Your best bet in a used car will be a well-maintained American car. I don't want to get into the U.S./rest of the world "discussion" being held on other threads. I'll just say that proper maintenance has more to do with a car's trouble-free operation than where it is made. Right now, there are some decent American cars out there, but perception has not caught up with the reality, so American cars suffer more depreciation than many foreign cars. As a buyer of a used car, you can take advantage of that. Some of the cars you might want to look at include the Ford Taurus, or just anything midsize or larger from GM. I'm guessing that, since you got to the age of 16 without being a "gearhead," you mostly want a comfortable, reliable car. These will do the job. They shouldn't cost a fortune for insurance, either. Mikie is right -- even if you're paying for your own insurance, it will be cheaper to piggyback on your parents' policy than it will be for you to go solo. Ask about discounts if you get good grades in school or are willing to drive only a certain number of miles per month, etc. Finally, what else I wish I'd known about cars at your age? Having a car is a joy and a privilege -- and a responsibility. As a teenager, you have the benefit of quick reflexes and (I hope) formal training. You can be an excellent driver. But there's no substitute for experience -- especially at night in the rain and on icy roads. I knew how to steer out of a skid -- until the first time I found myself in one and narrowly missed a fence as I spun into a farmer's field. It's different when it really happens. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you're immortal (every teenager thinks so; so did I). You're in control of almost two tons of metal and glass and plastic, so be careful. When I was 16, nobody had cell phones and we were lucky if the car had an FM radio, nevermind multi-channel stereo systems and iPod links and the like. I know teenagers are better at multi-tasking than they used to be, but you still have one primary task in a car -- driving. Don't be distracted by fiddling with the stereo or talking with friends. It's okay to concentrate on driving. Professional auto racers do. Have fun! Getting my first car was a blast. I hope you find one you really like and have many happy miles with it.

I agree with the others. Because drinking is so socially acceptable, it's possible she is unaware that her drinking has crept up to the point that it's gotten out of control. It will certainly be a difficult discussion, but if nobody ever says anything, how could a change ever begin to happen...? Seeking's point about keeping the conversation short, direct, and unambiguous is an excellent one. No doubt, any conversation that lasts longer than 60 seconds will come off sound like 'harping'. I'd respectfully disagree with Lowspark about the "I phrasing". Unless you happen to work a miracle and hit your timing perfectly (right when she is beginning to realize she has a serious problem and needs to change), you're going to be blamed anyway for being overprotective and unreasonable. Why plant the idea? It's just an excuse. I like Gibby's "too much alcohol being consumed on a daily basis" approach. It communicates clearly without accusing. Definitely talk to your 12 year old. Otherwise, you're missing a huge opportunity to point out what a drunk person looks like to others. Your DD is at a very impressionable age right now, and if she realizes what's going on before you explain it to her, you'll come off looking like a huge hypocrit -- condoning drunken behavior in others while presumably warning her about the evils of alcohol. She also needs to hear that a tendency towards alcoholism can run in the family, and that she needs to be extra careful... Good luck ---

Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond and give me good advice. You pretty much confirmed that what we are doing is right--just "being there," keeping things light, not making a big deal out of this to DSS. KKNY, you don't know me, yet you read the worst into what I said, in the meantime, ignoring all of the clearly positive aspects of it. Perhaps I should read the worst into your post to point out that you did nothing more than take an opportunity to further what appears to be your "mission" to attack the SMs here. If you really wanted to help, as a BM, you could offer some constructive advice. But if you did that, you might actually help IMPROVE a step situation, which would REALLY run counter to your "mission," now wouldn't it?? For your information, and for anyone else who is wondering, I made the point that they are not "good enough" to make their middle school team (yes, they had try-outs and DID NOT make it) to show that this "team" they are on is just a step above "pick-up basketball" in the neighborhood. It is something they do for fun and exercise, but b-ball is not a sport that either of them particularly excel at, nor is this league something that is that important to them vs. time with their father, which they need, NOW MORE THAN EVER, IMO. It would be like DH telling them he can't do visitation one weekend b/c he has a church league b-ball game. If DH has to miss visitation for work (which almost never happens, as even though DH is a lawyer and works MANY hours a week, he puts in extra hours during the week so he can take off the weekends and be with DSSs), or if DSSs have to miss for school, church or some other activity that is really important to them, that is another matter. And this is not MY original sentiment--I am actually parroting what DH says, and HE certainly is allowed to make statements w/o having bad motives ascribed, ISN"T HE, KKNY??? The point I was trying to make is, there are some activities that really "justify" missing visitation, and others do not and are an "excuse" which is a symptom of a problem. If we suddenly agree to skip visitation everytime there is something going on that one of them could possibly do, we might as well tell them to "have a nice life" as I suggested above. I probably should have mentioned that DSSs have played in this league for years and have NEVER had a problem missing Sat. games for visitation, so it seems obvious it was an "excuse" this year. Also, they both are VERY VERY good at other things, and we support them. DSS 14's soccer team went to the state championships last year. DSS 12 has only lost a few wrestling matches IN HIS LIFE! So, when it comes to soccer and wrestling, we understand that they can't miss and work around those things. Someone mentioned "walking on eggshells" around SKs. That is the real irony of KKNY ascribing bad motives to me. For 9 years, I have gone out of my way to try not to say anything that would be upsetting to DSSs. When they do things that I would correct my son on in a minute (like eat chocolate chip cookies, brownies, etc. dropping crumbs all over the kitchen instead of over the counter, pouring a large glass of the last milk we have in the house so that there is none for anyone else) I do not say ONE WORD. I remind myself that I am glad they like my cookies, and I'm glad their drink of choice is MILK over soda. Of course, I would think nothing of telling DS 6 not to do that or anything else. But I don't want to do anything to make them feel "picked on" at our house. So it is almost LAUGHABLE to me that someone here would say I made a "dig" at DSS 14 over not being good enough to make the middle school team. Also, I feel badly for DH b/c he is truly one of the best dads one could imagine. Someone asked that recently on another thread. My DH is a wonderful DH and an amazing dad. When DSSs were little guys, he bathed them, dressed them, complete care. (He bathes our 2, does diaper changes, etc.) DSS 14 plays guitar and when his band played for his school recently, DH took the morning off work to be there. (4+ hours round trip for a 15 minute assembly, but again, he loved every minute of it.) He also takes DSSs INDIVIDUALLY on father-son weekends each summer. (For past 3 years, DSS 12 and he have gone to father-son wrestling camp; DSS 14 and he have been to father-son baseball camp and pro football Hall of fame.) DH loves to laugh and has a very witty sense of humor and always keeps things light. I just read this response to DH in its entirety and he agrees with everything I've said. I think I'm going to end this with the sentiment that the fact that DH and I are on the same page and have a STRONG, HEALTHY, HAPPY marriage will get us through this. Thanks again for all who posted on this. Have a good day.

I never could afford a "dream" car, but my best liked, all around family car was the 1964 Dodge Dart, Automatic, with the 264 cubic inch V8 engine. I drove that one to 100,000 miles and would have kept it longer except the body was rusting out due to our winter laden salted roads and I needed a replacement for our growing family. It had a good balance between power and economy, a smooth running trouble free engine, and was a good long distance driver. Visibility was good. What was unique about it? This little V8 was based on the larger 318 engine, but had thin wall castings for weight savings. Many of the internal parts were interchangeable with the 318: Crank shaft, cam shaft, cam chain, distributor, and oil pump. The spacings between cylinders were indentical so the engine could be made on the same line as its big brother 318. The pistons were smaller but the designers used a large heavy wrist pin to make the piston-wrist pin combination weight the same as the larger engine. That way, both engines could be run on the same engine balancing line. The all time most smooth engine I ever owned was a 1954 Dodge Red Ram V8 (its a hemi). It was not a particularily powerful engine, but so very smooth and quiet. One day, we were shuttled into a roadside safety check. The officer made the inspection and laid his clipboard on the hood to make the final entries, AND the he asked me to start the engine. The enigine had been running all the time. I had to jazz the throttle to convince him. He did not feel it while writing on his clipboard which was on the hood and he could not hear it over the street noise.