When my gs calls me or I call him, I refer to him as my #1 Grandson. He laughs and says I AM your #!, cause I'm your only one.

Just my affectionate way with him. He knows that :o)

When I call my daughter on the phone and refer to her as my favourite daughter ...

... I can't see whether she raises an eyebrow, while she reports ... "I'm your *only* daughter ... right?!".

Sometimes waitresses or other service people refer to me as "dear" ... or "honey", etc. ... and I find it slightly off-putting ... but haven't been bothered enough to say anything about it.

ole joyful

Glenda, I'm glad you spoke up and let her know that you don't like to be called "cute" names by someone you don't know well. I feel exactly the same way!! When DH and I go out to dinner and a waitress says "How are you KIDS today?" it just sets my teeth on edge! My son will e-mail me and sign the message "Your Favorite Son" and I sign my messages to him "Your Favorite Mom". We both enjoy that but please, don't call me sweetie, darlin, etc. if you don't know me!

I'm sure she'll remember next time, Glenda, because you were polite about it and tipped nicely. (Did you notice if she called other people -- male or female -- that, too?)

I'm smart enough to know nobody would consider me a sweet pea! But it also rubs me the wrong way a bit when somebody calls me Ma'am (it's just that I can't accept that I'm now of that age!), tho like Ole Joyful, not enough to say anything. I probably have done an eyeroll or two...

When I was living in the South, I just learned to smile at everything -- there's just no changing those folks! And I admit they made me slow down a bit.

I try to take those things in the spirit in which they're said--it's usually in a friendly way, when the person doesn't know your name, and they're trying to be pleasant.

Sweet Pea, Dear, Hon--I'd much prefer any of those to the common diner "Youse" (as in "Can I get Youse some dessert?"). Youse Is NOT the plural of you, but around here, I don't think you can get a diner waitstaff job unless you demonstrate proficient use of youse in several different sentences--LOL! But even there, I 'consider the source' and realize that the waitress really doesn't know any better.

Look, if it bothered you--absolutely you were right to speak up. But the fact is--as you can see from the responses here, there's on one right way to address the public. Some bristle at Sweet Pea, others are offended by Ma'am (which is a very polite address), others don't want a stranger calling them 'hon', and still others really don't mind. All that proves is that we're all individuals. And thank goodness for that!

I was polite with her, and she responded when she came back to check on how my meal was with a ma'am, and I responded with thank you and a nice tip.

I don't mind cutesy names but please don't drown me in them.

A lady at our local grocery store goes overboard and I find that annoying.

Makes me feel old and senile :-(

I couldn't agree more, I have never been addressed as sweet pea, but hon, honey or sweetie! It just aggravates me. I don't mind at all being addressed as Ma'am, I think that is a term for any woman, very respectful in my opinion!

I learned a valuable lesson years ago......I was taking care of a patient with DT's.....he was very disoriented, so I thought.
I had tried everything I could think of to orient him and get him to settle down.
Finally, I said "Honey, take it easy. You will feel better soon."
His rely was "Don't ever call me honey. Only my wife calls me honey at you are just my nurse."
I am glad, Glenda, you spoke up.....hopefully she will think about using those less than endearing terms with others.

kayjones, think you called me ladybug in a post a while back and it made me SMILE!

Please continue :o)

I'm just glad when someone notices me.

;)

I agree that I don't like it at all when I'm called a "sweet" name by a waitress, cashier, etc. It's way to familiar and makes me very uncomfortable. On the other hand, does anyone remember when men used to call waitresses "Honey"? "Honey, can I have the check?" I didn't like that either!
Eileen

it's hard at some places..like the local chain we have sunday breakfast at...we see the same wait staff and customers! we chat, listen in on general conversations, lol..it's almost like family and i can see some of them getting less formal...

I think Sweetie is better than Sweet Pea LOL!

I call DD "My little slice of angel food cake" or "delightful slice of angel food cake" and she hates it. So one day I said "look, we both know you are a cupcake baked by the devil. But I can't say that in public" and it made her giggle. Heard that at "Rants from Mommyland" and it fit her perfectly ;).

