I wanted to add that prior to my marriage, I was a single mom for 17 years, and that my children have a good relationship with their father and his new wife. My husband and I are okay financially, but it's this attitude of entitlement from his children that makes me crazy. I love my husband dearly, but wonder if this is an anchor that be dragging behind the boat for years.

I'd say that yes, this is your anchor. You've already talked to your husband and gotten no results. That's about all you can do. At 19 and 21, this is a situation that is not likely to change unless your husband suddenly grows a spine--which doesn't appear likely.

This is a battle not likely to be won by you, so I guess it's time to bite your tongue, smile, and just go on taking care of yourself and your husband.

I agree with Vivian. Just take care of yourself and your hubby. These are adults now. Or basically on the cusp of being adults. It is your husbands fault for raising his kids in such a manner andyou cannot undo what has been done. Stand your ground with the youngest. Speak with your husband assuring him you are not yelling at him or anything. Please dont get into a stink about what he gives his kids. Those are his to do as he pleases even though you are digusted by their behavior. i know it its hard to ignore but focus on your relationship and let him handle that. If he wants to spend his cash, let him, so long as it does not put a cramp financially on you guys.
I dont think they will be around forever..maybe another few years.

You have had only two conversations with the 19 year old in a year's time? And he doesn't like you? Wow!

By conversations with the 19 year old, I should have clarified by saying confrontations. I have tried talking many times with him, but there is a total lack on honesty. He offers lip service in front of his father and has even hugged me in front of him. You know when you are being hugged and there is no honest emotion behind it. I appreciate the positive feedback from all of you. It helps to know that someone else understands.

I have learned through dealing with my SD that some people 1) Enjoy drama 2)Will dislike just because 'they can' - in other words you may not deserve it but if they have to make up a reason they will justify not liking you 3)When the ex is involved it is an uphill battle. I don't have any advice... (going through the same thing) but I can offer understanding... And I suggest you keep doing what you are doing - use this place as a sounding board. Remember not to stress over things that are out of your control.