I have boys ages 15 and 12. They definitely go through an angry stage, and they have their secretive moments. But I would not describe their overall personality as angry or secretive. Only you know your son well enough to know how much he has changed. If he has bad moments or bad days, I would work on helping him learn to control his emotions and repsponses. If this change is more broad, so that he has more bad days than good days, then I would definitely agree there could be more to the cause the normal adolescent changes. My 12 y/o can go from laughing to crying to screaming in any given 1/2 hour. That would not have been the case for him a year ago, he was less emotional. I remember my 15 y/o being like that, too. Now my 15 y/o still has mood swings, but they are less dramatic. I tried to get him to think about what triggers it, what goes through his mind so he knows when he's about to get very angry. When he sees himself getting angry, I told him to just back out, go outside, find what calms him down. Now I'm trying to get my 12 y/o to see the same things. I tell them to go outside and kick or hit a ball around until they are tired. ;o) Boys need to learn to talk about what bothers them, but they still really need to work out stress physically, in a safe way. Nothing helps more than time with Dad, though. At this age more than ever before, for a thousand reasons, one on one time with Dad keeps them in check. It's hard to admit, after 12 years of mothering them, that some things require a Dad's approach. I try to let them have their space, but still draw the line very clearly. OK, your mind and feelings are all over the place, but you cannot take it out on your family by treating them badly. You still have to have some standards. And I still set bedtimes, being over-tired makes all this worse. And talk about embarrassed! I am in my 12 y/o class a lot. Partly b/c his teacher has very little parental help this year, I like her a lot and just want to help. Partly b/c I substitute and will go in for her, the support teachers who come into her room, and the PE/music/art teachers. All his classmates know me, I am with them as one sub or another a couple times a month. He has love/hate feelings about that! LOL It's really handy when he forget his lunch money, but a little too close for comfort when he did something he doesn't want me to know about. But he is actually dealing with it very well. He knows I try not to embarrass him, if he tries to return the favor. ;o)

I'd like to say this. I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. My son sat nicely in his high chair when he was little. He would even get in himself, we could lower it. My daughter hates the high chair, she can escape every strap and restraint. She doesn;t stay still in booster chair, strollers, etc. So, when she started standing up in her high etc. For safety sake, we let her out and put finger foods on the tray so that she would finish. She also will "beg" from the table. In fact, I think that even when she is full, she wants whatever I am eating. We try to feed her before people come over, it's too distracting for her, so she'll sit still and eat. You wouldn't know that she has already been fed, because she wants what ever anyone else is eating. My son never begs unless it's sweets. Each child is different. Sometimes, they have to grow out of these phases. We used to be able to go to restaurants, no more. We will wait until things get better. My kids have always talked up a storm, but some of my friends have kids that just don't say much. Some of my girl friends also have 3 year olds that aren't completely potty trained. It's so convenient to keep the trusty pull up, so that they stay dry on the outside, but, they will change. I even said that we were going to wait until after the holidays, but all of the sudden, my son was ready. No more pull ups. I wasn't lazy. My son would scream for his pull up 2 months ago. Now he wants his big boy pants. My son, because he is 3, is very hard headed, bless his heart. He tantrums, and we try to figure out the best way to handle it. My daughter does too. All kids have tantrums because they want things to go their way all of the time. They want to be in control. Even if it's walking around and eating off of other peoples's plates. Until you know the whole story, don't judge your friend. I did that before I had kids with a good friend who never talks to me any more. Now that I have them, I understand what she was going thru and wish I would have been more understanding. Jainie

raek, Good question. In fact, there is so much animosity on my part towards this SD that I really don't know if there is anything she can do other than continue to ignore me as she has been doing for 18 years. The difference now is that I too chose to ignore her where as even as little as six months ago I still was worried about her, her decisions, her marriage, I still wanted the best for her.etc. What I don't appreciate about her is this sense of ''entitlement'' she thinks she has over her father. I must admit her father kind of contributed to her having this attitude and lack of respect towards me cuz everytime she did show a lack of respect towards me and I would tell him about it, he chose to ignore me and not to talk to her about it out of fear of being totally ignored by his daughter. There was a point where she was so mad/jealous of me that she would not talk to her father for months. During those times, he was the one who did everything to keep in contact with her. She would never call him and it hurt my DH and so he figures it was just better not to rock the boat with her and just do and be there for her every single time she called or wanted something from him - even if it would cause an argument between him and I. If you really want to get things moving in the right direction with your stepmom, I do suggest you do one very, very, very important point. Respect her! I will give you an example. I contributed to my SD's wedding gift. She has never personnally thanked me. She thanked her father, but not me. Nope! She has never, never given me a birthday card for the last 18 years and yet I've given her a birthday gift every year for the last 17 years. I stopped one year ago. Enough was enough. She had not given me a Christmas gift for the last three years. She gave me one three years ago but that's because she went shopping with her husband and they found something for me and her father - a hamac to install at the lake. Whenever she needs money, she calls her father and cries she needs money. DH sends her money. Stepdaughter thanks her father, but never never has thanked me. She just thinks this money comes from daddy and yet she knows darn well her father doesn't make enough money to be sending her some. Two xmas ago, we gave her a 400 dollar digital camera. The deal was that the three kids were going to get together that year to buy us a xmas gift. Xmas came and went and we never had a christmas gift, not even a christmas card explaining why we didn't get a gift. She told her FATHER she was too broke to buy us a gift, but she never told me , n ever even said she was sorry but yet she knew that camera came from ME and her father. When she got married, she gave everybody and anybody a corsage to wear. I was the only one in her family that didn't get one. Three people came up to me at her wedding telling me how mean that was of her. After all, I had been in her life for 14 years and already knew I was contributing to her wedding gift. During the wedding reception, she thanked everybody and their dog for showing up at the wedding etc. etc. etc. but never once thanked her father ...or me. Oh well! I could go on and on. I would send her care packages and not once did she call me to say thank you. Once I waited three weeks before she talked to me something I had sent her and the only reason she did talk to me about it then, is because I was the one who asked her if she liked what I had sent her. I wisk she would have called my when she got the gift and thanked me for it. That is the way I was raised but I guess she just didn't see the importance of calling me and thanking me for what I had given her. That was the last time I sent her something. Ignorant! I could go on and on raek but I'm starting to feel anxious and stressed just thinking about her. I'm getting even more anxious lately because I heard she wanted to divorce her husband and move back near us!NOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I told my husband that would be the beginning of the end between us! I c

teeweeone: I think you're being rude. > Pretending to be a step parent is not the same as BEING one. Rosie: I am not married to my partner. Yet I wipe my SS's behind when he poops, all my paycheck goes to the family, I spend *at least* half the time I'm not at work with the boy, I help him make cards for his BD, I'm teaching him to read, etc ad nauseum. If I'm not a step parent, I'm either doing a very good impression or insane. Possibly both. True, my legal status is somewhat hazy. However, the BD hasn't seen his kid in 20 months, hasn't lived with him in 2 years -- since he was 19 months old -- calls once or twice a month. I've been here, constantly and consistently for 2 years. In the boy's eyes, I'm *at least* a step parent, if not a dad-replacement. And as far as morals go...enh. I think I'm pretty ok. Perhaps even safe to walk the streets among the general populace. :) In less flip terms, I think that I'm raising my child -- yes, *my child* -- in a way that he'll turn out nice, think helping other people is a good thing to do, and thinking that cleaning up his own messes is a spiffy way to spend an evening. Dah-doo-run-run.