether she called him "Daddy", "Pater" or "Great Panjandrum" you'd find some reason to whinge about it. That you're not whinging about something that actually matters indicates she hasn't done anything (like leaving your paper on the floor after you dropped it) that you can really complain about.
It is clear that the only thing your stepdaughter could do that would actually please you, would be to disappear off the face of the earth. The mere fact that she breathes irks you. I can't help but feel that it is "all negatives" is as much your fault as hers. That you resent her keeping in touch (presumably with her mother, not you, I can't imagine why she would call or email someone who so obviously hates her) only shows you up as a miserable old goat. Why your wife stays I can't think.

Oops! Hadn't intended to post three times and not sure how that happened. After I clicked submit I got an error message, assumed it hadn't gone through and am surprised to see it not once but three times.

Nothing like making your point, eh Colleen? LOL :)

Could it be that you feel by her calling her dad "daddy" vs. "my daddy" you feel that she is leaving you no room to fill a dad role? In other words, if SD called her dad "my dad", she could still call you dad too (ie. Thanks for the new shoes dad, the old ones my daddy bought me were getting too small.").

My soon-to-be SD calls her dad and mom "my dad" and "my mom" which I find a little strange compared to my upbringing, but then again my parents have been together for over 40 years so I never dealt with step-family issues. I always called my mom and dad "mom & dad" around them, my sister and other relatives but called them "my mom & my dad" around friends and strangers.

In my siutuation the strangest thing to me is when we are sitting around in the living room and SD will say something like "help, my daddy is tickling me" which seems odd to me since #1 - I can see what he is doing, and #2 - I know that he is her dad...

Oh well, kids learn all types of communication and her parents refer to each other as "your mom" and "your dad" so I would imagine that is where she picked it up from.

Thurman would probably have a stroke if his wife's daughter referred to him as anything "daddylike".

Look through his older posts;
he likes to be offended & resentful, & nothing she does can be right because if she does it...it's wrong.