Just getting hear to read of your loss. I remember my trip to Philly several years ago when you and I made plans to meet for lunch --- you had to cancel our plans at the last minute and we didn't get to meet because your mom broke her glasses or something, and had no one but you to help her. You were a great daughter and I'm sure she knew that. My thoughts are with you today. You know, I think there is something special about those last rites. When my uncle got his last rites he had been completely "out of it" for a couple of days--hadn't spoken or moved voluntarily at all. And when the Bishop finished with them, my Uncle made the sign of the cross! And my dad was about to leave us at any second, then he got his last rites and kind of perked up for a couple of days (we were beginning to think we were a little premature with calling the Priest). I think it just gives people a sense of peace and acceptance after the last rites.

Everything I do and don't do makes me feel like a bad mom. For instance, if I work with DS on his spelling words, I feel like a bad mom because I'm not giving him any relaxation (down) time. If I don't work with him on his spelling words, I feel like a bad mom because he fails his spelling test or doesn't get a good grade. If I have him do chores, I'm a bad mom because I'm making him put off creative things that he wants to do. On the other hand, if I don't make him do chores, he's not learning responsibility. If I stay home with him, we don't have any money. If I go to work, we don't have any time together. If I let him stay up past bedtime to spend time with me, I'm a bad mom because he's not getting enough rest. If I make him go to bed on time, I'm a bad mom because I'm not spending quality time with him. I divorced his dad because he was violent and cheated. So I'm a bad mom because I took his dad away. If I would've stayed, I would've been a bad mom for letting my kid be in that abusive situation. As far as FSD goes, I'm a bad FSM if I don't buy her what she wants. If I do buy her what she wants, I'm a bad FSM because I'm indulging and already over-indulged kid and teaching her to be materialistic.

Ashleys X can dethrown my ex who certainly earned father of the year in 2007. I don't want to hijack your post, just share with you my similar experience... When I was 8 months pregnant with my son, his dad quit his job because they wouldn't give him e/o weekend off for his visitation with his then 3 yr old daughter. He didn't work for the next three years. He was a SAHD to our son..Really he had a 3yr vacation to smoke pot and play video games--After 3 years I'd had enough and left. He claimed he couldn't afford to stay and would have to move cross country to live with his parents and of course... I was the worst person in the world for taking his son away from him. So, figuring I'd been supporting us all for 3 years anyway I didn't need him to pay child support. I took the state minimum $25 mo told him to get a job, get on his feet here, and we could reevaluate in 2 years. For 3 years all I heard was how poor he was, how he couldn't afford anything when I took him back to court I found in 2006 he made $47,000 And paid $300 in support-for the whole year! All the while sending my son home in rags that were too small and keeping the clothes he arrived in to refresh his wardrobe there. Sorry, I'm a little off track here..when it came time for modification he gave the first judge a sob story about how he didn't have time to fill out any of the paperwork he'd gotten. He had the same 20 days I did but whatever the judge gave him an extension-but my ex wasn't available to come to court one month later- because he would be on vacation with the kids out of state so the judge gave him two months :) I was hot, but to pacify me the judge ordered he pay $100 for each of those months. DCS distributed it to his daughter-whatever. So 2 months later we show up in court again the judge orders him to pay around $500 and he starts running his mouth about his other children he pays support for....His 18 year old son who he no longers owes support to, and the daughter that he pays $56 month for!!!The judge didn't find that any reason to discount his support to this child so he started complaining about childcare telling the judge that he wants receipts for my daycare expenses because I leave our son with my then 12 yo daughter totally implying that I'm a bad mom. WHAT AN IDIOT!!! Child support and Daycare are two seperate issues here. In the three years we were separated I never asked him for a dime for our son for anything, not daycare, a pair of shoes, not a cough drop and for him to try to smear me infront of a judge got me so angry when the judge ordered $465 for support the state's attorney recommended an incremental increase so I'd get 1/2 for 3 months before I got a full month and I said NO and asked the judge to say NO-she did, then she ordered he pay that full amount back to the day he didn't have his paperwork ready. Then I went home and gathered all my daycare receipts and mailed them in for my 58% reimbursement, and recently DS had an ear infection requiring drops that were not covered by insurance- the cost $73. You bet I sent that receipt to DCS too. Sometimes I feel a little guilty about what I get from him now -- then I remember how hard it was for me all that time on my own, that our son wasn't worth 1% of his 2006 income and I think of him rambling on in court and I feel just fine. And my X has not once since then whined about being poor. I know it sucks to do with less for now, especially in these hard times and I'm sorry. Hopefully in a couple years he'll have a better job and you can modify and he will pay more-in my state it costs more to raise a 12yr. and support is greater.

