Death of my child

24 years ago

I was wondering if any of you have lost a child through death? We lost our 19 year old daughter on April 5, 1998. She was trying to save the life of our dog who had been hit by a car. She was hit by a truck and died 15 hours later from massive head and chest injuries. It is a pain that my husband and I could have never ever conceived existed in this life. It is always helpful to communicate with other parents who have experienced the same loss. I would appreciate any response.

See: www.angelfire.com/la2/OurAngel/ChristinCosby.html

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Comments (12)

Carlotta_Bull
24 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss.

(((Hugs)))
Jamie_MS
24 years ago
I'm also sorry for your loss. Your website is so touching and beautifully done. Christin was a beautiful girl.
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I am so sorry, I know how difficult it is since I lost my eldest daughter on 07/04/08 this year. Any time I think of her I cry. She was 31 and lost her life from pulmonary fibrosis, related to the type of chemotherapy she received. Her last 2 years were full of pain and suffering. Her name was Jennifer and she was so stong through all she had to endure. She was first diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma in April of 2002. She had to go through chemo, radiation and the following year, March of 2003 was rediagnosed. She had to have a bone marrow transplant, more chemo, and the agony of what the symptoms of that can do to your body. About 10% of patients develop pulanary fibrosis as a direct result of the type of chemo used. Unfortunately she had suffered all of the effects. I was her fulltime caregiver for the last 2 years of her life. I am now blessed to have full custody of her son, my only grandchild Nathan. I know the pain, the broken heart, the regrets on can feel. I take this one day at a time trying to concentrate on my blessings. 5 minutes from her death she said I see the man, and the beautiful sunlight. That evening in the sky my family and I saw the most beautiful pink clouds with a cross in the clouds. Pink was her favorite color. We know she is in heaven but we all miss her so. Unfortunately my family are all grieving separately. It is so difficult. I understand how much you hurt. I am so sorry that your wife and you are not communicating. I also feel the need to talk to others who feel what I feel. I think your wife may be angry and mean as a way to relieve her feelings. We always tend to hurt others that we love because we know that that person will still care tomorrow. My husband uses alcohol to numb his feelings of regret, so sadly I am not able to communicate with him. I have learned how important it is to tell my loved ones each and everyday how much I care and love them, many times I think about the past and dwell on things I could have done better. I will pray for you and your family. Someone who cares, Cindy
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Thanks for all of your input. I must of painted my son as a crazy lunatic which is not the case. The egg incident is not the only thing and yes our town is a small shore town where everybody knows everything. I should of elaborated more. The incident involved the police apparently this had been happening other times at this same house. The kids do not like this person he is a teacher. He saw my son and his friends about to throw it and then they ran he then called the police. They were put in the back of the car and we were all called. The police asked questions and they wanted to know if they knew about the other times. MY son was with the other kid and another friend when this other child threw the egg and they ran off got away with it. I had no idea until the night that my son got caught. He got the idea and thought lets do this ugh! Anyway that night when they were caught the police told them if they knew of any other kids involved in the previous egg throwing if they didn't come forward they would be blamed for every act of vandalism that takes place from now on. So they were really scared and they had to tell on their other friends and being that my son was there both times and he was with the other kids makes me think they all don't like him because he told on them. He had no choice this is what he had to do. The other kisds were then called down to the station and questioned. So it turned this mole hill into a mountain. I am sorry to be babling but I am trying to get everything out. He has been doing better there have not been anymore texting from those kids and he hasn't texted either. HE has hung around with an old friend this past week. It still is not the same he does stay home alot and does not want to call anyone. For the most part he is OK except when I ask him questions he gets very upset with me. A friend that has not talked to him in a while sent him a text saying he got new phone this is his new number. He would not call him back and erased the message. It seems like things are settling down but I still feel like he tries to avoid alot of situations. He is afraid to run into anyone or something he has not said that to me I am just making assumptions. It definitely is not the way he has ever acted he has always been cofident and very social. Does anyone know what this means? I guess we are hoping and praying that this long summer break will mend some fedncess going forward. I have already addressed the school about kids I do not want him in class with so that is solved. I think kids look at a friend telling on another friend as something you don't do. At this age they aren't thinking rationally like we do so there is not alot of forgiveness and maybe they think my son will always get them in trouble.
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Luckily for you Jannie, there are a lot of vegetarian convenience foods out there now. There's fake sausage, fake sandwich meat, fake burgers, and fake hotdogs. Most of them are not too bad if you're not expecting a carbon copy of the original. So when the family has hamburger, your daughter can have a veggie burger, when you're making ham and cheese for the family, make hers fake ham and cheese, etc. Keep good bread, cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt, marinated garbanzo or kidney beans, lentil soup, etc. on hand for emergencies or really tough situtations. Kraft macaroni and cheese takes about five minutes ya know. Now for italian, you can brown the meat separately and add it at the end to a lot of italian dishes. Just put a little plate out first for your daughter. But the best thing is if your daughter starts cooking some food for herself. I turned vegetarian my senior year of high school, and that's when I took up cooking. I made my own dinner a lot of nights. I'd make a big casserole on Sunday night and could reheat it over the week. Check out some of the vegetarian cookbooks listed in the other thread here, get her one for Christmas, hint, hint. Another thing you could get her is a subscription to Vegetarian Times magazine. It's pretty hip, I think she'd like it. Luckily I like almost everything food wise, so I had a lot of options to choose from. Your daughter has to learn how to live in the real world, she should not expect mom to cook special for her. But if you all could benefit from eating less red meat, it wouldn't hurt to start experimenting with some recipes for the whole family to enjoy. Add more fish and chicken dishes, and go meatless once a week. My dad is meat and potatoes all the way too, and it is a struggle.
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Thanks everyone for your support. I know I need to leave but I suppose I've always been a sucker to help people. Amber - Thank you for your words. You are right, the only person I can save is myself. I suppose the battle is really working up the courage to say enough is enough. I struggle because I hate hurting people or feeling like I am letting them down but in the same regard I suppose by me doing things for my partner, he will never do anything to help himself or his son. Colleenoz - thank you for your kind words. I never thought about it like the way you put it. Seeing that he could turn like that if something bad happened to me is some what alarming. Because when I think of the answer to something happening to me and would he be there, I can't answer that. And if I can't answer that, then there is a real big problem. LaVerne - Thank you for your comment. Do I want to change? Yes i really do, so I guess I know what I have to do. Reading Lady - Sadly this situation is real, it would be nice if I was making it up but unfortunately I am not. I know everyone on his mother's side has bi-polar and basically have lived their lives in and out of either jails or foster homes. Sometimes I think the cycle can be broken but in the same regards, it's not my responsibility to have hero complex (i.e. trying to save everyone). Let me just say this, I know that none of you know me from a bar of soap, which in turn makes you more truthful. I appreciate your honesty and i thank you for your wisdom. I know everyone goes through hard stages in life, but you are right. If I am not happy with the situation, then only I can change it. I think it's time for me to worry about myself and get back what I want. If I succeed (and I truly hope I do) than please know every little word by each of you contributed to giving me strength. You all really have no idea how much you have put my mind, heart and bank balance at rest.
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lulie___wayne
Original Author
24 years ago
Thank you Carlotta and Jamie. I truly hope that if you have children, no matter how old they are, that you never have to experience burying them.
Thank you also for taking the time to look at the website. I have been wanting to change the pictures on the site for so long now, and just haven't had the time. Today was my last day of work, and now I am retired. Maybe now, I can catch up on some of the things that I have been wanting to do for so long.
Thanks again. Lulie
SheliaNC
24 years ago
I am very sorry for your loss. Lots of (((((((((Hugs)))))))). Your website is a wonderful tribute to your daughter. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Vickey
24 years ago
What a beautiful site. I've put off looking at this until I was alone, I knew I would cry and didn't want anyone to see me.

