Good for you.

It kind of depends for me I guess depending on what I am doing and who I am around. I love to cook and I cater part time and when I am in my kitchen I know there is nothing I can't do but put me in a situation where I am unsure of myself then my self esteem falters.

I wish I could be more like you and just be comfortable in my skin.

Where my weight is concerned, I know I look bad. I don't wonder about it and don't assume I look good. I look terrible and that is that. It's not about self esteem to me though. I equate self esteem with ego and self worth. I have so much of that I can be considered cocky. I had that when I looked good. It didn't go anywhere.

My self-esteem is probably at it's lowest right now, because of weight gain. But, I feel encouraged because I have lost 5 pounds recently because of exercise. Spring cleaning activities have made me feel better, because I am accomplishing something.

Since I left my FT Job, I have a hard time setting goals. That makes me feel disappointed in myself.

I'm ready for a make-over!

Gayle

I don't think I've ever had a lot of self-esteem. I don't want to blame my parents (here I go anyhow).. but had they did things differently I believe I would have had a better view of myself. I do feel better about myself when I am at a good weight (which I am not right now).

I have no self esteem. And it makes me angry with myself. I allow people to walk all over me. It's pathetic.

I have self-esteem, but it's not unshakable. I also have self-doubt that sneaks up on me sometimes. But I don't feel that my esteem or doubt is based on body-image.

In a conversation with a good friend a while ago we were talking about women's body images and how they dress to compensate for it, hide it, or flaunt it. She asked me "But don't you just like to feel pretty?" I didn't answer right away, I had to think about that.

I don't like to feel ugly, but I don't strive to feel prettier than the women around me. I don't make an effort to look pretty, just respectable. ;o) I think I am the type of person who likes to feel smart. So feeling unattractive does not shake my self-esteem. Feeling stupid, though, *really* shakes it and I have to work to get it back.

No, I have really poor self esteem. I am not ugly, but I will never be what the general population considers pretty. I have above average intelligence, but smart girls were not popular when I was in school. My ex destroyed what little self worth I had. I struggle frequently in public and private situations to make my point. It is very difficult to live this way. I have been reclusive all my life, and guess I always will be.

anette

I have high self esteem until I get on the golf course. *poof*

I wasn't raised to have any self-esteem. I was always a chubby child (parents divorced when I was 4 and my sweet grandma taught me that "food is love"). However, I have learned that while I may not be the prettiest person, my husband thinks I am and that has helped immensely. I have learned to love myself even though I know there is plenty of room for improvement. I know I'm a good person with a big heart and I have lots of friends who love me. That makes me feel really special. So yes, I have pretty high self-esteem....now.

My self-esteem is low right now, mostly due to my weight. Working 6 days a week, and I munch when I'm stressed. I hope when tax season is over, and spring is really here, I can go out and walk more, and start feeling better.

I have always had plenty of self esteem...Never met anyone better than me, never met anyone I couldn't talk to and never met anyone that I thought was better than me....People are better looking, have more money or better educations etc etc but that doesn't make me less of a person ...so my self esteem has always been more than plenty...I've always have plenty of confidence in myself..

I'm with Bestlawn and Ruthie. My self-esteem doesn't stem from what I look like but from who I am and my confidence in my beliefs, my honor and my abilities.

For those of you who have good self-esteem, I am truly, truly happy for you, but I don't know if you can really begin to understand how it feels to suffer from low self-esteem.

Some parents do better than others and some parents do a thorough job of systematically destroying the natural self-esteem children are born with. I think it's swell that there are posters here who don't give a rat's arse what others think or say about them and I think that's a *SIGN* of healthy self-esteem. However, not all of us have that.

I have very poor self-esteem in some areas (principally my physical appearance) and I have very high self-esteem in other areas (intellect, writing skills, personal abilities, etc). The high self-esteem was the result of finding my talents and using them and having the world heap praise on me, in the form of comments, letters, wordly success and dollars.

That's a nice feeling. But I'll never be beautiful and (apparently) I'll never be super thin and I'll never have men swoon when they gaze into my eyes. There's not a thing in the world I can do to change the fact that I'm a plain-looking woman. I've worked tirelessly to change the things I could change and to accept the things I couldn't change, but it's not easy when the media floods our world with images of beautiful models who have a super-thin shape that 99% of women would never have, no matter what.

