Very important Christmas - Need gift ideas for husband

14 years ago

Hello All,

First an explanation:

My husband and I have been going through the tax audit from hell for 3 years. They are taking us to the cleaners. Then my husband's mother became terminally ill. I kept running our business so he could spend the last 3 months with his mother in another state. My husband is a good man under a lot of stress. He saw his mother being cared for with compassion by a nurse. She took advantage of a seriously depressed man. He at one point was suicidal. The stress has been immense on both of us.

I have forgiven him for his affair as my husband, in his right state of mind, would never have done this. We are back together and working through this mess. I don't want to know how I am making excuses for him. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing, so please no advise in this area.

We are, in a way, starting over in our 29 year marriage. I really want to give him something meaningful. Does anyone have any ideas? Thank you in advance.

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Comments (11)

gardenandcats
14 years ago
Other way around he should be doing the giving something meanfull
mkroopy
14 years ago
How about a reference to a good accountant? Generally speaking the IRS doesn't put people thru tax audits for hell unless there is a good reason.

I'll leave the other part alone ..... something about those nurses though, my ex is one........
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Bless your heart, Wendy! My sister went through much the same thing with her ex (You are not alone, though I know it may feel that way sometimes ~ I hope that makes you feel a bit better.). It's a tough thing to do ~ trying to help your children understand while constantly feeling betrayed, alone and embarassed yourself (even though it's NOT your fault). Sis finally opened up to me and I was her confidant through much of her ordeal, so I feel for you tremendously. But you WILL overcome this! Diane's suggestion is a great one. You can spend the money you would have spent on toys to buy supplies to make cookies and ornaments for the tree or gas for the car to take the kids to see the lights (GOTTA' do that! It's SO fun!). Besides the Salvation Army and churches, a lot of police and fire departments have programs that give toys away. The Austin Police Dept. calls their program Blue Santa (they have blue uniforms) and the Travis County Sheriff's Dept.'s is called Brown Santa (yep, they have brown uniforms!). When I was in a local volunteer fire dept., we took donations of toys for people in need, wrapped them and delivered them on the fire engine Christmas Eve! That was fun!! One firefighter dressed as Santa and the rest as elves! I honestly don't know who has more fun with programs like this ~ the parents who don't have to stress over Christmas gifts, the kids who get the presents or the people who deliver them and get to see the smiling faces! So DON'T feel bad about getting this service from anyone! Not only are you saving that money at a time when $5 is a lot of money to you, you are giving someone the chance to do something nice. And THAT is what Christmas is all about! How much "stuff" you get at Christmas isn't. Nowadays, most people have gotten so far away from the true meaning of Christmas that it makes me want to cry. Things are so commercial. I don't like going to any store at Christmas anymore. And the malls! Oh, they're the worst! All those displays, all those people, and all those signs saying, "They won't be happy unless you buy them this $499 thing!" Horse-crap! I completely and wholeheartedly agree that the best gift you can give your children is your time. It doesn't matter how much $$$ you spend or what you do. What does matter is that you all are together. My sis was crying one time about how she coulnd't afford to give her two sons everything she wanted to. I told her flat out that we didn't have much growing up and we turned out great, so don't focus on what you can't give them ~ focus on what you CAN give them. And, Wendy, what you CAN give your children are memories. Those are much more precious than ANY storebought gift.
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ladiauctioneer
Original Author
14 years ago
In response to the accountant remark, its not the IRS, its the state and not an income tax audit. I have paid a CPA $11k to do a forensic audit on me and according to them the state owes me $4k. This state is going after anything they can get so they won't have a shortfall. They hired 49 new auditors for this. It was a sales tax audit. I was told 20 years ago not to tax on vehicles by the DMV because I an not a dealer. They were wrong. I have to pay the sales tax on all the cars I have sold through my business. I have 11 people I know going through the same thing. The reason it has taken 3 years is they kept asking for extensions because they are short handed.

So thanks but no thanks for your smart a$s comments, you have no clue what you are talking about.
mkroopy
14 years ago
Sorry, you have my apologies....it's been my experience through years of working with the IRS as a client and talking to them that most people under audit are grossly evading taxes or altogether not paying them. But of course there are examples where it's not that way, sorry I made that assumption.

But about the nurses....trust me I know what I am talking about there...lol
MissyJo
14 years ago
You are looking for a meaningful Christmas gift - correct?

I suggest giving him a Child's Slate Board (antique or reproduction) Essentially, you are giving him a "do over" for your marriage and giving him another chance. This can symbolize that chance. He has a blank slate to do things right.

Corny as it may sound there is a wonderful quote from Anne of GreenGables that says something like this "tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it" That slate is fresh and clean - no mistakes.

Just a thought
tracystoke
14 years ago
Id get him a boomerang.This can symbolize that what goes around comes around .sorry I know you wanted genuine ideas for a lovely christmas present for your husband, but on here I dont think you will get it .losing his mother and in a mess with money is a pathtic excuse.I have no ideas what you could buy him to prove you have fogiven him and love him,because thats what you want isnt it?like the first person said it should be the other way round .
MissyJo
14 years ago
Have you thought of renewing your vows?

I do hope for your sake that this is an important Christmas for both of you and not just a one sided reconciliation on your part.
ladiauctioneer
Original Author
14 years ago
I appreciate the apology and yes...the nurses are a real treat.

I love the slate idea. In fact, I may use it.

What goes around comes around is not the message I'm trying to send. I truly forgive him and am not making excuses. He is in his own hell on that. I don't need to punish him.

As for the vows, we have decided that we will do that on our 30th wedding anniversary, just him, I and our grown children.

Thank you for your suggestions.
suzieque
14 years ago
ladiauctioneer, you sound like a very special person. Your husband is very fortunate, and I suspect he knows that.

Merry Christmas to you both.
ladiauctioneer
Original Author
14 years ago
Thank you Suzie, you are very kind. Merry Christmas to you all.
popi_gw
14 years ago
I like "doing things" as a gift.

Like a short holiday to see a different city, countryside etc.

I recently went to Cairns (I live on Australia), the most fantastic thing was poking my head under the water, on the Great Barrier Reef and seeing all that coral, and tropical fish. Wow - and the best gift of all was that I had my hubbie there doing it with me.

Having happy memories is the best king of gift to me.

Very important Christmas - Need gift ideas for husband

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gardenandcats

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Very important Christmas - Need gift ideas for husband

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