gardenut - I don't see the age of Belle, is she a puppy? I would put her back in the crate to start with. Reinforce her training. If you haven't already done so, get a urine from her and take to your vet to analyze. More difficult with a female dog. Just take an old lid to a tupperware container and slip it under her from behind when she squats. Then put the sample in the container matching the lid you used. They don't need alot of urine to check it. My old girl has had UTI several times throughout her life. If she is leaking, she won't squat to do it. My oldest lab came with a zillion issues, one being that she has a leaky bladder. She just leaks if she doesn't take her PPA or Propalin, I am assuming this is what the poster above was referring to. My gal never squatted to pee in the house, I just noticed a small puddle when she would get up from lying/sitting down. Is it possible that she just isn't fully potty trained yet? I would be hesitant to give my dog a med before I ruled out the incidents just being accidents or UTI. My youngest lab had accidents for the entire first year we had him. I thought I was going to go out of my mind. I took him out regularly and did everything possible, but he was just hard to train. He is fully trained now thank the Lord above. He would look just look at the door, I would be right behind him to open the door and he would stand there and start to pee. Frustrating. I cleaned up more pee accidents in 2004 than I care to remember. He just didn't catch on, where everyone else had caught on fully by the third month at the latest. Usually having more than one dog helps, the puppy just follows the other dogs' behavior. I think sometimes they just forget and get caught short while in the house. How long have you had her? What kind of dog is she? My two boys go out for last call at around 9, if I am up late, I will put them out again after the news. My old gal is more like 7:30 p.m. She wants to get upstairs and go to bed! She's going to be 12 and when I say to her "do you want to go out", her ears perk up and she follows me to the door (of course, I have to speak loudly now since her hearing is going). She knows that after she goes out and does her business she will get to go upstairs and lie on her comfy dog bed. Everybody goes out around 5:30 or 6:00 a.m. on weekdays, sometimes not till 8 a.m. on weekends if am lucky. The go out first thing, then come in for breakfast and then back out about a 1/2 hr. later and then in till 2. I don't go out with them, we don't go to the park, we don't take long walks, etc. Of course, there have been incidents few and far between where somebody gets the runs and makes a mess. Different situation. But for the most part, on the days I go to the office they stay in the house from 7 until 2 with no potty breaks. Best of luck and keep us posted!

Although it was in 2008, someone said above, "I agree that it is difficult to post on this [step] forum. . . it is hard." This is pretty much true today, almost 10 years later. It is still difficult for a SM to post on a step-forum without risking getting roasted. I find that those who usually insist on needing to know more and more "facts," are unwilling to take SM's word for anything and waiting for the right moment to jump on SM to discredit her. Bio-parents can complain all the time, but when a SP does, the first thought is usually SM is over-reacting and SK is being misjudged. A lot of this I see as a cultural or societal issue. Most have no clue what to do with SPs. No clue whatsoever, other than to try to pretend like they don't exist. What is normal or best for SMs? No one seems to really know. Even a lot of SMs aren't sure. Sure, there are some theories out there, but do they work? Like Imamommy said above, we are told to keep at arm's length, so to speak, but what does that accomplish other than ever-present awkwardness? Is it true that it takes a village to raise a child, except when it comes to SPs? Somewhat exaggerated, but I always say a SM's world is backwards from most other's "normal. It's a world where you are supposed to have no say in your own household, a world where you are supposed to give love and settle for nothing in return, a world where you are supposed to be a servant or babysitter and never get paid, and a world where you may be married to your DH but BM and adult SKs still get first dibs on your spouse. Society as a whole doesn't get it, and that includes even some counseling professionals. The entire focus is on pretending like the divorce never really happened to "make things easier" for the children involved. SMs, the vast majority of whom never got involved with DH until after the divorce, are basically expected, in the year 2018, to sacrifice themselves (a/k/a take the high road, suck it up and take it, be the bigger person, etc.) for another family's divorce and fallout from that. There is absolutely no way anyone can justify that a person is supposed to pay a higher price for something she had zero involvement in than the people who were actually involved. There is just no way. Some still try, however. Some SMs get lucky and have both supportive BMs and DHs, and some at least have supportive DHs. Other SMs have neither. And, in these situations where SM is lacking support, what is SM's reward for trying to be the glue that somehow keeps everyone together? It is usually to become the family scapegoat or punching bag. And, society endorses this. If SM doesn't accept her role as the family lackey and a lesser wife, well to get back at her, they'll just slap the Evil SM title on her. What it all comes down to is divorce sucks big time for everyone, but because society as a whole doesn't want to deal with the realities of divorce and wants to act like it is not that big of a deal, and pretend like mom and dad are still the real, one-and-only couple even after the divorce, that means that the only way to keep up this fiasco is to totally degrade anyone mom or dad goes on to get involved with or remarry, to totally discount them. And, to make matters worse, if they dare to protest, then you slap them with the Evil SM label or tell them they are not minding their place. SM's main role is to be a wife to her husband. Her husband's role is to be a husband to her and a dad to his children. SM is her own person, and she doesn't owe anyone anything for what has gone on in someone else's past and not her own. She shouldn't have to give a long laundry list to anyone to justify that she needs help and support. She wants to do the right thing, and it is certainly in her best interest to do so. But, the only support most ever seem to want to give a SM is to tell her that she is over-reacting and to suck it up and take it. I always tell SMs to do what works best for you, because no matter what you decide or do, someone will be there every time telling you it is wrong. Comes w/the Evil SM label finely embroidered on all of our chests.

