I just thought I'd post an update. My nephew and niece have headed back home with my brother, their dad. My poor SIL is at Children's Hospital with Oldest Nephew. Guess what my brother says the kids enjoyed the most? Would you believe 1) looking at baby pictures of themselves, 2) making cards and art for their brother to hang on the walls of his room and 3) a mini-tour where I showed them where their dad used to live, and their grandparents used to live, and their dad went to school, etc. So much for all my planning. They'd hoped Oldest Nephew would be released yesterday, but he's had some breathing issues and a lot of pain and it looks as though he'll be in the hospital until Saturday. He's had a few complications, but they have all been complications that kids normally have with this surgery, so while he's being closely monitored, no one is super concerned. About his surgery--he was born with a defect in his spine, that caused partial paralysis from the waist down. The doctors have been treating this with back braces and therapy, to prevent things from getting any worse. What happened was that one of his vertebra collapsed and caused all sorts of problems. They've fixed that and put in rods that have straightened his spine for the first time ever. He even looks taller! And he won't need his back brace anymore, which has made him very happy. I just wish he wasn't in such pain. I've been down to the hospital twice to give SIL a bit of a break and he's just not himself at all.

Hi, my name is Stephanie, and I'm the parent of a teen son. ;o) My oldest turned 15 this month. It is taking me forever to post to this thread b/c I have so much to say I don't know where to start! And now I've got a lot on my mind, and I've had coffee too late at night, so you are in for it this time! LOL! This might be a book. It's not exactly fear that I feel about raising teens, but it is challenging. Makes me appreciate the simplicity of potty training! I'm just getting started, too, there are 3 more lined up behind him, every 3 years. So a year from now I'll have 2 teens, and soon enough they'll be 19, 16, and 13... and 10, so it looks like I'm here for a while! (That is what the PTAs see in me, "Oooo! She's gonna be here for years! Let's get her!") What have I done to myself!?! The food bill alone is giving me gray hairs, the boundaries navigation is going to make me insane. We don't parent with a Rule Book. But a set of standards and expectations guides us: respect, responsibility, honesty. DS is a sophomore, he has a girlfriend of, oh, about 4 months now. Started at school, classes together, phone calls, IM-ing. Once summer break started, they wanted to spend some fun time together. She comes here, they go to our neighborhood pool; he goes there and to her family's church for the weekly teen night. They are never alone, in private. (Ha, here they also have the company of not only me, but 3 younger siblings, who can be an excellent obstacle to privacy! LOL) A few times a parent has dropped them off for a move, ice rink, etc. for a couple hours. Public places of amusement, no "just hanging out," the mall is not OK with me, I think they need to have a plan for what they are going to do with their time. I limit it to twice/week, just b/c I don't think they need to spend all their free time with each other; they should have time to hang out with friends, family, and just by themself. DS also has summer reading requirements for his honors lit class, so he has school priorities even now. So I'm really good with how this is going for now. Tonight, my reason for being out so late.... he got a message from her that she and a friend, and her boyfriend, were going to the movie at 10:00. I agreed to drop him off and come back b/c the theatre is at the front of our subdivision (it's not even a bad walk in good weather) and I knew we'd be up anyway. As we pulled into the parking lot, she called to say she misunderstood, her friend's dad was taking them to a different theatre, 15 minutes away. So, figuring it was too late to catch them in time, we came home. Then she called again, said we can wait for next show at 10:45. Well, this is late, won't let out til after midnight. But I agreed as long as he didn't have a problem with me staying and watching the movie too - in a distant seat ;o) B/C it would be a waste of my time/gas to go back home when I needed to be back less than 90 minutes later, and it was just so late. That was my compromise, he took it. I agree with the idea of noticing opportunities to share our values and "wisdom" with our kids. The fancy word for that in my education classes was "teachable moments." Teachable moments are very important to me. There is a corrolary, sometimes we get opportunities to learn about our kids, and we need to watch and listen and learn who they are and where they are going. Tonight I felt like I had one of those. Ended up being out later than I wanted either of us out, further from home that I wanted to be, not reading a book and soaking in my tub like I planned to be. ;o) But I observed the teen social life and now know better what to teach my son (in the morning!). The friend his GF was with also met her boyfriend there. Turns out he was older, driving, and with 2 carloads of friends. Which means some of them had to be 18 to be driving at night with other teens, legally. I didn't know any of them, other than just recognizing faces from the neighborhood or subbing at the HS. They were well-mannered enough in the movie, I didn't observe any inappropriate behavior. But outside, one sat on the curb smoking. They all drove off leaving the younger girls standing there waiting for the dad to pick them up. If I had not been there w/DS, those 15 y/o girls would have been standing there for 20 mins alone, after midnight. Weekday night, there was no one else outside the theatre. So DS stood there w/the girls while I sat in the van at the curb. Once the ride was there, his girlfriend came to my window and thanked me profusely. The dad picking up late said nothing to me, didn't even look at me. As we drove away, I asked DS the obvious question, "So Kristy's boyfriend is older than her, huh? Did you know him before tonight? Did you know any of his friends with him?" He said, "No, but I can't believe he didn't wait for Kristy's dad to get here. That was weird, what a jerk." (Good boy! LOL.) Tomorrow I plan to have a conversation about knowing what is going on better before he agrees to go somewhere. It's not just cuz I'm nosey, but b/c he can't vouch for the behavior of people he doesn't know. He needs to make himself more informed, so he has all the information to make the best choices. We can just never have enough conversations with the kids, can we? That is one thing that boggles my mind. I feel like I have so much to tell him, to talk to him about, to ask him... so many conversations to have. Yet if we parents talk too much, they block it out anyway. I have to think hard, to choose the words carefully so I get in what I need him to hear before he stops listening. Make my point before he tunes me out. Make every word a valuable one, so he knows when I'm talking it's something he should listen to, not another Rant From Mom. I think I will be so much more confident and prepared when the rest are teens, but I bet they throw their own surprised in just to keep me on my toes. I am aware that they are watching their brother now, so what happens now sets the bar for the future. If it's true that we learn to parent from our parents, I had a good education. My parents were great. I was minimal trouble as a teen, good student, worked, volunteered, studied/practiced my music. I didn't even taste alcohol until I was 20, never tried a cigarette, much less any illegal substance. My friends were the same way. I was a questioning kid, would defy a rule I thought was without merit. But my parents didn't really make that kind. When I refused to attend church at 15, mom fussed a little, but they just went without me. My cousins caused a lot of trouble, from bad grades to teen pregnancy to arrests. They had a lot of priveleges, and distracted parents who made up for it with more priveleges. We're all adults now, and they have turned out fine, no one is still causing trouble. They just took the longer road to find their way. Now when we talk about growing up, they will say the always envied my brother and me because they wanted parents like ours. Even though there were more limits at our house, they loved to spend weeks with us in the summer b/c they knew the limits, they felt safe there, like someone was paying attention. One cousin told me that now that she is a parent, she looks to my mom as her example, not her own. As kids, I would never have guessed my cousins felt that way. I woudln't have thought it now, either, if they didn't say it. But since they have, I see it looking back. Even the one who caused the most trouble, never gave Aunt Susie trouble, he wouldn't have wanted to disappoint her, she believed in him. It is sweet to know now that my own mother was the stable factor in our whole family. So if I learned from that, that is a very good thing. I commented to them that my mom has always had higher expectations of my that she does of anyone else. It was a whine, sometimes that has gotten to me over the years. But my cousin responded that I was lucky, because it is so much harder when your mom doesn't have any expectations of you at all. Made me think about what expectations I put on my kids. She's right, it's better to have high, but reasonable, expectations for your kids to live up to than none at all. My expectations come right back to the standards I try to set: respect, responsibility, honesty. Among all my old and made up Mom-isms, I repeat to them often "Behave in a way that makes you proud of yourself." Oh, and this Friday I agreed to chaperone a small group of friends at the pool, pizza, b-day cake. I let DS to the inviting, but the parents who I do not know well called me so find out what was going on, if I would be there, what they should expect. I was happy about that. So I'm going to get another learning opportunity, but this time with kids my son does know well. I do like his choices in friends, and he is always comfortable with me meeting them and their parents. Maybe that's just b/c he knows he doesn't have a choice anyway. ;o)