I don't care how many platitudes you tell yourself or how many times you paste messages of hope on your bathroom mirror (I speak from experience here), nothing will lift your self-esteem as much as a man who takes a moment and says, "My dear, you look lovely tonight." Dove (the soap people) did a massive survey (10,000 women as I recall) and 3/4ths of the women said that they felt better about themselves when a romantic partner paid them a compliment.

Wanna know what women *really* think about themselves? Next time you're in a ladies' dressing room, listen to how women talk to themselves when they try on pants and skirts. American women, judging by their self-commentary, seem to have a vitriolic hatred of their bodies.

So, long answer to a short question: I have poor self-esteem about my looks and great self-esteem about my less obvious assets (such as intellect). Used to be, I had no self-esteem about anything, and then I found my niche and it turned out, I had a talent and a gift and developing that talent and gift has made all the difference.

Rose

Even though I was a working woman with a responsible job, I alway wanted to idetify my self as Mrs. Hubby's Name. It will soon be three years since the love of my life (for 50 years) passed into a much better life, one with no pain and sadness. When he died he took my heart with him and my self-esteem.

donnakt - your post made me cry. (((((HUGS)))))

Rose~I have a man who loves me unconditionally & tells me constantly that I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I know that I am not. I don't have any self-esteem & no matter what he does, he cannot change that. It has to come from within me. I know that but it is hard for him to undo the many years of "negative" input that I had. (I've known him for 1/2 my life & been married to him a little over a 1/4 of it.) I know that I am intelligent & that I've recently become more creative & I'm excited about that...but I still have a lot of self-esteem issues that I'll probably always deal with.

Rosemary while I agree that others can tear down your self-esteem or make it hard to attain (especially parents) I do believe that true self-esteem comes from within and not from others.

I think we tend to mix pride and even a sense of entitlement with self-esteem.When my kid's were young parents tended to jump on the band wagon of praising the little darlings for every little thing they did. Seemed like some got praise for breathing. This was done for their "self-esteem".

Today we have everyone going home with a trophy,everyone gets a prize and I have even heard of birthday parties where the birthday child cannot be the only one who gets gifts (what happened to goodie bags). Teachers don't give grades and reading groups are a thing of the past. All in the name of self-esteem. Self-esteem my a**. Just a sense of entitlement that leads to a lack of drive,work ethic and honor.

Self-esteem has to come from your own accomplishments. Some people are genetically beautiful or thin. They are lucky in that our society perceives them differently but it has little to do with their inner self worth. Some of the posters mentioned a lack of self-esteem but I don't think that is necessarily true. No one is perfect in all areas.Everyone has accomplished something and needs to pat themselves on the back instead of expecting others to do it for them.

I hate threads like this, but I guess it makes me see I can preach until Kingdom Come and it won't do a bit of good - not as long as we, as women, equate self esteem with how we look; not as long as we, as women, need a man to give us identity; not as long as we, as women, need someone else to tell us what to think of ourselves, and so on and on and on. You're right, Rose. I have no idea how this must feel. I don't at all mean it to sound insensitive. I just wish I had the magic words, the magic wand to make you all know just how powerful you are. Until you know that, you'll keep giving your power to everyone else. You'll keep looking for someone to give it to. And, you'll keep pitying yourself that someone stripped you of it. I'll tell you this for whatever it is worth. I was a beautiful and pretty woman. My mother was a beautiful and pretty woman. But! Theeee MOST beautiful woman I ever met was not pretty at all, not by anyone's standard of beauty.

Hi Bestlawn;

THanks for the thoughtful response, but in fact, I don't pity myself. Perhaps I did for a time, but the solution to one's problems don't come from spending too much time dwelling in the past.

I feel profoundly grateful to have found work that makes me so deliriously happy and to have found a man that thinks I'm just the cat's meow.

I agree with the survey of women quoted above. Like 3/4ths of the women quoted in that survey, having a man tell me I'm lovely *does* boost my self-esteem. And if the man leaves my life, the aroma of his lovely comments will remain with me. Self-esteem that's been battered and bruised can be regrown and having a life-partner who's committed to helping with the project is a lovely thing.

Studies show that the older a woman gets, the more that her self-esteem increases. That's probably in part because age really does level the playing field. And plain-looking women (such as myself) don't fret so much over "losing our looks" because the loss isn't felt so keenly.

And the older a woman gets, the more she realizes that there's more to life than being a size 4.

