I wouldn't change who I am for someone, whether or not they would be willing to change. I wouldn't try to change someone anyway, you either like them for who they are, or you don't.

Nope

Well that can't possibly work now, can it? How long could you keep something up like that? We all have true natures and only change things we want to change.

I don't think it's possible to change "who" you are for anyone, perhaps not even for yourself. You can change your behavior and reactions to your world and to the people in it though - this is a necessary part of inner growth and peace. It is not sacrificing a part of who you are - from the time we are born, we are learning how we, as individuals we are, we can best be at peace with some true measure of happiness by how we react behave with all others in our life.

I believe that it's possible,likely, and necessary that we all monitor our behavior to accomidate other people if we want to keep a relationship on an even keel - it's what enables people to be happily married for an adult lifetime. However, "give and take" never involves one person in the perpetual "give" mode while another person is in the perpetual "take" mode - a relationship like that has unhealthy dynamics going on, I feel.

If the price of the relationship ends up being more than a person can accomidate, then there is trouble that needs to be addressed. Our general level of contentment with ourselves and our lives is what shows us how well we are doing as individuals - who we are makes us the individual.

How we react is part of what makes up who we are, and how we learn to adjust our reactions to life and to people is part of how we must continue to grow and mature as long as we are alive.

I just saw this AFTER I asked for help about my family member/ politics post! I can usually figure out how best to handle stuff, but this one has me in a state of great anxiety.

HAHAHAHAAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!

When one thinks about how hard it is to change himself, it is easy to imagine how impossible it is to change someone else.

Yes, to some extent.

I did that for my daughter for years, kept changing, trying to keep up with what she *needed* me to be. Finally I gave up and just started being myself. Now she won't talk to me, or have anything to do with me. Says I don't love her *enough* and I don't find her *change worthy.*

You gotta be kidding.

HELL NO

No. What you see is what you get, and if you don't like it, get the heck out of my sight.

My first instinct was to say NO WAY...but then after what my "family" is going through right now, I have to stop and think that WHAT IF...what if my brother had stopped and said...whoa, I have to change, I HAVE TO change my temper, it is NOT RIGHT to behave this way. Wait....my DH...YES, MY DH had to change, you see he spanked DD#1 once so hard it left a hand print...I said "THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN"..it didn't. Then she had a headache for 2-3 days (she was about 4). I asked her what happened, she said that she was drawing on the floor with her hotdog (yup a hotdog), and daddy went like this...and she swung her arm and said he hit me in the head. Counseling started the next week. Counselor said he was NEVER to physically punish the kids EVER again. He did not know how to limit his punishments, and would do more harm. He followed that until DD#1 turned about 14. They were arguing, she was sitting in a chair, and he kicked the chair she was sitting in. I kicked him out of the house. Yes there was 10 years between "attacks" if you want to call them that, but there were attacks. Before I would let him back he had to take anger management classes. Which he did. And has never hit any of the kids again.

SO....the answer to your question is YES I would...if that part of me was something that was not a good part. BUT it would take a lot of soul searching, talking with friends (I have friends that are VERY honest with me) and professional opinions. I have changed habits/attitudes of mine (modified) that were not beneficial to our relationship. I do not "clam-up" when we argue like I use to, I try to talk about what it bothering me right away rather than hold it in, or wait. Not always, I'm still working on that.

So you see "Changing who I am" is not always bad, and not always something that should be seen in a negative light. BUT is something that must be mulled over. My basic personality is the same, I think, and that won't change. But the parts of me "I" don't like, those I try to change.

Vickey-MN

Depends of who the other person is, and who "I" would be if I changed...perhaps I would be better off changed in some way. I'm not yet perfect......

I might try and change some of my behaviors, but there is no way I'll be able to change who I am.

No,not willingly..but then....there are some things that arent under our own control at times that we arent even aware of--take control by the mate..it happens,believe me.

Now?

Nope...My new motto-"If you can't handle me and my attitude at my worst,then you certainly do not deserve me at my best."

I think that anyone who wants you to change to suit what they want is trying to manipulate you and it's a power issue for them. If you change , or try to change to be what they want you to be, you are not being true to yourself.

So no, I would not change who I am for someone else. I might try to change some things about myself for myself because I am not happy with my attitude or behavior or whatever, but not for someone else.

Well, I would consider trying to change things about myself to a certain extent. I agree with what some of the other posters said. To maintain a healthy, long term relationship with someone, change is often necessary-change in behavior in certain areas as somebody said. And many people try to improve themselves in life anyway.

But I would not try to change my basic character or personality. And the part of the sentence that says "for someone not willing to change" is a huge red flag to me. I wouldn't try to change myself ONLY to hang on to someone that was not willing to change or improve himself.

I think you can change some things about yourself, but you can never really change who you are. The same goes for the other person. If the two of you can each change a few things about yourselves (like controlling temper better, trying to learn patience, and so on) then maybe you can meet happily in the middle. If one of you does all of the changing, then are you ever going to really be happy in that relationship?

If you change your behavior, often the other person will change theirs in reaction.

I don't know how I would change who I am.

It depends on what you're changing. If it's a drinking problem, rage, abuse... of course, you do what you can to change for your family. If it's just changing for the heck of it, because you don't like who I am, quirks and all- then get lost!

I've crawled through ground glass in this lifetime - no way would I change for anyone now.

No. I don't know that I could.

I would not change who I am with anyone...I love who I am and even though I have had my share of great problems and troubles I am happy with me as I am......Stacy