Little Boys and Girls Holding Hands

stemski

What would you do if your ten year boy was seen holding hands with a ten year old neighbor girl? Would you be alarmed? Would you discourage it?

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lesliep_mail_icongrp_com

Surely your kidding.

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Carlotta_Bull

It would depend on the maturity level of the girl & boy, IMO. If they're both still children (meaning hormones haven't kicked in on either side), it doesn't sound like anything to worry about.

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ferrifamily_yahoo_com

I wouldn't be alarmed but I would discourage it. 10 is too young to be getting involved with a boyfriend or girlfriend. There was a couple in DS's class who were boyfriend and girlfriend in grade 5 and lo and behold they were still together by grade 8. I figure that they were probably not just holding hands anymore after being together for 3 years and 13 is WAAAAy too young for that.

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trekaren

I wouldnt discourage too vehemently though. Make it a minor thing. You know how kids that age, when mom or dad doth protest to much, naturally do things even more, to annoy them :-)

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Bugs

Holding hands I think is okay, heck they do it at 3 and it is cute. When you see them start kissing then I would have a discussion.

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amygdala

Sometime when the 10 year old boy was relaxed and in a generally talkative mood, let them know they were seen holding hands. Let that information come out like a statement and see what his response is. Or, ask him why he was holding hands with (whoever). The thing is a child that age will probably try to give you the answer they think is a 'winning' answer for the adult, or which will give them the kind of response they want.

Holding hands, until there is more information is simply holding hands. A huge response, animated in any fashion (encouraging or discouraging) is likely to be a response a 10 year old would find intriguing if not frightening. That can increase any 'lure' if they then feel a need to find out what that kind of fuss was about.

it's nice to feel friendly, it's also nice and healthy to be able to express that in a platonic nonthreatening supportive way and handholding is one way to do that; quiet support and a positive parental impression of that choice of his expression of affection is probably a good way to go

P.S. There are different ways a person, even at 10 can feel and express 'love' and 'affection.' There may or may not be physical more adult aspects to how he feels whatever he felt that may have led to the handholding. And, he might have only done it because he was asked (sometimes that happens too). Try not to 'read' things into it until or unless his understanding and feelings about what did and why are more known.

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ChrisAK

Stemski and everyone else on this posting, please do not take offense to this. I agree this is probably just kids beginning to bond. However, I am going to vent a little on the line of questioning.

The children are 10. They still need that comfort of thier peers. It's only going to seem bad if we read into it, and question the child about it. I'm not saying ignore it, just watch, listen and quietly guide while the learning process is happening. It probably is innocence in it's purest sense and we just polluted it too much we forgot.

Heck, if your (general term) child gives their parent a peck on the cheek, what does that mean? Some people will jump on the "incest" band wagon, call the child services people and have them taken away. When the real meaning of it was pure child affection for their parent.

Sorry, it just irks me when society has put so much pressure on us that we forgot what innocense is and have begun to think that signs of affection are always bad. There is more good out there than bad, and we forget to notice it and bring them to light instead of the negative. How did we let this happen?

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whazzup

I would not mention it at all. If you mention it to him, it might cause some embarassment on his part. If they like each other and you quiz him about it, he might get the message that there is something wrong with it. And when he is older and REALLY has girlfriends, he might not feel that you are someone who can talk to him without judging him or making him feel embarassed. I truly believe this is an innocent puppy love aka friendship.

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Jamtart

Amen that, Chris and Wazzup. Leave them alone and let them enjoy their innocence.

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deegw

I might broach the subject with something really general like "I hear you're spending alot of time with Suzy". Then just see where it goes from there. If it's been a couple of days since the handholding, he probably hates her now!

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becca34

I wouldn't worry about it. I remember having "boyfriends" every year since kindergarten. In first grade we used to line up -- in lines of boys and girls -- to go anywhere, and my little friend and I would count back the number of people to make sure we were standing next to each other in line, so we could hold hands.

At age 10, I had a "boyfriend" at camp, which meant that we sat together for lunch every day, we climbed trees together, and on the last day, we held hands for a little while. I told my parents about him, and they teased a little bit, and thought it was the cutest thing. Don't worry!

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AspenE

I wouldn't say anything to the children either. They are young and at this point in a harmless situation. However, I just want to add what I have realized myself in the last couple of years. Kids are having sex when they are very young!!! I am only 24, I graduated from high school 6 years ago, and now I TEACH high school/junior high and this is my 2nd year. I have 7th graders in class who have had sex (they are 12/13 at this age). They don't say it out loud, but some have confided in me or other teachers. When I was pregnant (just had baby in Nov) I had TWO girls ask me how to know if you are pregnant, because they thought they were. I just can't believe this. I have talked to other teachers here with much more experience and they say that MANY of the kids in the last several years are becoming sexually active much younger. Ocassionally we will find notes that they have written to their friends that they may drop on the floor and let me tell you...these kids know so much more about sex than even 6 years ago when I was in high school. Back then the "normal" age was about 16-18 when some people started having sex. Not 12/13. However, there were and still are those people who value the experience and save it for marriage, but that seems to be less and less common. This is somewhat off the original post, but I just thought I would share what my STUDENTS have taught ME! :)

Aspen

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phyllis_philodendron

i agree with Aspen; although most kids at 10 are innocent, I think a lot has changed since we were that age! I've heard kids that have smoked their first cigarette or have smoked since they were nine or ten, let alone God knows what else. They can pick up on so much just from casual conversation from other adults or even on TV. You can't even watch commercials without getting innundated in overt sexuality. I would continue to casually monitor the situation and then go from there.

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Kyo_San

I wouldn't discourage it at all.

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JeffryM

I don't understand. Why should anyone be alarmed at that?

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buffy_durst

I thought I would add something from my middle school days. When I was in the 6th grade(I am 21 now), we knew nothing about sex. At least I didn't. That is until a girl in my class got pregnant. You can imagine the shock that went through the school. SOmetimes it is nothing, but if you will listen to your kids and not jump to conclusions, you might find out more.

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pal101

You need to let go of your kids. There young teens now. I work at a school and most kids date and even makeout in 4th grade.

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MissMissy_Yahoo_com

For all of you VERY concerned parents... Let your kids tell you about who it is you were all that age at one time or another drop this discussion and if and when your children tell you then you can ask all of these questions. Until then please hold off on the "talk".

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