Would you change who you are, for someone not willing to change?

clubm

15 years ago

Comments (23)

jennmonkey
15 years ago
I wouldn't change who I am for someone, whether or not they would be willing to change. I wouldn't try to change someone anyway, you either like them for who they are, or you don't.
Adella Bedella
15 years ago
Nope
Related Discussions
Change of plans...what would you use in a bathroom?
Q
Comments (54)
The faucet is 3 holes. A standard placement. Mine is from HD, but same as Lowes and is brushed stainless. Sink must be deep as I have no problem washing hands or anything else. The sink is a square pedestal. Am not terribly fond of the sink, no place to hang a wet washcloth and feel the space underneath is wasted. I've considered building a cupboard for this, just a surround with the sink as the top. The bath is so small that I know this would make things feel cramped. Hmm, just thought, a curtain around it would give me some storage. I'm fairly simple in decorating, so a curtain needs some thinking. Still have the wet washcloth problem though. Love the sound of the water flowing from the faucet, even seeing it...silly things we attach ourselves to.
...See More
Life before/Life after: major midlife changes--would you do it again?
Q
Comments (18)
Ha, Rockybird, that is a tale of adventure! Brave lady. Robo, I think I missed out on reading What Color is Your Parachute when I should have read it in my 20's. Or maybe I lacked the self-awareness to understand what I really value and enjoy in my work. One thing you mentioned is coworkers, and my job is performed in near total isolation from colleagues, which is one of the factors motivating me to want to change. Honestly, I think if I could find a position in my field or any other where I could relegate work to the role of "just work" in my life that would be half the battle. It's the kind of job that weighs heavily on my mind even when I'm not there. But I also think that even if some evil twist of fate meant I had to stay in the same job until retirement, there are lots of other ways to significantly change one's life for the better. New hobbies, new social connections--or letting go of those that weigh you down more than sustain you--learning new skills that may not be for a job but that are fulfilling.
...See More
Does it bother you when someone keeps trying to change your style?
Q
Comments (51)
I did design most of the clothes I made, but I made traditional style pants, shirts, and suits for my brother. Normally I make my own patterns. As for changing one's style, when my brother was engaged, he and his fiancé refused to register for gifts because they knew that his fiancés mother would get involved. So I found out what they wanted and registered it for them, as many of their friends didn't know what to buy them. Then the mother found out about this and went to the store and changed ALL the registered items into what SHE wanted instead of what they wanted. So after the wedding, they took back all the unwanted items to the store and exchanged them for what I had registered for them. At the rehearsal dinner, someone asked my brother's MIL what she thought about the dress I had made, and she said, "I liked the bag," because I had made a custom garment bag for it. I did not realize that she was trying to insult me, and I said, "Oh, I've made tons of these." I used to make garment bags for all the dresses I made in San Francisco, but these dresses were mostly sold in New York. When I moved from San Francisco to Austin, I stayed with my sister and BIL for a month, which is when I made clothes for my sister, and I had her pick out the fabrics. I also did all her grocery shopping for her and cooked dinner every evening. The bad thing was that my BIL asked my sister why she did not cook the way I did!
...See More
What would you change?
Q
Comments (65)
used the houzz app professional finder feature spoke to a local architect who said a 2400 sq ft home is not big enough to really get use out of a truly custom build. he was very nice and was just basically like save your money and use online floor plans is its 6% per sq ft ($18k for a truly custom plan) he encouraged me to really know my lot as far as sit back lines, utility easements, permeable/non-permeable surface area. so I guess I am not going to be using an architect or a fully custom.
...See More
missindia2020
15 years ago
Well that can't possibly work now, can it? How long could you keep something up like that? We all have true natures and only change things we want to change.
mylab123
15 years ago
I don't think it's possible to change "who" you are for anyone, perhaps not even for yourself. You can change your behavior and reactions to your world and to the people in it though - this is a necessary part of inner growth and peace. It is not sacrificing a part of who you are - from the time we are born, we are learning how we, as individuals we are, we can best be at peace with some true measure of happiness by how we react behave with all others in our life.

I believe that it's possible,likely, and necessary that we all monitor our behavior to accomidate other people if we want to keep a relationship on an even keel - it's what enables people to be happily married for an adult lifetime. However, "give and take" never involves one person in the perpetual "give" mode while another person is in the perpetual "take" mode - a relationship like that has unhealthy dynamics going on, I feel.

If the price of the relationship ends up being more than a person can accomidate, then there is trouble that needs to be addressed. Our general level of contentment with ourselves and our lives is what shows us how well we are doing as individuals - who we are makes us the individual.

How we react is part of what makes up who we are, and how we learn to adjust our reactions to life and to people is part of how we must continue to grow and mature as long as we are alive.

