Wow. Our 21 y/o daughter has apparently cut us out of her life. I was a person who avoided drama like the plague, and still strive to be free of it one day. October of last year, my husband and I were the proud parents of a lovely 20 y/o daughter who was attending college, working at a great job while living at home. She built her credit enough to buy her first new car, without needing our help or our signature for co-signing. She's our only child and we have always cheered her on and encouraged her to get an education to help her make a good life for herself. We always stressed the importance of that, since she is an only child. I never thought that was a bad thing to teach her. Independence in her life as a young woman would mean that she would never have to depend on a man to create happiness or financial stability. It made sense to me and to my husband. Our daughter seemed to agree with us at one time, and now...we don't even know who she is anymore. I'm sure there are parents of only children out there who have done more hovering than necessary, but being an only child myself, I made a conscious decision NOT to hover, smother, nag or suffocate our daughter. She told me once, after she graduated high school, that she appreciated that. She noticed how some parents of friends "over did it" with them. It meant so much to hear it. While in high school, she didn't date or have a boyfriend. I'm sure she wanted to, but it never happened. I'm sure she had the normal crush here and there, but her interest was never returned. She's a very pretty girl, but self conscious about her weight. She's always been about 20 lbs over what she wanted to be, but I told her she'd grow out of that, and she did. I think it seriously undermined her self confidence, which is a shame. We did send her to therapy to help with her self esteem, but she lied to the therapist and nothing was ever accomplished, then she quit going. While working at her job, she met a guy. They started dating and she seemed to blossom. I was so happy to see her like that, I did remind her that even though she was happy, she still needed to keep her education in mind. She promised things were great in college too. We had no reason to doubt her until she started working when it was class time. Eventually, she told us that she dropped out for the semester, but planned on returning the following semester. Ok, so she needed some time...? Then we discovered that her scholarship had been suspended due to failing grades. Ok, not good, but still redeemable... She continued seeing this guy, and working full time at her job. We didn't pressure her, she was young, in love and so she wanted a small break. Ok, we got that. My husband and I both remembered being that age and thought a little time working would be just what she needed to focus her goals. Soon after dropping school, she was out most nights later and later. Eventually, she told us she was "spending the night" with this guy, who we had never even met. I guess we sort of understood that too...not wanting to meet the parents. I mean, who does like that? Time went on, and she was basically living there already. She made it official and moved out with her things, promising to finish her education. I mean, she was 20 years old now, what say did we have? We finally got to meet her "man", after a couple of months of asking when (?). He showed up to our house with her and said a total of two words: hi and bye, I think that's what he muttered. We found out from her that he was 25 and that he had a mom, step dad, two sisters and a brother. She had already met ALL of them, months back. Oh, and did I say before that they all "just adored" our daughter? Anyway, we thought that he must be shy, and we didn't want to put him on the spot, so we chalked it up to awkwardness. Two weeks after we finally met him, our daughter came by one night to "visit" with us, alone. During this visit, she informed us that she was moving to California with him to "start a new life". They had already both quit their jobs, told his apartment they were breaking the lease and had already sold all of his "belongings" and his truck, to collect money for the trip. Before this time, she had never even left the state, or even gone to camp without calling us to come get her, and that was at age 16!!! Now, this BOY, was influencing her to do something incredibly stupid and didn't even have the nerve to come with our daughter to inform us that they were moving across the country! We talked until we were blue in the face. They left, we had no contact with her the entire trip there. She didn't call or text. We didn't know if they made it or not, I had to see on facebook that they made it there. It was torture. They ended up staying there for a week and a half. They were back living at his mother's house for a month before we even knew she was back. Then when she finally told us, it was only because they decided to move to a city in our state that was about an hour and a half away from us. Oh, but HE had family there. What a relief! NOT, His mother cosigned for an apartment for them, since he has no credit. Apparently, she's used to him being a flake. They finally graced us with their presence one night after the California fiasco. He sat on our couch, fiddling with his phone while we tried to ask questions, make conversation...just get along. I eventually got fed up with his attitude of indifference and asked him if he thought it was normal for a daughter to move across the country and never even contact her parents so they would know if she is dead or alive? This little creep jumped off the couch and stood over me in my chair, yelling at me that we didn't "treat our daughter right" and we didn't deserve to know her anyway. Well, my husband didn't appreciate some 6' 2" punk standing over his wife yelling, and told him to kindly get out of my face because if he had to stand up too, he'd regret it real quick. Eventually, we discovered that our darling daughter was feeding him "poor me" lines and telling him flat out lies about us, apparently for his sympathy and attention. We did get it straightened out that night, but I think our daughter hasn't stopped doing that. She has turned into a chameleon. She changes her personality to fit whoever she is around at the moment. She has completely taken on this boy's personality and traits. I don't like him, so what does that say about her? She lies every time she opens her mouth. My husband and I are at a loss. We have no idea why she's like this. I'm pretty sure that she tells him every word we have said, good or bad. So, we adjusted as well as we could, hoping she would get this or him or whatever the deal was, out of her system, They ended up losing the apartment, because, oh did I mention...he doesn't have a job, and neither does she? Geez, I'm so surprised that money didn't fall from the sky into their greedy little hands. So, I'm a little bitter, forgive me. Well, I only found this out when I heard from her because she needed money to give the loan company for them to defer her car payment for a month. If she hadn't needed money, I'd probably still be thinking they were in that apartment. No, they are shacked up with his sister now. How nice, to think our daughter went from a responsible young adult, to mooching off of people. I'm horrified. The last time I saw her, she informed me that this fabulous guy she was so in love with had a background of using drugs, going to rehab starting at age 17. Hey mom, it's not his fault! His sister was on drugs too, and now she lives in a trailer in his mother's front yard with her two children, which is why she can't work, because she has to take care of the kids because the daddies (YES, PLURAL) won't help her. But mom, it's not her fault that she was on drugs. It's not his fault that he can't get a job. They drug test, and there's no way he could go that long being clean, just to pass the test. For some reason, my daughter is enabling him. She seems to think it's ok, since he's told her it's not his fault and he "can't help it". I don't know who she is anymore. I'm afraid he's going to get her on drugs. I don't think she is on drugs yet, I really don't. I know that would explain her behavior and I'm not in denial. I have seen people on drugs and I think I could recognize the signs. I do think that it's just a matter of time before she does do drugs. I just have that feeling. Like he will eventually want her to do them too...misery loves company, I guess. As of today, we haven't heard from her in a over a month, but we know she's living with him in a really bad part of town in a mobile home park that is a known drug haven. I have called her and texted her and tried to see how she is. She only replies with short, evasive answers and never tells us what's really going on. I guess it's because she knows we are worried, or that we really disapprove, but my goodness, how could we NOT? I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what to think. We have tried the strategy of letting her work this out, of giving her room and space to figure things out. I've tried begging her to come home and everything else under the sun. She's already had TWO pregnancy scares! We are still paying her medical insurance and pay for her phone, just so we can sleep knowing that she could call us if she needed help, which is the only time we hear from her anyway. Other than that, I don't know what to do. I want to turn him in to the cops, I want to go get her and drag her home. I know I can't because it wouldn't help. This boy does not have morals and I know he doesn't respect women, because how could he? I just hope she doesn't get pregnant with this jerk's spawn. That would mean this creep would be linked to her forever, and it has already been too long as it is. So, for now, I guess I'll go about my life, hoping for the best, but I can't believe the little girl that loved us so much when she was little, could behave like a complete stranger. Her birthday is this Saturday...I wonder if we'll even get to see her...