I'm on a website looking at atv's and every single ATV I have come across has an "Important Safety Information" Pop-up on the page that says " Recommended for experienced riders 16 years of age and older. _____ recommends that all ATV riders wear a helmet, take a training course, and read their owner's manual thoroughly. Also here is a manual that I found online, please look at pages 7 & 12. www.etonamerica.com/PDF/EA%20ATV%20Rider%20Safety%20Handbook.pdf - Never allow a child to operate the ATV without adult supervision. (pg. 7) Never operate an ATV without wearing an approved helmet that fits properly. You should also wear eye protection (goggles or face shield), gloves, boots, long-sleeved shirt or jacket, and long pants. (pg. 12)

We trusted our kids, too, and were never disappointed. We always allowed flexibility with deadlines like suppertime and when to be in for the night, and it was never abused. The kids knew we were always home, to call us for any reason at any time if they needed to. Just this last winter our dtr, AGE 26 (TWENTY-SIX!!! She's the 5th of our six kids) called at 1:30 AM to ask Dad to pick her up downtown because she was sober, her friends were drunk and she wasn't driving. He did, told me she was very upset, said things like "We're 26! They're such jerks!" Keep the lines open. It's great that DS wants her to come to your house! Don't worry about cleaning or what to eat, just make it a pleasant place to be. Kids like reasonable rules - and they expect to "Keep the door open" unless there is a gang in there...then YOU'll want it closed! Here is something that always made me kind of mad, yet it was kind of a compliment: Other mothers would tell their kids, "If it's OK with Mrs. M, it's OK with me." They didn't have to argue with their kids - I took the pressure off for them. It was always our house the kids hung around, from pre-school through college. Sounds like you might be the standard-setter for your kids' friends, too. Nice that the girlfriend's mom sounds reasonable, too. I had my share of "discussions" with other mothers, and sometimes you have to be the bigger jerk. It's not easy watching their hearts break when it comes to that. My kids had close friends break their hearts with bad decisions, mean things, etc., as they were growing up, as well as the BF-GF breakups. It's often the end of the world, but it's the way the world goes on. Be a good listener. You've got a good kid there, and that's the way he'll stay.