thanks, folks. aidan and steve, twp100.com allows for online ordering via mfg sealants. and they've not kicked me out after i've given my address in felton. so, i am hoping i can get all the way through once i've made my decision. $55/2 gal., free shipping, no tax. and described that simply, you're right, that's what i want. i have been laboring under many misconceptions, and that was one of them. thank you. john, i assume you use a foam brush to get between boards? or does it flood that much and drip through? i've got the deck up but for the final three boards, and am returning all the remaining ipe to my supplier (big creek lumber, a local lumber yard who matched my quoted price from advantage lumber) for replacement boards (about 10% of the total of 1200ish LF). lots of mill marks, broken or poorly milled edges, bad staining, wormholes, and some big honkin' tearout. the rest is very pretty. once i get those final three on i was thinking of these steps: (1) clean with someone's ipe cleaner (any recommendations on good brands?) to get rid of the dirt, dust, etc., that's lurking in the ipe, (2) sand it down using 80 grit sandpaper to get rid of some mill marks and drill fuzz (around the countersinks), (3) rinse it really, really well and let it dry, then (4) put on the finish. does that sound about right? btw, i am a homeowner, not a professional, and have built this largely on my own (had help from a contractor friend to attach the ledger board, and various help from friends during the substructural construction process). it'll end up being about 500sf including stairs, and we'll be into it for less than $7K total including rails, and a shade arbor... thanks for your advice, and comments, folks! reading steve, john, and others' deck builds/advice has helped all along the way...i am hoping to put up a page to help others once i get this done; there are many little things you do in a deck build that you can only learn from doing it, or from one who has... best, bill

DH has had talks with her but on the day to day stuff... most of it he doesn't see, but when he's right there... I don't think he is paying attention at all, kinda like with the bread. He's oblivious to when she is being rude & later when I mention it to him, he'll agree that she shouldn't do this or that but he didn't really notice. Very rarely, he'll say it's not that big a deal. DH & I had a long, drawn out conversation/almost argument last week because a few weeks ago... before Thanksgiving time, I noticed my netbook that I keep in my car for work had a damaged screen. It looked as if something smashed it & the screen had a splotch on it. It wasn't cracked, just a portion of the screen was discolored. Well, sometimes SD rides in the front seat next to where I keep it (between the seats, under the console) I couldn't imagine how else it was damaged, except SD stepped on it, sat on it or pressed really hard on it... but she would have to take it out of the console because it's not where she could accidentally touch it. I was angry but I figured if she did it on purpose, telling her I was angry would only satisfy her so I gave it to my DD & bought a new one. In December I put a DVD system in the backseat. There are two screens on the headrests for each side. Last weekend, I was cleaning my car & right in the center of the screen that is on the side where SD sits is a huge thumb/palm? print. It looks like someone pressed into the middle of the screen. Nobody rides in the car except me, SD & DGS2 in his car seat. He can't reach either of the screens. Also, the last time I detailed my car, there was ink scribbled on the leather door panel where SD sits. Again, I said nothing because it is obvious to me that SD is doing stuff on purpose to my car & whenever I have confronted her, she denies doing anything. She gets this I'm so innocent look & how dare I accuse her of anything. Crap! I'd rather her tell me she hates me & is glad she did it but no matter what, she denies it, then tells everyone how awful I am for accusing her of something she didn't do. I have no proof it's her but common sense & I don't want her to see me get upset because I feel like that's what she wants. So, finally this last time I went to DH & told him I don't want her in my car anymore... he wanted me to have a talk with her but like I said, how do you talk to someone that says she didn't do it, doesn't have a clue how it happened, etc. So, he got upset with me & started trying to make excuses for her. Finally he admitted he doesn't know what to do about her but he works in another town & rides the bus to my office so she has to ride home with me. So, I know DH needs to address the problem & yes, he is a mild mannered good guy that just wants to do the right thing & live in peace. He wants to go to work, pay the bills, come home to his family & enjoy the evening. I don't think he thinks about, nor is he worried about what she will be like when she's a teen, maybe because he's a guy & has no clue about girls/daughters... or he hopes things will just fall into place. I don't think he realizes how serious her problems are or he just has no clue about how to fix them. As the on site female, I tried to give my input but as we can see, that has been rejected & backfired. At the moment, I'm looking forward to summer when she'll be with her mom & only here for weekends. I plan to be gone and/or busy with DGS or work. I feel guilty for feeling that way but I can't stand how it is. Just this morning, I get up & go to the baby's room which is next to hers. She was in the livingroom & heard me coming, ran back to her room. I get the baby up & bring him to my room so I can finish getting ready while he watches his favorite show. DH goes into the kitchen, SD comes out & is talking to him. I get done getting ready & come down the hall, her bedroom door closes because she hurried back to her room. Last night, I was cooking dinner & playing Wii with DH. SD is watching us. I leave the room to check on dinner & she starts talking to him. I come back & she doesn't talk. I leave again, same thing. It's just very annoying!

I do think, FD, that he is still afraid of her wrath and what happens when she is angered. If he had said no to getting her a car---for whatever reason---she would have been mad and DH hates a confrontation. But see--that is an issue, too. He won't fight with HER but he has no prob. causing issues with ME. Why? Because he knows---at the end of the day---I will *shut up and put up.* These issues, one by one, aren't worth wrecking our marriage over, BUT when they all add up, it becomes a larger problem. That's what we really need to address in counseling. As far as him thinking he was doing me a favor--see, that bugs me too. I had ALREADY discussed the issue with him and said that I would be "on call" to get SS (if BM couldn't, due to lack of car) on Mondays and DH would need to take Tuesdays and every other Friday. I told him I 100% was NOT going to cover for her any more than that, and if HE wanted to be her "call-a-ride" HE could. But that I was not going to do it. He said FINE, I understand, don't blame you, I will not ask you to cover for her, etc. And then a week later tells me he got her the car to take the pressure off me so I would not have to be on call for picking up SS? BUT--I had already made my stance clear and thought he agreed---so it was like, at the back of his head, he was already *expecting* me to be on call for BM, DESPITE what he had said. Does that make sense? I often feel like he just tells me what I want to hear. It's really frustrating b/c I can never...well...trust him. As far as the "smokes"...ughh...she is just so...I don't know. Really, I look at her and the way she looks, talks, acts, lives, and think WHAT was my DH thinking??? She is so awful with boundaries, and DH plays right into it. Thank goodness he didn't get her any---he would not do that, he hates cigarettes, but I thought it was so ballsy/strange that she would even ask him! HA. DH told me when he dropped the van off at her house the other day, it was almost on empty (LOL) and BM turned to her DH and said "I need some gas money" and he started telling her all he had was $15 to last until next week, and she said "too bad, I need it for gas!" I'm sure that will be the next thing--the gas $$ problem--although she did make it all through last school year without a problem. But that was before they had ANOTHER baby. So we'll see. I feel sorry for HER hubby's parents and their frozen savings account.

Elphaba - I think it helps if you find a way to be on site as much as possible. That's hard to do - so you feel like you are doing something (not *watching* them!), but still being available. This morning I went to the house early to start the fire in the stove, so it'd be warming up for the first crew to arrive. I answered some questions while I was there, discussed some minor issues. Later I went back out to sign for appliances and since I was there, I was able to answer more questions, etc. I always try to compliment them on their work as well - you know, keep things happily moving along. One stray observation about this GC thing - some days it's been easy. Slow at times. But as we're coming down the home stretch here, you know what I'd like? The chance to take a shower/relax during the day and know I won't be interrupted. But I'm always ready for the phone to ring. And it often does. It's been a wild ride, and I'm glad we've done the GC thing though.