Is there any support system for your daughter? I've always found self-help groups best. No 'professional' understands angst like someone who has been through it. While we hope all goes well, would it take some pressure off to have a plan for the future, just in case? (More IVF; no more IVF; adoption; 'favorite aunt' role; volunteering with children; etc.) I spent years trying to conceive, long before IVF was an option. It was ruining my life and my marriage until my husband and I decided to say no to any further medical procedures. Once we made the decision to put the impossible (for us) dream behind us, we were able to refocus and move ahead. We mourned the never-to-be baby first, then considered our options. It was a great relief. We were able to adopt within a few years. We are proud and happy parents -- and grandparents now.

Hi Liz Marie, Yes, this DD is the very same :) We have met his family, the part that lives in this state. His family seems genuinley excited about the baby, his mother says the baby should live with her out of state until he is ready to raise her. The dad (who lives 2 blocks away) is tickled pink with both DD and baby, but doesnt get along with BF. Both his parents were shocked when they found out that he has gone to 2 OB appts, and neither of the hospital runs. DH has always been a 'let it go', laid back person was rather upset with me for the accidental texting, and initally said this whole blow up is my fault. He had talked to BF who puts on a very different face when Daddy is around. I had DH read the text message BF sent me, then had him listen to the voice mail I received today (which was not even remotley polite). DH is no longer convinced I am the one at fault (except for that damned original text). DH feels that BF is controlling, but just needs to grow up. He at one point was going to ask BF to stop coming over but decided we need to all try to 'get along' because BF will be part of DD life forever. DD decided not to put his name on birth certificate, he will have to petion the courts after he gets his DNA results. Because she is (Hopefully) close to delivery, DH and I decided that when BF comes to check on her, visit, whatever, for the time being, I will just leave the house to keep the peace. FIL is here to make sure she is safe (BF likes to yell at her) so with me gone, tension will be reduced. She does plan on nursing, and stress does affect it. We just honestly are not sure what DD rights are once GD gets here regarding the father. He has already threatened more than once to take custody Tracystoke-Quite frankly, my drink was a cup of black coffee, my preferred 'drug' of choice. While texting myself does actually sound childish, it is technique I learned from the CEO of the #3 Credit Union in the US who mentored me for a few years. While at the time, writing on paper and putting in a drawer was the preferred method, with todays technology, I simply use my phone. I went back and re-read to see if I was slanting the story in my favor. Asking for help on an inaccurate situation would help noone, least of all DD and GD. I have done alot of soul searching in the last few months, since BF first told me I am a 'control-freak'. Honestly, I have to say, I am not. I am not a perfect mother. I offer advice, sometimes when it isnt asked for, I give opinions, whether my kids like them or not. I set rules, and try to enforce them. When my kids make mistakes, sometimes the consequences really suck, but they pay them. Sometimes, so do her father and I. When my children are at stake however, there are no boundries. When a 26 yo impregnates an 18 yo, calls her a tramp, accuses 3 different boys who have been 'brothers' to her since the age of 5 of fathering the child, criticizes her job, her friends, her AA program, her values, then begins to tell her how to make her life 'better'. I cringe. When a household that for the last 10 years has been filled with laughter and bodies of first adolecents, then teens slowly empties after his arrival until he, and his friends, are the only ones who come by, I have to wonder, am I truly the problem?

Thanks everyone for your advice. My comment about SD22 looking after our son on 2 nights in 5 years was to mention out how little time we have had as a couple. We have days together but next to no nights together. This is, I believe one of our problems in that we never were a couple. My partner initiated the relationship while she was still married so we went from a secret relationship to a family of five very quickly. My partner has had extensive family commitments with socialising teenage children. I had little involvement in this and I realise this has affected our relationship. I've never been able to relate to SD22, SS21 father was still on the scene, SS19 always had obscure interests (rollerblading, karate - not much interest for a spectator). I know these are excuses, but its the way it panned out. My partner had plans for her ex to have the children on alternate weekends. It was only occasional that all three went and the weekends my partner elected to have them were the weekends I wasn't working. This was so she could drive them around. This limited our time together. Unfortunately this has created resentment as I've mentioned above. When I raised this in previous counselling, in that I feel our relationship came second, the response has been as mentioned (competing responsibilities, feeling guilty with not spending more time with her children). Partner states we have Fridays together (we both have Friday off), when you take into account school drop-off / pick-up it's only half a day. I know this is family routine, but during counselling Fridays together seemed to be the only compromise. I saw a solicitor 1.5 weeks ago to discuss my options. He suggested one could get a property settlement agreement in case the situation becomes more pear-shaped. A bit like a pre-nup during the relationship. I would lose a lot but I would imagine I would lose more further down the track. If I suggest a property settlement agreement I would imagine this will be a turning point. She may decide to leave. I saw a psychologist 2 days ago to discuss the situation. Only the first visit. She felt the children haven't developed life skills to date. Obviously everything is from my perspective. SD22 is not the only dysfunctional family member. The youngest SK (SS19) - finished attending school, working casual in a supermarket (fired from previous supermarket job for stealing, bludged for 3 months after finishing school before he got this job), owes his father $2000 (car accident insurance excesses x 2), owes his mother $5000 (car accident insurance excess x 1, mother put in 2K extra for car, spent 3K on DJ equipment - part-time interest / job). It gets worse - lost his driver's licence (4 infringements) and blown the engine in his car ($2500 - 3000 repair - parents rightly refused to pay). You could accuse me of making this up, but its true. He also smokes (incl dope at times). Fortunately he spends half his time at a friend's house, so I'm able to tolerate his loud music / non-contributory lifestyle. My partner accuses me of only having negative comments about her children. I know this is true, I know they have positives, they are just overwhelmed. The only SK getting on with his life is SS21. Sometimes I think the only way I could be happy is if SD22 didn't live here. The trouble is I will be seen as cold and callus, and I doubt I would have a relationship with my partner. SD22 does have a father to return to. She was living with him 6 mths ago. SD22 doesn't seem to be working, isn't studying. The reasons she moved back here don't seem to apply now. I doubt our relationship would survive this ultimatum. I know I could tart it up as an option if she didn't contribute (which would seem likely) but it would be seen by my partner as a way of getting to live with her father. Sorry for rambling, I had a bit more time today.

I see why your husband was upset. Your daughter chose to live with her boyfriend at a way too young age, got pregnant, and now she gets to come home and take away your ss's room! Hardly seems fair! I do not think your daughter should be out on the street. If you make her get her own place with a baby right now then she will probably not get an education and she will probably end up settling for some guy who she thinks will take care of her and start on a bad path. What I suggest is helping her through college. She is not your dependant as far as financial aid is concerned once she becomes a parent. So this will leave her eligible for many grants. I was in the same situation at her age and community college was free to me because of grants and I kept an A average. My dad helped me and I worked full-time at a daycare through college so I got a discount for my son and was still able to spend part of the day with him. Then I went to classes the other part of the day and he stayed at the daycare. Help her get on her feet so she can support herself and the baby. Yes, she should go for child support but you don't want her dependant on it. God knows there are many deadbeat dads and what if hers is one! As for your dh I would work on things with him. Set up a plan together for household rules and a time frame of how long you will help your daughter. As for her sleeping arrangements, sleeping on a couch and putting a crib by it may not work. Maybe she could take the smallest room and the boys could have the largest one?