Yeah, cooperbailey, I'd like to ask the CEO's kids if they like his "balance". I suspect they'd say no. He really p!ssed me off implying that we are somehow incompetent because he's figured out how to handle OT and we haven't. He fails to recognize that not everyone's life is like his. And I would never play the gender card in a work setting, but honestly, there is a difference between a working mother and a working father.

lauren and jeannine, I hear you about having a spouse to help with things around the house, but keep in mind that the relationship is yet another demand on your time, so it could wind up being a wash!

I guess I fall into the double day category. I work full-time as a paralegal and then go home and usually make dinner and clean up. My husband (also works full-time, but has an odd schedule) is definitely not unwilling to help, he just stinks at cleaning! He's actually a great cook, but makes such a mess doing it that it's not even worth it! I too get frustrated by the lack of time/energy I have to tackle projects.I've literally had some projects going for close to a year. I'm hoping that once the kids are a little older, I'll have some extra "me" time.

I run a home daycare full time, and am in grad school full time getting my masters in special education, and I paint commissioned artwork on the side, and I have sole custody of my four elementary-school-aged children, ages 6-11. My house is often a wreck, but I get a lot done. Just not always everything I have planned! Ah, to finish all the projects I have already started.... I have straight A's, though. ;)

I work M, W, F. M & W are 12.5hrs each and F is 6hrs. DH works 6 full days/wk. I have a hot meal going when he gets home on the days that I am home and laundry done. All by choice BTW - not on DH's expectations. I get NOTHING done around the house w/ 3 kids under 5yrs. old. I used to get so much done even w/ the 1st 2 kids but now it's all shot to you know what. There was a time when I could paint a rm. in an 2 hours - now I've learned to work in 15 minute blocks during naptime (if I'm not napping myself).

When there's only 1 kid home w/ me I can still get a lot done but I'm usually so far behind in my preferred way of cleaning that I don't get to projects.

Reminds me - does anyone know if I have to prime over crayon before painting? DS2 decided that the center hall walls were an art gallery and had a free for all w/ a new box of 64.

Interesting topic! I work FT, and have 2 almost grown kids (17 and 20 YO) who both live at home. My husband works FT as well at the same college as me.

I have never been completely SAH but for a very long time I was sort of betwixt/between SAH and WOH. Went to part time status when my first child was born and veeeeeeery slowly ramped back up, resuming working FT when my daughter was 15 and my son 18.

In my opinion - ONLY my opinion - being home with small children is probably the most labor intensive and exhausting lifestyle! At least it was for me. However having said that now I'll make a whole lot of people mad and say that I've always harbored an unseemly envy of SAH folks whose kids are all in school. I just think that having a full 6-8 hours to get everything done in the day would be a huge boon. I think people who are home, even if they are busy, are still more fortunate than those who are obligated to be somewhere else for X hours a day/week. The women who are at work all day still have the same set of duties at home in most cases, but they are squeezing that set of work into much less time to get it done. The double day women, and I'm basically one now in some ways, have a tough challenge. I can only speak for myself but when I worked less than a full schedule I didn't have nearly as much of an issue taking care of all the household/family tasks as well as my job.

As far as getting projects done, when my kids were tiny I got a few things done that required hands-on work rather than money, which was in short supply. I was however very lucky to have help. In my case it was a pair of doting grandparents (I think Igloo also mentioned she has a nanny 20 hrs/week-that kind of help is a blessing). Otherwise I doubt I could have done projects at all, like removing/sanding/painting my kitchen cabinets or cleaning and painting the roof.

That era ended when the kids went to school and I started working during those hours. Although I could fit in the PTA and household errands, I basically couldn't find time to do more than keep up with my routine duties, much less tackle projects.

Now in the past couple of years as my kids are older, I work more and my salary is higher I'm doing some major projects because I can finally afford to buy the materials and hire out the work. Also, the kids are so much easier now; they require no more hands-on care, they are driving so out and about doing their own things quite often. And last but not at all least as I have ramped up my work schedule my husband has willingly taken on a lot of duties at home.

So as far as projects go in the past few years I've gotten both bathrooms redone, had wood flooring installed, had crown molding installed (floors and molding done by my son), painted most of the house (did that myself) and hopefully will soon be hiring out the kitchen remodel that is long past overdue. I still find I am mentally drained by handling work and life in general-I love my job but it takes a lot of my energy and concentration. So the routine things that call for my time rather than money are often what go last on the list--I don't often do deep decluttering or cleaning projects etc. I always feel I'm behind but after dinner when I have the choice to rest or tackle one of my endless list of should-dos, the should-dos are invariably the losing option :).

