What Aptosca said.

I would however be open to having a close ongoing relationship with someone. I'd be tough to live with. I need a lot of space. The people I know who have remarried seem to be tied at the hip. I couldn't do that.

It depends on your age I guess,but me personally...
Definately not,I've been married for 56 years and although
loneliness would be a problem I've met another man I would
want to be with,DH on the other hand I think would remarry
very quickly. :-)

Well.
Not today.

I have no idea what I'd do if Custer were to die before me.
I guess I'd do my best.
If remarrying would be the best for me and my kids, I'd do it.
Would I remarry because I was lonely or needed financial support. Not on your life. I am very comfortable with myself. I can and have gone days with no contact with others and I'm perfectly content. I can also support myself thank you very much and I doubt there's a decent man out there who could buy me more than I could buy for myself.

This would be one of the situations you would have to play day by day.

I do know I would not DATE.
Either a man and I would be together (and not necessarily married) or not. I will not do the stupid dating thing ever again. I would want a man I could call anytime or show up at his doorstep (and vice versus with him) any time I wanted and not sense any discomfort and embarassment....like another woman was there or something.

Lori

Lori

Does that mean he'd have to see me nikkid? No way, Jose!

I think it would really depend on my age.

I like what Mary said "I think I'd prefer a "friend with benefits" scenario. I wouldn't necesssarily want a new person in my space full-time." I might want the commitment though.. he just needs to have a time-consuming hobby (inexpensive time consuming hobby lol) so that I can have my alone time.

My DGM loved men! She was married twice and had a live-in boyfriend when she was almost 70. I think it kept her young!

Well, I was married right at 20 years the first time and it was unbelievable (at age 38) how easily Twinkie and I adjusted to being married to each other. (I got remarried two days after my divorce was final.)

Now, at 58, that might be a bit more difficult.

Probably would not get married again. We're very happy together but the idea of having to introduce a new person into my life as a mom and a grandmother would be pretty strange.

Also, there's Patti's post....LOL

This depends on the individual and their age.

I was 58, my DH was 62 when he died. We had been married 38 years. Two children, three grands.

When we were married I knew it was meant to be; almost as though it wasn't my decision. I know I could never feel like that toward anyone else.

It is common for a widow/widower to put their late wife/husband on a pedestal, so there is no point listing all the good qualities of my DH. His life spoke for itself.

The idea that a good marriage means that the first was ideal and bears repeating doesn't necessarily work out in fact.

In the case of a young person married only a few years I think a second marriage would almost be inevitable.

Would I ever marry again? No. We had a "history" together; I wouldn't try to write a sequel to that. Being lonely is better than the possibility of being miserable I would think.

Sue

What Wildchild said.

I've never had anyone tell me what to do. At this stage of my life...I don't think I would adjust well to that. I don't think I would re-marry but I would be open to companionship, but after being with someone since we were 16 and knowing him since we were 12...I don't know that marriage to someone else is what I would want.

I'm younger than some of you, and have not had the life experiences that make me think of this very often. But I do not think I would remarry for a very long time. If I lost DH now, I cannot see myself taking the risk of bringing a new man into my children's lives while they are still growing up. Never say never, I guess. But it's more than I can imagine myself doing. I cannot see myself expecting another man to assume that role, and I cannot see myself trusting another man to do the job of a father to them. I think I would avoid relationships with men to be protective of my kids. I don't know if that's right or not, but it's how I imagine I would feel.

I think I would only consider re-marriage after my kids were grown and on their own. And even then, I wouldn't look for it, I just wouldn't rule it out.

Never say never.
My first wife and I were married for 16 years when she died of ovarian cancer. Our 5 children ranged in age from 15 to 3 at the time. About a week befroe she died I sensed that she was giving up. I told her that she couldn't die because there was no way I could handle being a single parent to 5 kids. She looked me right in the eye and said "Well, if I kdon't make it I'll make sure that God sends someone else for you." I thought how arrogant of you to presume to tell God what to do. Yet, arrogant is the absolute last word anyone would have ever used to describe Mary.
Eight months later a very close friend of mine asked if I ever thought about remarrying. I said I'm a 41 year old widower with 5 kids; who's going to have me? She told me to keep an open mind. A month later I met Sue through a mutual friend. At first she blew me off. She gave me this long speech on how she was finishing up with her Bachelors in Social Work and would be moving away and wasn't interested in any kind of relationship. Then she met the kids. She fell in love with them. Sue was never able to have children of her own. Because of them I got a 2nd look and 4 months later we were married. Without the kids I would never have had a chance with her. That was a little over 10 years ago.
What has puzzled me over the years is the fact that their personalities are such total opposites. How can I have loved two women that are so different?