As to feeling powerful, I believe that knowing my limitations does not make me impotent, but empowers me. I feel quite powerful in many regards. I just don't have much self-esteem about my looks.

Rose

I used to have low self esteem - LOL I had 4 brothers and I was chubby, the friends I hung around with as a kid were these tiny little creatures and I was taller and looked like a giant compared to them and I am only 5'5". Having the last name that I have didn't help either - kids can be cruel. LOL

I am always judged by my weight - even in my own family I am a second class citizen. I am overweight and I am still single! 2 wrongs in their eyes - I am overweight so therefore I will be single and nobody will love me. I grew up with this mantra even from my Mom.

The words that came out of my Mom's Alzheimer's ravaged brain were - "you are really ugly" Said often to me as she shook her head when she stared at me. I started to believe there was truth to it - she didn't have the ability to lie.

I had had enough of all the crap I heard over the years. I liked myself, I was a good person. If you don't like me because of how I look you that is your problem - you don't have to be around me. Except my poor Mom - she couldn't escape even though she tried many times. LOLOL

I hated that I was invisible and still am at times - as big as I am - I am not seen or acknowledged. People look right over my head and won't look at me. I don't get that. I'm not intimidating.

Sure I see pictures of myself and don't like what I see - not so much the weight but the way my mouth turns down at the corners because of surgery I have had. When I look in the mirror I don't see what I see in pictures I look totally different. I like my mirror image. LOL

I dress nice, I speak well, I exercise and although I am obese I am toned (hey don't look at my arms) LOL I am confident.

I knew I was confident in who I was when my friends invited me to go to a dance. I should have known better because it turned out to be one of these self-help organizations that they belong to. I felt like I was being drawn into a cult and let my friends know how angry I was when we left.

This group (I can't remember the name) has weekend retreats that you go to and when you leave you will love yourself and so will the people around you. I was bombarded by people telling me I should go but when questioned what happened at these retreats they couldn't tell me but how it changed their lives. 20 people came up to me and said how I should go and each time I would ask what goes on at these retreats they said they couldn't tell me. Yeah right, I am going to go across the border into the US for a weekend to a place where I don't know what is going to happen to me. Very expesive too but I was offered a free pass because my friends had completed the course. Even they wouldn't tell me. I was really angry by the time it was time to go because of the hard hits I was getting about going to the group retreat.

My friends went to say goodbye to the "leader" and she asked me to reconsider about joining. I told her it wasn't for me. She asked me what I did for a living and I said I was a teller. She turned her nose down at me and said "oh, you work at the casino" I told her I worked at a bank.

This woman didn't know me at all but she said how much more confident I would be if I went and how people around me would love me, yadayadayada. She just kept saying how I would like myself. I got angry and told her she was judging me before she even knew me. I told her I thought I was a marvelous person and people did like me and what's more that I liked myself. LOL I was really peeved at my good friends for subjecting me to that night and they apologized for putting me in that position and how I might perceive it to be a cult like group. LOL

Even years later my friends are still trying to get me to go a their cost. I keep saying no and then they tell me who of their family and friends went and how it changed them. Really, this self help stuff isn't for me - if you need it go for it, just don't pull me in. LOL

I finally got out of them what happens at these retreats and it makes me all the more to not want to go. You are put in a room with a "safe" person of your chosing and you just talk for hours - talk about anything until you are a quivering mess and then you are enlightend and freed of all this stuff that stops you from being the real person you are meant to be. Then everyone comes in and wraps their arms around the quivering mess that is you. No thanks.

I like myself, I could stand to lose weight and am working on that because of future health concerns (I am very healthy now) but if you don't like me because of how I look then tough. I like me, my friends like me and my animals love me.

So I guess I can say I have self confidence with my looks and kind of person I am. I might have less confidence in some things like learning a new job - I have no confidence in myself as a salesperson especially when I worked at the bank. I didn't like asking people what they were going to do with their money or selling them banking products.

I give myself an 8/10

Anne

I'm going to go sit by Fizz, she just said a lot of what I would have said. I don't need to join a bunch of groups to feel good about myself, I'm happy enough the way I am.

I wouldn't say there's no room for improvement of my self-esteem, but as a whole, I would rank myself pretty high on the scale. I know there's nothing much I can't do if I put my mind to it and it makes me happy and secure to know that.

LOL I just read my post again and didn't realize how long it was. LMAO. Silly keyboard keeps dropping letters too.