Ann

Oh my, skatiero, you have a quadruple day!

Ann, you bring up a good point about having family (grandparents, etc.) to help with childcare. I do not have any family locally. I imagine that makes a HUGE difference. I remember as a kid spending every Friday night at my grandmother's house. My mom had every Friday night, all night, to herself. The thought boggles my mind. I also spent many, many overnights at cousins' houses. I could definitely get to some projects with that kind of childcare relief!

I work outside the home - usually four days a week.

Most of the time, I try to get house stuff done weeknights. I'm an early riser so I sometimes manage to get a few things done in the mornings before going in to work. That leaves Friday, Saturday and Sunday for my hubby and I to do what we want to do. Of course there are always bigger projects that sometimes eat into that time. My hubby is great about helping around the house. We don't have children, and I know that makes a difference. We pretty much split things up. I love working in the yard, so I help with those type things and he helps inside the house. He is not good with cooking or laundry, which is fine, there are things that I'm not good at LOL. My hubby works 4 10-hour days so we most always have Friday-Sunday off together.

I'm finding since the holidays that I am not very motivated in getting much done. Hubby is the same way. I don't know if it's the weather, which has been very up and down, or just what it is. Hope it changes soon because we need to get a few things done before spring has sprung as then we spend much time outside.

tina

However having said that now I'll make a whole lot of people mad and say that I've always harbored an unseemly envy of SAH folks whose kids are all in school. I just think that having a full 6-8 hours to get everything done in the day would be a huge boon.

You'll love this...a few weeks ago, I was reading a blog and the author asked about everyone's daily routine. One posted said she woke up, got the kids ready for school, drove them to school, and then came home to read decorating blogs until school was over, which was when she went to get the kids. Housework was done while the kids did homework.

Now, I know just from having grown up with a stay at home mom that that woman's day is VERY atypical, but I could just imagine people reading the comment and getting all riled up!

Oh, and I totally hear bungalow on the relationship taking up a lot of time. There are certainly times when I think that I would get a lot of cleaning done if I told my boyfriend not to come over for a few days. The thought of getting my Ph.D. (a goal and almost a requirement in my field) is pretty daunting right now. I feel like I'm constantly late and pressed for time.

Can I take the dare?? :)

Ttodd-- yes, you have to prime. OR see if the crayon will scrub off whit a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Man, love those things!

OH, to have local family! Any nice folks want to be surrogate grandparents in Atlanta? Siiiiigh.

I'm mainly a "lurker" on this forum, since my decorating abilities are still "evolving" as I learn from everyone here (thanks, all :). I, too, am amazed how skillful everyone here is, so this is an interesting topic. I work full-time, but early hours so I can be home to get my two DDs off the bus. The evening is full of homework help, dinner prep, afterschool activities, etc. My DH works long hours for a boss/CEO who literally tells everyone "your family is now your job; take it or leave it". Obviously, in this economy, DH is stuck there, and go figure, that CEO is divorced and estranged from his "human" family. So, DH can't help out, and we have no relatives to lean on for help. Any decorating projects I do (DH has no interest in such stuff), is only on the weekends. Let me tell you, I often day-dream about not having to work, but that's only a dream. I consider myself so lucky to have a steady job, healthy kids, and enough "pocket money" to even consider redecorating.

I can certainly relate to all of you that have kids still at home. Your life revolves around their lives and it doesn't leave much time for anything else.

My kids are grown and so I work full time now. My usual plan for after work is go to the gym, fix dinner, clean up, work on something, take a bath and go to bed. I plan work on my projects, and I always have at least one project, for week nights and week ends. I love painting, sewing, decorating, etc. so these are the things that I want to do. I can get a lot done in a couple of hours, but sometimes I have to remind myself to go to bed. I only need about 6 hours of sleep on a regular basis. I think that got started when the kids were young and I had to stay up if I wanted any personal time. As my husband says, "if she isn't working on something, she is asleep."
Diane

That is tooo funny, jeanninepc99!

I'm a SAHM to with two teens, five cats and a dog still at home. My DH is out of town four nights a week and my DD works a couple of nights, but I still try to coral as many as possible for dinner each night.