It is nice that she was not offended, and it was nice of you to leave her a big tip! Isn't it great when we can all get along ROFL?

Dances.

Glenda, you handled the situation beautifully! Congratulations! I don' mind being called sweetie, hon, hey you, as long as it's meant in a good way.

I also find it overly familiar and condescending to be called by these names by someone I've never met before. It does seem like a Southern thing, though, as I had never experienced it before I moved south 40 years ago, so I'm surprised Glenda, that you haven't gotten used to it. I so want to have some rejoinder to come back with, but I'm not quick enough, so I just sit there and simmer. I used to feel old when I would be called ma'am, but since by default I am now old, I don't mind.

I have a good friend who is quite talkative and during her conversations must use the term, "Well, honey!" at least every eight or ten words. I love her dearly, but it's like fingernails on a blackboard every time she does it. I have told her she is the only person I will allow to call me honey. What else can I do??? (Shoulders shrugging)

I absolutely HATE it when people call me Miss myfirstname. Makes me wanna say something really really rude.

Someone told me it's a southern thing. Well, I'm not from the south and it sounds really condescending to me.

I usually try to look shocked and say, "I haven't been a Miss for 38 years."

I'd rather have a store clerk call me "honey" than be ignored.

My goodness. I call everyone hon or sweetie. Guess I'm offending half the population.

How does that line go? I don't care what you call me, just call me. That's my way of thinking, if the person means well.

Why not just tell yourself that this person means well and let it slide? You may not like those terms of endearment but if you take a poll, I think you'd find sides split pretty evenly on this subject so she isn't doing something predominantly wrong. It's just easier to change your perception to someone else's behavior than to go around changing everyone else's behavior to suit you. You live in the South, don't you? I thought this was common in the South so I think you would save a lot of bad feelings if you trained yourself not to be bothered rather than trying to train all the sweet talking waitresses out there to do it your way.

I'm certainly guilty of letting things like this get on nerves but if I stop to think I usually see how ridiculous it is to get myself in a lather over something someone else is doing when they aren't trying to upset me. I don't care for ma'am myself but I know that's because I'm sensitive about my age which isn't the fault of anyone who calls me ma'am.

If you're planning on being a regular there, why not just tell her your name?

Count me in as one that does not like to be called honey, sweety or any other on that order.

I also hate when eating out to have them come over and butt into a conversation to ask How is your meal...when they have already asked at least twice already.

Maybe it's a Southern thing because I can't recall ever being called honey or sweetie. I have been called Ma'am once in awhile. We have a very favorite waitress we always ask for when eating at our favorite restaurant. She always calls us Mr and Mrs..... I call her by her first name since I don't know her last , and have told her to call us by our first names. She said she would if she saw us outside of the restaurant , but in there she will continue with the Mr/.Mrs.

I certainly do not go around with a chip on my shoulder waiting to be offended.

My best friend calls me sweetie, not offended, but then again she's my friend.

I call her Dear Viv! Not all the time!

GS's little sister calls me Ms G, which I love.

And my DIL calls me Lady Bug :o)

I am another one who can'r stand being called any of those endearment names. You do not know me so don't call me that. A new waitress started where I am the cook and was calling me that for about 2 days and then I set her straight about the way I feel. That stopped it right there but she does it to the customers and everybody else. She said it to my husband one day and he said "I haven't been in your pants so don't call me that" and she hasn't since.

I can understand nicely telling someone not to do it but I don't understand trying to embarrass them, especially if it's the first time they have done it.

Thought I posted, but guess I deleted it. but most of the time I just smile and not much bothers me. During our travels all over the US, Mexico and Canada I did notice that in different parts of the country, certain terms were a culture thing and to me it is NOT the words, but the tone of voice and service I receive.

Interesting.

Interesting.

Terms of endearment and Ma'am don't bother me. "You guys" when referring a group of women or a mixed group drives me CRAZY!! I can't stand it. Take a good look. I am NOT a guy. Why can't you just say "what can I get for you?" for example. The word "guy" should be left out.

