being an estranged child

12 years ago

Being an estranged child, makes me feel alienated from my family. I am an adult now and am 34. I feel as though I can change this, if maybe I lived up to more of my families expectations. And why! Why are there always expectations?! I don't like feeling estranged.

I want to tell my story of how it got this way because I want to help some parents of those who have children who are estranged from them. My story may make sense to some, but to others, some may take it harsh. I know there is a logical reason children in my age range feel this way, and younger children do not And I'll get into that too. I know it might have something to do with how my parents grew up, and yours, and how maybe kids my age now are raising children. Anyway things are a time warp. The way I was raised, absolute no affection. The way my parents were raised was to grow up fast. The way I was loved was to be given something and shut up. I see my parents doing the same thing to my niece and nephew. I see my brother and his wife hugging and kissing their children, changing children now, love, and abandonment.
Do you know teachers make sure to let parents know their children may have a learning disability or have learning enhancements.
Did you know that my mother had no idea that my school put me into the lower reading class and lower math class. I was in the lower excelled classes k-6 and she never knew. The school never told her I had a learning disability. Of corse it is not anyones fault, although I have had conversations with my mother and she has had revelation of 'why did I never know.' My father never knew why it was so frustrating doing homework with me. Bad grades were just out of laziness, so was the excuse. My mother never let me wear what I wanted until the 5th grade. I hated her. Who does that? i never felt comfortable in anything she put me in for example now, children pick out anything they want to wear, they are these little creative spirits.
Estrangement. In a way I am glad to read you are feeling the pain of estrangement.
It's not because I think you were like my mother or father, but because i realize that the pain goes both ways. Let your child be the way they are and don't expect them to change. I know though that they really wish that the estrangement wasn't there and you two could start over, child and parent relationships are I think the most complicated relationship there can ever be.

This post was edited by cloudsgrey on Mon, Dec 23, 13 at 2:58

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