Our home decorating is almost all all DIY. I always have a list of stuff to do in the back of my head. I almost always do too much, too fast and end up too exhausted to move.

I have to admit there are occaisionally weeks where I don't start cleaning the house until my husband's plane home is in the air, but I'll never tell him that.

My husband worries that I'll be miserable if he's still traveling when the kids move out, but are you ever really alone when you have 5 cats?

ttod...If Mr. Clean does not remove it, I'd suggest you do a pass over with some sand paper to get some of it off. Then be sure to use a primer that sticks to shiny surfaces (Sherwin Williams Seals and Bonds for Shiny Surfaces is my number one best friend). Crayon's are wax, which resists paint, and can resist many primers.

I used to have a 20 hour to 30 hour nanny but she's gone into early labor (at 20 weeks) so I no longer have her. It's hard to find folks here, so I'm going without. When I had her, I was over at the house working in any capacity possible on the remodel (mostly painting, but cleaning and wiring as well). I can't wait until we get the nanny back though. When she has her baby she thought I'd make her put her in daycare, but I would love for my son to have contact with another baby so we're hoping she'll be healthy enough to come along with mom. During those 20 hours, I tend to get projects done, but still not as quick as I used to.

I think the thing about getting stuff done while working was that I could get a project out and become obsessed with it when I wanted, and have no need to pick it all up between work sessions. IE I used to make probably a dozen silk quilts per year to donate to charity. I'd drag out tthree or four bins of silk, the muslin, the embroidery machine, sewing machine, pins, scissors, blah blah blah and get to work. I would often sew all night if it was a night I got home at a reasonable hour (my job included after hour work). So I'd accomplish the task rather quickly because that was all I did in that block of time.

With DS, there's no leaving out razor blade sharp scissors, and he finds nothing more fun than emptying bins of fabric...and drooling on silk :oP So, no more obsessed work. My chunks of time are more like those 15 min blocks mentioned above.

When DS goes to school (we really want him to go now but he can't be around a bunch of kids at once...they carry too many germs) :O( I'll be one of those SAHM's with a child in school. But, I am planning on living in a huge victorian that needs help, and she'll be my full time job LOL

DH works crazy hours and travels often. I used to do the same, and we both can't do that and be good parents, so given that he owns the company and I only worked for a company, it made more sense for me to be the SAHP. I'm very very envious of parents who get to go to work frankly. I miss it more than you'd ever think. But I just can't do what I did part time, so my new career is home restorer (1980's flower wallpaper remover more like) and mom.

By the way, to be honest...I didn't accomplish all of last weeks tasks. The curtain is made but missing it's hem and a tie back. I don't remember what else I said I'd accomplish LOL hopefully I did some of it!

This whole thread is funny, touching, informative, & inspiring - what a wonder-filled batch of powerful & interesting posters we have here!

I've always been interested to see how many posters are here with "mom" somewhere in their screen name. Clearly home & family are a very important part of lives of so many here.

Thanks for starting this artlover - it really helps to humanize us all a little bit more :)

I work at home, but have to travel around LA to go to edit sessions, do research, etc. My kids are older, so they don't require my constant hovering, although I'll breathe a sigh of relief when my daughter hears from art schools!
But I don't have any projects unless cruising CL counts.

You're a remarkable bunch of people, but I knew that already. (: So glad to be a part of this community.

I'm a professor, and mom to two little boys (4 and 7), which means I work roughly 50-60 hours/week but can choose which those are. Today, for example, I volunteered in DS1's class from 8-10, working 10-2:30, working out 2:30-3:15, picking up the kids, homework/errands/dinner/Hebrew school/bedtime till 8:30 or so, then back to work till around 1 am. Increasingly hard to work those nighttime hours -- I'm getting old! -- but I'm grateful to have the option, and to be able to have a full, rewarding professional life while still being really involved with my kids.

Home projects? What, you don't like the checkerboard of paint samples on the wall as-is? I thought it was an artistic statement. We did finally manage to rake up the autumn leaves in the back yard -- last week! But right now my main home projects are cooking (three loaves of bread a week, muffins for lunches, big pots of stew or pans of lasagne to make weeknights easier) and folding laundry. I hate the socks, but DH gets cranky picking socks out of the bin...

Really what I have wondered is how many dads are helping with the housework and kids.

Diane, I've read on more than one occasion that statistically speaking men don't do 50%. They do more than they did a few decades ago though. I'm sure google would turn up the numbers.