Dear Prudence, my husband calls every woman sweetie.

Wow, from where I sit, it seems like the waitress was just being friendly and since you've had her as your waitress move than once, she was just acknowledging that fact.

I go to the same restaurant for breakfast every once in awhile. They don't know my name, but they always acknowledge that they know me. I would feel invisible if they didn't. I don't take their calling me sweetie, honey or anything else as an insult. I take it as just being friendly.

What a thankless job being a waitress can be.

I was nice and polite with her, she accepted my response, and when she checked on me, politely said ma'am to me, with a thank you from me, and I left her a nice tip.

I understand that and I'm glad you let her know if that does bother you and that she has adjusted how she addresses you.

My point was just how I feel about it and how difficult a job it would be to never know just how "familiar" to get with your customers in the case of being a waitress.

Maybe it is a southern thing-I've been called Sweetie (usually every week buy the Dominos mgr when I pick up pizza for school), Hon, Ma'am, and Mama (a term of endearment used by hispanics). I go with the flow. Even a 'Hi guys what can I get you?' wouldn't bother me. Regardless of what I think, Glenda handled her situation perfectly.

Thank you, lisa!

When we moved from the North to SW LA, it bothered me to be called "sugar" by clerks and wait staff. What bothered me even more was the "Mam" and when I told my 8 yr. old's friend to stop calling me "Mam" she was happy with that. We've since moved to Jacksonville, FL, Houston, and now Orlando. In those cities, I haven't got the "sugar" or honey" or "sweet pea" etc. So, I don't think it's a "southern thing" but probably a "small town" thing in the south? But what can the wait staff call you but "Mam" or "Sir"? (But NOT sweet pea"!!!!)

Rarely or never happens here in the big cities of MN, so if it does it seems odd and out of place. Ma'am is also rarely used and seems odd. We think of it as "southern" thing. I remember my great aunts from Baltimore used to call me "hon" and "sweetie" and "sugar pie" and I thought that was strange even when I was little.

I like to call people what they want to be called, so as a waitress, I would have been fine with the way Glenda handled it. Why wouldn't you want to know that you were grating on a customer, however inadvertently?

And I'm always surprised when people think you're being a fuss budget just because you have a preference about what you're called.

If you feel good about it then that is all that matters.

I don't really like Hon, or Sweetie and that sort of name but I see it often and even on the board here in replies. I doubt that I would have embarrassed the server about it though as she was undoubtedly just trying to be nice to you..but that's just me and if it bothered you that much, and as I said, if you feel good about it...then do it.

I am appalled at the comment made by bengardening 's husband. On what planet is that okay?

Though I certainly understand and appreciate that some people really really really hate being addressed by certain familiar names, I simply cannot comprehend the intensity of anger. I feel that Glenda handled her situation appropriately, since she was so irritated.

In most cases, the use of such terms is out of friendliness and politeness, but maybe ignorance of boundaries. "Ma'am " is an address of respect, for cryin' out loud....a contraction of "Madam ". It's the opposite of "sir ".

"Miz" or "Mister" first name is an address of respect and southern manners, often used by children to address their nonrelated but familiar elders. My friends' children and the neighborhood kids call me "Miz Dorie "...it's very much like "Aunt Dorie". I've even had adult students revert back to their childhood manners and call me "Mz Dorie". They just couldn't help themselves, even though I wasn't much older than they, I was in a position of respect.

All of the other endearments are only mildly irritating.

Now....what would you be called? Since honey, baby, sweetie, sweetpea, darlin ', Ma'am, Sir, Mz (miss /mrs.) are not allowed by some of you.....how shall strangers acknowledge you?

I just read all the posts and when I was done, I thought, "Why do wait staff have to call you by any name?" Around here, wait staff usually just say "hello" and ask if you would like something to drink while you're looking at the menu or if you're ready to order yet.

I don't like "you guys" much either, but I do use it myself, so go figure!!!

I think if someone were calling me something I didn't like I would smile at them and say "you can call me 'amy'. then they are not shamed in any way and I get to take care of myself in the process.