Anne

I've been feeling down in the dumps,due to financial and health problems. I went to visit my Aunt, she called me "My Pretty Jannie" and it made me feel wonderful. To be called "pretty" at age 55. Well, my self esteem skrocketed that day!

Wildchild and Bestlawn...I like your posts very much.

I do now and it is because of my accomplishments over the years and not my appearance. Like alot of others I have put on weight as I got older and if people judge me because of it then that is their problem.

My parents were constantly comparing each of us against the other. Maybe they thought competition would make us achieve greater success. As far back as I can remember I was compared to my fraternal twin sister. I gave up and became the quiet wall flower and didn't bother to compete.

But once I got on my own and was allowed to be myself and even praised for my abilities, I realized I had in me all along and I just needed the right conditions to grow. I even out did my sister, not that I am competing. LOL
Clare

I think I have a very healthy self esteem. I'm not the prettiest, smartest, most talented person, but I don't feel like I have to be. I'm a good person and have a happy heart and wonderful people around me. My Mom and Dad always thought I was prettier and smarter than all my friends and even though I knew I wasn't, it made me feel great to know that in their eyes I was. I guess that's what makes Jammer so very special to me. He feels just like my parents did and tells me that all the time.

I agree that it is often a mistake to measure self esteem based on looks. My SIL was beautiful when she was young - blond hair, amazing blue eyes, cute face, perfect figure. But what happens when you are no longer young? When I started dating DH she was about 367 and still often the prettiest woman/girl in the room. More than a decade later she is not. And it devastates her. Her self esteen has disappeared as she ages. Rather than being happy with being the best she can be (which she is, still a great figure and closing on 50), with being self sufficient, a great friend and mother, she is truly upset she is not the prettiest girl in the room. Her aunt was the same way. It was really sad, a 60 year old woman pretending she was 25. It does run in the family, DH has low self esteem as well. They both blame their mother who is hyper critical in a passive aggessive way, especially to SIL. They were never praised or told that could be successful if they applied themselves. They are both afraid to take risks in their career and have no self confidence.

I don't know what my self esteem is based on, but I credit my mother. My mother always told us (my sister and me) that people get different gifts, some get more than others, the genetic lottery if you will. We should do the best with what we have. We should ensure we can take care of ourselves. I don't feel any less self assured now than I did when I was much thinner. I know my mother would be proud of me (she passed away).

Women are overly judged based on their looks, and attacked for not looking like people think they should look. I was on a bus one day and a young man was harrassing a woman and her child. I stepped in and he started berating me for my weight, as if his words were a weapon, as if I cared about what he thought. I am 40 years old, I couldn't care less what some 20 year old punk thinks of my appearance.

75% of how we look is luck, self esteem and self confidence should't be based on something so arbitrary.

Sue, that is the best one of all.
Thank you sooo much!

Duh, I meant to write that SIL was 36 or 37, not 367! lol!

Yes and no. As a kid, I was lacking in every sense of the word. However when you hear only negative, that is what you tend to believe. I don't think I can truly say that I ever heard a 'way to go' from my parents. And it wasn't for lack of trying.

My weight has always been an issue. I've never been thin yet I don't think in all my years that weight has ever stopped me from doing anything. What I found was that I never learned you were supposed to be able to give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done!!! So, I've stumbled through life not really having the insight that I was valuable.

But I must say in the past few years, I have a new attitude. I am not as passive as I once was. I'm still working on the 'patting myself on the back' stuff though!! And there are days that my self esteem plunges, so I still have work to do!

100% better now than when I was growing up or when I was married to the ex. Negative people around you can bring you down and make you feel worthless. You have to learn (sometimes on your own) that you are worth something even if no one else believes it of you.

I caught myself the other day coming out of Kroger with Lauren. She did or said something, I think it was not watching where she was going and a car was backing up. I made a comment, not horrible but not so nice either and had to tell her it forget what I just said because I sounded just like my dad.