Ron

I did not read many of the other replies but in my honest feelings I wiil have to say NO
I would not remarry. This marriage is already my second and it has been a very rough
road to get to eight years for which I do not want to do again. My first marriage I
was married for 19 years (together 24 yrs) when he decided to take a walk and
leave myself and our three children. I want to be on my own and be with my
children along with Makayla and Kaden.
Deb

I am not sure that I would re-marry. I have the best of the best and I am not sure there are too many that could put up with me!! =) I am very much a home-body, so it would have to be someone through someone else. Not sure that I would marry tho.

My mom died when I was 12, dad remarried when I was 16...it was TOUGH!! I had a real fear that I would die before the girls were out of the house. I told Dean that he could NOT remarry before the girls were on their own!!! I told him he could go and pay for 'whatever', but he was not to bring another women into the house until it was just him. THANK God that didn't happen...but I think he would have followed my wishes.

Absolutely not.

It would be an insult to my husband to do so. We've been married 35 years--extremely happily, too, I might add. Neither of us has ever been with another--nor did we have sex with each other before we were married. We are soulmates for all eternity. I could never disrespect my husband's memory or dedication to our marriage by ever being with another man physically.

So, I might go out to lunch with a friend--woman or man--if something were to happen to him, but I would NEVER have a romantic relationship with anyone else. I'm completely devoted to my husband--and that devotion will not end with his death.

I know many others who feel as I do. One woman was quite young when she lost her husband to cancer. Their baby was only 3 months old, as a matter of fact. She's never married again, nor even dated. She's married to her husband.

I have to admit I'm a little sad reading all of your replies. I'm on DH #2 (divorced #1 13y ago) and not so sure this one will last either (it'll be 7 years this march). I'm happy that so many of you have found your soulmates - that gives me such hope! But it makes me a little sad too, and reiterates to me that there is definitely something wrong with my marriage. I've been working for a while to fix it but I'm not sure it's working.

To answer the question, if this one does not work out, I truly don't think I'll marry again. Apparently there is something wrong with the choices I'm making, lol, and I really really don't want to go thru it all again. I don't think that's the context the original question was posted in, but there's my answer.

But ask me again tomorrow and I may have a new perspective on things after a good night's sleep.

april

In a heart beat!!
My first marriage was a wonderful one, he died of a massive heart attack after 18 years of marriage. Nine years later I married my second husband and we will have been married 25 years this year. At my age
68 probably not, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get married again.

We are approaching 49 years of a good marriage. No, I would not marry again for a number of reasons. I know I would be lonely, but I have no desire to bring another man into my life at this age. I am quite set in my ways and can't imagine adjusting to another husband.

My DD is 45 and divorced. I pray all the time for her to find another partner, her marriage was not good and she deserves so much better. She wants to be married and make a home for herself and her children with a good man.

Nope,I'm almost 70 now so between the IRS,Social Security and the fact that we are retired military,it's definately no!!! There's too much to lose-------------now would i live with someone,maybe,but it would depend on the person.DH has me spoiled,so another man would have some mighty big shoes to fill.
Kathi

We've been married 21 years. DH had a heart attack at age 42, almost 3 years ago. Heart problems run deep in his family. I love him more than anything and the thought of him dying is very hard on me. Would I marry again? I honestly don't know. I don't know how anyone can be so certain about that. All I know is that NO ONE will be like the DH I have right now. I pray he lives a long life!

Sheryl

In a church where I was minister some years ago, there was a lady who had several children and she and a local man became friends and were married. Some felt that he, single till then, was taking on quite a responsibility.

She was an outgoing person, as was he.

He was a great substitute father to her children ... and they had some of their own ... actually, I'm not sure which is which (it was 40 years ago).