Who knows if this waitress was shamed. Nobody knows, not even Glenda, who was there. But none of us were there, and Glenda feels good about herself now. That's all limited information, but it's information that Glenda has a low tolerance for endearing pet names from people she doesn't know .. Right or wrong, it's information.

Patti's got it right. I started to post something similar last night.

I, personally, don't need the cutesy greetings. All I really expect is a smile and a "Hi" or "Welcome" when the waiter/waitress comes by. I don't expect one to sit down in the booth, either, to take my order (this has happened twice before, once at a N.C. steakhouse and once somewhere other than in the South). I have no idea which restaurant-training manual would encourage that!

First, some people -- like me -- really don't care for Ma'am -- altho it is meant as a form of respect, it certainly is a reflection of a person's age. I don't look old enough to be called by it, and I'd much prefer 'Miss.' But as I wrote before, I let it pass. For the other cutesy names, if they bothered me enough, I would certainly find a polite way to make sure that the waiter/waitress knows that's gonna rub some customers the wrong way -- I'd find a joking way, probably.

Second, there was no intent on Glenda's part to embarrass the waitress, as at least one poster says -- we all read that she was polite about it, she was not nasty.

Third, why is it that when anybody wants to vent about something, no matter how big or how minor some people might think it is, other posters treat it like the biggest crime in the world that those folks should be upset or frustrated or offended? How much longer are folks going to come down on others for concerns that just might not rise to their level of importance?

Well, I know I personally was responding to more than just Glenda's story on here. Multiple people have offered their own versions that I don't think were handled as well as Glenda's, including one that seemed the entire purpose was to embarrass the endearment-giver.

Pammy...I never got the impression that anyone was criticising Glenda. I sure wasn't. I thought that she handled her irritation just fine.

Other people.....not so much. I think that everyone should just wear name tags, lol.

Glenda, you handled the situation with dignity and kindness to that waitress and I'm sure she appreciated it.

For myself (and you and I are the same ages, Glenda), although I'm originally from the north, I don't object at all to the various names used by people here in the south to total strangers. I think of the old saying, "Sticks and stones will hurt my bones, but names will never hurt me." Hubby and I frequent the same places so much, that I get big hugs from the waitresses that we've come to know and even from our doctors. I like feeling that "love one another" feeling instead of the distant feeling between strangers.

Good for you Glenda - well handled!

I also do not like terms of endearment used by people I do not know. I get the occasional "hon" in a restaurant, but here around Austin it's not that common.

But there was a time at the bank, and it wasn't even a "hon", LOL. Some 20-y-old trainee, who was supposed to be escorting me to my appointment with the bank manager said "Hi Mary dear! How are you?!!"

It actually took all my self control not to laugh out loud, it was so inappropriate. But I restrained myself and said very softly "I am old enough to be your grandmother. This is a business environment. My name is MRS. XXXX to you, and don't let your manager ever hear you call any customer by their first name!" He went absolutely white, poor kid.

I wasn't nasty or mean, but the kid needed to know that type of address simply was not acceptable.

Eight years later he still works there. He even thanked me a few years after our first encounter.

Thanks all for the nice comments.

I, being single, though I love cooking, do not enjoy cooking for myself, but am a great cook.

Main meal, eat out daily, and am known by wait persons.

Example: Nikki's Downtown Cafeteria.
Walk onto the line and first server calls me "mama" and hands me my number, already orders my fried snapper fingers, next server has on the counter spinach and hominy.

She had a recent birthday, and as she is always so gracious to me, as I was leaving gave her $10. Which she so appreciated.

Being nice, deserves being nice to those that know you.

Enough said. bed is calling :o)

I love it when waitresses call me Hon. It's just so -- waitressy. There's a salesperson at Bloomies who calls everyone Dearie. It's kind of cute, at least it makes everyone smile. I do understand that sometimes these terms are used in a condescending manner, and that is not okay.

The one thing I cannot stand is being called "young lady" by anyone, especially since I am old enough to be on Medicare. I feel like asking them if they are blind -- maybe I will next time.