That's why I said earlier there is a difference between a working mother and a working father, however, I should have said a working wife and a working husband. Gee, I wonder if lesbian couples' houses sparkle? :)

Whew! you are all so busy. I'd kinda forgotten what is was like having kids in the house. We are pretty much empty nester except when my teenage step son comes to visit. I am the DIYer in the family. My husband tries to help sometimes, but bless his heart he really is all thumbs. So, usually it's me installing the recessed lights, or painting while he does the laundry or grocery shopping. I teach middle school art and get home at 4:00 but usually by then I'm too pooped to do anything but sit down with a nice glass of wine and read about all your wonderful projects. I usually spend about a half day on Saturdays actually working on house projects.

I have been a SAHM for the past 6 years. Time flies. I do miss my work, but just don't have time for it. We have 5 children ages 5-13. Homeschool. Have a non-profit organization. Own a business that is based outside of our home, and office staff that run much of it. So while we are really busy, most of it is time spent in raising our children. I have had cleaning gals in the past, but I've decided it's just easier to do it myself, and also teach my children how to be tidy.
So my days are spent cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping, clothes shopping for kids who seem to always be having growth spurts, helping out with church activities, and occasionally on call for our business.
I'm almost 40 and don't accomplish the amount of tasks in a day that I did when I was in my 20's. I'm definitely slowing down.
bungalowhouse~ i am sorry but your comment made me laugh so hard. I mean no disrespect to those couples, but it just struck me as so funny. Thanks for the laugh. :o)

Please ... nobody flame me for what I'm about to say. This is just something that has been on my mind lately, and this thread has called forth some thoughts and emotions that have been incubating inside of me, and I really hope I'm not out of line by expressing myself in this thread.

Have you all noticed how we seem to wear our "busy-ness" as a badge of honor? The general consensus seems to be that the more we do -- the more we accomplish, the better people we somehow are. I'm not just talking about what's expressed in this thread either. I see this in so many areas from people all around me, and I too get sucked up into this way of thinking and believing all too often. At work, I routinely hear things like this:

"I worked all weekend. Didn't even get to do a bit of relaxing."

"I was working here at the office until 3:00 this morning. Boy, I'm going to need a lot of caffeine to get me through this day."

These statements are made with pride, and sometimes I'll even overhear folks who are obviously trying to outdo one another as to who worked the hardest or stayed the latest or got to do the least with their families because they were too busy taking care of business.

Maybe it's just my belligerent, rebellious nature that causes me to bristle ever-so-slightly when I hear (and when I find myself participating in -- I'm guilty too!) conversations that seem to extoll busy-ness as a virtue. Because, really - is it? And if it is, then isn't it also possible that doing absolutely nothing is every bit as worthy? Why are we slackers if we aren't busy? Why would anyone be bothered by a mom who stays at home while her kids are in school, enjoys computer time during the day and does her chores while the kids are doing homework? Is that truly offensive?

I dunno ... Maybe I've said entirely too much here, but I really sometimes feel like we would all do well to reassess the way that we view doing and going and accomplishing, instead of simply being.

I'm a college librarian. I work half-time during the school year and full-time June-August. I went to this part-time schedule after DD (9) was born.

I also homeschool DD, serve on two comittees, and am the caretaker of our community orchard (time-consuming but great fun.) I have also just begun to teach yoga. DH is terrific with DD, but I do virtually all of the housekeeping (and homeschooling.) My other passions are reading, gardening, and writing.

I become frustrated with my house because it doesn't look the way I know it could - if I just put more time into it. I daydream about decorating but don't get further than clearing the dining room table and putting out a few candles. But - priorities - decorating comes *after* spending time with dd, gardening, reading, writing, housekeeping...I'm trying to figure out how to get DD to accept painting the living room as a homeschool project. Hey, it's worth at least one Girl Scout badge!

As for the SAHMs - I frankly think that it the hardest job there is. I'm typing this on my break at work - SAHM are on 24/7/365, bless them all.

I do clerical work at a large Univeristy 40 hours a week, but only 8 months out of the year. I get almost 6 weeks off between Christmas and the start of the spring semester. Also a week for spring break and June, July and August. I am married with three grown children and worked my way "down the ladder" in order to have more time at home. I did work here year round when my oldest two were born and it was very hard. I started on this dream schedule when I was pregnant with my youngest, who turned 20 last week.

Now that hubby is selling his business it seems that this is what they were talking about when whoever said "the best is yet to come." After all our hard work we now have time and money at the same time!