She died a few years ago and now he is fairly heavily involved with the kids and grands. Does he regret having made that choice? Not that I've ever had any inkling of. Did she? I don't think so.

In another church, a young woman with three small children had her husband, whom some said to be the best grader operator in the county, run over by his grader.

Within a year or so she began a connection with another man that developed into a relationship.

Some of the women were criticizing, but I said that in my view, she being ready to be interested in someone else wasn't disprespectful to her former husband, who was gone.

If we could have asked him I'm sure that he would have approved.

I said that it indicated to me her happiness in her earlier relationship, and was a tribute to the relationship which they had had together, as she was ready to get involved in a similar situation.

As for me ..

... I've had over 37 years of opportunity to get involved with someone else.

While I don't have objection to it, I've said to some that when one has been run over by a truck ...

... when one hears truck wheels coming down the road ...

... one starts to shake.

That is not to cast discredit on my ex- ... she was a fine lady, whom I loved and respected.

Early in our marriage she was far from home, in a very different society, sharing a small home with a family with four daughters aged 4 - 14 for several months till their home was completed.

And I was coming and going and doing my thing ... and I think that she felt rather unappreciated.

I felt that she maybe felt so frozen out then that she found it hard to trust, later.

We parted after 11 years of marriage.

We scarcely spoke during the years that we were apart ... but she did not try to turn our children against me.

She, who'd fed millions as head of food service for a major hospital for about 20 years ... after taking early retirement, ironically, contracted colon cancer within a year of what would have been her normal retirement time. So out kids were pleased that she'd had 10 years to enjoy life, to have a ball.

She died three years ago this coming summer.

Son is getting a little more comfortable with referring to issues relating to her, lately.

While recently helping daughter prepare for moving rather far away, son brought her ashes home with him and forgot to take them up to his apartment. They have stored some of the things from her home here, including a miniature house, sort of like a doll's house but much more intricate, which they couldn't find a home for, so is sitting on a table in my living room. Her ashes are now in one of the rooms of the house.

She, an Iowa girl, had had some good times at a park in Detroit, I think, but in any case had wanted her ashes spread on the Detroit River, between the countries where she'd lived most of her years.

I think that there's some cowardice involved with my being unwilling to get involved with another relationship, as well.

Having suffered a defeat in life, do we retire to a cave and stew in our own juice?

Or pick up the broken pieces of that part of our life and get on with it, making the best that we can of the situation?

Lots of folks have found another partner and enjoyed many happy years together. True - some haven't enjoyed a new relationship, as well. But the disruption of leaving an unhappy marriage is much less when there are just two older people instead of a family.

I think that the Bible says that in heaven there's not to be marriage and giving in marriage. Meaning that all relationships there will be so much more intense, knowing, trusting and felicitous that they'll be even better than that most intimate relationship, here?

ole joyful

Well here is my story. I don't tell this to many people because it hurts but maybe it needs to be told today. I married at 17, the only boy I'd ever dated, one week out of high school. We were marrried for 24 years when he decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore. This was the person I was going to grow old with and I was devastated. I was so lonely I thought I was going to die. I felt I had to have someone in my life to fill this void. I met someone through a personal ad about a year later and we started dating. A year after that we moved in together. We lived together 5 years very happily. My son who was 10 at the time adored him. I wanted to get back in church and pushed for us to get married, so we did. Big mistake. Everything changed. We separated several times and finally this last time it has been for 2 years. I will never go back to him. I felt like I had to have somebody in my life but now I know I can make it on my own. I want to have peace in my life for what ever time I have left. I feel I deserve it.

There's an interesting departure here, between the happy marrieds and the not-so-happy-marrieds and/or divorced, which is to be expected.

I was quite certain that I'd met and married my soul-mate, but somewhere around 15 years, it went to hell in a handbasket and he couldn't control his temper and it was all downhill. After 24 years, we finally divorced.

I wanted to remarry just because I felt like I'd **glimpsed** the potential of a happy marriage and I wanted to have one of those before I left this earth.

Now I'm on marriage #2 and it's not as easy as I'd hoped, but it's working out okay (so far). Living with someone of the opposite sex is not without its challenges. And I think it's harder when you're both divorced, following long-term marriages.

