Wow, what a bummer about that rabbit invasion......Isn't it interesting how we all have different kinds of critter invasions? I noticed that you used to live in Berkeley, which is where I am now and you had the same squirrel problem. I never thought about putting something sharp around pots, I've got to try that! I put up some hanging baskets and one day came home to find one smashed to the ground with a peanut buried in the soil. The squirrels bury those damn peanuts throughout my yard and if I don't check daily, they expose the roots of some plants and they dry out. You'd think that those of us that have dogs wouldn't have a critter problem, but even if they chase them off (like my dog Lucky does) they end up trampling a bunch of plants. Now I've got a rat visitor who likes to munch on bits of sunflower seeds that have fallen from the birdfeeder and he's tunneling through my freshly placed crushed granite paths and digging up the gravel underneath. I'm going to set out glue traps and get rid of him. Good luck and I hope you get your critter problem solved, Cathy

Some other thoughts (I've been thinking about your and your post, and your problems, over the evening and the morning, on my commute, in the shower, etc.--so feel "cared for"!) I have some other thoughts that maybe you can plug into your problem-solving here. ******************* THOUGHT ONE: Redefine yourself as a SUPERVISOR, not a DO-er I have a relatively new colleague who is the editor of our magazine (I'm in charge of process and timing). Over the last 2 issues, I've realized that she's editing about 3/4 of the stories--yet she also has meetings w/ the publisher, and press-conference things to attend, and meetings w/ the edit director, etc. I've been pressuring her to realize, as she's hiring a new senior editor (there are only 2 editors, her and the senior) that she has to redefine what she does. She CANNOT edit 3/4 of the stories; she doesn't have time. She has to have time to be the executive (researching and making decisions; editing behind the other editor, etc.). And time to supervise. The same is true of you. Your kids aren't quite as old as mine (my youngest is the age of your oldest), but you need to start working TOWARD the idea that you don't DO; you supervise. (right now, you'll have more 'doing', but frankly, you should never take the garbage out, and you should never clean a toilet or a bathroom sink--your kids are old enough to do that. ******************** THOUGHT 2: REWARD WORKS BEST Also, reward works better than punishment. I keep forgetting that, and I sort of resent rewarding them for doing chores, but it's EFFECTIVE. Praise is a great reward, but so would be something like TV watching. (this means you have to move stuff like family event, TV time, etc., out of "life as normal" and into "reward" category) **************** THOUGHT 3: MANY HANDS MAKE LIGHT WORK This is not just that you can do more--but that when you work w/ company, it's more fun, less oppressive. Also, especially I think at the ages your kids are, it's much more fun to clean and tidy WITH COMPANY. So keep up the "family pick-up time," and make it MORE often, and everybody do it. Right before bed, everybody picks up. Put it on the schedule as being JUST as crucial as brushing teeth. it happens at the same time every day, and everybody does it. A little bit of "togetherness" right before bedtime, that ALWAYS happens, regardless. (I say this, because I do not DO this always, and I live w/ the end results, and it is NOT good; but the times that I am able to make this happen, it makes a big difference) (and everybody picks up everything--even if it's not yours, if you know where it goes, put it there) ****************** THOUGHT 4: PROVIDE STRUCTURE I think the ages your kids are is a good time for little time-management/motivation tricks. Here are some I've used: -"beat the clock": set a timer for 15 minutes, see how much you can do in a HURRY! -"clean to music": pick lively music, and see what you can do in 2 songs -"do a dozen": bring a laundry basket in, put 12 things in it (maybe you can help pick them, but best is to get the kid to put them in); so the dozen is clearly corralled, and have them put those away (beat the clock, if you can--my DS can put 12 things away in 3 minutes). Repeat as needed -"how long is it REALLY?" My timer will also work as a stopwatch; we timed how long it took to fold a basket of clothes--10 minutes. Or how long to "do a dozen"--3 mins. You could make a chart of how long things REALLY take, and then that will help remind you all that it'll be done so quickly. ************** THOUGHT 5: EDUCATE HUBBY I'm not big into demanding of my husband--it doesn't work, for one thing. But I'd suggest working w/ your DH to open his eyes to the idea that the stuff he brings in doesn't have a home, doesn't add to anything, etc., it sounds like he's got a willingness, so you can build on that. You may just need to educate him about the dynamics of "stuff" and "clutter"; he may not even see it. *************** THOUGHT 6: THINK "LONG-TERM IMPROVEMENT," NOT "ONE-SHOT SUCCESS" Also: one slighty pessimistic (well, "realistic") note: you said: "I want this resolved!" Homekeeping is NEVER "resolved." Training children to pick up their clothes is NEVER "resolved." Laundry is never "done." Aim for "caught up" w/ laundry. Aim for "trending better" w/ organization, housework, and kids living up to their responsibilities. ******* (an aside--the 6-hour math class: I often say to my kids, "If you'd stop arguing w/ me and just go PICK IT UP, you'd have been finished by now. You have spent more time arguing that it would have taken you to DO it!" (of curse, in those instances, I probably should have imposed some swift, onerous punishment, but...) I have thought sometimes that I should take my stopwatch-timer and turned it on to time how long they were fussing and whining, then time how long it took to do it") But that also points out a value in getting your kids to help you do some research--take your chore chart, and have them do the chore, complete w/ setup and break-down, smoothly without rushing or dawdling, and then write down the number of minutes it took--that's the standard, and when it's chore time, maybe it won't seem so daunting bcs they'll know that can clean the sink, the tub, and the toilet in 5 minutes. I did this w/ my DS bcs he was taking so long to get dressed, and he acted as though it would be FOREVER until he was done. So I challenged him to help me research it, and he could get dressed in 6 minutes (he has a tie, and a sweater, etc.) Once he really understood that, I found, he would get dressed promptly. Try the same thing for setting the table, etc. Also research stuff like how long it takes to pick up a huge mess, vs. how long it takes the next night when it's a single day's worth. ************* THOUGHT 7: LESS STUFF I said it before, and I'll say it again--the kids won't get overwhelmed, and you won't either, if they don't have more than the bare minimum. I'm thinking of Jamie from Montana, who used to post here, who hated washing dishes so much that she wouldn't, and then she'd have a huge stack of them, etc. She put all the plates away deep in the dining room, except for 2--so she had to do dishes every night, or she didn't have anything to eat on. Voila! she could keep up.

Almost 31 years of marriage with his and hers ranting. I learned it from my husband. We never even had a thought about not being married to each other. My hubby just vents that way, but if he doesn't stop within a few minutes, then it is my turn. Then it stops! Some people have a dry sense of humor. Some are trying to make jokes and be funny when they post. That is their sense of humor. It doesn't mean they can't have a rational and meaningful conversation with the other person in their life. Geez, let's lighten up! I doubt the OP is seriously angry with hubby. My mom's going to kill me! I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! I'm so angry I can't talk to my husband! Back to the backsplash tile hunt..... before I pull my hair out! (Another one.)

Hi Christine. Grief is a weird thing, there's just no telling how it will manifest itself. Sometimes the tears come much later than we expect or maybe not at all- who knows why? When my father passed away last year, I hadn't seen him in quite a while (long story), so I cried initially upon finding out, and then had no more tears for a few weeks. I don't think it registered fully with me at the time how gone he was. Now it's a few months out and sometimes the grief just catches me for whatever reason- it's hard to say why and when it comes. Let it be its own thing. Maybe you had already grieved this man after breaking up with him under such sad circumstances, and you were already all griefed out where he was concerned? No right or wrong here.