My hubby is definitely NOT a couch potato and has always done a great deal of work around the house. I can honestly say that he washes the kitchen and bathroom floors exclusively, does the majority of vacuuming, all the yardwork on our acreage and lake property and dozens of repair jobs. I am shining his armor today since he rescued me and my broken down car off the road early this morning in the below zero temps! His only recipe is toast, but I can forgive that since he has so many positive qualities.

Current projects? We just finished several outside projects using contractors because we had major hail storm damage this summer. Submitting the receipts and billing for things we did ourselves was a job in itself.

Next, we need to get a new TV to replace our old dinasaur. I don't think that's going to be as hard as picking the TV stand. I seem to hate them all. Then this summer I am going to remove the wallpaper from my bathroom and contemplate a new color. I'd love to do a total re-do including frameless shower and granite countertops and a Toto but will have to be happy with a new paint job for now.

Well... I work four ten hours days a week, with a 45 minute commute each way. I have a 3 year old son. I am proud that we survive and do okay with this crazy schedule, but I wouldn't say I am proud of how busy I am.

I get nothing but the basics of dinner, bath, bedtime done on work nights, and weekends seem to be taken up with laundry and basic household chores. I have many, many projects in my brain, but not much gets put into action. I used to get so much done before I had my son!

My DH does help with our son, but doesn't do much with housework, and he absolutely hates when I want to do "projects". His quote: "WHY?"

Very interesting thread :)
Jen

moonkat -- you wrote exactly what I was thinking as I was reading everyone's thoughtful, interesting notes.

I have LOVED learning more about everyone, and LOVED learning that no matter where any of us are in life (young children / older children / no children, working inside / outside the home, etc.) we're all in it together.

I still marvel at what everyone here gets accomplished.

(And a h-u-g-e thank you to everyone for forgiving me my parent note -- I'm just a walking, weepy, maternal mess, so excited about Li'l Bit's developments, seeing the light at the end of our tunnel. xo)

RM, your post made me smile...good for your DS!

AuntJen, your post made me laugh! You and I are only a few months apart, I think, and I find myself thinking along the same lines as you. My mother died not too long ago, and my father is aging (but blessed and wonderful), and when he and my MIL are gone DH and I will be the oldest on both sides of the family. It reminds you that you had better start living! I guess that we've both come to the conclusion that we'd prefer a balance of doing what we need and doing what we want. I don't want to turn around some day and think "what the heck was that?...I didn't have a bit of fun!"

I am currently working from home for a hospital system, but working harder than I ever have, I think (nothing's ever perfect, is it? :). Jobs are hard to come by these days, so I try to do the very best/most I can each day....and when I sign off from that computer we have fun. We still do projects, but not as frantically, and we still maintain things.

I remember my mother telling me that the kids wouldn't remember a perfect house, but will remember if they had a good time and lived a full life. I hope that she's right... ;-)

Southernheart, I'm glad you truly "heard" what I was trying to say! I'm so sorry that you lost your mother -- I can only imagine how losing a parent must make us really stop and reevaluate how we want to live out the rest of our lives.

I am thankful that I still have both of my parents, but like all of us, they too are getting older. Still, they are extremely active, and my dad is a very skilled craftsman who always has a couple of projects going ... yet I'm definitely taking lessons from the value that he places, and is increasingly placing as he gets older, on the fine art of doing nothing. Sometimes when we speak on the phone, he'll ask what we have on tap for the weekend, for example, and when I say, "Not a darn thing", his response is, "Wonderful! That sounds perfect." Because he has come to realize that it isn't all about attaining and accomplishing. Not by a long shot.

My DH refers to himself as a "house husband", which is exactly what he is. He's 40 and is not disabled and we do not have children, but we have both chosen for him to stay at home while I work outside the home. Talk about a freaky arrangement, at least according to some who just can't (or won't) wrap their heads around a lifestyle that's not the norm, wherein two people are busy working and producing and generating the most money they possibly can. I've finally grown so weary of trying to explain what we do and why we do it this way, that I just tell folks my hubby is retired. Somehow, they understand that concept a bit better.

I guess what I'm trying to get across most is that I really wish we all would step back and see the bigger picture more often. There is a time and a place for busy-ness, but being busy does not automatically signal a life well lived. There are many ways in which people can be happy and find fulfillment, and there really is a value in, as we have come to call it, slacking off.

