I am so terribly sorry about what happened to your darling son, I cannot conceive the thought of losing a child, my heart goes out to you and your family.
I believe you read my post about a kiss from my husband, I cherish that. It was a dreadful time when I lost my husband at 62 years old, it is truly indescribable but, like you, I have to go on. Times does make it easier but that sick feeling off panic never will go away.
You have memories of a beautiful, caring son and I know they will always be in your heart.
God Bless.

Thank you, mav...I appreciate your kind words. I cannot conceive the thought of losing my husband...my heart goes out to you! How are you doing? What has been the thing that has helped you most?

I'll have to go back to your original post, again. I know what you mean about that sick feeling. I sometimes call it a 'kick in the gut'. It just washes over me and I still can't believe it.

I'll never forget Mandy, his wife & I talking at the kitchen table while they were up at the Pass. We were talking about what we would do if we lost our husbands little knowing one of us would be finding out. I just assumed I'd go through it first.

Thank you & God bless.

please accept my sympathy to you and your family. i think it doesn't matter when you have lot someone that feeling never goes away. in afew weeks i will have been a widow for 4 years. everyday i think of my husband. i remember what we had for supper the night before (roast and veggies) and i haven't made or eaten it since. i still wear my 3 diamond ring he gave me for our 25th anniv. still proudly with my wedding band on my left hand. i also rec'd a diamond tennis bracelet for my 50th bd (all ths jewellery within 2 months of his passing) along with a puppy gracie joy devine (i swore we would never have another pet) i live in northern ontario so i know about cold and snow today it was minus 43! i walk 21/2 miles one way everyday to visit him at the cemetery. i hate him for leaving me. my husband was just loved by everyone, he had that kind of personality. our son hAS taken over some of his dads traits like volunteering etc. and i don't think our daughter will ever get over losing her date, she was home when the firetrucks and ambulance came to the house, but she has learned to be a nicer person. life is so funny those mean people we all know seem to live forever and ever. it took me about a year to mention Al's name but now i make sure that the kids (well 22 and 27) hear atleast one story about their dad. again i'm sorry for your loss

Oh, Deborah...I'm so very sorry for your loss as well. I was just thinking today that that sadness is still there. Will be there until the day I die.

I could feel your pain through your writing & I understand. How wonderful that you received his gifts beforehand. How special that you walk to visit him every day.

God bless you HUGS

i'd give up those gifts anyday! i think he knew that something was going to happen--getting a puppy 3 weeks before he went to heaven, things are so weird. yes i did walk in that cold today! right now it's minus 45 out still, but i know that he would have done the same for me too. i don't think that sadness and heavy feeling will ever leave. people i talk to just don't understand they say you're still young (i turned 55 about 10 days ago) you should get out there and date, heck...i still have most of his stuff piled in the dining room, i can't go through much at one time, and i sleep in the living room because i can;t stand to be in our bedroom. i was going to ask how is your daughter in law doing, my husbands family just dropped off the earth.

debbie

debbie,

I understand not being able to go through belongings...I have a big gift bag that I collected things into as the days following piled up. Cards, letters...pictures, just stuff. I still have his snowmobile helmet in a plastic garbage bag...I don't know what I will end up doing with it. His boots. Hubby & I are dealing with it differently. He's more likely to just get rid of things...I can't let go...it was a part of him. I just can't.

Jordan's widow has moved on. She's serious about another fella. He's a really good guy, in fact, he & his fiance were close friends of them - they worked at the same Engineering firm. His fiance dumped him & they grew closer with shared grief. It's good that this guy knew Jordan & loved him. He wants Jordan's 3 small children to always remember their Daddy. I think my daughter-in-law still has some grieving to do so I hope she's able to do just that in her time.

Thanks for writing - I pray you feel peace - it certainly sounds like you & your husband had a very strong bond. I fear losing my hubby and being older - I know it's just a matter of time. I will turn 60 in about a month & I know without a doubt I would never remarry.

I really can't tell you one particular thing that has got me through so far, only time and happy memories. There is no way I would ever consider marrying again, I had the best for 41 years (37 married), anything else wouldn't measure up and I keep telling people that I didn't cheat on him when we were together and I won't cheat on him now. I know where you are coming from when you say you can't part with your son's belongings. The one thing I haven't been able to do yet is part with his clothes, it just seems to me like it would be too final even though it has been four years. I know I have to donate them some day, I just don't know when yet.

Thanks for writing mav63...

I managed to get one of my son's shirts out of his drawer - I sprayed it with his favorite cologne & put it in a ziploc bag so I could 'smell' him. Did you ever see the tv show "Monk"? He lost his wife and he kept a "Trudy pillow" that he took out once in a while when he needed to 'feel' her. Those poignant scenes always make me cry but I know how he feels.

Maybe you could keep just a couple of items...keep them all...totally up to you.

God bless you - you are in my thoughts.