Hubby #2 is quite a bit older than I am and if I outlive him, I can not imagine that I'd ever want to remarry (again). Two is enough.

I've read in countless books and surveys that widows and widowers are far, far ahead of divorced folks, because when you're spouse dies, you have the happy memories to hang onto, including the memory of a happy, successful marriage.

Divorced people don't have the happy memories to sustain them and they're typically left with a lingering sense of failure and/or rejection.

Rose

I'm of the Never say Never camp, however, that being said, at this moment in time, I don't think I would. 1st marriage was 10 years and ended in divorce, this marriage is going on 19 years, mostly happy ones. I can see myself in the "friend with fringe benefits" relationship, as someone else stated, after a certain age you lose a lot of Social Security, Life Insurance and any possible pensions...

Ellie

I don't know. After 29 years next month, some companionship would be nice but, raising a young GD...I don't know who would want to commit to that again.

I've been married almost 23 yrs. to a wonderful man. Noone is perfect so he's "almost" perfect like I am! I am 47 and no, I would not marry again. I think it would be very difficult to accommodate to another persons ways at this point. I'd like to date and have a companion but not living together. AND, if I was someone with young children (young meaning below 18, YES 18!), I would not bring a stranger to live with me. My children would always come first. I have been a witness to horror stories when people have brought others into their lives with young kids present. I think my first priority would be to raise my family as well as possible then, there's always time for me. I know not every experience is bad, but I would not be willing to chance it. It's going on right now next door with our neighbors! What a mess. I guess it's because I have a 12 yr. old DD and can not imagine bringing a strange man into my home to share our lives. Sometimes it complicates things.

I definitely agree. When my daughter was little, had something happened to my husband, there is no way I would have brought someone else into my home. I guess it is just because
I am extremely cautious, and have heard so many horror stories.

My husband is just getting ready to start working where he will be gone for 3 weeks at a time. I am sitting here at the computer and he came in and hugged me. Said he was going to the neighbors to work on his tractor. Then he said, "Who is going to hug you when I'm gone?" I said, "I dunno. I'll find some body." (That is a joke, of course. I was just kidding, and of course, he knew it.) He said he was going to put a hidden camera on my dog...so he would know what I am up to when he is gone. :)))

My husband has several (severe) health issues. SOme days I am worn to an emotional frazzle.

I often think about what would happen if he passed on. I find myself fantasizing about travelling again, but there is never any man in my fantasy. I am very independent and would have no problem "getting on" with my life, but I am sure I would not want to be alone for the rest of my life.

I guess I'm scared that if I do marry again then there's the possibiltiy of having to care for another man should he have health issues. My Mom looked after my dad and her father. Now I am looking after my husband.

Guess I'm selfish or mabye I have too much baggage. I would love to share my life with someone - just to have fun and do stuff with and grow old with. Nothing complicated, just the old dance as if no one is watching kind of relationship.

Seems like such as simple thing to want -- but right now its about keeping on.

BJ

Divorced in 1989, California style. LOL!

I've had 3 long term relationships. Each one "cost me" financially or emotionally, one way or another.

I can't afford another relationship. What little I have left I'm hanging on to. I've worked hard to reestablish my good credit.

Gayle

No, no, and H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks, No.

I don't know, sometimes I want to other times I don't. What if it's worse than the first one? I don't guess it matters what I want, because I still haven't had the first date since my divorce. Not sure I ever will at this point.

I would have to say no I wouldn't marry again. Emotionally
wouldn't want to take the risk. Relationships are to
complicated.

Probably not, I don't like the idea of training someone else.

I've been with DH for nearly 35 years. We're best friends but have few interests in common. I love the comraderie of being with someone you care about, and think I'd miss that the most. If I could meet someone who liked to cook and garden like me, I could be persuaded to at least consider the possibility.

He'd have to be some kind of wonderful man for me to take the trouble to train. I usually know what DH is going to say before he even says it. He'd have to really get along with my children and grands.

OOPs I made a booboo,I left out a word.it should have read..
I have "never" met another man I would want to be with.
Old age does have it's drawbacks. LOL

At my age...I doubt it...enough is enough...but then I wasn't going to ever marry again after my husband died....I was happy and very content in my life ..lots of friends and family...not one reason to marry...and then guess what....

well my point is that you never know until you are in that position....I don't think I would but then who knows...