Wow. I think I've veered pretty far from the original premise of this thread, but hopefully those who read what I've said here will see how it does tie in, at least in an abstract fashion.
;-)

auntjen~I'm so relieved that I'm not the only one reading all these great "truths" and going "what the ****!?"

I used to be a single mom, worked full-time, and not that that is not commendable, but was often *praised* as though I made some huge sacrifice just for living.

Now that I'm married, stay-at-home (but no longer strictly by choice) and go to school part-time, I feel like a slacker. I've also developed some health problems that make it difficult to *accomplish* (or just do) as much, and worry because I really want to do a very physical thing but I don't think realistically I'm in good enough shape for it. Having to adjust your expectations is probably normal, but I just feel bad. *sigh*

I am humbled at the accomplishments and sheer variety of experiences and depth of knowledge here, what a talented bunch! :)

AJ, I "get you" almost always. :) Maybe it is because we are alike in a lot of ways, maybe our similarity in ages, too. I tend to march to my own drummer, also.

Thank you for your kind words. I am so glad that you are still enjoying having both of your parents here, and wish you their company for many more years...it's such a blessing, isn't it? I feel that my mother is still with us, but that I just can't see her now (how's that for a "wandering" statement? :)

I'm also glad that you are happy living your life as you see fit. My mother would have told you that you have nobody to answer to other than yourself and those you love! BTW, I think that these threads are especially fun when they become a bit of stream-of-consciousness...

I run my own business which takes up my whole life. I am on this list today because my shrink told me to find things I like to do. Oh, and we bought a new house. I guess that is a major reason for the decorating forum thing too. I can't wait to steal a minute here or there to read your posts, hear about your ideas, and see all the progress. I am still way too new at the decorating thing to even understand it all but I sure do like trying! Our kids are 20 and 21 now but both are in college so we are not yet empty nesters (one is at home and the other in an apartment close by so she's home alot too).

It's such a catch-22: if you don't work, the $$ are harder to come by for the decorating and if you do work, the $$ are easier to come by but the time sure isn't. And... if you have little ones, it's all hard to come by! All you child-raising SAH-ers just keep in mind you are doing one of the toughest and most selfless jobs in the world (at least in my opinion).

Our family also has a non trad arrangement, I work FT (sadly, about 50 hours a week plus a 45 min commute each way) and mr. sandyponder is a SAHD to our 10 year old daughter (and our 2 stinky, doofus mutts). Luckily my job pays enough to support a family, and DH does all the cleaning and cooking during the week, weekends I cook, he cleans up (I love to cook).

We work on projects on the weekends, but not at night, if it's winter I'm ready to hibernate, if it's summer I'd rather be kayaking or just sitting on the deck in the evening. Hence, it's slow going with projects around the sandyponderosa, but we aren't clean freaks or obsessive and I can, and do, relax when projects are in any stage of completion (much to the astonishment of some family members who are, let's say, wrapped a bit tightly).

sandyponder

After many years of working outside the home I'm now a SAHW (stay at home wife) and enjoy doing absolutely nothing. lol! I'll be 55 next month but I feel much younger so I still make time to play whenever I can. Heck, sometimes I can sit for hours playing the solitaire game Baker on my iPhone. After raising boys, no guilt whatsoever!

I just strive for balance - a little homekeeping after my workout in the morning then the afternoons are mine. I'm fortunate to have a very supportive hubby (27 yrs.) who doesn't mind getting a last minute text asking him to pick up El Pollo or pizza. We're both big on diy projects and can do just about any home improvement job, or at least DH thinks we can. ; )

My dear father is in a care facility about an hour away so I try and see him several times a week. Not having to go to an outside job has really helped free up my time for him and I know he really appreciates my visits.

Decorating has always been a passion of mine so I usually have my face in a decorating book or magazine at bedtime. I find I sleep really well when I have visions of the next decor project dancing in my head. : )

Diana

Aunt Jen - I so get what you are saying! The older my hubby and I get, the more we see it. We have come to where we do not PLAN anything that is not totally necessary. We do more by impulse. If we want to spend our 3 day weekend at home doing absolutely nothing, that is what we do. While we do enjoy many outdoor activities and projects, we are just as happy enjoying the privacy of our back yard. We can sit and read for hours on the patio, laze an afternoon away in the sunroom, etc. And you know what? IT FEELS SO GOOD. Last spring we had planned a trip and the morning of the day we planned to leave, we were sitting outside, eating breakfast. We had just been through a busy few weeks and were feeling a bit run down. We threw caution to the wind and decided to simply stay home for the week. We told no one of our change in plans, family had our numbers in case of emergency. It was wonderful and we felt so recharged and refreshed at the week's end!

