My son's death
aryche
7 years ago
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My son's death.....
Comments (15)You know Bob, the things that stick out in my mind is I have to give you so much credit for how well you were doing and how hard you were trying with him. We kids never usually see our parents clearly and it is always easier when they too become parents of teens and so on later in their lives. Somewhere down the line he would have come full circle, or not, the choice would have been his. He probably just needed to have that one thing mentioned that would just 'click' right with him. We do though as kids need to come to realise that parents are not infalible as all humans are not. We are just people living, learning and trying to do our best. It sounds like you have done a fine job of trying to pull it all together over the years and were a caring and patient person and father to your kids. They learn that by you being supportive and caring towards them, whether you are present in the household or not, that you do care about them. You know all of this but it bears repeating. It's not the quantity of time that you spend with them but the quality. The minutes do count but not so much as the moments. Just staying involved in their life and what they are doing and what matters to them, should matter to them when they get old enough to know what really counts and they have sorted out 'Life 101' better. Bottom line is everyone just wants to feel loved for who they are and where they are at in life. Love, acceptance, unconditional love. Could you son possibly still have been on that journey of asking himself, who am I, what am I, where am I going and where does this all fit in with my life so far. It takes a great maturity to arrive at looking at your parents clearly enough to see that they faced the same set of circumstances that we all did. We can all make mistakes, miscalculations. We can all forgive, forget and move on too. We have to deal with what life is handing us and try to make the best of it with what we have to work with or go out and make it a better one. We create what our life will be. A wise man once told me that if we are forgiven, how can we not forgive also. Give yourself time to forgive yourself and let the pain go from the distance that was created by your son. It may take you some time, but give yourself the permission to fprgive all and move beyond that. Your son just wasn't up to that level of understanding yet. Given time and patience most likely he would have gotten there. All the best my friend, Lucy...See MoreMy son and granddaughter died 2 years ago today
Comments (6)Thank you everybody for your kind thoughts. We got thru the 17th, and then Father's Day. Brycesmommy, you've been so in my thoughts and prayers. Your burden is great, too, and this time of year is especially difficult for you also. The past 2 years, we seem to be especially vulnerable starting with Mother's Day, then Millie's birthday, the anniversary of their deaths and then Father's Day. I do appreciate your kind words and the friends who called us just to say they know how terrible that day was. Somehow or another, we seem to be able to get things together later in summer, and then we function OK until Dave's birthday in October, remembering the glorious day on which he was born, and reviewing his life and how much we loved him. As I may have mentioned, Dave was a fine, fine baseball player in high school and college; he played until his early thirties, and then work and family left him with no time for baseball. He loved the game, and so did all of us. Last year, on June 17th, we visited his high school and walked to the baseball field. It was completely empty, school being out for the summer. On the bench in the home dugout was a single baseball. I think he left it there for us. This year on the 17th, I was walking my only other grandchild (she's 2) home, and there in the midst of a baseball field, newly dragged and devoid of footprints was a baseball! I think (and pray) that he's telling us that he and Millie are fine, but how terribly we miss them. Bless you all who are carrying such terrible burdens. You're in my prayers....See MoreFirst Year anniversary over
Comments (3)Darlene, thanks for checking in. It's always good to hear "success" stories regarding how all of us who are in this "club" that no one wants to be in survived various issues. You are so fortunate to many loving remaining family members who seem to try in earnest to help you get through this. If you don't care to discuss how Darryl left this world, just simple tell people that you aren't ready to talk about it. It's interesting how some people will pry for every detail and others son't seem to care or feel that they shouldn't intrude. Many of us like to talk about it, though. It all depends on the person. You just do what you feel for as long as you feel. As we've said before, each set of grief is different even if it is for the same person. We have to deal with it however we feel is best for us. Now you see that the actual anniversary date is not that bad. It's usually just the fear of it approaching and not knowing what to expect. To me, my grief was pretty much the same... anniversary or not. Regardless of what day it is, they are still gone and we grieve every single day. Thanks for sharing, Darlene! Lu...See MoreMexico Vacation Awareness
Comments (3)I have been advised by a Mexican not to go if you can't pass for Mexican. You will be a target if you can't. I am sure some places are safe, but I would never wander around at night or do the bar scenes alone or even as a twosome. I think the problem has accelerated because of the tightening of the borders and the lack of respect the immigrants receive here. I have been in San Juan and was told by the locals it is safe there, but it is far from it. On my last cruise I met a woman who's brother married a woman from there. He moved there and set up his dental practice. He has a gun in every room of his home, he wears a gun strapped to his leg when he goes to work and his office has security doors. When his kids grew up, they came to the US for college and would not return to San Juan. They told their Dad to return to the states, that he was crazy to stay in San Juan. In case you don't know, San Juan is a territory of the USA and that made me believe it would be safe. They are American citizens....See Moremama goose_gw zn6OH
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