I've had a couple issues there myself. I guess there are some issues with how they came across because I did spend some time crying about it off and on. I thought, kind of like Lisa, that I was being too sensitive. Now, with all the different opinions, it definitely seems they have some problems with how they communicate to their members. I still think their hearts are in the right place, but they should work with how they communicate what they need to, or basically, they need to work on how they come across to others. Cody used the word "reprimand" which is very much how they come off. Anyways, Lisa, I'm glad you've successfully completed so many "trades" there as they call them. I've been trading there for over a year and haven't done near that many! There are some great members there as you get to know the individuals. I'm glad I blew off the issues there to be able to get to know some of the great gardeners/people in the group. Blessings, Angela

Good morning. I enjoyed reading your responses and they really do help. As I said I am trying to focus on my blessings which include two other daughters, three grand daughters and a new one due in July. I have wonderful memories of my late husband who was my rock and best friend. I have a wonderful sister and I am attending a support group because of depression and the people in the group are supportive to each other and the leader is a doll. I have a job from which I am going to be retiring soon (I hope) and a wonderful new to me home which is perfect for me. I really do have much to be thankful for and am working hard at keeping myself from "hittng bottom". Mammie, you are right life does sometimes deal us some nasty stuff and Juellie, thanks for the email and good wishes. Satine

Silver Quite interesting reading. I have thought about EX and how he must feel about DD, or any woman that has been in his life. I do understand the conceptual thinking behind the term "limerance". I had a man that I felt that way about once. I never told him, figuring that if he felt anything for me he would approach me. There were a few mixed signals, I thought but he never made an attempt that was something that I knew for sure showed he was interested in me. He had enough chances to do that and he didn't. He thought of me as a friend or sister I guess. Or he would have gone for a little "roll in the hay" if I would have. He even introduced me to a girlfriend that he began dating and ended up getting her pregnant and they later married. Ouch! With EX's past ( if what he has said is true ) he undoubtedly has great fear of rejection. Again, if what he says is true, he wanted my DD to stay with him, build a future with him and he wanted a family with us. There are too many things though that are negatives to the success of their relationship that he is completely out of touch with which makes me think that he has a break with normal thought processes. This is evident with other actions...his extensive lying and his criminal behavior. My DD did not want to marry or have children ( my goodness, she is only 20 ) and he did. Very much in fact. I don't know that she will ever change her mind but he had said that he would rather have had her and no kids than to not have her at all. I don't know that it would have been something he could have easily lived with though. The age difference is something that was too vast....11 years...when dealing with her age group. Had they met when she was in her 30's or 40's or older then it would not have been as big a deal. I am sorry for him when it comes to honest, heartfelt feelings that he might have had for my DD. The fact that he could install such fear ( and continues to do so ) and the fact that he has told so many lies negates all of that though. It sucks to be rejected. Our family histories have a lot to do with whether or not we can process the rejection in a healthy way. Most of us have been and some of us have stepped over a line while dealing with it that we cringe at after having healed a bit. It is important to teach our kids that when they deal with peers or a romantic interest people have a right to reject them. In the long run it is for the best. I don't know how much EX has control over when it comes to his emotions about the breakup. I am sorry that I can't talk to him. It just can't happen. I want him to get help and to go onto have a happy life. More importantly though I want him to leave my DD alone and let her move on. Thanks for the thread and the link Silversword.

Hi Southernsummer, Thanks very much for your practical advice. I tend to agree with the idea of waiting it out until they approach you. Yes, and trying to draw them in (to get close to me), might instigate feelings of disloyalty. So I will wait it out - it is the most prudent. We will not start to combine families -- my GF and I discussed the imprudence in that -- the writing is on the wall: my daughter is very close to me and demands a lot of attention, and she sees my GF as competing for that attention, hence, we would not combine families now. I am trying to avoid them spending time together -- though sometimes it is hard. What usually happens is the 3 of them (SS, my son and daughter) play nice together, often to the exclusion of the SD who is the bitterest. I don't find the atmosphere healthy, hence I avoid it as much as possible. My GF suggested we go on Disney vacation over the summer -- it is appealing, so long as we all stay in separate hotel rooms -- but I still wonder if it is ok ( my kids do not seem ok with it, mainly because they think her kids are either cold or mean to them). But starting next academic year, we might move closer to the same school district so we can be closer and support each other. But yes, time and patience is the key. Thanks again !! Pintonala