tina

Great thread!
I work full time outside of the home in healthcare, I do 24 hour shifts. On my days off I'm at my other full time job, mommy to a 3yr. old and 5yr. old and I'm expecting baby #3. I love to decorate and I have a bunch of projects that are ongoing, but I NEVER finish anything. I would rather play candyland or do arts and crafts with glitter and elmers glue with my girls. When it comes to house work, I try to squeeze as much in during the hours they are in nursery school, so I can spend time with them. My mom was a SAHM, but she never did anything with us and I always wished she did. When I am doing home projects, I try to involve them as much as I can even if it takes me 4 times as long to hang some curtains.

Auntjen, I understand what you were trying to say- but I could see how it might be misinterpreted. Unfortunately today many of us HAVE to work outside the home, in addition to being full time mommies and all the other responsibilities of running a household. My DH and I live in a modest home, and we could never afford our mortgage or taxes on one salary. My DH works M-F he leaves a 6am and is not home until 6:30PM, so the day to day duties fall on me. I sometimes wish I were able to exclusively stay at home, but it's not an option. And I love my career, it is rewarding and the adult conversation is a bonus as well. It's just tough juggling it all at once.

We have our own businesses and I do the paperwork (leases, accounting) but it takes me maybe 4 hours a week first two weeks of the month. Much less the remaining weeks. After raising three children and staying busy for so long with school, driving, doctors, dentist, orthodontist, after school activities, birthday parties, volunteering at school, holiday programs, summer activities, meals cooked 5 nights a week, breakfast, lunch, snacks, not to mention taking care of the pets, laundry, gardening, DIY projects.....I'm exhausted and glad to not have so much to do all of the time!

I often wonder how my kids would have suffered during childhood had I discovered GW before they were grown! lol

Hey Aunt Jen,

I totally understand what you're saying! Sometimes I think it's the new "weather"...no one talks about the weather, just about how busy they are. I think it's straight up commentary on how culture is changing.

But, after being unemployed for 5 months (which was TORTURE!) I can not possibly complain about my busy-ness! I wish I was making what I did at my previous job, so I would only need to work one job, but I'm thankful that I have two jobs, when so many have none. I still get anxious knots in my stomach when they announce another company is laying off.

I recently bought a curtain panel at Goodwill to make covers for some seat cushions and my DS said 'nice, mom another project that will take two years.' He didn't realize he threw down the gauntlet, they aren't done yet, but I have vowed to get them done by Easter.

I'm a SAHM that takes care of the scheduling, billing, payroll, books and 'business end' of our business.

I work out of my home and can manage my schedule around our family so I feel very blessed for that. We have 3 children (2 are in college and 1 in high school, with 2 living at home.)

I don't spend alot of time decorating as I used to (before I had a business), but when things slow down in my business I do DIY jobs around here. I had about 9 weeks in the fall to remodel my kitchen and I'm so happy I took advantage of that opportunity!

auntjen, I understand what youre saying. But as human beings we have such a long history of viewing idleness with disdain that it is ingrained. Puritan work ethic and all. Google "quote idleness" and youÂll find examples (and a handful of fellow rebels who saw its virtue!).

Personally I guess I see nothing wrong with "doing nothing" if you have a trust fund, or if you have someone who is truly happy to provide the income necessary to accommodate that. Otherwise, (and I think more likely today,) someone is working, probably at a less than ideal job, to enable you to pursue your own interests all day every day, and I donÂt think thatÂs fair to the working person. But then again I have an extremely strong drive always to provide for myself, and that colors my opinion.

I am a SAHM and I do have a lot of time of to do basically whatever I want with my day. When we moved here DS had just turned 4 years old. I was quite busy doing the mom things with him. the next year he started school and I started tinkering in the yard. One thing led to another and since I was always outside doing yard work I had a neighbour ask me to do cut their lawn. That was ten years ago and now in the summer I have eleven neighbours' lawns to cut and the winter months I snowblow 5 driveways. I am not a career kind of person. I never get bored at home ever. I always have an ongoing list of inside and outside work I want to finish. That could explain the house being painted at least 5 times inside and the two ponds in the backyard and last year taking out the grass and replacing it with mulch. But I do know a lot of people who could never stay at home for long, they have too much to offer society and that is the arrangement they prefer.