I don't even want to imagine your sorrow. My best friend's son became an angel last year at the age of 15. I see her sorrow and hurting and know that there is no way I can take the pain away, just be there to help lessen it when I can. I feel the same for you. By admiring your beautiful daughter I hope I have somehow lessened the pain just a little!

Thank you for sharing her with me!

Vickey-MN
Carlotta_Bull
24 years ago
I remember when my DD was little - less than a year old (I was holding her on my hip). We were in a fabric store & a very old man (over 80+) walked up to me. He told me he had buried his only daughter when she was 15 & he hoped I never had to go through that. I was in shock & didn't know what to say, but it was obvious he was still grieving the loss of his precious treasure years later. Since then, I've regularly prayed for all people who have lost their children.
carol_in_california
24 years ago
Our youngest son was killed in a freak accident when he was seven years old....that was in 1977, the same day Elvis Presley died. We were camping 600 miles from home....worst day of our lives.
All I can tell you is that the huge hole in your heart and your soul mend....it is never the same but things do get easier and the memory of the horror of the death lessens and the happy memories become more prominent. I think was still bothers us both is that we think we are doing well, then something happens to reminds us of that awful day and it all comes flooding back....fortunately those times become less and less prevalent.
I had a hard time with people ignoring the fact that we had a loss....they didn't know what to say so they acted like nothing happened. It took me a long while to realize they were doing the best they could. Same holds true with those people who said the wrong thing. Like the Hospice RN who told me she knew how I felt because her kitten just died. I told her there was no comparison and that I hoped she would never know how I felt.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Carlotta_Bull
24 years ago
My neighbor lost her daugher at age 35 (who was 2 years older than I am) 8 years ago. She's JUST now getting to the point that she can talk about her & funny things she did. I'm glad she's healing.
akaDenise
24 years ago
My sister lost her first child to SIDS. My heart goes out to you who have lost children. I know there's no pain like that one. Please accept my deepest sympathy and my prayer that you all continue to heal from this.

Denise
BombShelle
24 years ago
There's a lump in my throat that won't go away just thinking of the pain and grief of those who have had to lay their child to rest. I wish no one ever had to experience such a tragedy, not at any age. My cousin died at age 19 in a car accident. My aunt, who has 3 other children, has never been the same. This was over 20 years ago.
iloveroosters
23 years ago
Lulie, and all of the rest of the parents who have experienced a tragic loss of their loved one, I am very sorry for the sorrow you must have felt and still feel at times today. When I was 17, a senior in high school, my boyfriend of 2 years died in a serious car accident with two other boys. Also, that same year, three other seniors died. Two in tragic accidents and one by a cerebral hemmorhage. What a year that was. I would never want to go back, but what it did for me was to make me realize how prescious life is and what really matters are the small things. My sociology teacher that year gave me a poem after my boyfriend's death that I have remembered to this day, 19 years later, it really meant a lot.
"I walked a mile with pleasure
she chattered all the way
but left me none the wiser
for all she had to say.

I walked a mile with sorrow
and never a word said she
but oh, the things I learned from her
when sorrow walked with me.
simply_shelia
23 years ago
Lulie,
That is the most beautiful site I have ever seen.What a lovely young woman she was.My daughter is 17 and left for school this morning angry with me and seeing your site makes me want to just hold her and never let go.I'm so very sorry for your loss and pain.May God give you stregnth till you can see your precious girl again.
Shelia

Death of my child

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