I just saw this AFTER I asked for help about my family member/ politics post! I can usually figure out how best to handle stuff, but this one has me in a state of great anxiety.
Jasdip
15 years ago
HAHAHAHAAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!
lexi7
15 years ago
When one thinks about how hard it is to change himself, it is easy to imagine how impossible it is to change someone else.
jaybird
15 years ago
Yes, to some extent.
Mystical Manns
15 years ago
I did that for my daughter for years, kept changing, trying to keep up with what she *needed* me to be. Finally I gave up and just started being myself. Now she won't talk to me, or have anything to do with me. Says I don't love her *enough* and I don't find her *change worthy.*
linda_in_iowa
15 years ago
You gotta be kidding.
Terri_PacNW
15 years ago
HELL NO
marilyn_c
15 years ago
No. What you see is what you get, and if you don't like it, get the heck out of my sight.
Vickey__MN
15 years ago
My first instinct was to say NO WAY...but then after what my "family" is going through right now, I have to stop and think that WHAT IF...what if my brother had stopped and said...whoa, I have to change, I HAVE TO change my temper, it is NOT RIGHT to behave this way. Wait....my DH...YES, MY DH had to change, you see he spanked DD#1 once so hard it left a hand print...I said "THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN"..it didn't. Then she had a headache for 2-3 days (she was about 4). I asked her what happened, she said that she was drawing on the floor with her hotdog (yup a hotdog), and daddy went like this...and she swung her arm and said he hit me in the head. Counseling started the next week. Counselor said he was NEVER to physically punish the kids EVER again. He did not know how to limit his punishments, and would do more harm. He followed that until DD#1 turned about 14. They were arguing, she was sitting in a chair, and he kicked the chair she was sitting in. I kicked him out of the house. Yes there was 10 years between "attacks" if you want to call them that, but there were attacks. Before I would let him back he had to take anger management classes. Which he did. And has never hit any of the kids again.

SO....the answer to your question is YES I would...if that part of me was something that was not a good part. BUT it would take a lot of soul searching, talking with friends (I have friends that are VERY honest with me) and professional opinions. I have changed habits/attitudes of mine (modified) that were not beneficial to our relationship. I do not "clam-up" when we argue like I use to, I try to talk about what it bothering me right away rather than hold it in, or wait. Not always, I'm still working on that.

So you see "Changing who I am" is not always bad, and not always something that should be seen in a negative light. BUT is something that must be mulled over. My basic personality is the same, I think, and that won't change. But the parts of me "I" don't like, those I try to change.

Vickey-MN
redcurls
15 years ago
Depends of who the other person is, and who "I" would be if I changed...perhaps I would be better off changed in some way. I'm not yet perfect......
kec01
15 years ago
I might try and change some of my behaviors, but there is no way I'll be able to change who I am.
ont_gal
15 years ago
No,not willingly..but then....there are some things that arent under our own control at times that we arent even aware of--take control by the mate..it happens,believe me.

Now?

Nope...My new motto-"If you can't handle me and my attitude at my worst,then you certainly do not deserve me at my best."
barbara3
15 years ago
I think that anyone who wants you to change to suit what they want is trying to manipulate you and it's a power issue for them. If you change , or try to change to be what they want you to be, you are not being true to yourself.

So no, I would not change who I am for someone else. I might try to change some things about myself for myself because I am not happy with my attitude or behavior or whatever, but not for someone else.
susan_on
15 years ago
Well, I would consider trying to change things about myself to a certain extent. I agree with what some of the other posters said. To maintain a healthy, long term relationship with someone, change is often necessary-change in behavior in certain areas as somebody said. And many people try to improve themselves in life anyway.

But I would not try to change my basic character or personality. And the part of the sentence that says "for someone not willing to change" is a huge red flag to me. I wouldn't try to change myself ONLY to hang on to someone that was not willing to change or improve himself.
jel48
15 years ago
I think you can change some things about yourself, but you can never really change who you are. The same goes for the other person. If the two of you can each change a few things about yourselves (like controlling temper better, trying to learn patience, and so on) then maybe you can meet happily in the middle. If one of you does all of the changing, then are you ever going to really be happy in that relationship?
petaloid
15 years ago
If you change your behavior, often the other person will change theirs in reaction.

I don't know how I would change who I am.
orie
15 years ago
It depends on what you're changing. If it's a drinking problem, rage, abuse... of course, you do what you can to change for your family. If it's just changing for the heck of it, because you don't like who I am, quirks and all- then get lost!
wantoretire_did
15 years ago
I've crawled through ground glass in this lifetime - no way would I change for anyone now.
vannie
15 years ago
No. I don't know that I could.
grinch_gut
15 years ago
I would not change who I am with anyone...I love who I am and even though I have had my share of great problems and troubles I am happy with me as I am......Stacy

Would you change who you are, for someone not willing to change?

Comments (23)

jennmonkey

Adella Bedella

Related Discussions

missindia2020

mylab123

Jasdip

lexi7

jaybird

Mystical Manns

linda_in_iowa

Terri_PacNW

marilyn_c

Vickey__MN

redcurls

kec01

ont_gal

barbara3

susan_on

jel48

petaloid

orie

wantoretire_did

vannie

grinch_gut

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US