I know this may sound stupid, but I've had people tell me that they have low self-esteem and I said "Really, I would have never guessed". What does it feel like to have low self esteem, maybe I have it & don't know it. Some people kind of look down or don't make eye contact with you when they speak, I feel that those people have low self esteem. I work with a girl who told me that she had low self esteem, I wouldn't have guessed it at first, but after spending time, at work with her, I now see it. She has been in 2 abusive relationships (not really physical, but verbal/emotional), she recognizes that these relationships were abusive, but is now "in love" with yet another loser and doesn't see it.
I exercise, try to watch what I eat, take care of myself, dress well, stand up straight, etc. and I'll admit if I gain a few pounds it bothers me, but I don't link it to my self-esteem. I just feel more comfortable in my clothes at a certain weight. I feel confident in my job, most times, and when I am in a uncomfortable situation, my confidence wains, but feel that I have a fairly healthly self esteem. Can you have low self-esteem and not know it?
Magoo

I have a healthy amount of self-respect! I used to feel pretty bad about myself (obesity) but I've lost a lot of weight (100 + lbs, no surgery) and now I feel good (still have bad knees but the pain is MUCH less).

I can walk for miles, hike around Disneyland with my family for 12 hours a day, and enjoy my husband...whether we're just out to a movie or dancing the night away in a Keith Urban concert. ;)

Susan

I think self esteem goes way deeper than looks. It has to do with a sense of well being. I usually have pretty good self esteem but it can be shaken very easily because I am also very sensitive. Unfortuntely we are all taught that looks has a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves. I do believe we should do the best with what we have and if we do that we will feel good about ourselves. I work hard to make a good impression and it makes me feel good. But I am kind to people all the time and that makes me feel way better than someone thinking I may be beautiful or pretty. I find my self esteem is the highest when I have done something to help someone or I've just been kind to another person. But alot of times I fall into the trap of thinking self esteem is about an outward appearance, it's what we all have been taught. I am blessed to have a lot of friends and a very tight knit wonderful family and all that helps with self esteem, but it still is something I have to work at. Being a good person is key to all of this. I am rambling on and probably not making sense.

I have absolutely none. :o(

I used to.

I always wondered: if you have low self-esteem, how in the world do you **fix** that? The media tells us we need to volunteer in a soup kitchen, or build a log house shed in the backyard to "develop" our self esteem...to see how others have it worse than us, or be able to have something to show for our work. Somehow, that doesn't seem like the right medicine for the problem.
Most people with low self-esteem (excluding those who were horribly physically abused, molested etc. which of course would generate esteem issues) are people who were usually verbally put down all the time as kids. They then became super sensitive to any type of even vaguely negative criticism. I have seen people who are at the top of their game at work & who have great self-esteem about their capabilites, absolutely **crumble** with self doubt about thier looks, social skills/climbing abilities, etc. And what about that nagging self doubt about parenting: Are you a good enough parent? Are you doing it right? or is YOUR kid gonna be the one who comes home (SURPRISE!)with a baby or a meth habit at age 12?
Self esteem isn't like a foundation to our spiritual house...it's just an offshoot of our morality, character, resiliance, and knowledge of our hidden super powers!! LOL.

Yes, there is a certain mourning of a loss of Girl Power as our looks fade. You either get over it and find value in things other than your ass or face, or get stuck in only valueing your physical attractiveness. Which leads to odd looking face and breast lifts and hot-pants at age 55.

Having a normal weight body is like money in the bank. It allows you to do so many things with that health equity! Being limited in what you can do physically (can you fit in the bumper cars at the carnival? How about the Ferris wheel ride?) will EAT YOUR SELF ESTEEM AWAY in huge gulps. No morbidly obese person is gonna be able do the exciting physical things (white water rafting? horse back riding?) that a normal weight person can do without some serious modifications and cash-up-front, if at all. It is THOSE wild physical, adrenaline making experiences missed out on that don't re-generate the spirit and the self-esteem! 350 pound people don't have the energy to build a stage set for the local high school play! Sure, they can "get value" from reading books to toddlers at the library, but that won't give them the bang for their buck they need. When your self esteem is seriously low, the body needs reinvigoration by doing strong, physical activities to get the spirit up & sailing again. So, it's like an endless circle: how to grow self-esteem when the vibrant activites needed are pretty much off limits?? No one wants to keel over digging a community garden! You can drive to a high mountaintop to take in the breath-taking views, but there is not the same self esteem growth that would have come from the challenge of doing the hike UP the mountain to see that view as the reward for the climb.