Thanks Auntjen, for saying that out loud!

DH & I made a choice to live more frugally so we can work fewer hours. Life is too short to spend so much time working.

-Lena

Thanks to those who commented about my comments! I really hoped that my words wouldn't be misconstrued. Believe me, I completely understand the need to work (I have to -- we wouldn't eat or have a roof over our heads if I didn't!), and I understand that the daily routines can sometimes just be so incredibly overwhelming for so many folks. I honestly have no idea how my dear SIL does it. My brother is a truck driver and is out of state on runs most of the week, so she is not only working full-time (including mandatory overtime many weeks), but also running a household (housework, lawn work, cooking, laundry, car repairs, etc.) primarily on her own, and she has a 6-year old and 3-year old to tend to as well. She's one of the busiest people that I know, and I understand why she has to be right now.

It's all in the wearing of busy-ness as a sort of "badge of honor", like I said, that I find somewhat troublesome. Working and being constantly on the go-go-go isn't the norm for everyone, nor does it have to be. It's all about understanding that we all have different lifestyles that invoke differing needs, and respecting and valuing those lifestyles. One is not necessarily the best way for everyone.

auntjen -- I totally appreciate what you are saying and feel as if many people do wear their accomplishments and busy life as a badge.

But, on this thread, I really felt everyone was just sharing how much really is expected of us and what we manage to get done in a day, a week, a month, etc.

More like " This is my life in the trenches, what is yours like?"

I for one certainly know the value of a slower paced life.
I really want my children to know that life is more than being over-scheduled, always tired, stressed, etc. We greatly limit our away from home activities for this reason.
I know that my children gain much from having a slower,stress free life. Most of my activities are done from home as I said. Much of what I do during the day is to foster a environment of calm.
Being organized, staying home, cooking healthy food, home educating, etc. are all part of the picture.

I really think many of us are just too busy, too stressed, too overworked. Some of us absolutely are required to work many long hours. Thankfully I am not one of them.

For those of you that must work outside the home I certainly wish that you all might have relaxing outlets where you can slow down and take things as they come.

I don't get anything done. :->
My DS is 1.5 & like ttodd's kid - he thinks he's Picasso. He drew over the silk draperies, the upholstered bed, the sofa, the toilet, his sister' clothes. He puts so many dents onto my new table. Once he removed every labels from all the cans in the pantry. Another time he threw all of his dad's underwears into the toilet & flushed. :-> I just gave up.

I'm not going to obsess a/b getting projects done -- it will get done when it does. Right now, I really should be running around finishing painting the rooms with DS hanging off my breasts but I don't. There are piles of frames that needed to be hung in DD's room in a collage & couple of slipcovers that needed to be sew. But nevermind ---- I'm just going to sit here oogling magazines :& dream a/b the possibilities (yet too damn unmotivated to turn possibilities into reality) :->

Maybe I'm just getting lazy. or old. or maybe BOTH! :->
whatever. It feels good.

I do not work and there is a lot of guilt that goes along with that statement.

I too, understand what auntjen is saying. I personally like to say busy. Sitting around just gives me more time to think about all the things I could be doing! (And that drives my dh crazy!) That is one reason I've taken up applique quilting (which I absolutely love!). But I do have multiple home projects going, too. I've always said, I will never have enough, time, energy and money all at the same time to get the things done that I'd like to accomplish. My list is never ending. And like others, I work out of the home (36-40 hrs/wk) and have 2 small kids (6 and 7) to take care of.

Empty nesters here. I work 35 hours a week. DH farms but only crops these days. He worked long hours many years running a dairy farm before I married him. After we were married he worked a town job along with farming. He's 62 now and just this last year decided to only farm. So he's in the house from Nov-Mar. He helps me alot which I like. When I was a single mom I worked my same job but didn't do projects. We had a plain house but I enjoyed my kids growing up years alot. Now we do projects mostly in the Nov-Mar time frame because we enjoy it. The rest of the year gardening is my love which works well with the farming schedule. You have to do what works for you and your family.

Aunt Jen I really think you have a point. Our society values business and productivity, more than it values solitude and quietness. Sometimes we use activity to ease the pain of life and as a substitute for relationships.

I'm a political junkie living in Virginia, where we have elections every month, or so it seems. I use this forum to keep sane. I think I'm addicted to it ;-)