At least he has a job, it could be worse.

He is still young, it may take time for him to work out a good plan for his future. What are his role models like, I mean you and his father..do you have good jobs ? Do you have interests going on in your lives ?

What sort of pressure are you putting on him to sort himself out ? If he is under a lot of strain...perhaps you could take a different tack..encourage, not discourage.

There must be something he is interested in.

Does it matter if he is still living at home ?

He was a good student at school, he gave college a go..he has shown that he is capable of working towards a goal so keep that in mind.

Maybe time and encouragement will be his greatest friends.

All the best to you.

Excellent advice, Daisy !

"...he doesn't know what to do with himself and has
little motivation to get where he wants to be."

Interesting sentence. No goals, no motivation, but he knows where he want's to be? Apparently where he wants to be is in your furnished, rent-free, food-free home while he dithers away his youth. I encourage you not to allow it.

Time to leave the nest. That would be your home and your little town. From your description, this recalcitrant young man who seems unable to get on with his life sounds like a good candidate for the military. They'll motivate him.

You have already received some good advice here. Perhaps I can shed some light from a different perspective.

As a former university lecturer/adviser, I can tell you the main reasons 1st-time college students flunk out are:

1. They have no goals
2. They dislike their major or school
3. They are 'forced' into a path they don't want

To paraphrase Richard Bolles (author of What Color is Your Parachute), when our children have difficulty finding direction, it isn't necessarily a lack of knowledge about college majors or careers, it is a lack of knowledge about themselves.

Daisyinga's ideas of career counseling and job shadowing can be very beneficial for young people. Even if they don't determine what it is they want, they can certainly discover what they don't like. In addition career coaching, done well, may not help your son find the perfect long-term path, but it should give him a better understanding of his strengths, motivations, etc. that will set him on a positive course.

I hope this is of some help to you.

I wouldn't say my dd flunked out of college, but her grades were poor enough that we pulled her out of the pricey university she was attending and brought her home. Hey, it wasn't worth paying the thousands that place was costing us for the grades she was producing.

In her case, she didn't argue about going to community college. She had no real goal in mind at that point, but did go fulltime, taking general ed classes. About 2 years later she settled on a major--and now is a successful optician.

She was welcome to live home AS LONG as she PAID RENT. It was enough to make her feel the pinch of responsibility, but certainly not as much as she'd have paid for an apt. She also had to shoulder the responsibility of the expenses of her car, and pay her own tuition and books. Like the poster above, I never told her I was saving her rent--but I was, putting it in the account that had the leftover $$$ from her college account. Years later, she had an unexpected nest egg that helped her buy her first condo.

Anyway, I agree that the best help you can give the boomerang student is to let them know that they're welcome to come home to live, and that you'll be supportive of their decisions, but they--in turn--are now adults and need to take on the responsibilities any adult has--paying for their housing, their own expenses (like car, health insurance if they're no longer eligible to be on yours, etc). As well as doing their share of work around the house--be it cleaning, leaf raking, shovelling snow, etc.

Especially with him being a boy, you have to use a bit of patience. They do mature even more slowly than girls do. I can tell you that NOT ONE of dd's friends finished college and went to work in the field they THOUGHT they were going to pursue when they entered college. Many changed majors, many ended up working at things totally different from what they got their degrees in, and some didn't finish. In DD's case--she's an optician, who started college planning to be an international journalist.

Hang in there, be patient, continue to teach your son about responsibility. If he comes to you questioning a decision he needs to make, be sure he understands the 5 step decision-making process (so many of these responsibility areas aren't taught in school--it's up to the parents to make sure their children are prepared for life). Just know that at his age, his brain's center for logical thinking isn't fully mature yet. His decisions are being dictated by the 'emotional' thinking part of his brain. Logical thinking doesn't generally kick in fully until we're in our mid-20's. He's got a few years to get to that point, yet.

Ok, so I like the ideas presented here - charge them rent, put them to work, etc. What if they have no source of income? How long do you give them to find a job and what do you do if they don't?
Diane

They would need to show that they were making genuine efforts to find work, call a number of potential employers and want ads daily, attend interviews, be willing to accept anything legal- flipping burgers, cleaning, whatever, though if they accepted a job that wasn't high on the wish list, be looking for something else.
Household chores would also be a given.

you wrote this a few years ago we are at the same crossroads, do you mind telling me how did your son do and what ended up happening, what did you do? Thank you.