First off, let me say that I'm not sure how having a family-only ceremony followed by a huge catered (albeit "casual") party is likely to save you very much money since the reception is usually the costliest part of a wedding anyway. However, there are LOADS of reasons for choosing an intimate ceremony over a massive one and you have every right to the kind of wedding you want! As to the whole "wedding gift-giving and receiving etiquette"... I have never in my life based my decision on whether to give a wedding gift (or how large a gift to give) on the size/fanciness of the wedding or even on whether or not I was invited to the wedding. Over the years I have sent wedding gifts to many many friends (and even more "children and grandchildren of friends") who chose to have family-only ceremonies or who eloped. I have never felt slighted about not being invited to such weddings nor skipped the gift just because I wasn't invited to the wedding. Conversely, there have also been many occasions when I have received an invitation to what was obviously one of those "invite-everybody-we-or-our-parents-have-ever-known" weddings. In such cases, if I didn't feel close enough to the bride/groom or to their parents to want to actually attend the wedding, I responded with "regrets" and NO GIFT. If I felt close enough to want to attend the wedding, even if I could not go, I sent a gift. In my opinion, a wedding gift is a GIFT to a couple I care about, either directly or thru their parents, which expresses my happiness for the couple. It is not "payback" for a chance to go hear them say their vows and/or attend a lavish party afterwards! And, even if some people do consider the wedding gift as payback for the party invitation... well it sounds to me like you're planning to throw a pretty, even if it be a "casual" bash. So, anyone who crassly thinks of a wedding gift as payback for the party will be expecting to give you a gift. Additionally, at least in my part of the country, it is fairly traditional to bring small congratulatory gifts (eg., tea towels, a potted plant, a nice bottle of wine, small gardening tools, etc.) to a housewarming party. Fewer people "register" for these events but enough do that I've started asking whether folks having a housewarming party are registered. So I say go ahead and register but don't mention that you are registered anywhere UNLESS someone asks you. Of course, this is the same advice I would give any bride regardless of what size wedding or what style/size reception she was planning to have! And BTW, when you do register be sure to choose LOTS of inexpensive items that you'll want and need as well as some of the pricier stuff so that everyone who wants to give a gift can find something they can afford without breaking the bank. Since you'll be moving into a brand new home, I'm sure you can find dozens of things you'll need for under $20 and hundreds for under $40. And again, this is the same advice I would offer to any bride... unless maybe she was from a family of zillionaires. But then, I would never get an invitation to that wedding anyway. LOL!

My fiance and I decided to use the money that my parents would have spent on a big wedding, and put it towards building our house. We plan on getting married right as the house is finishing up being built. We are going to do a small immediate family only ceremony. But we were planning on having a huge "We Got Married / New House Warming" party at our new house with catered food, open bar w/ bartender and possibly even a live band. Very laid-back, casual party with everyone we know being invited. What is the time line? What you're describing sounds like it could be an informal reception, and I wonder why you don't call it a reception? I then wonder if it could be read into more, maybe your mom is upset that after she gave you money towards the house instead of a wedding, you're now doing your own reception. Are you spending near what she gave you? How does she feel about this party? So here's the question- should we do a wedding registery? I dont know if we should register for gifts since its going to be so casual. I am torn on whether or not to do it. The only person I have talked to about it is my mom. She doesnt think I should because she thinks it might be "tacky" to register for such a low-key event. But then she threw in a comment about how she has sent presents to weddings she didnt even attend. So now she's giving me mixed signals. I would register. People are either going to buy you a wedding gift or something as a housewarming gift, as a guest I'd rather know what you want/need then to guess. We are getting married. There will be a reception. Its just going to be a super laid back party that's tied in with our house warming at the same time. What's a girl to do?! I found your post at the building forum, looks like everyone agrees you should register. I also read some of your building posts and don't doubt you are going to need stuff. Registering will at least give you things you need if they decide to bring a gift. btw, our build was started in October and was done in March. Pretty sure it didn't take long after drywall. Just looked at my pics, by mid January it was sheetrocked and spackled, by March 16th the real front door lock was on, house was done. Here is a link that might be useful: same post at building forum

Update: they've decided against the resort for lots of reasons, some logistic, some esthetic, mostly they just couldn't "see" a wedding there in their respective mind's eyes. That last is probably the most important qualification or lack thereof.....I think DD was looking for a place that would make her say yes, this is a place I would really like to have a wedding, and that would make her want to have one We have backed out of the planning/ viewing / discussion process. We told the couple we would give them X amount of money to do with as they wish and have offered an engagement party here at home in the spring, probably May. I think they will likely just elope in early December. Last night some of our city friends hosted a dinner party in honor of their engagement. It was lovely amd DD and DF enjoyed themselves very much but have strongly discouraged or simply refused all other offers of parties, luncheons or showers. Much to my mother's disappointment!

Ah, weddings. My son is getting married in June and they've planned it as a late afternoon ceremony on the beach next to a lighthouse on the Eastern Shore, followed by a reception in a maritime museum on the same property. It's very appropriate for the couple; she is a Coast Guard academy grad who recently left the military for a job at a major cruise line and he is a federal law enforcement agent at a maritime national park. Her family is local to the MD area although the couple lives here in SoFla. Hopefully the weather will cooperate but if not she's going to move everyone into the assembly space. Very fond of my future DIL but it's an interesting experience being the grooms' parents; we've not been consulted or informed much about plans other than told if we ask. No wedding attendants, and evidently no desire for any variant of rehearsal dinner--I offered to host extended family for a nice private dinner or even do a cocktail reception the night before the wedding for all the guests but the kids haven't taken me up on it so I"m following the MIL 3-S mantra: show up, sit down and shut up :). I keep telling my (only) daughter that she better let me organize a big fat wedding someday LOL. And ardent feminist that she is, she keeps telling me not to count on it!