I'm so sorry. I know it must be so hard for you to have lost such a wonderful girl and it's even more hard for you to see your son in so much pain. No matter what the reason, it would hurt you to see him hurt. Both of you have lost future dreams and that hurts. It is very normal to feel the way you are feeling. When my daughter was killed, it took her boyfriend who was only 18 at the time, four years to date another girl seriously. He compared them all to Christin and they didn't measure up. He did meet someone that he fell in love with and married this summer. You son will do the same in time, and he will never forget this girl that he lost and you won't either. Keep her in your heart forever. It's all hard to understand and I'm so sorry for what you two are going through. Please continue to come here. ((((((((((((((((Mandi)))))))))))))))))))) Lu

Hi silversword. Thanks for the response. A PI is Public Intoxication. He was actually walking along the sidewalk with one foot on the curb, one foot off, trying to catch a cab. We live in a college town and it was a football rally night and tons of students were out (along with lots of cops to keep things in line). Don't think he was drunk - just had had a drink but the point is: why the heck would you be drinking at all if you just got a DWI 4 days earlier?? I'd be freaked out. That's why we are pretty sure he has a drinking problem. As for drugs, he's said he tried pot but didn't like it at all. Don't think there's coke or anything else involved b/c I think he would be dropping those 30+ lbs he's gained. In fact, I overheard him talking to the Assessment Counselor for that 6 week recovery class we're 'making him' go to and he said only alcohol and 'dip'. But I agree - it does sound/look like drugs. Seriously, to meet my son, you would think he was just fine. Clean cut, manners, talks intelligently - but it's all just that 'performance' he does, I think, because 'if I look good on the outside, I must be okay'. Very sad. Oh- the student loans are $30,000-private university (which we co-signed on and agreed to pay half since he planned to get a business/accounting degree - math brain -and should be making a salary to take on those loans) plus the $8000+ in credit cards plus the DWI lawyer($2500) + fines related to that. Yes, it's huge. And stressful. And unfortunately, to cope, he blows it off. And apparently drinks. He does recognize he's self sabotaging but again, he knows what to do to change and can't make himself do it. I'm thinking more depression. But he refused medication the first time around and I had to agree mainly because he drinks and I was afraid of the combination. Heavy sigh...

On the one hand, this could indicate your son is extremely bright. On the other hand, it could indicate his brain is developing in 'non-standard' directions and that an evaluation would be a good idea. Is your son advanced in other areas? Does he ask probing questions about how things work? Is he an avid 'watcher'? Are other family members unusually intelligent, supporting a genetic predisposition to high intelligence? Does he assemble jigsaw puzzles designed for older children easily? What about other building toys like Legos? 'Yes' answers here would support a high-intelligence theory. The words 'STOP' and 'PAUSE' could easily have been copied from a TV remote control. (Is the RC in all caps? and your son's writing also all caps?) Still, an impressive achievement for a 2-year old, but not the same feat as spelling 'cat' or 'tomato', or even mixing upper and lower case letters. Copying words can be a visual pattern-recognition thing; spelling them is a whole sound-symbol coding exercise -- so very, very different. (My older son started writing letters at age 2, but in his case, it was clearly a visual pattern thing -- simply copying shapes that he knew were somehow important.) How does your son play with other children? Is he indifferent to, upset by, confused by, or annoyed by other kids? Does he line things up often, and melt down when his lines are disturbed? Is he anxious or upset by changes in routine? Does he have just a few favorite toys, and play with them the same way over and over? Does he repeat words and phrases he's heard on TV? And if he does 'TV talk,' does it sound different from his regular speech? (Inflection, vocabulary, not appropriate to context) Does he use your hand as a 'tool' to get things instead of pointing? How are his language and speech development coming along? Does he mix up pronouns like 'it' 'me' and 'you', or have trouble with 'Wh' questions? Does he seem over- or under-sensitive to certain sounds, smells, tastes, textures, or sensations? Does he have a strong preference for only a few foods (macaroni and cheese, milk, chicken nuggets) and refuse to eat anything else? How are his sleeping patterns? Problems in these areas suggest you may want to have him evaluated. Very bright children with issues on the autism spectrum (Hyperlexia, Asperger's Syndrome, PDD, High Functioning Autism) could show the types of behaviors you described for your son, but would also tend to have many of the problems described in the paragraph above. If he's only got 1 or 2 issues from the second set of questions and they're not too severe, then you probably don't have anything to worry about. Just keep an eye on him, and enjoy your obviously bright little boy. Here is a link that might be useful: Hyperlexia

Why isn't this girl working? she should not be allowed to live rent free. she is clearly sleeping around and having babies with whoever offers. since her mother abandoned her and was abusive, SD is looking for love elsewhere, how sad for her children. and I suspect her father was not as excellent father as you think otherwise both children would not grow up selfish and irresponsible. she needs therapy, career counseling, education, parenting classes and kick in the butt. I take it that baby's father is not around, if you observe her being unfit mother maybe she should not have custody? I wonder if her baby is better off without her. i would start documenting how she treats her child. she is messed up and would be a pity to see her baby growing up messed up as well. something needs to be done to stop this cycle. i bet it is not the last baby either.