Yes vesfl, my Mary rose is nice and saturated deep pink. I believe this is because it only receives morning sun. I really like the nonstop blooming. The fragrance is actually pretty good, needmore. I just never cut any anymore, because they only last about a day or so cut. That's a real bummer, because cutting is a at least half the fun for me. I like to enjoy my blooms indoors, especially when it's too hot to be out much. My Mary Rose is VERY heavily virused, but still blooms really well. I am LOVING this cooler weather! I cannot remember it ever being like this in midAugust. I sure hope we don't get a furnace blast of heat after this, but it's likely. We are supposed to have a week of mild temps. Then September will probably bring our Santa Ana winds, heat, and fire. I dread that, but at least my water and electricity will get a break this week. Ingrid, I know what you mean. It really is always something, isn't it? Goodness, I think if everything was ever all perfect at once, I'd invite everyone I knew over for a look! I'd also make a utube video and post it here:) I don't have any raidiating heat, like you do. I know makes a big difference, plus the temp difference is substantial considering how few miles we are apart. I'm no fan of those LONG MRI's either. I've been putting it off, and it needed to be done. Yesterday I was worthless afterwards, as they had given me Valium in the IV. I've had lots of muscle spasms lately,(always worse in the summer heat) and they needed me to be still for two hours. When I came home, I was still dopey and dumb. Best not to garden like that. I'm thankful it was such a cool day, and not even the pots required water. I just watched some TV with Sebastian. Interestingly, I have found he will lay on the bed with me if I remove the comforter. Following the advice of someone here,(sorry name escapes me atm) removing the scent of Millie seems to help. He does however, continue to lose weight. I'm going to have to send him back in with my son soon. It's just so hard. In order to get the 75% discount,(which I need) he has to go to work with my son all day. Sebastian gets squeezed in for his tests or exams whenever they have time. He hates it there, and I feel terrible sending him all day long, adding to his stress. One day, he even came home without being seen at all, because they were so busy. I can't complain though, this would already have cost me thousands instead of hundreds, and I'm so grateful. The scary/confusing thing is that he has lost nearly 5lbs in 2 months. He is VERY sensitive to my health and emotions, plus Millie is bothering him. The head vet there says that amount of weight cannot be emotional. Yet, they are not finding anything. It's very troubling, and just adds to my stress, which in turn, probably adds to his. He really does stress out when I do. Sorry guys, I probably should have emailed that to Ingrid. I didn't intend to go into all that when I began. Cassandra, I'm not 100% about what I'm going to use. I know I need to do it fast, before my whole garden is affected. I don't spray or use chemicals either, but I'm going to in this barrel. I was just in no shape to have my dad stop somewhere yesterday so I could look over my options. I'll research and update it here. I know exactly what you mean about a bell going off on n your head. I have all sorts of bugs, and I complain about them, but most of the time I don't even identify them because I'm not going to do anything to them. When Jim posted pictures, I heard that same dingdong:) That's why it's never bloomed! When I looked, sure enough, the ends looked burnt and they crumbled off when I touched them. The midge can get into your whole garden and all your roses. You could have no blooms, and no new growth. Whatever we do, we need to do it fast. It's something like every 14 days the larvae hatch out of the soil and start eating and multiplying again. They can devastate an entire rose garden. Let me know what you do, too. I'm going to research and do something today. Lisa