Until I magically become less sensitive to what people say, I limit my visits and chats with others. (No one can figure out how to be less sensitive, either.) I still expect people to see the Godliness in each other, and when that doesn't happen, I still am amazed. I go out, do my thing, but with family and few friends who I know are kind and don't make sarcastic, negative, passive/aggressive comments. I protect my heart and what little self esteem I have home-grown myself. It is easier (and calmer) to stay away from those people who want to hoe-out my tiny shoots of self esteem with a snotty comment or thoughtless chide. It is so easy for others to be mean. They have no clue how it nibbles at our own self concept. "Well, you need to be less sensitive, then!" some would say.

Well, no. I don't. I like being sensitive and introspective and logical.

"If you can in this life help others, if you can't don't hurt them". -H.K.

happyhappy

The older I get, the less I care what anyone thinks. I think my parents did a fairly good job of raising me with self esteem, but still in my twenties, I wasn't prepared for some of life's cruel blows. No one had ever treated me badly...and it really hurt coming from the one I loved the most.

Aging is a little hard on self esteem...and as I have gained weight and lost my looks more or less, I have become sort of invisible, which, actually, I don't mind very much. I am at the point in my life where I do what I want to do...I have things that interest me, and I am happy. I spend most of my time alone, doing what I want to do.

The only thing that bothers me about getting older, isn't that I am not as attractive as I used to be, but I am not as physically strong as I used to be, and the aches and pains of aging. I can still pull myself together and look presentable.

I learned to stay away from people who only want to bring you down. Just remember that people like that who will be critical of you, are super critical of themselves, and no one can ever make them feel better. Even if they put on a big front...inside they feel incredibly small.

I totally agree with Marilyn's last sentence,
As I age I'm learning to depend on myself more & more.
Realizing I have a choice on how not to let people mistreat me for always trying to be kind. We do become more
wiser and stronger as we age.
Olgaflowers

I've continued to think about this post off and on the last couple days. Always a sign of a good post! ;o)

It's gotten me thinking about the many ways people build their self-esteem, some false and some genuine. So I've noticed more that there are many people around me basing their self-esteem on the stuff they own: house, car, electronics. They are built up by the compliments people give them about their stuff. When it slows down, they need new stuff to start it up again.

Then again, I know people who base their self-esteem on the accomplishments of their children. I know one father of a 14 y/o who drives me nuts b/c he actually brags about how many "girlfriends" his son has! He was carrying around a picture of his son with one especially attractive girl. I'm not sure he is aware of his behavior, but he obviously feels better about himself when his son run up the cell phone bill b/c girls are calling him. I know many people who treat their kids like trophies on the mantle. It's a fine line between wanting our kids to be proud of their own accomplishments, and using our kids' accomplishments to boost our own ego.

I've also realized that for myself, being appreciated is the single factor that will refuel my self-esteem above all others. I don't need a gift or a returned favor, just a "thank you, that was kind." I think genuine self-esteem comes from feeling valuable to others. Yet so many people are trying to buy it with clothes, cars, homes, cosmetic surgery.

We can contribute to the self-esteem of the people in our lives by just letting them know they are appreciated and valued. Kind words. And it's contagious; when someone feels genuinely good about themself, they want to make others feel good about themselves, too. A person who needs to belittle others to feed their ego really doesn't feel good about themself.

I agree with what Marilyn says.

It hurts being treated badly by one whom I thought I loved.

One lesson I need to learn is to stay away from people who only want to bring you down.

I so want to feel good about myself.

I think if you are happy you probably have good self esteem...what I have found in my life is that especially women, want someone else to make them happy...They think they have to have a man to be happy, they have to be in a relationship or be married or they have to have a child...people are always waiting for happiness to arrive instead of enjoying or loving the journey. If you are leading a happy fulfilling life you are just bound to be full of self esteem...Because you don't "Need" anyone else to fulfill your life or your existance.

You need to personally take charge of your life and do the things that make you happy. The first year after my husband died, I spent the holidays seeing family and friends when invited but didn't make any measure of effort myself. My child has a policy of her children always spend Christmas day in their own home, we got together for a family thing before Christmas day...now here is the kicker...so what did I do...I wasn't unvited there or anywhere for that matter and spent the whole day feeling sorry for myself...sucking my thumb...finally after being down in the dumps I took a long hard look at myself and gave myself a swift kick in the but and sad...If I didn't have a good holiday it was my own fault and I promise you...it never happened again. Make yourself happy and make your life a happy existance and you won't have any self esteem problems....you won't need anyone to validate you or your life...you will be way to busy doing what you want to do and being who you want to be...

I always thought if my husband was happy, it would naturally carry over to me. Right now neither one of us are happy.