Hi Islander, I understand how hard it can be to let things go, and I'm sorry. When I got married, I wanted to have both parents walk me down the aisle, but didn't because I didn't want my SM to feel uncomfortable. I picked out my mother's dress, which did match the wedding colors, but told my SM what the wedding colors/shades were so that she could match too. My BM and SM sat together in the first row. And no, they do not get along! My SM was included for pictures, and although I would have liked to have pictures of just me and my parents I decided it wouldn't be worth the hassle. I agree with a poster above in that the wedding is about taking your vows. Everything else is just fluff. I tell my girlfriends getting married to expect things to go wrong, do not expect perfection, because all that matters at the end of the day is that you accomplished what you set out to do, marry your love. If uncle so and so gets drunk, if your bridesmaid forgets her dress,etc, none of that really matters in the long run. And you'll have a funny story to tell from it. Why not tell it to yourself that way? Here, let me tell it, I can imagine it from sitting in the back 40! Remember when silly BM made that spectacle and took DH's hand? the look on his face was priceless! I couldn't tell if he would deck her or run like the wind! Thank goodness he keeps his cool so well! My wedding had a lot of drama, and I wish people could have stayed as calm as you did. It can be so hard, but the good thing is that while it only lasts a day the impression you make can last a lifetime.

The problem is that, in most cases, the choice is NOT give me liberty to do what I want no matter how dangerous or give me a quick and hopefully painless death doing it. It's that the elderly stubborn hard case is going to cause him/herself enough damage that it will then become the family's enormous burden to take care of him/her once the inevitable emergency ensues. And that is IMO the core of the selfishness exhibited by all these old folks who refuse to admit they can no longer do what they want, and who are determined to pretend they aren't old. We went through exactly this process with my MIL. She was insistent she could and so what she wanted to do. After her third(!!) hip fracture caused by refusing to acknowledge her balance and physical abilities were fading, we were told bluntly by a case worker that if she showed up in an ER with another fracture the doctors would be required by state law to report us to the elderly abuse hotline. And that is why she is now in assisted living, still insisting that this is the most awful fate that could ever befall anyone and that she is perfectly able to go home and live just as she wants to. The woman can no longer walk unaided because of the damage caused by her falls and her dementia has progressed to the point at which she cannot retain a thought longer than 30 seconds. But by god she is just fine to be living independently, at least if you ask her. No matter how invincible you think you are, at some point if you have anyone in your world who is going to have to take care of you or bear the brunt of your foolishness, it's time to give in. Sadly as many of these stories illustrate, selfish and stubborn elderly people are all too often adamant in refusing to face reality.