I will say this...I have two friends one in his 70's and she in her late 60's they both spent the last few years of their lives caring for dying mates that they loved very much...Neither expected to remarry ....and about two years ago they were set up on a blind date and the rest is history...they have been married about a year and are having the time of their lives....It's fun to be around them because you can tell how happy they are.

my mother never did nor did she attempt to...i'd most likely be the same way...

what has been hard on dh was the fact his dad remarried before it had been a year after his mom died...now that wife has passed and he has girlfriend...no plans to wed..(his step-kids would probably throw them out of the house he's in...)

No! Too much work.

My mother is 81 and has been married to a wonderful man for 2 years, so one never knows. Of course this is her 6th ( I think ) dh. She's not a quitter. I'll have to say if she had met this man years ago she probably would have had a lot fewer marraiges because he definitely is a keeper.

There was a period of 26 years between my first and second marraige. If anything happens and this marraige ends, and of course I'm still around it will be at least another 26 years before I even want to look at another man. Being married is exhausting.

Linda

I would have to say no. When you've had the best you can forget about the rest. I would probably date, but get married again, no. As someone has already said...they would have pretty big shoes to fill. NancyLouise

No, i'm too set in my ways. It took me over 30 years to train the one I've got. he could never be replaced.

No way..not at my age.( Im 60)Im also too set in my ways,and Id sooner live with good memories and do my own thing. "learning" a new man is too much energy.If Im lonesome Ill get a cat or a dog,or both! LOL!

No, I don't think so. I'd constantly be comparing him to DH & that wouldn't be fair. After 40 yrs. of marriage to one person, it would hard not to do that comparison I think.

No way! But never say never...

This is the third. First lasted 7 years..second 10 years..this one going on 21. It's just too much work, and all three have dissapointed me in many ways. I'm sure I have dissapointed them too. Just couldn't go through adjusting my life to fit a man again, and unless it's someone really special, they sure aren't going to adjust their's to fit me. I am difficult!

It is hard to say definitively what I would do if it would be that dh 'went' away. But I strongly feel I wouldn't go looking to remarry...just concentrate on finishing raising our family, and after that focussing on me. From what I can tell by the women I know that are single (from divorce or widowed), the pickins' ain't so good around here. And maybe it's not meant that we are all to be in a loving relationship for the rest of our lives, maybe just having one quality relationship, for whatever amount of time be it long or short, is to be enough?

Probably not. I am used to living alone and I can take care of myself. As several others have said, it would be nice to have a "friend with benefits" and a traveling companion. I enjoy cooking for someone occasionally but would not like having to cook every night.

Linda,

If your hubbie leaves you feeling exhausted ...

... put a muffler on him!

o j

Add my name to Aptosca's post. I have been married to the same man for 55 years and I don't want another man.

Heck yes! I loved being married to my late wife and in no way do I think getting remarried at some point takes anything away from my love for, and devotion to, her. I promised to stick by her for richer for poorer and in sickness and in health. We had all those things. I wasn't planning on the "till death do us part" portion of the vows happening so soon but you don't get to choose the time.

Some of the posters have mentioned they treasure their freedom and wouldn't want to give that up. Okay - but my view is if you choose wisely, you don't. To me, the best marriage is based primarily on friendship anyway - all true intimacy flows from that.

I enjoy myself every day as a single Dad - but why not promise to share that with someone again if she wants into my life?

The idea of blending families, finances, and lives is exciting for me - not daunting.

If the right woman comes along, I'd do it all over again.

Doc

I doubt it very much.
DH and I have been together since high school and have been married 44 years,and I don't think I could ever have another soul mate like him.
I honestly think that given the choice,I,d rather be a bit lonely than be with someone that I wasn't totally in love with.
My mom remarried six years after my dad passed away,and it wasn't what she thought it would be at all.I think she was looking for someone as close to my dad as possible and she couldn't have been more wrong.Alas,her strong religious views kept her from diviorcing and as a result,she spent the last 15 years of her life very unhappy.
I realize not all second marriages turn out that way,but having seen one that did,I would be extra cautious.